Life Check Yourself

Marni welcomes award-winning food and health journalist Carolyn Williams in the Life Check Yourself studio, to discuss a topic that has long plagued women (and men): our bodies. The author, dietician and mother of two, shares her own journey with food and discusses the culprit behind many of our physical ailments. Marni and Carolyn delve into what a healthy diet actually means and how to get on the right track when it comes to eating clean. And good news is that restriction isn’t, contrary to popular belief, not the way to go. Winner of the 2017 James Beard Foundation Award, Carolyn traces much of today’s health issues back to low-grade chronic inflammation. The journalist breaks down what inflammation actually is and how it contributes to conditions like diabetes. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Forget the diet mentality
• How you can cure bloating
• Throw out the stereotypes associated with food
• Our eating habits are part of our identity
• What exactly is inflammation and why should you care?
• Be conscious of how food makes you feel

Carbs Aren’t The Enemy [04:31]

Carbs aren’t actually bad for you; what is bad is the way you consume them. According to Carolyn, we tend to overdo carbs and ignore a lot of the foods that have the nutrients we need. These foods include beans, fruits and vegetables. However, the dietician explains that rather than paint carbs as the villain, it’s more about changing our mindset and re-shifting the way we look at carbs. That being said, deprivation isn’t the answer to our diet.

To change our mindset, we need to take notice of what we eat and how it makes us feel. If there are certain foods that make us feel heavy or lethargic, then we take note of that. Once we’re conscious of the way in which our body interacts with certain foods, it becomes easier to leave behind the bad diet rules. And each person, each body is different. 

If you’re going to be who you really are in the world, and be really present for you, then why would you not fill the container in a way that allows you to express who you are? 

Chronic Inflammation is Always Running in the Background [07:18]

Carolyn’s own journey with food is what led to her discovery and subsequent deep-dive into the subject of inflammation. By exploring and asking the right questions, the journalist studied how inflammation actually affects our body (and inevitably our mind) and to what extent. While low-grade chronic inflammation might not be the cause of auto-immune diseases, diabetes and a myriad of other conditions, it is a contributor to the development of these ailments. Carolyn likens it to a silent motor constantly running in the background. And the food we eat is what contributes to inflammation. 

Inflammation is Actually a Reaction of Your Immune System [13:28]

At its core, inflammation is designed to protect us; it’s not technically bad. When we run a fever (inflammation), for example, it’s our body’s way of defending itself. But inflammation is meant to be acute and short-acting – once the job is done, it bids our body farewell. However, with chronic inflammation it’s constant and subtle. And that’s where the issue is. 

A little bit of low-grade chronic inflammation is a small contained fire. And maybe it looks like you haven’t been able to exercise, or you’re more sedentary, that kind of thing. 

Carolyn explains that chronic inflammation is a result of our modern lifestyle, the way we ingest food and the type of food we ingest. Unlike acute inflammation, chronic inflammation won’t disappear unless you actively take the steps necessary to eliminate it. It’s constantly there wreaking havoc on our bodies, slowly, silently and stealthily. Unless you make active changes to your diet, it’ll continue on. That’s not to say that we need to cut out everything labeled “bad” or deprive ourselves. But rather, to make a conscious effort to get in the nutrients that we need.

Make a Connection:

• Carolyn Williams’ Website
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Marni and Chris break down the dos and don’ts of dating. The duo takes a look at the behavior of the single men and women on reality tv show, Love Is Blind, as they navigate through the messy game that is love. Much of what the contestants do on the show mimics our real-life interactions with each other in today’s dating scene. Marni and Chris consider why it is that people act the way they do in certain situations. They dissect the personas we all put on when meeting someone for the first time; and they question the little quirks we all bring to the table and how they affect the way we present ourselves. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Show who you are, don’t yell it
• Too much mystery isn’t a thing, find a balance
• It’s not about what you do as much as it is about who you are
• Meet your date’s energy
• Don’t lay it all out on the first date

When He Tells You Who He is, Believe Him [13:04]

Your non-negotiables are your lifeline when it comes to dating. That being said, falling in love with potential isn’t the same as falling in love with a person. Marni draws a comparison between the couples on both the Bachelor Paradise and Love is Blind, and the way women, sometimes, behave IRL when dating. Many of us go into a relationship - knowing that our partner doesn’t meet our non-negotiables - out of this conviction or hope that one day they’ll somehow meet our checklist. And that is despite the fact that our partner has been upfront about who they are from the get-go. We just chose not to believe them. What ends up happening is that we waste time; and to add insult to injury, we’re upset when they act in par with who they’ve told us they are. Listen to your partner when they tell you who they are. It’ll save both of you time, energy, and unnecessary disappointment. 

Don’t do Jumping-Jacks as Someone Pours Their Heart Out [16:40]

As Bartiste was sharing stories from his childhood and opening up, Raven seemed to think it was the most opportune moment for her to get her work-out in. It seems obvious, but maybe keep your donkey kicks until after your date is done telling you about their childhood traumas. 

How Raven behaved was not only rude, but dismissive and borderline mean. While she may, at first, come off as aloof, Marni argues that she’s actually someone who seems emotionally unavailable and not attuned to the person in front of her. And honestly, it really is cringe when the person you’re opening up to, decides to do something else, while you pour your heart out to them. Just don’t do it. 

Put Your Best Foot First, Don’t Shove it Through the Door [18:52]

We all have passions, hobbies, skills and things that we’re good at it. And it’s normal for everyone to want to present their best self when first dating. But there is a point when it becomes too much, as was apparent with several of the personalities on Love Is Blind. Both Colleen and Raven, made it a point throughout much of their encounters, to hammer in the fact that one is a ballerina and the other is into fitness. Marni believes that to a certain extent, constantly talking about what you do or what you’re good at on first dates shows a lack of confidence and self-worth. And quite frankly, it can be a turn-off. 

Rather than leading with what you do, Marni suggests leading with who you are. The fun thing about dating is you get to know the person as you go on more and more dates. So, instead of laying it all out, sometimes giving little bits and pieces without honing in on one particular skill (over and over) is the way to go. 

That’s what dating is, it’s to get to know if the idea of the person you have is really who the person is.

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Marni welcomes Marc Sholes in the Life Check Yourself studio where they have an in-depth conversation about the human mind. The pair delve into existential questions we all have. Why do we act a certain way in our relationships? Why do we get obsessive when the person we like takes days to respond to a text? Why do we form certain patterns and how can we break them? Marc, who has over 25 years of experience in psychotherapy, is the author of “Reset Your Romantic GPS: Why You Steer Toward the Wrong Partners and How to Change Direction for the Better.” The psychoanalyst, and licensed clinical social worker who has helped individuals, couples and groups to get to the root of their ailments. In this episode, Marc and Marni look into attachment theory, and the different attachment styles that we develop as infants, and then take with us into our adult relationships. They discuss the tools and methods used in our road to recovery, and the sense self-empowerment that comes from standing still and being comfortable in the discomfort of our feelings. 

• What’s attachment theory all about? 
• Discomfort is not your enemy
• It all starts in infancy
• Your attachment style is your love language
• Can another person make you whole?
• How to change the patterns that don’t serve you

Internalized Feelings of Security are Your Lifejacket [04:04]

Marc paints a picture of two infants; one born having had their needs met consistently and the other having had their feelings ignored or neglected by their primary caretaker. It is at that stage that our attachment styles begin to take shape. 

The successful psychoanalyst explains that an infant who’s had their feelings responded to in a healthy fashion, will go on to internalize a sense of security and safety. And that internalized system is what they will go on to use in their interaction with the outside world. In the opposite scenario, the child will grow up with the crutch of constantly trying to create a bond with a partner, as a result of having had to do that as an infant. How an infant is responded to by their primary caretaker influences their own self-regulation and self-validation as an adult. Those of us with insecure attachment styles have had to find security outside of ourselves, whereas those with secure attachment styles have learned to internalize those feelings.   

That person becomes much more preoccupied with the other; how do I meet the other’s needs? What can I do to accommodate the other so the other will love me?

Marnie adds that the reason why people with insecure attachment styles stay in unhealthy relationships is because it feels familiar. It mimics those first few years as an infant where needs weren’t being met, and where the child felt insecure. 

Chasing Chemistry is an addiction [13:27]

In a relationship, you’re chasing that chemistry high. You’re pulled back again towards an intensity that you felt at a certain moment with your partner, and you’re willing to do anything to feel it again. The insecure individuals want to hold on to that feeling even though, in essence, it’s fleeing. In attempt to not lose the intensity with their partner, they start accommodating them, at times to their own detriment. Feelings from infancy resurface as they struggle to keep that connection with their partner. 

Their value has been what they can do for the other, not what the other can do for them.

Change the coordinates on your Romantic GPS [16:45]

All hope is not lost, though. An insecure attachment style can be altered, but it takes work. Marc divulges that the key to change that insecurity is to actively train yourself to become your own regulator, rather than being dependent on your significant other. Through mindful meditation, you’ll manage to change your attachment style. Only by being able to sit with your feelings, and embrace them, can you then begin to accept that it’s actually okay to have them. Discomfort is something that the experienced psychiatrist invites people to feel. Because discomfort is a healthy choice; it means that we’re putting in the work. 

It’s a way of realizing that you have it in you to be able to be that regulator and that the other doesn’t have to be that regulator - you have it inside of you.

Another practice that Marc encourages is taking note of your cravings. Understanding why you’re hankering for a certain food, and at what particular moment that manifests, helps with the why. It’s not about abstaining from your cravings but about understanding them and bringing them into your consciousness. Once you’re aware of why you’re making a certain choice, you can begin to change it. The questions you’re asking yourself at this point are empowering. 

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website
• Subscribe to our Youtube Channel
• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!
• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!
• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

Marni and Chris take a deep dive into the ups and downs of the relationships of the Bachelor Paradise’s contestants. Along with Dr.Emily, the trio contemplate the most prominent mistakes men and women make in relationships, and how their personality traits and behaviors affect their journey with their partners. While it may be a younger generation, we find that the traps the contestants fall into are very similar to the ones we still fall into, at any age, when out in the dating world. 

Takeaways from this episode:

• Know your non-negotiables
• Emotionally Regulate Yourself
• Can you get rid of the ick? 
• Context is Everything
• Love is a verb, not just a word

Don’t Negotiate on Your Non-Negotiables [2:24]

The relationship between Kate and Logan is the epitome of what happens when you choose to date someone, who you know doesn’t tick off all the boxes on your check list. Marni points out, that rather than mistreating the “wrong” someone and putting them down, knowing your non-negotiables, will save you time, effort and quite frankly, a mean girl attitude. 

Marni explains that for her, there are five non-negotiables, and that getting clear on what those are for you is an important part of successfully dating. Once you’ve identified the values that you’re not willing to compromise on, it’s equally vital, to share them with your partner. We find a perfect example of this with Kate and Logan. Kate put Logan down, and admitted to him not having the traits she was looking for. And yet, she’d not had a single honest conversation with him about her non-negotiables. 

It’s not healthy for you or the person you’re dating, to stick around on the hope of them changing, or miraculously deciphering what your values are. 

Eventually, you’re going to come back with some vitriol or resentment or something and you’re just going to hurt the person. 

As Chris astutely explained it, you’ll end up hurting the person regardless, even when you’re trying not to, because of all the negative emotions that are pent up. 

Bottom line is, know yourself and don’t drag your partner along for the ride if he’s not the one you want in the driver’s seat, to begin with. 

The Ick: It’s you, not him [22:38]

As the story of Tyler and Britney unfolded, it was a clear manifestation of the anxious-avoidant trap that Chris had called it out earlier on, in the show. Where Britney seems to have a more avoidant personality type, Tyler comes off more as more needy. Dr.Emily explains that because the show was a controlled setting, the difference between those two personality types and how they might clash, wasn’t apparent. But, once out in the real world, however, that’s when Emily started to pull away. 

Feeling the ick because someone is too into you, though, might be a sign that internally you are not used to having someone consistently care about you, and rather than set boundaries, you run in the other direction. Marni explains that a lot of the times, women get the ick because their partner is too interested and they start leaning in, more and more. And that’s when it goes from an attraction to a sort of turn-off for the woman. But that’s not a healthy pattern. 

Chris gives his two cents by explaining that men are actually trainable. It’s more fulfilling, in the long run, to be with a man who checks on you too much than one who is completely aloof and checked out. Because the one who is too present is, more likely than not, the sweet guy, who’ll be there for the tough times. 

They’re in touch with their feelings and express them versus trying to beat it out. 

Britney didn’t need to put Tyler down the way she did, but rather have a conversation with him about space. The bad boys aren’t the ones who are going to be up with you at 4:00 AM stroking your hair while you feed baby, David. It’s the vulnerable, open ones, who are willing to give you what you deserve, that’ll still be standing when the smoke clears. 

Pink Flags Might Just be Worth the Risk [21:24]

Sometimes taking a chance on the person standing in front of you pays off. Exploring that curiosity that attracted you to the person in the first place, despite the pink flags, by going on dates and getting to know them, does eventually bare fruits – not always in the way you imagined, but it doesn’t make it any less extraordinary. 

Danielle continued seeing Michael and asking the right questions, and helping him work through his trauma, until they ended up moving to a more serious phase of their relationship. 

Marni refers to their relationship in mentioning that the slower you go, the faster you get there. And that’s what they did, the two contestants took their time to get to know each other. 

Dr. Emily mentions, that while she’s skeptical about whether or not, he’s actually ready for that type of relationship, it is clear that Michel is trying. 

Because historically, I think he sees any kind of pink flag, and he’s like, out the door. 

With Danielle, however, Michael seems to really be opening up, as Dr,Emily put it.

Taking your time to actually uncover what makes a person who they are, pays off, because we’ve all got a few pink flags at the end of the day. 

Marni welcomes Adele Spraggon in the Life Check Yourself studio, where they get into the nitty gritty of how to train your brain and break down patterns that have been influencing your relationships. Adele is an award-winning author, an international trainer and the recipient of the 2022 Women of Inspiration accolade. In this episode, Marni and Adele discuss the reasons why we react to our partners the way we do, how to recognize certain patterns in ourselves, and how to break the cycle of emotional distress that sometimes manifests in relationships. It’s a journey of self-empowerment wrapped in a 4-step process that starts by looking inwards, without judgment. Winner of the 2021 Top Behavioral expert title, Adele’s book, “Shift: 4 Steps to Personal Empowerment” has won several awards. 

• It’s all about repatterning. 
• How to change your reaction to your partner
• How to make your relationship brand-new
• Why do we fall into the same relationships over and over again? 
• Breaking the Serial-Dating Pattern
• Why do you keep having the same fights?

You’re Interacting with a Pattern, Not a Partner [05:38]

Adele explains that when meeting or interacting with a person, we’re actually interpreting them through our own set of past experiences. We’re not reacting to them, but to a pattern we’ve formed for them. 

Let’s think about the brain. It’s inside a dark silent room called a skull. It has no access to the outside world, so I can’t really know you.

We’re interacting to our own brain, rather than to the person standing in front of us. Adele goes on to emphasize that the brain is in a continuous process of rewiring itself. And to break certain cycle, repatterning – which is unearthing, understanding, and changing the internal patterns that are obstructing the relationship – is key. Reminding ourselves that we’re actually interacting with our own pattern, is an introspective process that allows us to find out why we’ve reacted to our partner’s behavior in a certain way. This eventually leads to the understanding that our reaction has more to do with us, than with them. 

A pattern is an intertwined physical sensation, emotion and thought. 

It is the patterns within us that we need to identify, deconstruct and reconstructed, in order to understand the why. And that’s part of the 4-step process that the award-winning author uses when working with couples. 

Your Mind is just Along for the Ride [ 12:14]

Triggers stem from the physical and emotional state, rather than from the mind. What a person’s mind essentially does, is take whatever sensory data it’s given, and weave a story out of it. 

If we could slow everything down, you would see the mind just following along.  

The mind is there to justify the emotions. But in order to recognize these patterns and start deconstructing them, we need to slow down, and ask ourselves the right questions. The first step in Adele’s process for training the brain, is being unapologetically honest with ourselves about our feelings. In a world that’s constantly putting pressure on us to alter ourselves, the expert explains that this process is not about changing or fixing a particular emotion but rather about embracing and understanding it. 

A Little Less Conversation, a Little More Introspection [18:57]

We’re not saying communication isn’t important, but rather how you’re communicating. Constantly trying to fix your partner or tell them what to do - something we’re all guilty of at one point or other - doesn’t work. Whereas, understanding the pattern that makes you react to them in a certain way, does. Your reaction to your partner’s behavior is a reflection of one of your patterns. Explaining those feelings to your partner, once you’ve explored them yourself, is the road to healing. 

It’s when someone needs to justify or defend how they’re feeling, or fix how they’re feeling, it causes the other brain, your partner’s brain, to also want to defend, justify and fix.

The four traps Adele says need to be avoided, and the same ones that keep those triggering behaviors cemented in the relationship, are justifying, analyzing, catastrophizing and rebelling. Our brains have been, throughout our lives, conditioned to analyze, and justify. So, don’t justify. Unless you’ve taken a moment to stand still, and accept how you feel, and what pattern that belongs to, the relationship becomes a vicious cycle that is constantly repeating itself, with no end in sight. 

What’s happening to your partner’s brain is every time you go down one of those traps, you’re pushing them into one of their traps.

Marni and Chris join forces to untangle the real-life dating lessons from this Hunger Games version of Bachelor in Paradise (BIP for the cool kids). Next week is the season finale so a lot of relationships are meeting their breaking point. And, Chris makes a BIG announcement about how to upgrade your male partner!

Takeaways from this episode:

• The biggest mistake women make in relationships

• Is it too soon to start dating again?

• Finding someone new will not lessen your heartbreak

• The success rate of ultimatums

Relationship Readiness [3:16]

One of the biggest mistakes women make in dating and relationships happens twice in this episode. As Marni points out, you can’t get under someone else before you are healed from your last relationship. For example; Eliza chooses Rodney but it doesn’t feel right so she runs to the next boy, and keeps chasing different men because she doesn't know what will make her happy. Marni’s advice for her is to take a pause to get her mind straight.

Then, Andrew reveals that he can’t get over Teddi breaking up with him in the second season. He just dates other people to try to feel better. He needs to deal with his feelings before going any farther with Ency, who apparently loves him after spending less than 24 hours with him. In a very short time, Ency’s leaking low self-esteem gave Marni the icks.

Many guys, when heartbroken, will try to find someone else. The idea that dating someone else will make you feel better or get over your heartbreak is immature.

Chris asks if it is not healthy for someone to get under someone else soon after a breakup, how will I know when it is time?

Marni says relationship readiness depends on when you are emotionally free from the past. There are no thoughts of your ex coming back, no resentment, and no dark thoughts. Your heart should be healed.

Only after getting back to normal should you test the waters to see if you are able to be with another person without comparing them to the ex.

Trust Your Intuition [17:58]

Ency chooses the ultimatum strategy to try and get Aaron to give her love. By threatening to leave him she used an age-old manipulative strategy that comes from a place of fear and control. It is an immature and volatile way to handle conflict. It’s a horrible way to try to get someone to love you.

During the show, Aaron and Genevieve have an off-camera fight. Aaron tells her that her feeling impatient and stressed is the same thing and that she shouldn’t feel that way. In a time when she needed empathy, he didn’t know how to give it. Ultimately, they don’t know how to resolve conflict. He is a mansplainer who deflects issues instead of dealing with them.

Marni shares a spoiler and some juicy gossip about Aaron!

Both Aaron and Genevieve have an anxious attachment style. Their interactions show the unhealthy ways people try to express themselves when they want to experience love. Somewhere deep down in her gut, Genevieve knows Aaron is not the right guy but she ignores her intuition over and over.

“Fight for me” and ultimatum strategies are NOT ways to create connection or resolve problems.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website

• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

• Follow Dating with Dignity on TikTok

• Get some Chris Gillis for your man — ConsultantChris.com

Marni welcomes the head of Global Communications at OkCupid, Michael Kaye to the Life Check Yourself Studio. OkCupid is one of the world's largest dating apps. Previously, Michael served as a Product Communications Manager at LinkedIn and as a Sr. Global Communications Manager with OkCupid. He is an industry award winner who has been featured on ABC NEWS, Business Insider, Bustle, Cosmo, NYT, and more. He shares insider tips and best practices to help you find someone special.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Insider tips for making the algorithm find the right match

• How much time to spend dating online

• Who should message first

• How to get offline and into each other's arms

• Big dating profile turn-offs

How Michael Became a Connection Guru [2:21]

In college, Michael didn't know how to find other men in his area. He found the safest and most discreet way was through dating apps. The great news is that he is still dating the person he met online eight and a half years later. One day, he received a DM from someone at OkCupid to see if he was interested in interviewing for a position. He accepted and the rest is history. He says he loves working for a company that helps people find love all over the globe.

Dating apps work because people aren't attending gatherings like they used to.

Marni says the pandemic helped make online dating mainstream and shifted people's perception about trying to find someone online. Michael adds that the pandemic trends were that people wanted a stronger emotional connection before a physical connection. Another trend was that women started to take control of their dating lives. They were sending more first messages than ever before and it paid off for them.

Women Should Send the First Message [10:18]

Michael’s advice is to really take some time into drafting the first message to someone with a profile you find intriguing. He shares the data on how to make your first message the best. He says if you don't have a positive outlook, then you shouldn’t reach out. Take some time for yourself because what you put into online dating is what you get out of it. If you don't put the time in, you won't get quality matches, you won't find that special someone.

Dating is a part-time job.

Insider Secret Tips:

• There is a way to trick the system but you have to spend the time doing it.

• Go online for a few minutes every day or every other day. If not, you may be missing connections.

• Change something about your profile every few weeks.

• Login every Sunday as it is the busiest day of the week.

Learn to work the algorithm and educate it about who you are interested in.

Data shows that more than 9 in 10 people on OK Cupid have average or higher than average self-confidence. It's important to be confident in who you are when dating. If not those insecurities will filter into any relationship. It creates an unhealthy relationship if you don't.

How to Move Things Offline [19:58]

Michael says that it is easy to get frustrated with online dating because so many first messages are just Hey or What's Up. He says to move the conversation from the app to an in-person meeting, is to not be shy and say something like … this app is killing my battery, here is my number, this moves the conversation from the app to a phone call, e-mail, or even face-to-face.

30% of OkCupid daters want to move the conversation off the app asap.

Biggest Red Flags in Online Dating:

• 53% of daters on OkCupid say that being controversial or saying offensive things is a red flag.

• 27% of daters say mentioning an ex on first dates is a red flag,

• 20% of daters don't like it when the other person gets too drunk on a first date.

The biggest turn-off for people on an online dating app is people who put ---swipe left if - on their profile. Micheal advises that instead of focusing on deal breakers, highlight the dealmakers.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website

• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

• Follow Dating with Dignity on Tik Tok

Marni and Chris analyze the relationship styles of the remaining Bachelor in Paradise contestants and contemplate what effect the new singles dropping in next week will have on a season that is almost over. And, even though the contestants are hot-bodied, 20‒30 somethings, we find out that their dating mistakes are not so far off from the rest of us.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Trying to find love without a good foundation of what healthy love is

• Why checking boxes isn’t enough for some women

• What exactly is love-bombing?

• Setting boundaries

Don’t Waste Your Precious Time on the Wrong Person [1:04]

Handsome Alex is a great example of how checking boxes isn’t enough. Chris Gillis thinks Alex left the show because he didn’t offer any of the super-cool, put-together ladies anything to dwell on. He didn’t have any emotional response and he wasn’t fun enough. He was a plain vanilla type of guy.

Marni points out that one of the people in a relationship must be responsible for asking questions that evoke emotions or lead to getting to know someone better. Alex didn’t do that.

Logan, Johnny, and Alex just didn’t have what it takes to fulfill Victoria or Kate’s desire to set up a house and eventually have children. Marni adds that empowered women know what they want.

If you want to fix him, don’t date him. A guy is going to be the same guy no matter how long you date him.

Recognizing that a guy doesn’t meet your non-negotiables is a clear sign to end it. There is no sense in prolonging a relationship because you think a guy is going to change. He won’t.

The Big Story on the Beach [10:36]

The big story of the show was Rodney, Eliza, and Justin. Eliza gave Rodney the rose and sent Justin home. Marni says if she were to coach Rodney, she would tell him not to say such creepy things as Eliza stood there crying. It was probably what turned her off.

Both Rodney and Justin seem like typical good guys. Even as Justin left, he was supportive and in dignity. Eliza said she wanted to be fought for and then when it happened she didn’t know how to handle it.

Eliza may not have a healthy idea of what love is, or what a healthy relationship is. This is what happens when someone can’t manage their feelings. When Eliza’s feelings got overwhelming, she shut down.

That being said, it is also not fair to think you can choose between two men in only four dates.

Some women sabotage a great guy because they like the bad-for-you guys.

What is Love-Bombing? [21:24]

When someone says they got love-bombed, what exactly does it mean? Marni clarifies that love-bombing is when someone tells you how amazing you are and begins future-based conversations without really knowing you. Then shortly after, they get critical about the things they ignored. It is a total F-boy tool.

When you are grounded in your self-worth and not dating from a place of scarcity you don’t get love-bombed or gaslit.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website

• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

• Follow Dating with Dignity on Tik Tok

Marni welcomes Brett Parker to the show. Brett walked away from his former career as a successful Hollywood director in LA. The burnout and overwhelm created a disconnect from everything he valued including his five-year-old son. He discovered a simple, elegant process to break free from the feeling of disconnect. He has since devoted his life to helping clients find their dream careers with passion, focus, and impact.

Takeaways from this episode:

• Creating the life you want

• Stop making decisions from fear

• Get clear about your why

• Living your million-dollar story

Create the Life You Want [2:21]

Ladies, use this convo with Brett to remind you that every guy you meet has his own crazy going on in his life. After his divorce, Brett found it challenging, but in a good way. He focused on how he could show up to be the best dad because that was the most important thing to him. He was so burned out he felt as if he had no choice but to leave his previous life.

During a dark night on the couch, Brett decided to forget about all the limitations and create a list of his absolute wants and his non-negotiables. He says, we all have a choice and we either choose love or fear. The first step is to decide what we want. If we don’t know what we want, we remain stuck.

When we feel stuck it is because we have made decisions out of fear.

Brett’s Steps to Get Unstuck:

• Walk down the road of fear. Consider the worst possible thing that can happen if you make a change.

• Embody the emotions you want to feel now.

• Get clear about what you want in your life.

• Be committed to living your why.

If you are waiting for the fear to pass you may be waiting forever.

The Process of Reframing [11:46]

Marni asks Brett what to do when we can’t get clear about what it is we truly want. For example, when we know what we don’t want but can’t put our finger on what would make our future amazing.

Brett took the leap even though he was afraid he wasn’t going to be there for the people important to him. Yet, in taking action, he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He began embracing everything that came his way. He was learning new things and he was beginning to embody his why. He started to feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Success or love may not look like what you think it should look like. Reimagine your future.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website

• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

• Brett’s Webinar: https://www.agoodparker.com/join-now/

• Book a Call with Brett: https://calendly.com/bparker624

Marni welcomes an award-winning international dating and relationship expert. Hunt Ethridge has over 15 years of helping people become the best, most datable versions of themselves. He helps his clients empirically become more datable. His company trains matchmakers and dating coaches. You may have seen him on one or more than 100 media outlets, including Playboy and CNN.

Takeaways from this episode:

• How to communicate with Men about sex

• Use special phraseology to get what you want

• Get empirically better at dating

• How to give a compliment

How Do Men Learn to Be Good at Sex [3:29]

Many women ask Marni why they are not excited about having sex with their boyfriend or how they can get their partners to be better at sex. Hunt says men don’t have a lot of resources to go to for information about relationships and sex. It is hard for them to know what to do.

For men, sex is tied up with ego. And, the male ego is fragile. This is what makes it difficult to ask for relationship advice and not take the feedback as criticism. A magazine or porn isn’t the greatest way to learn about sex because of the stereotypical roles they portray.

There are ways for women to get what they want in bed without being critical or frustrated with their guy. Hunt says it’s all about the phraseology. Adding a positive aspect can make a guy feel comfortable enough to adapt to what his woman wants.

Every woman has a different manual when it comes to physical touch.

Get Empirically Better at Dating [9:22]

Marni asks how women and men optimize themselves to find the right person. Hunt says luck favors the prepared mind. The essence of dating is to understand the value systems of your culture and try to exemplify them.

Empirically better dating is just a series of little extra skills that make you a more interesting, likable, person.

When dating, it is normal for people to ask logical questions hoping to get some conversation starter nuggets. But, in doing that Hunt says, we don’t set the stage for chemistry to flourish. We ask logical questions expecting to get an emotional result. Hunt offers examples of how logical questions can be asked emotionally.

Reframing a question can lead to emotional responses and help put us in a positive light.

Compliments are low-hanging fruit. But, if you give a compliment with a personalized touch it will mean so much more to the person.

Make a Connection:

• Visit Our Website

• Learn How To Attract Your Perfect Equal… Watch Our Latest Training Here!

• Follow Along On Marni and Jeremy’s Radical Living Challenge!

• Download A Complimentary Copy Of Our Book — How To Find A Quality Guy Without Going On 200 Dates

• Hunt For Advice with Hunt Ethridge

• Hunt Ethridge’s Matchmaking Academy