This is it! The end of the 7-day program and one final step to INTEGRATE each of the six leadership principles you’ve discovered and leaned into and to…

Pull Together All the Threads…

Leadership is not a fixed destination—it’s a living practice. Over the past seven days, you’ve explored six core principles that shape how you lead with queer integrity.

Now it’s time to pause, reflect, and integrate.

Which of the six pillars—FEEL, KNOW, THINK, VOICE, DREAM, or LEAD — is asking for your deepest attention right now?

Where do you feel the greatest desire—or the greatest resistance—to step forward?

Thanks for reading The Queer Integrity Dispatch! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Option A: Reflective Integration Questions

If you’d like to explore more deeply, consider these:

* What did you learn about yourself—or leadership—that you want to adopt as part of your leadership style?

* What was most surprising, challenging, or illuminating for you throughout this journey?

* Which small, consistent practice can you carry forward from each principle to embody your leadership with greater clarity, conviction, and queer integrity?

Option B: Leadership Sentence Stems (Highly Recommended)

If you prefer a more creative and generative reflection, complete the following sentence stems. Go back over your notes from each principle to guide you in completing each sentence.

* When I FEEL well, I…

* What I KNOW is…

* When I THINK wisely, I am…

* When I express my unique VOICE, I sound like…

* My DREAM is…

* I LEAD by…

You might want to write these out and post them somewhere visible—a daily reminder of who you are and how you lead.

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you now see as a strength in your leadership—something to honour, protect, or share?

You’ve done the courageous work of reflection, insight, and intention. Now, the real-world practice begins. You don’t need to be perfect, and you certainly don’t need to perform for other people’s benefit. You only need to be present—to yourself, to your values, and to the change you’re here to support.

Keep leading with queer integrity: the world needs your voice, your wisdom, and your human-heartedness.

Here Are My Leadership Sentence Stem responses:

In case it’s helpful, here is how I answered the leadership sentence stems. What you will see is how my responses are completely in line with my coaching principles.

When I FEEL well, I can lead well, and I CARE enough to make a difference.

What I KNOW is that I stand for a human-hearted ethics grounded in personal responsibility, dignity, respect, and the freedom to express my creative purpose, and I am an advocate for queer rights.

When I THINK wisely, I am flexible and resilient, open-minded to new ideas that may challenge both my thinking and beliefs, and strategic yet reasonable.

When I express my unique VOICE, I share my ideas through vulnerability, humour, and metaphor, challenging convention and unexamined beliefs.

My DREAM is to create and support meaningful and impactful social transformation that advances fairness, dignity, and respect for our common humanity.

I LEAD by challenging myself to follow the path of human-heartedness, practicing non-contention, impartiality, compassion, yielding flexibility, humility, and commonality.

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

To LEAD is to live in alignment with your ethics—and to embody a kind of leadership that cultivates dignity, equity, and humanity.

This is where the previous five leadership principles come together—where your values, vision, vitality, and voice converge in the service of others to truly make a meaningful difference.

L – Liberation

Lead in ways that liberate yourself and others from systems of oppression, fear, or conformity. This is the heart of transformational leadership: expanding freedom through ethical courage.

E – Equity

Make fairness, justice, and inclusion central to your leadership. You lead not to dominate, but to uplift—ensuring every voice matters and every person belongs.

A – Accountability

Take responsibility for your actions and impact. Ethical leadership means acting with integrity, standing by your values, and being answerable to both your conscience and your community.

D – Direction

Provide clear, values-based guidance that inspires others. Through your example, you offer a path forward that is principled, purposeful, and human-hearted.

To LEAD is to take everything you’ve learned and lived through the previous five principles—your well-being, values, thinking, voice, and dream—and channel it into visible, influential action. This is your call to guide, to serve, and to transform.

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Do You Struggle with Criticism of Your Leadership?

Recently, Adam Grant wrote on his Substack, Granted,

“People who can’t handle criticism are unfit to lead. Weak leaders fear dissent as a threat to their power. They silence their critics to shield their egos. Strong leaders welcome dissent as an opportunity for growth. They silence their egos to learn from their critics.”

I don’t believe that Grant’s opinion is nuanced enough—it risks overlooking the reality of human experience and our reactions. No one is above the sting of criticism, so let’s consider what’s happening when others challenge who we are or our leadership.

To lead in a way to make a meaningful difference in the world is to live in full alignment with your ethics and to embody the kind of leadership that cultivates dignity, equity, and humanity.

This style of leadership I’m describing is the difference between being in your own power—and being an inspiration to others to follow your lead—versus powering over others with control and force.

If you’re a leader in any capacity who cares about making a positive difference in the world, you are going to come up against resistance and dissent.

Let’s consider how you might feel when challenged or criticized for something you said, wrote, or did.

Do you feel…

* Attacked or defensive

* Uncertain or unsure

* Unrecognized or unvalued

* Stupid or ashamed

There’s value in experiencing each of those feelings and reactions when your leadership is criticized because it means you’re human.

Your reaction means you care about what you are doing and the people you are supporting enough to doubt yourself.

Whatever your emotional response, criticism invites you to look inward to assess your beliefs, thought process, and actions—and to decide if you need to make refinements.

For me, forceful or negative criticism of my ideas is an emotional trigger based on childhood experiences. I may feel immediately defensive, and I’m better at catching myself to slow down and let my reaction pass so that I can respond thoughtfully.

Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough in what I communicated—or maybe I was even wrong. If wrong, I own my mistake and correct it. However, if I believe I’m right about what I stand for, I will do my best to further explain my position and reasoning.

Human-Hearted leaders and ethical change-makers create positive freedom for those they guide and support to experience more of what makes their lives meaningful and joyful.

Pay attention to the word “THEIR”—it refers to both you and those you lead. You can’t cultivate meaning or joy in others without creating or experiencing it first in yourself.

STEP FORWARD — Action-oriented movement and integrity.

I invite you to answer the following questions to discover where you stand in your leadership efficacy.

Think about a time when your leadership was called into question and ask yourself:

* How did you feel? Was it one of the four examples above, or something else?

* Is there an observable pattern? Meaning, is one of the four responses your most common reaction?

* How did you act in the moment? Do you push through or pull back? And how is that working for you?

* What was the meta-lesson? Meaning, is there an opportunity to become more skillful in dealing with criticism?

* How do you want to feel and act differently the next time your leadership is criticized or questioned?

* What do you need to know, or what skill do you need to feel and act in the way you described in the last question?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you wish to acknowledge or celebrate as central to how you lead—both yourself and others?

You are almost at the end of your journey!

In tomorrow’s final lesson, we will integrate everything you have learned so far and pull together all of the threads that support a human-hearted leadership and cultivate queer integrity.

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

Your DREAM is both the vision and the method supported by the clarity you’ve gained via the previous leadership principles.

This is where vision becomes action—where the one thing you most want to create and bring into the world begins to take shape.

Let’s dive into the “definitions” for the DREAM Principle:

D – Desire

Clarify the purpose and vision that moves you—the one idea that feels most meaningful and worth pursuing.

R – Render

Translate that desire into reality using your natural creative strengths. This is where you bring your vision to life through the medium and mode that suit you best.

E – Emotion

Stay connected to the emotional states that energize and sustain you—how you FEEL; your freedom, energy, enthusiasm, and love so your work remains joyful and meaningful.

A – Alignment

Organize your time, space, and energy around how you naturally do your best work. This creates a rhythm that supports productivity and well-being.

M – Method

Use your personalized productivity blueprint to make consistent progress toward your vision with confidence, ease, and efficiency.

What Stands Between Your DREAM and Your Reality?

Your DREAM is your personal blueprint, the path that’s designed for you and by you. With this principle, I’ve presented several elements that work together to support the culmination of your dream.

You might hold a humanitarian dream—one that may never be fully realized in your lifetime, and that depends on many more hearts and minds than your own.

Still, you can seize one small, progressive step toward that dream—something tangible that gives you focus and direction.

Your dream might not be that big: it might be personal, professional, or work-related. That’s fine; it’s your dream.

Whether your dream is world-changing or quietly personal, what matters most is your next step toward it.

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ENVISION—What lies between the snapshot of where you are now and where you want to be?

* If you were to focus on ONE aspect of the DREAM framework (Desire, Render, Emotion, Alignment, Method), which aspect is the most important right now?

* Why is it so important for you to focus on that one aspect over all the others?

* What are the skills you are lacking that you could learn that would improve that aspect?

* What don’t you know about that aspect that you need to learn?

* From what you have identified above, what’s the one easiest thing you can do right now, or first thing tomorrow morning, to improve this aspect of your DREAM?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you wish to acknowledge or celebrate as essential to your DREAM—its vision, emotion, or method?

In tomorrow’s post, you’ll learn about the sixth and final principle, ‘How You LEAD.’

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

How does your VOICE resonate with the people you lead?

Let’s dig in…

V - Vision

Clarify the unique purpose and guiding vision behind your message.

O - Organic Expression

This is your unique message expressed from lived experience and personal truth.

I - Impact

Focus on creating connection and transformation, not just communication.

C - Clarity

Speak and write with clarity so others understand and feel moved by what you say.

E - Engagement

Communicate with others in the way that feels most natural and effortless for you, creating connections and inspiring others to follow your lead.

Your VOICE is the unique, natural way you communicate your vision, values, and wisdom.

When all the elements of your voice work in harmony, your Vision is clear, your Organic Expression flows with ease and authenticity, and you create lasting Impact because your message is attuned with who you are and what you stand for.

Lastly, with Clarity, your ideas and message resonate with others, increasing Engagement that invites others to connect with your heartfelt purpose and be moved by your leadership.

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The VOICE principle helps you craft not only how you speak or write, but also how you strategically share your message through the right mediums, with confidence and resonance—so that people truly listen, understand, and are inspired to act.

Your VOICE is more than your words.

Your true voice is your creative expression—your most natural and resonant way of communicating who you are and what you stand for.

Each of us tends to have a dominant or preferred mode of expression—one that allows our message to be clearly understood and invites meaningful, authentic engagement. When you speak or express what you truly mean in the way that feels most alive and accurate to you, you’ve tapped into your most organic and impactful voice.

For a visual artist, that might be painting or sculpting. For a writer, it could be prose or poetry.

For many leaders, it’s speaking or writing. But how we express ourselves is always shaped by context. Are you speaking one-on-one, in a quiet office, on a stage, or in a Zoom meeting? Are you writing memos, social posts, strategic plans, or essays?

All these environments influence how your voice is received—and how comfortable you feel in using it.

What about for queer people?

For many LGBTQ+ people, the way we naturally express ourselves—through voice, tone, language, or mannerisms—often doesn’t align with dominant social norms. Family, workplace, and societal expectations can pressure us to conform, suppress, or modify how we show up.

If you’ve ever felt the need to mute or edit your voice to be accepted or stay safe, that’s not a personal failing. It’s survival. But over time, this survival strategy can fracture your integrity—not in a moral sense, but in the literal sense of the word: integrity as wholeness or intactness.

When you hide or silence part of yourself, you may begin to feel disconnected from your full self—not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re not fully with yourself. You’re fitting in but not belonging.

This principle of VOICE is about realigning with your most natural, intact, and impactful expression—the one that reflects your truth, honours your queerness, and resonates with those who most need to hear and understand you.

EXPRESSION—Define your visibility and self-articulation.

* What is your most creative and freely expressive form of communication?

* What is your least favourite environment for expressing your voice—and why?

* Where or how are you most easily understood? What makes that expression feel natural or effortless?

* Where or how are you often misunderstood? What factors contribute to that disconnect?

* How can you align more consistently with your most natural voice to create greater impact and connection?

* Is there a practice or habit that supports this alignment?

* Is it influenced by your location or environment?

* Does it depend on the format—e.g., video, writing, or live speaking?

* Does it relate to any aspect of your queerness?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you want to acknowledge or celebrate that reflects your true voice—the unique expression that makes your leadership feel whole, powerful, and true?

Allow yourself time for some silent reflection after completing today’s questions because tomorrow, you’ll never think of dreaming the same way again—when you discover the fifth principle, ‘What’s Your DREAM.’

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

Here’s what my coaching acronym for THINK means in the context of leadership:

T – Thoughtfulness

Cultivate a mindful and intentional approach to how you think and respond, recognizing the emotional undercurrents that influence decisions.

H – Harmony

Balance intellect with emotional awareness to make decisions that reflect your values and serve the greater good. Stay open to learning, being wrong, and fostering collaboration and mutual understanding.

I – Inquiry

Approach challenges and choices with curiosity. Ask meaningful questions to uncover deeper insights and expand your perspective.

N – Neutrality

Practice equanimity and resilience in the face of conflict or emotional charge. Resist black-and-white thinking and respond with balance rather than impulse or assumption.

K – Knowledge

Apply wisdom derived from diverse experiences and perspectives, understanding that true reasoning incorporates emotional intelligence as well as intellectual clarity. Know where your beliefs come from and be flexible and willing to evolve them with discernment.

Thanks for reading The Queer Integrity Dispatch! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

When you master the THINK principle, you unlock the clarity and intellectual flexibility required for ethical leadership.

You lead not by being right, but by being open-hearted and responsible, aware of how your thoughts shape your voice, guide your actions, and influence your ability to connect meaningfully with others.

The way you THINK is the way you LEAD.

The quality of your thinking determines the quality of your leadership. But “quality” doesn’t mean intelligence or expertise alone. Let’s be honest: there are plenty of highly educated, highly intelligent people who lead with arrogance, ego, and disregard because they lack emotional intelligence or choose not to care about it.

Here’s what I believe:

The true quality of a leader’s thinking is shaped by how open-minded they are… how resilient they are in the face of discomfort… and how flexible and adaptive they are when facing change.

In other words, it’s not just about critical thinking; it’s about vertical thinking—the capacity for growth, transformation, and layered insight. This kind of thinking helps us lead with humanity.

INQUIRY—Think About Your Thinking

If you haven’t already watched today’s video, go do that now.

* Based on the definition of quality thinking above, how would you rate the quality of your thinking on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest)?

* Why did you give it that rating?

* What would bring your score down by one point?

* What would bring your score up by one point? What would you be thinking, doing, or feeling differently?

* What would motivate you to make that change? In other words, what do you want to feel because of that +1 shift?

* Think of a recent situation where you felt emotionally activated or reactive. What did you do—and what would a more thoughtful, values-aligned response have looked like?

* Where in your leadership (e.g., meetings, decision-making, boundary-setting, difficult conversations) do you most often react rather than respond?

* How might your queerness—your lived experience, sensitivity to difference, or relationship to power—help you lead with greater awareness, nuance, and intentionality in that area?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you wish to acknowledge or celebrate that shapes how you cultivate ethical clarity through emotional intelligence and reason?

In the next lesson, we’ll examine your unique form or expression for influential and impactful communication—my fourth leadership coaching principle, ‘Your VOICE.’

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

Your values are not just words—they’re the compass that guides every decision, action, and connection.

When your beliefs are deeply understood and consistently expressed, you show up with unwavering clarity, confidence, and integrity.

KNOW is an acronym for Key Notions of Worth. Here’s what they mean in the context of queer integrity.

K – Key

Identify the core values and beliefs that are essential to who you are—the ones that must be honoured if you’re to live and lead with integrity.

N – Notions

Bring conscious awareness to the principles and perceptions you hold about yourself, others, and the world—especially those that operate below the surface.

O – Of

Recognize that values without action are just ideas. The word ‘of’ reminds us that values live in relation to action, experience, and purpose.

W – Worth

Define what truly matters—to you and for the greater good. Worth is not just what you believe in; it’s what you’re willing to stand up for, consistently and courageously.

Your personal code of conduct is your ethical GPS directing how you lead, communicate, and connect.

When you KNOW what you stand for, self-doubt fades, and the impact of your leadership grows exponentially.

Thanks for reading The Queer Integrity Dispatch! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

So…What Do You Stand For?

There’s a saying I love: “If you don’t know what you stand for, you won’t have a leg to stand on.”

And one of the oldest teachings from the Tao Te Ching reminds us:

“The journey of a thousand miles begins beneath your feet.”

Both sayings point to the same truth: to take meaningful steps forward, you first need to know where you stand.

How does knowing where you stand affect your leadership?

To lead with queer integrity, you must know your values, what is ethical to you, what your values are, and how you show up in the world as someone who embodies what they stand for—truthfully, consistently, and with courage. Using another word: integrity.

Knowing where you stand on important issues is like knowing your exact location on a map—only then can you take a meaningful step in the direction of your values.

STANDPOINT—What Do You Stand For?

If you haven’t already watched today’s video, go do that now.

* In one to three sentences, describe what you stand for—what you believe to be true, meaningful, and right.

* Why does this matter so deeply to you? What makes it meaningful in your life or leadership?

* How do you know what you believe to be true?

* Consider: What shaped this belief—experience, environment, or education?

* Then ask, “How do I know if this is true?” Embracing uncertainty can deepen your clarity and strengthen your integrity.

* What do you do consistently that reflects your commitment to this belief or value?

* How can your actions inspire others to follow you, not because they agree, but because they trust you?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you want to recognize as something that nourishes your sense of worth, anchors your values, and reminds you who you are?

Tomorrow, you’ll discover the third principle of queer integrity, The Way You THINK.

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

FEEL is my leadership coaching principle for Freedom, Energy, Enthusiasm, and Love.

Each of these words speak to the nuance of well-being and how that affects your leadership.

F – Freedom

Create inner and outer environments that support emotional ease and personal sovereignty—so you’re not reacting to life but responding with intention.

E – Energy

Fuel your body and mind with practices that support vitality, stamina, and clear-headedness—the essentials for showing up fully each day.

E – Enthusiasm

Anchor into the emotional states that uplift and motivate you. Enthusiasm isn’t a bonus—it’s a leadership advantage rooted in emotional self-mastery.

L – Love

Lead from a place of care—for yourself, your mission, and others. Love is what keeps your vision human, your actions ethical, and your leadership resilient.

If you don’t FEEL well, you can’t LEAD well—and you won’t have the capacity to CARE enough to make a difference.

Well-being isn’t optional. It’s the ground everything else stands on.

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Cultivating Self-Mastery Through CARE

As a queer leader, your emotional well-being is foundational to your leadership.

Here’s what I believe:

You can’t care for others if you don’t first care about yourself. You can’t make a meaningful, influential, or transformative difference in the world if you are ignoring your physical and emotional health and well-being.

The FEEL principle emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-care.

And by using my CARE framework—Caring, Attention, Recognition, Enthusiasm—you can assess and enhance your emotional state to lead with integrity.

PRACTICE—What you’re being asked to do.

If you haven’t already watched today’s video, go do that now. Then, reflect on each aspect of the CARE framework below. Answer the questions honestly, considering your current experiences and feelings. Document your responses to track your growth throughout this program.

C – Caring

Tending to your physical, mental, and emotional health.

* How do you prioritize your physical health, nutrition, and rest?

* What practices do you have in place for your mental and emotional well-being?

* What small change can you implement today to enhance your self-care routine?

A – Attention

Being consciously aware of your thoughts, emotions, and energy levels.

* What thoughts or emotions frequently occupy your mind?

* How do these internal states influence your behaviour and interactions?

* What strategies can you employ to maintain focus and emotional balance?

R – Recognition

Acknowledging your own worth and seeing the humanity in others.

* How do you perceive your own value and contributions?

* In what ways do you recognize and appreciate the strengths of others?

* How does recognizing shared humanity impact your leadership approach?

E – Enthusiasm

Connecting your energy and emotions to your environment and actions.

* What activities or environments energize you?

* How do you maintain motivation during challenging times?

* What steps can you take to cultivate enthusiasm in your daily life?

A Final Question from the Margins

After completing this exercise, review your responses. Then consider:

What part of your queerness do you want to honour—as something that nourishes your well-being, shapes how you feel, and reminds you of your truth? And how does that shape how you lead?

What better way to practice the FEEL principle than to take rest once you’ve completed today’s lesson. Tomorrow, you will learn about the second principle of queer integrity, ‘What You KNOW.’

Before we begin our journey together, I want to invite you to consider something that often gets overlooked in leadership spaces:

Self-honesty.

This is not to suggest that you need to fix or critique yourself, rather, I invite you to witness where you are right now as impartially and honestly as possible.

Think of this as taking a picture—a snapshot of your current leadership experience. Not a glam shot, but an honest reflection of your inner world: your energy, clarity, voice, values, vision, and leadership ‘quality.’ Because at the end of this program, you’ll take another picture.

That’s when the transformation will be more visible—not just in what you know, but in how you feel and express yourself, and in how you feel about the clarity and direction of your leadership.

The best way to assess your progress is to know where you started.

You are an explorer of your own domain, so get comfortable, get curious, suspend self-criticism, and allow yourself to have fun throughout the process.

Thanks for reading The Queer Integrity Dispatch! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

Watch Today’s Video

I provide extra detail and guidance on how to get the most out of today’s self-reflection questions.

Take a snapshot of your personal landscape.

I can’t tell you what you need to do, but I can guide you to consider your own pathway to lead with greater clarity, conviction, openness, and integrity resulting in more influence and impact for those you support.

There’s no single formula for leadership—but there is a path—a human-hearted one rooted in six interwoven principles that I use in my coaching practice to support queer leaders in their personal and leadership evolution.

When these principles align, your leadership becomes not only effective — but courageous, inspiring, and unmistakably yours.

Six Questions to Assess How You Lead with Integrity.

Answer these questions in a notebook, a Google Doc, or a journaling app. What matters is that you answer for you, not for me or anyone else.

This is not a test. There are no right answers. This is about seeing yourself with honesty and compassion so you can grow from a place of truth—not performance or perfection.

This is where your transformation begins. Let yourself be seen—even if it’s just by you.

FEEL

You can’t lead well if you don’t feel well.

* How are you really doing—emotionally, mentally, and physically—and how is that affecting how you show up as a leader?

KNOW

Your values and beliefs are your compass. You need to know what you stand for.

* What values do you rely on when you’re unsure how to respond, act, or decide? Are those values immediately clear—or more like a feeling you can’t quite name?

THINK

Ethical clarity is cultivated through both emotional intelligence and reason.

* When you’re facing tough decisions or conflicting demands, how do you make sense of what’s ethical, right, or worth your time and energy?

VOICE

Your unique expression is how you inspire others and share your truth for clear communication.

* Where do you feel most heard, and where do you still hold back? What keeps your voice from being fully expressed and understood?

DREAM

Without a compelling vision and direction, your leadership loses momentum.

* What’s your mission or vision that pulls you forward? What social change or transformation do you most want to experience in the world?

LEAD

True leadership is the natural integration of all these parts into visible, impactful action.

* When you picture yourself leading with clarity, confidence, and integrity, what feels like it’s missing right now—and what feels aligned and powerful?

Real Leaders Ask for Guidance and Support

I’m passionate about this program and how fully committing to answering the questions with curiosity and vulnerability will reward you with deep insights into how you—and what you can do with those learnings.

With any learning experience, if something I said wasn’t clear, or if you feel stuck answering a question, ask for help right away. Drop me a note in the comments or DM me if it’s too personal. Clarity and alignment are within your reach—all you need to do is ask.

Up next in this series on Leading with Queer Integrity: How your leadership suffers or thrives in relation to how you well you FEEL.

Want to explore these principles with more clarity, depth, and guidance? Learn more about working with me one-on-one and request a conversation here: https://www.darrenstehle.com/coaching

An invitation to participate in a free ‘end-of-year’ 8-day coaching program: Empower Your Leadership with Queer Integrity.

This program (which I will publish here on my Substack) asks you to show up every day for just over a week to watch a short video to describe the process and then answer some self-reflection questions.

Yes, I know, that’s a big commitment—but it’s intentional. An intensive period of focused attention creates a behavioural and emotional disruption that leads to meaningful change in a very short period of time.

I’ve done these kinds of intensives many times myself. Some days you don’t feel like doing the work, and that’s exactly when you should and why this process works. Concentrated attention keeps you in the mindset of learning, reflecting, and evolving. Think back to the focus you maintained before an exam or the way you poured yourself into a final essay for school or university—and who you became afterward.

That’s what a short, concentrated program does: it expands your clarity and strengthens your capacities.

This program will challenge you to think, feel, and reconnect with what matters most: who you are, how you lead, and how to show up with integrity as you create change in the world. I’ve created this unique program by weaving together queer identity, personal responsibility, and human-hearted leadership in a way that supports the difference you want to make.

This work is not about the empty buzzwords of “influence” and “impact.” It’s about cultivating the inner clarity and conviction that makes your influence real—grounded in values, guided by integrity, and expressed through the way you show up. All that combined translates into the potential for constructive and positive impact.

I’ll be available to support you as you work through the program.

If you have questions, struggles, or moments of uncertainty, write me a comment or DM me for support.

If you partake fully, you will see a genuine shift by the end of the eight days—in your focus, leadership, sense of direction, and connection to what matters most.

I hope you decide to take part, be curious, and enjoy the journey. I’m looking forward to seeing the changes that unfold for you. The first lesson drops in a couple of days on Friday, December 12.

If you want to work through these ideas in real time, subscribe to take part in comments and chat. Limiting interaction to subscribers helps keep this space respectful and centred on thoughtful leadership. And by the way, my Substack is completely free.

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I’ve been thinking about the tension between stillness and disruption…

In today’s video, I talk about those rare moments when life feels like the near-perfect reflection of what’s above perfectly still water—versus the far more common days when everything feels muddled, confused, or upset.

I reference the photograph I took of the Lachine Canal in Montréal this summer (above) because of how calm, still, and transparent the water is. That kind of clarity is what I’m always aiming for—equanimity, peace of mind, the ability to really see what’s happening and respond in a meaningful, thoughtful way using the emotions and feelings I want to bring to solving a problem. But right now, that’s not where I am.

I’ve been feeling off my game and uncertain about where to go next.

The Tao Te Ching reminds us that,

A way can be a guide, but not a fixed path;names can be given. but not permanent labels.

The opening two lines of the Tao speak to the intersection between morality and ethics—not right/wrong binaries, but the way we try to make sense of what’s happening in the world, and the way ethical leaders try to show up with personal responsibility for the collective good.

Certainty and clarity feel like rare occurences these days. I’m noticing this lack in myself, and I’m noticing it in others—anger, frustration, anxiety, and shutting down are the norm.

I have so much to say that I don’t know what to say.

Instead of creating, I’m second-guessing my ideas, my unfinished articles, my book on queer integrity that stalled. I wondered if I was trying to build the whole building instead of starting with one floor and moving from there. Even the way I write has felt like an obstacle—speech-to-text that doesn’t feel right, typing that creates gibberish, spell-check underlines that ripple across the water and distort the reflection of what I’m trying to say.

I end up fixating on the obstacle instead of the clarity.

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And then there’s how I show up on video.

A friend said I can seem polished, prepared, put-together—great lighting, great sound—but where’s the real Darren?

The truth is I’ve struggled with anger and rage for most of my life. It’s probably why I got into coaching and why I turn to the Tao Te Ching for some sense of self-mastery. When the orange menace was reelected in November 2024, I was scared and furious. I’ve been watching the unfairness, polarization, injustice, inhumanity, and disrespect intensify, and it’s been overwhelming. I admire people who show up as advocates and activists without fear, but I also think we need vulnerability and a way forward.

Rage for the sake of rage is just shouting or virtue signalling trying to prove we’re on the “right” side of justice.

A way can be a guide but not a fixed path.

That means a just way can’t be an ideology or dogma.

And that’s what I’m reacting against—everything that people are doing or saying that’s inflexible, inhumane, and devoid of compassion or care. I find myself needing to step back so that I can get grounded, see to the depths, and then take next steps with a clear view forward.

Sometimes we need to be vague before we can get specific.

Sometimes we need to stir the pot before it can settle.

Sometimes saying less lets us understand more.

There doesn’t always have to be a neat and tidy conclusion or solution...

If what I’ve said speaks to where you are—if you’re struggling to find clarity and you’re stuck on the obstacles that stop you in your tracks—reach out. Message me. Let’s have a conversation and figure out how you can get to that place where the water is still enough that you can see your next steps, and create the way that can be your guide, but not a fixed path.