Let Go and Be Free

There will be times when you will want to give up. You might be tired of the journey and just want to fall back into comfortable coping mechanisms and to stick with unhealthy behaviors because it's what you know.

In this week's episode, I talk about the challenges in learning healthy behaviors and how to prepare for times when you're exhausted and just want to give up.

Accepting how you feel is important as is giving yourself the space and time to process your feelings.

Life is not an all or nothing sum game. There will be times when we want to give up, times when we make mistakes, and then times to get up again.

That's the circle of life.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

Disclaimer: If you feel unsafe, get help.

In the US, there's the National Domestic Violence Hotline

Their 24/7 phone number is: 1-800-799-7233

Why is conflict resolution important? 

What does this have to do with growing up in an alcoholic and/or dysfunctional family?

Often we saw arguments, disagreements, and they escalated. As kids, we had no power to control what we saw. Fights could turn to ugly screaming matches, and for some, escalated to physical violence. 

As an adult, how do you deal with conflict? 

Rush in with a strong offense? Avoid it? 

Each of us has learned various methods on dealing with disagreements. Here are some healthy ways of handling conflict: Listen, validate what you've heard, speak what you need, and compromise. Unfortunately, if others are not willing to take the same steps, you'll get nowhere. Boundaries and descalation are critical. Protect yourself.

Steps to confliction resolution:

• Listen
• Express your thoughts: "I am needing..." [Not: "You do this, you do that."] What do you need?
• Solve the problem: Compromise. If compromise isn't possible, agree to disagree. 

Conflict resolution isn't perfect and it takes time to learn new skills.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

It's time to celebrate. It's been 1 year of this podcast and we've gone through the 12 steps and learned healthy skills to help us overcome our past. As we move forward, let’s embrace and celebrate life.

It's okay to be happy.

It’s okay to take time to celebrate.

It’s okay to know that you are worthy of love and joy.

Let’s reflect together on what we’ve learned and how we can embrace the simplest of things in life and be happy.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the twelfth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others who still suffer, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

What does this step mean?

What is doesn't mean is that we try to force the 12 steps on someone else.

Show rather than tell.

Show people how your behavior has changed when dealing with problems rather than telling them all the things you've learned by following the steps.

The 12 steps are a framework that helps you build up a toolset that allows you to act differently when confront with a problem or crisis.

Use what you've learned to build boundaries and identify healthier behaviors on how to solve problems.

Resource:

New York Times Article: Teens Are Struggling Right Now. What Can Parents Do?

Verbalizing your emotions is critical. Put your feelings into words as you're going through the 12 steps and remember that not everyone will want to use the steps—and that's okay.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the eleventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understand God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

Many people get to step 11 and then see all the mention of God and move on. In this week's episode, I'd like to present a different interpretation of this step. If you believe in God, then the step gives specific instructions on how to move forward.

But what if you don't believe in God? Should you just ignore this step? 

Instead, I recommend focusing on the meditation part of the step and then to use this step to self-reflect. Ask yourself questions such as: Why am I here on this Earth? What am I supposed to do? Is it just pure coincidence that humans came into being? Use the time to ask yourself the big questions so that you can get outside of your own head and focus on something that you can't answer. Why? Because you can take your first steps into seeing how life is more than just what you can see around you. There's so much we can't see or know and that's okay. 

Are you going to move forward and grow beyond your childhood upbringing and learn new skills or stay locked in a cycle of generational dysfunction? 

Thankfully, the choice is yours.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, we're taking a break from the 12 Steps so that we all have time to process what we've learned so far and ask ourselves this question:

Is it okay to put yourself first?

Self-care is a critical part of being healthy. In order to be healthy, we need to focus on the following:

• Our body (eating, hydration, moderate exercise [as approved by your doctor], and sleep)
• Our psychological/mental needs (companionship, love, friendship, social bonds)
  • Be sure to read the Science study on "Social Relationships and Health."
• Our spiritual needs (this does not need to be God, but also entails yoga, meditation, visualization techniques, and our connection with nature).

Take time to do some self-reflection and be honest with yourself on whether you're taking care of yourself so that you thrive and aren't just surviving.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the tenth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and, when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

As we go about our day, are we taking stock of what we've done and how we're acting? The purpose of step 10 is to take time to reflect on our past unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviors, adjust our behavior moving forward, and admit when we've made a mistake.

For example, if someone is unable to say "No," they might be pulled into a cycle of unhealthy behaviors by continuing to have weak boundaries.

When taking stock of this step, two helpful questions are:

• Is this healthy for me?
• Is it true?

The 12 Steps are a framework to help us learn healthier behaviors. If we never saw healthy relationships while growing up, now is the time to take accountabiity and be willing to learn.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

Support the podcast by subscribing on substack and receive the newsletter.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the ninth step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Before you go out into the world and start making amends, think through why you're making the amends. Who is it for? You or them?

In this week's podcast I'll also go through the Golden rule and apply the Platinum rule to step 8.

What's the Platinum rule?

"Do unto others as they would want to be done to them."

And when you're going through your list of people to make amends to, do you have yourself on the list? Might be worth putting yourself down and thinking about what making amends to yourself would mean. You might be surprised with the wealth of emotional growth and happiness that will come from that.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

Step 8 can be a ticky one. As we start to work on this step, ask yourself this question: "Why am I looking to make amends to this person?"

Is it for your own egocentric means (e.g., you're looking to get back together with an ex) and are you respecting the person? Maybe they don't wish to be contacted.

The purpose of this step is to grow and learn how to use the framework of the 12 Steps to be happier in all of your relationships.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.

In today's episode, I discuss the seventh step from Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service Organization's 12 Steps.

Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

I know that this step, that mentions "God", might be offputting to many people, so I wanted to share this article:

• The 12 Steps for Atheists: It’s not necessarily the “God” you think

There is a lot that we can learn from step 7 as it's the point at which we are willing to admit that we need hep from others. Expressing vulnerability is not easy, so let's dive right in and discuss step 7 from a different perspective.

More Information about Let Go and Be Free:

Want to learn more about Let Go and Be Free? Check out the Let Go and Be Free book series.

I’m not a medical expert. If you need help, please reach out to a medical professional.