A Father’s Day Tribute to the One I Lost and the One Who Stepped In.
I didn’t plan to share this story which i do at the end and probably it was meant to be with how desperate my search of GOD was and wanting to be SAFE.
But some truths ask to be spoken not because they’re dramatic, but because they’re real. Years ago, I watched my father take his last breath. We couldn’t even finish screaming the word “doctor.” Just like that… he was gone. And in that raw moment of loss, I turned to my brother, hugged him tight, and whispered, “ I need you to be my father hereon and to step into his space. I need to feel safe. ”
That was the day I understood something sacred:
That fatherhood isn’t only about the man who raised you… It’s also about the presence that holds you when you’re most unheld.Fast forward to my 50th birthday - a milestone I had long dreamed of.I had countdowns, visions, and childlike excitement. I wanted to mark it with purpose and presence. But just before that big day, a coaching session cracked something wide open.It ended with this: “You are nobody.”
I’ve heard that in spiritual circles before. I’ve said “I am not the body” in Satsangs. But that day, those words didn’t feel peaceful. They felt hollow.Because deep down, a part of me still wanted to be somebody. To be good. To be loved. To be enough.
In Singapore, my family, all of them lovingly gifted me an iPad. While choosing it at Marina Bay Sands, I was invited into a short class at apple. And like the youngest sibling I am, I agreed... still used to going along with what’s expected. But in that moment, surrounded by tech and strangers and birthday messages, I was suddenly back in a classroom I couldn’t understand. Back to the little girl who felt slow, confused, less-than. It triggered a migraine. But it also unlocked a memory.
A part of my story that needed light. Afterwards, moments alone after the big celebration... I sat in silence and tears on my pillow realised, “This is what happens. The now wakes up the then.”That stayed with me. Like a quiet truth wrapped in compassion.
Since then, I’ve stopped asking “Why me?”
And started saying “Show me.”
This episode of Release with Soulnal - recorded in April was always meant to come out now.
In June. For Father’s Day. Because this is more than a podcast. It’s a tribute. To the man who raised me. To the brother who held me. To the soul I’ve become through both grief and grace. I’ve learned that surrender doesn’t make you smaller.
It opens the door to something greater - presence.
When I finally let go of needing to be somebody, I remembered who I truly am. In Paris, I stood before the MonaLisa painting in awe and danced in the streets. Not as a wife. Not as a mother. Not as a coach. But just as me.
Curious. Present. Free. And maybe that’s what healing really is. Not becoming someone new. But remembering the someone you’ve always been.
From “Why me?” to “Show me,”
This episode is my release — a remembrance that we’re not here to be somebody in the world’s eyes, but to remember who we are in the soul’s light.
Ps. I misspoke "Muslims are not allowed in the mosque" instead of non muslim . My bad.
Also correction... it was a 2nd degree burn leaning towards 3rd degree.
Also promised to share the talk I was invited to regarding LIGHT LANGUAGE :
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vtP7Kjhcib0&list=PLdLLd4ptki5VpGujvEcy6HTDeQZH8d_ld&index=7&t=20s