Life, Dilemmas & Dad Stuff

Little different episode this week. I'm recording from the car. I got sick of sitting in front of that microphone, and I'm clearest when I'm driving. You might hear a few cars. The message is the same.

The last three or four weeks I've been noticing my patterns and stories every single day. And it's become really clear how much my childhood wounds still show up in everyday life.

My core wound is the belief that I'm not capable. Every time I go towards something I love, a little voice says, "Mate, don't be doing that. You're just not capable." When I'm not aware of it, I get great ideas and then do nothing with them.

In this episode:

• What my core wound is, and how it plays out
• Why trying to change other people and situations drains your energy
• The only thing you actually have control over
• "Come back home": what I do when I catch myself trying to fix everything outside me
• Why my growth spurts come from observing, not from working my arse off
• Why finding out what your wounds and patterns are is one of the best investments you'll make

If you don't know what your wounds and patterns are, please spend the time to find out. It's hard work, but living in the pattern without knowing is harder.

Want to work on yours with me? I coach one-on-one on purpose, relationships and fatherhood. Find me on Instagram @tommykende.

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Ever feel like your mind just won't shut the fuck up?

One minute you're in flow, getting shit done and feeling unstoppable. The next, you're stuck in your own head, overwhelmed and wondering why everything suddenly feels so hard.

In this episode of Life, Dilemmas & Dad Stuff, I dive into something I've been noticing in myself lately, and in the corporate environments where I've been teaching mindfulness.

We're so busy doing, thinking, working and moving from one thing to the next that sometimes we forget to actually experience the life we're living.

I talk about the challenge of switching off from work, the robotic routines we fall into, and a pretty hilarious meltdown with my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter Winter that reminded me just how powerful something as simple as breathing can be.

We explore mindfulness without all the spiritual fluff, why being present matters at work and at home, and how to interrupt the chaos going on inside our heads.

And I share one of my favourite little mantras:

"Holy shit, I'm breathing."

Sometimes that's all it takes to bring yourself back.

Lots of love,

Tommy

Life, Dilemmas & Dad Stuff — Chats That Move You Forward.

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I’ve declared September and October my money months. Underneath the goal to earn more, there’s something much more personal going on. My income has started fucking with the way I see myself.

In this episode, I talk honestly about moving from financial independence to becoming a stay-at-home dad while Nic’s career continued to grow. I love being deeply involved in Winter’s life, but fatherhood has also cost me time, momentum and parts of my own identity. That’s left me sitting inside a strange mixture of gratitude, resentment, shame and ambition.

If I’m contributing massively as a father but I’m not contributing enough financially, why does part of me still feel like I’m failing?

I don’t have a neat answer. This is where I’m at, what money has come to represent for me and why it’s time to start moving my own life forward again.

Work with me: https://tommykende.com/work-with-me

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The nanny’s back, which means the podcast is back.

After two weeks of full-time dad mode, I started thinking about how quickly life fills every available space and how easy it is to blame your circumstances when you’re not moving towards what you say you want.

This episode is about the difference between wanting something and genuinely choosing it. We get into Current Reality, Vision, the uncomfortable gap between the two, and all the intelligent-sounding bullshit your ego uses to shrink the Vision and retreat to what feels familiar.

I also talk about observing the obvious, building the Bridge through one honest action, and why confidence turns up after you move.

Nobody is coming to save you or choose your life for you.

You are the chosen one because you’re the one who has to make the fucking choice.

If you’re ready to explore what you’re choosing and what keeps getting in the way, work with me here:

https://tommykende.com/work-with-me

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Becoming a dad has been one of the greatest experiences of my life. It’s also challenged my identity, career, freedom, friendships, relationship and sense of purpose.

In Episode 12 of Life, Dilemmas & Dad Stuff, I talk honestly about loving fatherhood while still missing parts of my old life. I share what it was like becoming a stay-at-home dad, losing touch with my own purpose and eventually realising that being a great parent shouldn’t require you to completely disappear.

In this episode:

• Loving your child while finding parenthood bloody hard
• Missing your old freedom without feeling guilty about it
• Losing your identity and purpose after becoming a parent
• The conversations couples need to have about time and money
• Rebuilding your own life while still showing up for your family
• Becoming more present by taking better care of yourself

Your child needs you. They also need the real version of you.

This one gets pretty fucking honest.

Subscribe for more conversations about life, relationships, identity, fatherhood and untangling the stories that keep you stuck.

https://tommykende.com

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We've all done it.

We wait until all the conditions are perfect before making a decision. We tell ourselves we'll know when the timing is right, when we have more money, more confidence or more certainty.

The problem is, that moment rarely comes.

In this episode, I explore why waiting for certainty can keep us stuck for years, why truth often feels uncomfortable, and why the biggest moments in our lives usually begin with a decision that feels anything but safe.

I also share some of my own experiences, from leaving a secure corporate career to moving to Los Angeles, discovering yoga and building a coaching business.

Maybe confidence isn't something we find before we act.

Maybe it's something we build because we acted.

Chapters

01:40 Why we wait for certainty
02:30 Leaving corporate and moving to LA
04:00 You don't need certainty, you need trust
05:10 A coaching client waiting to start her business
06:00 Why there is no "right" decision
08:10 Certainty vs truth
11:00 Where confidence actually comes from
12:50 The yoga story
15:10 Why staying stuck is still a decision
16:30 One question to leave you with

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One of the biggest myths we buy into is that we need to have it all figured out before we take the next step.

I don't think that's how life works.

In this episode, I dive into what I mean by "making shit up." It's not about pretending or guessing. It's about having the courage to follow what feels true, even when you can't see the whole path ahead.

We explore the difference between the things we're naturally attracted towards and the fears that pull us backwards, why your intuition matters more than you think, and how some of the biggest moments in life come from taking a leap before you're ready.

If you've been sitting on an idea, waiting for the perfect time, this conversation might be the nudge you need.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome back
 01:15 What "making shit up" really means
 03:40 Why there's no step-by-step formula for life
 06:10 Following the little nudges
 08:00 Attraction vs retraction
 10:30 Why yoga, meditation and stillness matter
 14:15 My own leaps of faith
 17:00 Automatic writing and finding your next step
 20:45 Your challenge for the week
 21:30 Wrap up

Hope you like. Hit me with any questions or feedback. www.tommykende.com instagram.com/tommykende

Lotsa Love 

Tommy

Making shit up, intuition, trusting your gut, personal growth, self-discovery, courage, life purpose, mindset, self-awareness, The Untangling Method, Tommy Kende, Life Dilemmas and Dad Stuff, personal development, meditation, yoga, automatic writing

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Most of us spend our lives trying to fix ourselves.

We think we're broken. That we need more confidence, more motivation, or another strategy to finally feel at peace.

What if you've simply become tangled up in stories, beliefs and expectations that were never really yours?

In this episode, I introduce The Untangling Method—the philosophy that's become the foundation of my coaching. We dive into why so many of us lose ourselves, how to start finding your way back, and why growth isn't about becoming someone new... it's about remembering who you've always been.

We'll explore:

•  Why observation is the first step to change. 
•  How childhood shapes the rules we live by. 
•  The hidden cost of abandoning your own truth. 
•  Finding your True North. 
•  Why growth and untangling always happen together. 

If you've been feeling stuck, disconnected or like you're living someone else's version of life, this episode is for you.

🌐 Website: https://tommykende.com

📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tommykende

🎙️ Coaching: https://tommykende.com/work-with-me

If this episode resonated with you, I'd really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or shared it with someone who needs to hear it.

#SelfDevelopment #Mindset #PersonalGrowth #TheUntanglingMethod #TommyKende #LifeDilemmasAndDadStuff #Purpose #Authenticity #MentalWellbeing #Coaching

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Do you ever wake up feeling anxious for absolutely no reason?

I had one of those mornings this week.

Instead of trying to push the feeling away, I started asking myself a different question...

What if anxiety isn't the enemy? What if it's actually trying to tell us something?

In this episode I talk about:

• Why I've stopped trying to fight anxiety and started listening to it.
• The questions I ask myself when anxiety shows up.
• A simple breathing exercise that helps me get back into my body.
• Automatic writing and why it's become one of my favourite ways to untangle what's really going on.

I don't believe anxiety is always something to get rid of.

Sometimes it's just trying to point us towards the thing we've been avoiding.

Enjoy.

Tommy

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This week I share a lesson that smacked me right in the face during my yoga practice.

For nearly 20 years I've avoided one pose. Every time it came up I'd find a way around it because it felt awkward, uncomfortable and honestly... pretty shit about how much I couldn't do it.

Six months ago I made a deal with myself.

Just do one.

One wheel pose every class.

Nothing heroic. Just one.

Fast forward to today, and for the first time I actually enjoyed it. It got me thinking...

How many other things in life have I avoided simply because I wasn't good at them yet?

In this episode I chat about:

• Why avoidance quietly runs so much of our lives.
• The awkward stage that comes before getting good at anything.
• Podcasting, coaching, conflict and the things I've wanted to run away from.
• A simple exercise you can do today to work out what you're avoiding the most.

Maybe the thing you've been putting off isn't the problem.

Maybe you just haven't stayed with it long enough for your relationship with it to change.

Enjoy.

Would love to hear your feedback. 

www.instagram.com/tommykende

www.tommykende.com

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