What would you pay for lunch at the local zoo? Johnny thought when he left Disney the price of a simple meal would be more reasonable. Well, it's time to wake up, smell the deep fryer and open your wallet.

Johnny's pickup truck has been in the shop for two weeks. He loves his mechanics but among his own crew, he's a distinct minority. And please don't get Dave started on the shady car dealer next door.

Have you noticed lately people are acting meaner than ever? It's gotten so bad Dave has come up with a new word, and Johnny, our resident wordsmith, is quite impressed.

Johnny assumed his appointment at the Apple Store would be as easy to work with as the products they sell. Ah, but somehow those "geniuses" forgot about the 215 lb. scowling bald man for 45 minutes. Time to "Think Different" again.

Have you ever eaten at a restaurant in North Carolina and been charged for something in Australia? Well, Dave has, and he's still got that sinking feeling 'Down Under'. Imagine that.

All Dave needed was an updated list of all his immunizations. What his local doctor's office wanted to do amounted to an involuntary full-body cavity search.

Would you ever eat a giant turkey leg, or are those "treats" just for the great unwashed masses? Check out the incident that began at Disney's Typhoon Lagoon and escalated quickly into a meaty debate.

There are two things weighing on Johnny's mind: back waxing and rude Russians. What do these two subjects have in common? Stay tuned comrade.

Are we ready for the TV news hype as tropical storm Arthur is allegedly determined to ruin the 4th of July on the East Coast? Of course not, but like the weather, there's not a damn thing we can do about it.

You say you could not care less about the World Cup and soccer? We hear you. And while the rest of the global audience has been sucked in to this soap opera of an alleged sport, remember, it may be just a matter of time until "futbol" and professional wrestling agree to merge.