Johnny has sleep apnea, so his doctor prescribed a CPAP machine. Johnny won't use the thing because it's noisy and keeps him awake. Dave, on the other hand, thinks it's probably a good thing for Johnny to breathe when he sleeps. That Dave... he's such a giver!

Have you ever rented a car from a well-known company, had it break down in the middle of nowhere on a 100-degree day and when you call the 800 number, the woman in Mumbai tells you they always have problems with those cars? Dave has, and it was F-airly U-gly.

Johnny's wife enjoys going to weddings. Johnny, not so much. He'll go because he wants to be a good husband. After all, he may not be a romantic, but he's no fool.

Johnny's feeling extra old these days. And his children can't wait to remind him of it.

We really hate the pathetic game of media and politics. Perhaps we need a Trump card.

Is ten people living in a small house too much? Paging Captain Obvious.

Some people say moving to the south is a downgrade. We think those people are very smart.

We're ambivalent about this crop of presidential candidates. We're not so blasé about past winners.

Dave's movin' south. And by south, we don't mean the N**meg State.

Johnny gets lots of credit card offers. Don't they know his wife has final disapproval?