Legends In Their Own Minds

When someone close dies, do you "grieve" by cracking jokes? Johnny does; it is who he is; he can't help it. He's even prepared a few quips should Dave precede him below the grass.

It's fall in New England and Johnny's revving up his new gas-powered leaf blower. He should hurry though, because soon it might be outlawed in his snooty suburb.

Dave and PRY4SNO begged out of a rainy Thursday night Patriots game to "study." So, Johnny took his wife, daughter, and son (who brought a flask). It was painless.

You've all seen those avid cyclists with their colorful-spandex-Euro--scruffy-bearded-I'm-better-than-you attitude.

Well, Johnny is having none of it, especially when those weenies feel the need to give him unsolicited "advice."

We love autumn in New England, but the daunting prospect of winter tempers that affection. And Johnny likes the smell of burning leaves, but his enviro-conscious, nosy suburban neighbors had to call 911 "and ruin it."

Dave and his college buddies reunite once a year, but no one knows why. Chicago was their place of choice this time and, as usual, Dave found many things which annoyed him, not the least of which were the hapless Cubs and baseball in general.

Johnny's whining about how his family seems to challenge him on everything. Dave rarely tests the big guy because he knows he comes off as reasonable by comparison.

One of our Legends is prone to vanity and, surprisingly, it's not the younger of the two. Johnny actually spent $75 on a tooth whitening kit which left his wife with some bitter aftertaste.

We know Johnny is old and he talks about his aches and pains ad nauseum. But, ever since Dave turned 40, he's been hearing noises emanating from his body, and they're not from the Mexican food he ate the night before.

Johnny was good this year and bought his niece's school supplies before the last minute rush. What he didn't realize was all that stuff was a lot more expensive than when he was a kid during the Eisenhower administration.