Launching Your Daughter

Today's guest is Marni Goldberg a licensed marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor in La Jolla, California. Marni works with college bound teens and their parents in mindfulness skill building to help them manage the transition. In today's episode she shares her own personal experience in managing anxiety when she was younger to learning new skills when at college. In this episode you will learn: *Marni's personal experience of working with anxiety when younger

*Can be difficult transition from high school to college

*Marni began to create programs to teach life skills to ease transition

*Teenager may have excelled in high school, but have others in college that also excel and perfectionism can set in

*Pressures on having high achievements vs knowing internal strengths and being enough

*Coping skills that are taught:

*Self-monitoring-how you feel, what are your thoughts *Body awareness-do you need more sleep

*Time management

*Physical exercise

*Relaxation techniques

*Getting involved in social events and social support

*Raising awareness helps in being more proactive in getting support vs waiting until anxiety or depression symptoms feel overwhelming

*Mindfulness can help manage insecurities and "need to know now" thoughts from perceived external drivers

*Parents have loving intentions in supporting teens in high school and may not realize doing too much for teen doesn't teach decision making skills

*Role play with your teen regarding getting on public transportation or doing an activity for first time on their own

*Exploring your teenagers fears

*Create a plan together

*Marni shares own stories with her clients regarding having to write her first check and being able to laugh at herself with self-compassion

*Explore potential risky situations and what to do

*Marni works mostly with families or young adults who are ready to make a change in their life

*Psycho-education for parents regarding creating safe container for their teen and confidentiality of a session

*Important to have parents involved and help improve relationships between parents and teen

*Relaxation techniques

*Gratitude journaling

*Progressive relaxation and guided meditation

*Writing down teens strengths

*Self-compassion

*Get out into nature

*Play/have some fun

*Does a strength assessment at beginning of therapeutic process

*Reminds teens it is ok to stay connected with high schools and build new relationships at college

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com I want to invite you to join my new FB group called Launching Your Daughter. Here you find not only the weekly episodes, but I share articles and blogs to help encourage and inform.

Marni's Information: http://www.mindfulmatterscounseling.com/

Welcome! Today's guest is Anne Halleck, licensed mental health counselor and certified yoga teacher here in Indianapolis. She works with women and teen girls providing trauma informed group yoga.

In this episode you will learn:

• Yoga has eight different stages
• Yoga is not only exercise, but increasing mindfulness and awareness Anne provides Trauma Informed Yoga groups for women/teen girls
• Eight weeks long
• Closed groups
• Psycho-education on what is trauma
• Some talk therapy
• Each week introduce new mindfulness practice (some yoga and more breathing techniques/meditation)
• Gain new skills to help calm the body and mind
• Can process emotions during group and be held in supportive way in moving through intense or strong emotions
• Anne had been doing group work separately and her yoga practice separately, then brought both modalities together for trauma work
• Bringing awareness to the body can help reduce the stress levels and stop avoiding sensations that can seem scary
• Benefits of trauma informed yoga:
  • Gain awareness of emotional and physical self
  • Stop the avoidance of feeling the emotions
  • Decrease avoidance of autoimmune issues, chronic pain or eating issues
  • Build confidence
  • Talking and practicing the skills
  • Increase distress tolerance and self-soothing
  • Increase awareness of your self-talk
  • Be more in the moment, present
  • Help getting unstuck out of freeze mode
• Yoga is for every body type
• Yoga is a mindfulness practice not necessarily a religious practice
• Gain confidence in giving yourself permission to be vulnerable in a group and decrease minimizing or comparing what you have experienced.
• Trauma can be:
  • Major losses
  • Emotional trauma
  • Abusive relationships
  • Neglect
  • Natural disasters
• Symptoms can include:
  • High anxiety
  • Flashbacks of event
  • Re-experiencing trauma
  • Being on edge
  • Avoiding things that remind you of the trauma
• Some statistics for women:
  • 1 out of 4 women is sexually assaulted in their lifetime (CDC states 1 out of 2 women experience sexual violence victimization) *
  • Of the 1 out of 4, 70 percent have a trauma prior to 18 years old *
  • Many sexual assaults happen by someone the family knows or acquaintance
• It is possible to get unstuck and regain your confidence

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Anne's Information: @AnneHalleckCounseling on FaceBook [email protected]

Book Recommendations:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. Overcoming Trauma through Yoga:Reclaiming your body by David Emerson and Elizabeth Hopper, PH.D.

Other websites:

https://www.rainn.org/statistics http://www.ncadv.org/learn/statistics http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/nisvs/infographic.html

Welcome! Today's guest is Dr. Nazanin Moali, clinical psychologist in California specializing in treatment of eating disorders and addictions. She has a private practice in LA area for teens and families and is a consultant for a residential facility. Nazanin is a wealth of information regarding warning signs, the spectrum of eating disorders and the type of treatments available if your daughter is struggling with these issues. Now here is todays episode.

In this episode you will learn:

• Focus on behaviors vs what adolescent says due to possible denial of an issue
• Teen may state as "I want to eat healthier"
• Warning Signs of potential eating disorder:
• Teenager getting and reading diet books
• Changes in eating behaviors (out of blue become vegetarian)
• Going to restroom during or after meal possible purging behaviors
• Spectrum from healthy eating and self-image to unhealthy eating behavior and self-image
• Unhealthy eating behaviors:
  • Losing significant amount of weight in short amount of time
    • Can cause long term negative medical issues
    • Possible Anorexia
  • Engaging in restriction of not eating food and doing purging behavior
    • Can be the form of over-exercising
  • Using laxatives
  • Self-induced vomiting (can be learned from peers and social media)
    • Parents become more aware of possible videos daughters are watching that show them how to purge
  • Binge eating disorder-eat more than one person would typically eat. Overeating than shame triggered after behavior
  • Avoidant Food Restrictive disorder-"picky eaters"
• Treatment options:
  • Speak with your partner and daughter about possible issues, then go to pediatrician who work with eating disorder
  • If medically stable can do outpatient therapy using family based therapy so whole family is involved
  • Residential treatment maybe recommended if not getting results from outpatient or pediatrician refers due to medically not stable, like low heart rate or low blood pressure
• Eating disorder are a combination of genetics, environment, school system environment, peers and more
• Teen in denial and need parent to take change to get help Anorexia can impact cognition and view of their world or perceptions
• Differentiate your daughter from eating disorder Maybe a perfectionist or star at school and this image can get in way of seeing issues
• Research shows 50% of women on diet.
• Body shaming in media can trigger shame
• Creating resilience and prevention:
  • Look at parts you like, what you are grateful for to shift mindset as a family
  • Have regular family meals-not only connecting but role modeling healthy foods

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Nazanin's Information: www.oasis2care.com

Book Recommendations: Helping Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder by James Lock, MD, PhD & Daniel Le Grange, PhD.

Welcome! My guest today is Rebecca Wong LCSW. Rebecca is a relationship therapist and professional consultant in private practice in New York's Hudson Valley where she lives with her husband, two children, and a few four legged mischief makers. She is the creator of Connectfulness, a relationship practice that she uses to help her clients and colleagues understand, manage, and value their own humanity as a tool to connect to themselves and all of the important people in their lives. She believes that our relationships are reflections of who we really are and every interaction is an opportunity for evolution. Every day she embraces life as a beautiful, messy, serendipitous adventure!

In this episode you will learn:

• Rebecca works with parenting couples
• Why connectedness is important
• Play is relationship "glue"
• Happy relationships take practice
• Everyone wants to feel seen, heard and understood
• What is play and how to embody it In the context of a safe environment and relationship
• Connection with self improves connections with partners
• Different archetypes of play
• Creating and allowing mindful moments
• We also need disconnection moments Using equine assisted psychotherapy with couples
• Horses reflect patterns in couples
• Horses are asking a question when they approach a person and we try to figure out the question. (Same with human to human)
• Duality of using horses-they can intimidate us and can help us stand in our own truth
• Rebecca is beginning to to train her puppy in animal assisted therapy. She observes her dog's behavior and reflects it back to the couple to explore possible patterns in their relationship.
• Animals can help humans be in present moment
• Need more kindness and it starts with ourselves
• Accepting our imperfections
• Slow down, tune in, and then can show up (self-compassion and self-care)
• Rebecca discusses Kim John Payne's work-Simplicity Parenting
• If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

http://launchingyourdaughter.com

Rebecca's Information:

http://Connectfulness.com

21 Days Series-Collaborative email series with Rebecca, a meditation teacher and financial planner on your money stories

Book Recommendations:

Playful Parenting by Larry Cohen, Ph.D.

Parenting from the Inside Out by Dr. Daniel Siegel

Play by Dr. Stewart Brown

Welcome. At the time of this recording it is summer and many teenagers have part-time jobs. If you haven't been talking about why it is important to save or have a budget now is the time. Ideally teaching your daughter from an early age is helpful, but if you haven't it is ok. Today's episode is not about financial advice, but gaining an understanding of your family beliefs around money and how to help set your daughter up to succeed in managing her money. I recommend speaking to an accountant or financial adviser for specific advice on financial planning.

Here's what you learn in today's episode:

• Create a budget with specific percentages of how much is saved, spent and given to charitable contributions
• Establish a savings and/or checking account for her at the bank
• Set-up a family meeting to discuss money management, creating a budget and meeting weekly to review how the process is going
• Teaching her budgeting skills now will assist her as an adult to be more financially savvy and feel empowered.
• Explore your own beliefs and values around money. What messages did you receive about money growing up and what messages are you giving your daughter?
• Read books on budgeting or money management from authors such as Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman or others.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play. Or go to http://LaunchingYourDaughter.com

Welcome! My guest today is Dr. Melissa Dettore who is a psychologist and yoga instructor. She is located in Philadelphia, PA.

Melissa offers a variety of workshops for adults and teens wanting to manage their anxiety or depression symptoms using yoga and mindfulness in her practice. She explains how mindfulness can change the brain and help in managing stressors in life. I have done yoga on and off for years and love how it allows for each person to focus on their breathing, become more aware of their body and moving into a pose. I find it to be a great way to do moving meditation. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Melissa. I think yoga and mindfulness can not only benefit teen girls, but support parents as well.

In this episode you will learn:

• Melissa has been doing yoga and mindfulness for years
• Melissa shares a personal experience of how mindfulness and her yoga practice helped her through cancer treatment.
• Yoga and mindfulness have the following benefits:
• • Reduce stress
  • Reduce anxiety and depression
  • Create new connections in the brain
• Facts about yoga to address concerns:
• • Any body type can do yoga
  • Can go at your own pace
  • Do not have to have specific outfit to do yoga
  • We all have fears
  • Listen to your own body, creating a mind/body connection
  • Yoga can help parents role model to daughters about practicing mindfulness regarding our own judgements and expectations and letting them go

• Basic Foundations of mindfulness
• • Awareness
  • Being in present moment
  • Non-judgment and letting go of judgments
  • Beginners mind-looking at everything through new set of eyes and staying curious

• For teen girls-gaining skills around awareness, non-judging and acceptance are important
• Some of mindfulness and yoga practices are based in Buddhist philosophy
• Girls who struggle with "anxiety aren't in present moment and worried about the future.If feeling depressed they are stuck in the past. Mindfulness they can begin to bring awareness back to here and now."
• Mindfulness can help lower breathing rate, feel more calm, and can use these techniques before a test to reduce stress level or do some yoga stretches in the morning.
• Mindfulness "is like strength training-you want to build the mind muscles up."
• During meditation it is normal for your mind to wonder and have thoughts
• • notice them and bring yourself back to breathing
  • Thoughts are like clouds in the sky, just let them pass by.

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

Melissa's information:

http://drdettore.com

Book Recommendations:

The Mindful Teen by Dr. Dzung Vo

A Still Quiet Place: Mindfulness for Teens by Amy Saltzman, MD

Jon Kabat-Zinn's books

Yoga journal and http://www.yogajournal.com/?s=teen for videos

Welcome! My guest today is Charlotte Hiler Easely who is a licensed clinical social worker of Charlotte Hiler Easely LLC. She is trained in EMDR, certified in equine assisted psychotherapies through PATH, Int. and EAGALA and located in Lexington, KY.

Charlotte offers a variety of workshops for women and one of them she mentions in our conversation is called "Gracefully Letting Go". This workshop is for Moms who have children that are graduating and preparing to leave the nest. She talks about how mom's are asked "how do I do this with grace and manage all the emotions?" Working with horses is an experiential approach. I have done this work in the past and I worked with an equine specialist. I found this approach to be helpful and create positive changes for the families I worked with. I hope you enjoy the episode as much as I did with Charlotte. Her work with mothers and using horses can create deeper connections and improve confidence levels.

In this episode you will learn:

*Why horses are used and how they can help women/mothers gain better self-awareness, improve communication skills and set healthy boundaries.

*Horses are large and powerful. This creates a natural opportunity for some to overcome fear and develop confidence. Working alongside a horse, in spite of those fears, creates confidence and provides wonderful insight when dealing with other intimidating and challenging situations in life.

*Horses are social animals, with defined roles within their herds. *Horses are non-judgmental and non-critical.

*Charlotte shared that during a session she will check in with the woman on what their horse is doing. She will comment on observing the horse's behavior, ask the woman to reflect back what she thinks the horse is doing and how it applies to the woman's life.

*Because horses can read and respond to the nonverbal messages we are always sending, they begin to act in ways that feel familiar to other relationships or dynamics in our lives.

*The horse's prey-nature and intense sensitivity to subtle changes in their environment and to changes in humans (we are predatory creatures) make them perfect partners to teach us a wide range of life and coping skills. They are reflectors of our true selves because their very survival depends on reading us right.

*They provide us with information about non-verbal communication, emotions, and changes in our awareness. Observing horse reactions to our actions and behavior helps further self-awareness.

Charlotte gives examples of how a herd of horses are used during the workshop and applying that to the mother's family where her teen daughter is leaving. Horses can help parents learn to observe behaviors, explore how that behavior impacts the horse herd and begin to relate it back on how it may affect their other children. "How is that like your teenager who is leaving the herd while the rest of you are staying with the herd?"

*This work is done on the ground and there is no riding. You do not need horse experience. Horses can help women be vulnerable in a new way and not be in control at all times. Working with horses can help the women take off their masks and for their hearts to begin to open allowing them to feel what they may have been afraid to feel.

*Horses help us practice being in the moment and being present. Becoming more aware of our surroundings, your body, keeping yourself safe and practice new ways of being. It also helps different parts of the brain begin to light up and change due to activation of being mindful.

Charlotte shared when we are more mindful of our behaviors this can help create deeper connections in our children. "If we look at how do we approach a horse in his space and then how do we approach our daughters space in a way that we can share with her information that we think is valuable. It is about your body postures not your words."

If you liked this episode I invite you to subscribe on iTunes to receive the weekly updates. This podcast is also available on Stitcher and Google Play.

Charlotte's information: http://lexingtonwomenstherapy.com/

Facebook: charlottehilereasleyLCSW

Pintrest: cheeasleylcsw

Resources:

www.EAGALA.org (Can find local providers on the site)

www.pathintl.org

Gratitude Journal-write down what you are grateful for and what is working in your life.

Book Recommendations: Chris Irwin: Horses Don't Lie (for those thinking of going into this work or understand horse behavior more)

Townsend and Cloud book series on Boundaries

Brene Brown: Gift of Imperfection

Kirstin Neff: Self-compassion

Linda Graham LMFT: Bouncing Back

Today's Book Corner episode is on Amy Cuddy's book called Presence: Bringing your Boldest Self to your Biggest Challenges published in 2015 by Little, Brown and Company; Hachette Book Group in New York. Amy was in a car accident when she was 19 years old and left her with a traumatic brain injury. Amy talks about how it left her feeling "anxious, disoriented, making bad decisions, not sure what to do next" in her life. Currently she is a Harvard Business School professor and social psychologist, known around the world. Throughout this book, Amy shares scientific research and interviews on the connection between our bodies and minds. How we can manage challenges and stressors in our lives through being present, more aware of body poses and small nudges can make a big differences. She defines presence as "..is the state of being attend to and able to comfortably express our true thoughts, feelings, values, and potential." (p.24) She shares that when we are present we can: feel more confident be more authentic, help others feel more seen and heard, and have more personal power.

She discussed impostor syndrome, how most of us have felt this at one time or another and it is not just felt by women or specific demographics. "When we feel like imposters, we don't attribute our accomplishments to something internal and constant, such as talents or ability; instead we credit something beyond our control, such as luck." (p. 101)

Amy shares illustrations in the book on powerful vs powerless poses and how we hold our bodies impacts our thoughts and feelings. She shares some of William Jame's research from the 1800's on the body/mind connections. In her TED talk she shares doing the Wonder Woman pose and in the book shares a women sharing her and her family "starfish up" (standing with your arms above your head as if you scored a goal and your feet hip width apart.) If you are not feeling confident or struggling with anxiety, try standing in one of these poses for a minute or two and notice if you begin to feel different. Another body/mind connection she speaks about is yoga. In future podcast episodes I will share interviews with yoga instructors and how this can help reduce anxiety or depressive symptoms.

The last part of the book, Amy discussed how small incremental changes, or nudges, can lead to big changes in our lives. "Nudges are effective for several reasons: 1.Nudges are small and require minimal psychological and physical commitment 2.Nudges operate via psychological shortcuts, 3. Our attitudes follow from our behaviors" Remember the neurons that fire together wire together, which means when you do specific behaviors over and over those behaviors are reinforced.

As Amy states in her TED talk and in this book "Don't fake it till you make it, fake it till you become it."

I hope you have enjoyed the brief review of Amy Cuddy's book. You can find a link on my resource page at http://launchingyourdaughter.com Or watch her TED talk from 2012. https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

If you are seeking therapy for your daughter and located in Indiana, I offer virtual or online counseling. Please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com

My guest today is Kirsten Goffena who is a LPC (licensed professional counselor), RPT (registered play therapist), NCC (national certified counselor) and level 2 EMDR practitioner. She is the owner of Pathfinders Counseling LLC and located in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Kirsten offers various types of experiential therapy, such as play therapy, sand play, animal assisted, and works systemically. Systemically means she works with children and parents or the whole family. She has a newsletter in which she does "Life Hacks". Today we are talking about how play therapy and animal assisted therapy, not only works with younger children, but with teenagers and families. Also how these two types of experiential modalities can help decrease anxiety and improve relationships.

In experiential therapy you are involving the whole being, which is a more holistic approach. "You are not just using your cognitive abilities or your mind, but using the body as well, sometimes called somatic, or the use of dance and movement."

"Play therapy with young children works well because they don't have the language. They can use the toys to express themselves. For children 12 and up I use play in different ways. I use art, music, sometimes we go out in nature and take the dog for a walk, which can help teens relax, and begin to trust the therapist." Luna is Kirsten's therapy dog and her presence helps everyone feel more relaxed and calm. Research shows animal assisted therapy can reduce anxiety.

Experiential therapy works well with teenagers.

Kirsten explained how play therapy can reduce anxiety with teenagers. "Anxiety is the number one issue I see these days. Trying to fit in, be the way society wants you to be, and pressures put onto them. They get to use their language in play therapy. Often parents will bring their children in and ask me to fix their child. The child then thinks there is something wrong with them. The experiential therapy I use can help them get to know themselves and hopefully get to where they value and love themselves. And where they can get to a place where they express themselves authentically in the world vs pretend to be somebody they are not, which is the underlying issue of anxiety or pressures."

How does this process work with the parents? "I want to bring the parents into the process. Children are functioning within multiple systems and the most important system is the family system. I may see the child one week and the parents the next week or do a joint (family) session. Depends on the comfort of the parents and the issue. Children can show their parents what they are learning in session. Children want to be seen and heard." Kirsten states that "having their voice heard by their parents, in my presence, can be very empowering for the children and the family."

Parents often feel vulnerable or have shame come up about their child struggling and Kirsten works with giving support to the parents. Kirsten began this career when her children were teenagers and observed parents being shamed. "Aren't we all in this together? It is already difficult being a parent…All parents I work with are honestly doing the best they can and love their children unconditionally." Part of our role is helping support parents in addressing their fears or old family beliefs. Kirsten also emphasized the importance of parents taking good care of themselves. She is treating the whole family, not just the child. "It's permission to take care of themselves (i.e. parents). (Parents)Your self-care is role modeling to your children and that is huge…it helps the whole family, calming the nervous system of whole family."

For more information about Kirsten and her work please visit http://pathfinderscounselingllc.com/

You can sign up for her newsletter called "Life Hacks" on her website.

Book recommendations:

Gift of Imperfection by Brene Brown

The Defining Decade by Meg Jay (For young adult women in their 20's)

Emotional Intelligence by Goldman

Daniel Siegel books

Play by Stewart Brown (Discusses why play is so important)

Today I am going to discuss why anxiety doesn't equal bad or something is wrong with you and five ways to help manage or cope with it.

Do any of these thoughts sound familiar? I have to get an A in all my classes, otherwise I won't get into college. I can't tell mom and dad because it might make them sad or angry? I don't know why Jane didn't talk to me during class. She was texting me before school. Sure I can do that for you, no problem, but you are already feeling overwhelmed.

As school comes to a close for the year it is not uncommon for anxiety levels to rise. It can happen again at the end of summer for the beginning of the next school yr. If your daughter is a senior and graduating this year she may feel more nervous and anxious about the next chapter in her life. Which is normal.

Anxiety related mental health disorders are higher in female than males.

The DSM V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders fifth edition) has a chapter on Anxiety disorders: Separation Anxiety (for younger children), selective mutism, specific phobias, social anxiety, panic disorder, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety, substance/medication-induced anxiety, anxiety disorder due to another medical condition, or other. The DSM V has a separate chapter on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder and Trauma-and Stressor-related disorders.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder Diagnostic Criteria includes (per DSM V):

-Excessive anxiety and worry, occurring more days than not for at least 6 months, about a number of events or activities

-The individual finds it difficult to control the worry

-The anxiety and worry are associated with three (or more) of the following six symptoms (with at least some symptoms having been present for more days than not for the past six months):

-Restless or feeling keyed up or on edge.

-Being easily fatigued

-Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank

-Irritability

-Muscle tension

-Sleep disturbance

-The anxiety, worry, or physical symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning

-The disturbance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance or another medical condition

-The disturbance is not better explained by another mental disorder

Five coping skills or tools to reduce anxiety

1. Journaling-write down worries or fearful thoughts
2. Listening to music-music that makes you feel more calm, happy or distract you
3. Exercise-helps release tension, increase awareness regarding how you hold your body, and body posture can impact emotions. Yoga can increase mindfulness and breathing
4. Talking to friends and family that you trust. Listeners are there to reflect what the speaker is saying vs fixing or rescuing the person
5. Mindfulness practice-guided meditations, progressive muscle relaxation, sitting or walking meditations, and deep breathing techniques.
6. Seek professional help to manage or break the cycle of getting stuck in the anxiety.

For more information about mindfulness practice please go to http://launchingyourdaughter.com and sign up for my newsletter.