Leader Rising

The trumpet sounded and I ordered my men to advance. I had the archers and artillery take the hilltop , with the spearman arrayed before them.

The enemy advanced. We were outnumbered. They crashed into my spearmen. Our line held, but barely. I knew it wouldn't last for long.

I ordered the archers and artillery to focus on the enemies flanks, and then I played my ace up the sleeve. ♠

I had my heavy cavalry swoop around and slam into the enemy from the side. They routed. And then the next unit routed. And then the next. Within the span of a few short heartbeats, the entire enemy had line folded. What had been close-fought to start had turned into a bloodbath.

And me? I was addicted.

This was Total War: Warhammer 2, and I hadn't been able to put it down for the four days since I started playing. I had trouble sleeping. I got sick. And frankly, I was a bit disgusted with myself (glorious victory(ies) notwithstanding).

This episode is about stopping addictions and breaking habits.

On our way home from the park yesterday, we stopped at a different park. And ran into some neighbours who were there with their kid. She kept playing quietly with some toys she had found.

I was chatting with the parents, and after a few minutes, I looked around and saw that Ronan was watching a group of older kids play a bit rough on the twirly-go-round. He looked conflicted.

I mentioned it.

After a moment, while I was still talking with one parent, the other one went over to their daughter. Next thing I know, she's walking over to my guy:

"Ronan, do you want to play with me?"

I don't even know if he said yes, but his body definitely did, as he stepped forward with a bashful smile.

It was yet another lesson in the importance of reaching out. That little girl made such a difference in Ro's day.

Who is someone you care about that you haven't spoken to in a while?

What if you were to drop them a note right now saying that you cared?

We discuss this and leadership within a team setting at work on today’s podcast.

I turned to my father-in-law. “You’re going to need to put your plans to build your buggy on hold,” I said, “after I win the LOTTO MAX tonight, I’m going to build a hobbit house. And I need you to be the general contractor.”

I was serious.

Let’s be clear - I knew I wasn’t going to win the lottery. But when we buy a lottery ticket, we allow ourselves to dream about what we would do with the money.

You see, up until recently I believed this was a good thing. I thought it was a benefit - you get to daydream about all the things you would do if money was no object.

This week, however, I paid attention to how I felt when I talked about what I would do with the money.

What I found is that it opens up the gap between that future, where I have all this money, and my current reality.

It paints a picture that I don’t have enough right now.

It makes me focus on what I don’t have.

“Who you are - what you think, feel, and do, what you love, is the sum of what you focus on” - Winifred Gallagher

And here I was focusing on what I didn’t have.

That is not ideal.

Most of us ask ourselves: is it worth it in terms of the money?

What we should be asking ourselves is: is it worth it in terms of our attention?

What are you focused on?

Join us this week as we discuss.

I was annoyed at my coach.

She had just asked “What would you need to want to wake up tomorrow and attack the day?”

I knew it was a leading question.

I knew she wanted me to say “to leave law,” so she could follow up with the question: “Ok, will you leave law?”

I knew I was too scared to, and I didn’t want to face it.

You see, in that moment I tried to think about what else I needed to wake up and look forward to the day, and the answer was nothing. I had everything I needed.

I had a life many would envy. But I wasn’t choosing to be grateful. I wasn’t choosing to be happy.

Jim Kwik asks “What if the only things in your life tomorrow were the things for which you expressed gratitude today?”

We tell ourselves we want to feel grateful, but do we actually do it? 

Do we actually create it?

There are two big levers we can pull on that can help increase your feeling of gratitude about your life:

Increase the gratitude you feel.

Cut down on your gratitude vampires.

Join us this week as we explore next level gratitude.

And maybe ask yourself: 

What is amazing about your life?

What are you grateful for?

“Go ask that girl out,” my friend said to me one night in a bar in undergrad. I was scared. You see, I had only been on a couple dates. 

What if she said no? I thought.

Or worse - what if she said yes? 

I had no clue what to do! Far easier to accept being rejected than to succeed and fail when the stakes were higher.

Fast forward to my law career.

I was aiming for my targets. Not above them, but to try to hit them exactly. You see, I wanted to work hard and do well, and I also wanted to enjoy life. But I was constantly looking over my shoulder, asking myself “is this… okay?” Will I be found out?

I felt like an impostor. 

You see, impostor syndrome can show up in a lot of different aspects of our lives. We can all feel like we don’t belong in certain situations, whether they be in our dating lives or in our workplace. Know that it’s normal.

When you’ve just been promoted and you think “they picked the wrong person,” that’s normal. 

When you go on a date with a beautiful new woman and you think “she’s outta my league,” that’s normal.

When you’re looking up at a monster of a task and you think “I don’t know if I can do this,” that’s normal.

Imposter syndrome is not only normal, it can be helpful. What is it trying to tell you? 

Join us this week to discuss.

“You ask great, powerful questions,” she said. “And you’re clearly listening deeply.” It was late 2018 and we had just listened to one of my real coaching calls with one of my real clients.

“… but?” I said. It felt like there was a but. Her tone said it (there was my powerful listening at work ).

“But, I’m pretty sure you’ve just been coaching his saboteur for 20 minutes.”

God, it was embarrassing.

But I wouldn’t take it back, because I learned something really valuable that day. Something that’s stood me in good stead on many coaching calls, with many friends, and with myself ever since.

You see, we all have these voices in our head that tell us we can’t do things. That spout limiting belief after limiting belief. Those voices are there to keep us safe. But what worked for us in elementary school often doesn’t serve us as adults that are trying to grow and expand in our lives and step in our unique genius - what makes us, us.

And that day I learned of a way to try to bypass those saboteurs.

Join me as I talk about it. Oh, and you’ll hear another embarrassing story of mine.

My friend sighed, and then looked at me. “I don’t know man. I just … I just think … maybe the problem is with me. Maybe something is wrong with me.” He shook his head.

“Maybe if I got a different job, I still wouldn’t be happy.”

This guy is successful. Damn successful. Many people would kill for his job. Hell, him 10 years ago would have killed for his job.

And yet, he isn’t happy.

Worse, he thinks he might not be capable of being happy.

Worse yet, this fear is keeping him stuck.

You get worried about making a change. Because if this is who you are (and you’ll never be happy) - then why risk what good you do have?

And so no change is made.

You’re stuck.

If this resonates at all, check out this episode.

We just got back from almost six months of living with my in-laws during the pandemic … and returning home wasn’t what I thought it would be.

It was supposed to be sunshine and calm. ✌

Instead I’m a bit stressed and fighting overwhelm (usually, but not always, winning).

I think a huge part of it is from the clutter in my house. We moved back into a place frozen in time from March (which, with a toddler who’s turned into a preschooler) is a long time, plus all of the stuff we’re bringing back with us. There are bags of things waiting to be sorted. Winter clothes still out. 6 months of not putting things away whenever we came back for a weekend.

So… I’m going to do a Marie Kondo style decluttering. I’ve done one before (limited to my clothes/books) and now I want to do one with the entire house.

I’ll report back when I’m done.

Some interesting stuff in here if you’re considering one of these for yourself.

On a scale of 1 to 10, where 10 is "you own your phone" and 1 is "your phone owns you" - where do you land?

And if you have both a work and a personal phone, how do your scores differ? If you go to your "Screen Time" page, what's the average usage per day been this week? And what about the average number of pickups, and average number of notifications?

Usage is a sneaky stat since it includes call time, and if you’re working from home and taking calls from your phone, that’s bound to be high.

But your pickups? That’s your addiction talking.

And your notifications? That’s in part how you feed your addiction.

If you're like me - all of these are higher than you want them to be.

Most of us know we have a problem. Which is a good first step. But it's still just a first step. The next step is actually feeling like it's necessary to do something about it. But what can we do? We need it for work , it's our alarm ⏰, it's how we read the news ...

Truly seeing your relationship with your phone is the first step to turning it into one that will serve you.

As for the six things I’ve been trying:

Deleting my problem apps.

Putting the phone on silent.

Mute group conversations.

Remove all (or almost all) notifications.

Get a house phone(!).

Have a home base for my phone.

We go into this and more on today’s podcast. We hope you enjoy.

This week is the one year anniversary of a really important day in my life. An inflection point.

​It wasn't the day that everything started, but rather the day that everything changed. Sort of the way that we start driving when we leave the house, but it's only when we merge on the highway that we've both sped up and committed ourselves to the direction.

​A year ago today, I stopped being a full time employee, and started being a part-time employee.

​From 5 days a week, down to 3.

​You see, we all make this fundamental trade in our lives:

​​We trade TIME ⌚ for MONEY .​

We trade a finite resource for one that we can get more of. And while both are important to me, I had decided that my current balance was off. And in an age when everyone is chasing promotions and raises:

this is very much counterculture.

​I believe that that the biggest impediment for most is not that they value money so highly, but rather because they value the STATUS that their money and job bring.

And frankly, making a decision like this ​is SCARY.

​And I think THAT's why I was able to pull the trigger on this. Not because I don't feel fear (I do), but because I'm pretty good at not giving a shit about what society says.

​What's important to me is WHO I want to be.

​I'm not special. We're all capable of taking steps towards who we want to be.