Life With Herpes

There's been a lot of parents or people who want to become parents recently asked about their kids. When were diagnosed with herpes were worried that we could potentially pass this to someone we love and of course accidentally to our kids.

I want to cover the facts and how you can prevent transmission to your kids.

Over the years I've had people reach out to me with questions and of course stories when it comes to herpes and their kids. I've had parents not hug or kiss their kids because they didn't want to pass it to their child. Or I had a dad say he never got in the swimming pool with his kids because he was worried his kids would catch it. THe stories go on and on and it truly saddens me to hear that parents are missing out on such tender moments with their children.

So let's get down to it and talk about herpes and your kids.

Let's start at the beginning and cover what herpes is and how it's transmitted. I go into this in real depth here but here's the cliff notes. There's HSV 1 which is typically oral and HSV 2 which is typically genital however they are interchangeable and they both can go to either region. If your infected only orally then you can not transmit herpes genitally and vise versa. Herpes is most contagious via skin to skin but also the virus can be spread by sharing glasses, utensils, towels and washcloths or anything else that you can think of that would come in contact with the virus and then be shared with someone else. Again. I cover this a ton in other episodes so go check them out.

Let's start at the very beginning of your child's life, and talk about the risks of having a mother who's infected with herpes. I cover this also in other episodes so you can go here for the full breakdown. If the mother does not have a herpes outbreak at the time of delivery and she delivers vaginally then there's a less than 1% chance of the baby contracting herpes. The good news is this is very low and it's important that you communicate your herpes diagnosis with your doctor and come up with a birth plan that works for you.

Ok so what happens if the baby contracts herpes at birth? Well it can be dangerous because the baby doesn't have the immune system and the strength to really fight it. Here's a list of the complications that can occur if a newborn picks up the virus. They can be severe and life-threatening symptoms, including:

• Fatal organ damage, including the liver, lungs, and heart
• Serious viral infections, such as viral meningitis
• Recurrent sores on the skin, eyes, genitals, or mouth
• Blindness
• Deafness
• Seizures

Something to make sure you as a parent are aware of is this is for both HSV 1 & 2. In other words if someone comes to visit your baby and has a cold sore on their mouth and kisses your baby in the hospital your baby has just been exposed to the herpes virus. The best way to keep your newborn safe is ask all visiting relatives to wash their hands and if someone has an active outbreak to ask them to please not touch your baby for the risk of transmission is too high.

Now let's move on past newborn stage and to your kids life. Of course, we don't want our kids to get herpes nor do we want to be the ones to give it to them but it can happen and guess what. Your kid will be just fine.

Yes, it hurts and it's embarrassing and it's annoying but let's face it. The majority of the population has herpes. You can't blame yourself nor do you want to miss out on normal parental activities with your child.

The only risk that is really associated with your child getting herpes is there's a very low chance the herpes virus can cause Encephalitis. Encephalitis is an inflammation of the brain and it can be quite dangerous if it goes untreated. If this occurs, you'll want to get your child into see a doctor ASAP. The inflammation of the brain is more common in children and the elderly because they don't always have the immune system to fight it off.

By informing you of this information I don't want you to feel like you can never become a parent, never touch a child and of course heaven forbid touch your child. That would be ridiculous and just so sad. The point in me clarifying this is to let you know what actually happens so that you're aware but also know that these risks are so low that it's not something to be too concerned with.

Remember the story about the dad who never got in the swimming pool with his kids because he didn't want to pass the herpes virus to his kids. Well, in my opinion there was far worse damage done by not swimming with your kids then potentially exposing them. Oh and by the way, you can not pass herpes in the pool. Then remember the mom who hadn't held, cuddled or kissed her child in two years because she was worried about passing herpes. Well again, in my opinion that does far worse damage than potentially transmitting herpes to your kid because you smother them with love and oops they accidentally got herpes.

If you're a parent take this information and make decisions on what best suits you, you're lifestyle and if you feel inclined, talk to your doctor. I just don't want you to miss out or feel like you're not able to love your kids the way you want to. Herpes is just a silly skin condition that has a horrible stigma attached to it. THAT IS IT!

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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I get questions all the time about pregnancy and herpes. In fact, this was one of the first questions I asked when I was first diagnosed back in 2011.

There are so many myths out there that demonize herpes and make us feel like we no longer have the same rights a people who don't have herpes. It's 100% BS and yes, you can have a baby.

I talk about herpes and pregnancy in other episodes and I'll have them linked so you can hop over and check them out as well. But today I want to talk about fertility specifically.

It's so funny right, we spend forever doing our best to not get pregnant and then when we want to get pregnant we have a ton of questions and wonder if we really can. Oh and add a herpes diagnosis to the mix.

Personally as a woman, my fertility was something I never worried about. I mean were not taught to worry about it were taught to worry about getting pregnant so why would I worry about "if" I could get pregnant. I'm going to side track to me a bit and right now I'm 4 months pregnant! Yay! But I have to tell you it wasn't an easy journey and having herpes really had nothing to do with it. It took my husband and I 2 years to conceive and I wish I would have known more about it when I was younger.

I'll get back to my fertility journey but first I want to address how maybe slightly herpes could impact your trying to conceive journey.

This could prevent you from getting it on during the prime fertile time. My husband likes to call it my flower day. If you keep having outbreaks and cant have sex then yes, having herpes can impact your ability to get pregnant. Some ways around this would be to get on the antiviral. This will help reduce your outbreaks so that you and your partner can hump like bunnies.

There's a lot of couples who want to use condoms no matter what. And that's ok if it's your jam. The problem is that the condom is obviously going to prevent the sperm and the egg from meeting. That's a problem. If you're in a situation where this is a problem I suggest talking to your partner and looking at the risk versus reward. If you're a male with herpes and don't have an outbreak, not taking the antiviral and not using a condom you have a 4% risk of transmitting herpes to your female partner. If you're a female with herpes and don't have an outbreak, don't use a condom and are not on the antivirals then you have a 10% chance of transmitting it to your partner.

And then there was this study done in Iran and it was the only study that I could find on fertility and herpes. I'm not saying it's bogus and I'm not saying it's something to focus on. This study says that having herpes may impact the sperm count in men with herpes. I have the link to the article but basically it states that in more than half of infertile men there's no answer to why they're infertile. When a study was done they tested sperm from men with HSV 1 and HSV 2 as well as with men who do not have herpes. The sperm with herpes infected men came back with abnormal semen parameters and lower sperm count. Again, I don't know all the details around the study and what "normal" semen parameters are. If you're interested, here's the link to read the study on your own. Again...I want to emphasize this is only 1 study and not something written in stone. And personally I don't think I'd worry too much about it.

Back to fertility and learning how important it is as a woman to know you're fertility and how your hormones are. This has nothing to do with herpes but after struggling personally to get pregnant I wish I would have tested my fertility in the past. See the older women get, the less healthy our eggs are and our fertility hormones are. I recently was interviewed by Modern Fertility regarding pregnancy and fertility when it comes to herpes. You can read it here. But really what I want to emphasize here is take herpes out of the equation and if having a baby is something that is extremely important to you then check out your fertility profile. Seriously I wish I would have done this before trying to get pregnant. It would have given us information to make decisions based on the information from the test. You can go here to get your own test and we have a special discount for our members.

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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In the Life With Herpes community, the number one question I get has to do with dating. The questions range from will I ever date again, will anyone ever love me, how do I tell my partner and anything in between.

So here's the answers….Yes, you'll date. Yes, you'll find love. Yes you'll get the courage to tell the cute person your dating. And Yes you'll have sex again!!! PROMISE!

There's good news when it comes to dating with herpes. I'm being serious.

The good news is you now are in control of your sexual health. I'll speak for myself but I'm guessing you'll fall into this category too. So before being diagnosed with herpes, I knew what herpes was and I knew about STD's. I was very educated in this because I taught for planned parenthood.However, even though I knew everything I still believed that I was immune to everything because I'd never sleep with anyone who had anything. I believe I'd just know by looking at them. Feel free in insert an eye roll right now!

Because we have herpes it's our wakeup call to be in control. I see it time and time again where people didn't ask their partner about their sexual health or they didn't use protection because they were like me and thought it'd never happen to them. Or it was an uncomfortable conversation so they didn't have it. As we know its all BS!!!!! I'm guessing these things didn't happen because you were either insecure or trusted that person. And trust me I'm 100% guilty of both things.

Like I mentioned earlier I never thought I'd get any type of STD because I would never sleep with anyone dirty or slimy that had it.What a Pollyanna move.

All that needed to happen was to have a conversation. All that needed to happen was standing up for my health and lay out my requirements for a safe sexual relationship. Please keep in mind that my requirements may be totally different from your's and that's awesome. What needs to happend is to have them and stick to them.

Here's what you need to do…

It's as simple and as difficult as that! Have the sex talk prior to having sex with a new partner or a blast from the past. Just because you already slept with someone 6 months ago doesn't mean that you're still in the safe zone.

Personally I'd sit down and decide what you feel comfortable with. Some questions to ask yourself are; do you want your sexual relationship to be monogamous or are you both exploring other options. Is the sex just causal or are you looking for a more serious commitment. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you feel you deserve and want.

Then when you've decided what you want from the relationship its a great way to open the conversation about sex. Bring up that you like them and you want to take this to the next level, so it's important to have a conversation about it.

At this point I'd ask my partner to have an STD test done before getting naked with them. Even if we're planning to use a condom. Why go to that measure? Because sometimes people don't know they have an infection, let's face it people lie and condoms only work 30-50% of the time. So...why take the risk. Your health and well being is way to important.

If you don't stand up for yourself then nobody else will.

Sex can still be fun and spontaneous and hot!!! What makes it even better is knowing that you both are being safe and are being responsible.

Let me know your thoughts and let me know how you proceed.

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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So the person you like just told you they have herpes. You're thinking should I date them? What does this mean for me? How's this going to play into our dating and sex life?

Ok so first let me calm you down and let you know what it feels like when you're first diagnosed with herpes. Seriously, dating or being able to date is the number one fear. We think that nobody will date us and that our life is over! The fear of rejection is a real thing and so telling the person we like that we have herpes is really scary.

So firstly before you make an decisions I want to make sure you're aware that the person you're dating really respects you. He or she took a leap of faith and told you their deep dark secret. They told you that they have herpes. This was really hard for them so I hope that you give them some credit and acknowledge that it was hard for them.

Here are the top questions you're going to have when dating someone with herpes:

Can you still have sex?

YES, the answer is yes! You can still have a normal and healthy sex life if you or your partner has herpes! And yes, you can do something to prevent prevention. There are so many stories of people who've been together for years and have not yet transmitted it. It really boils down to communication and trusting your partner to disclose to you when they had their last outbreak or if they feel one coming on. Here are 3 ways you can prevent transmission to your partner.

In general we all have this idea or preconceived notion that people with herpes have slept around and that's obviously how they got herpes. Well this is 100% BS and false. We all have an idea of the "type" of person who has herpes and clearly because of the stigma it creates this false reality of people who have herpes.

Of course when our partner tells us that they have herpes it's normal to freak out and think that you're automatically going to get herpes too. Well here's the thing, you've already been exposed to the herpes virus weather it's HSV 1 or HSV 2. ⅔ people have HSV 1 and ⅙ people have HSV 2 so there's no way you can go through life and not have been exposed. You've shared a burger, a cigarette, had a sip of someone's beer or coca cola. It's just impossible for you to not have come into contact with it.

Remember at the end of the day this person really cares about you and he or she has great integrity. They told you that they have herpes because they felt the importance of disclosing and making sure you have the decision.

If you have more herpes questions, and probably you do, feel free to check out more videos and this blog. Oh and of course, you can reach out with any questions.

Life With Herpes Details:

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Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

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One of the most common misconceptions I hear when I read comments or get asked questions are about oral herpes and HSV 1. So let's break it down and get right to it.

Before we break it down let's just do the 101 on herpes. There's two types; HSV 1 & HSV 2. Both have very similar symptoms and we can not tell one virus apart from the other one unless testing is done. HSV 1 prefers to live in the oral region meanwhile HSV 2 prefers to live in the genial region. However, the virus will live or go wherever you give it a place to go. In other words, HSV 1 can be genital and HSV 2 can be oral. More people have HSV 1, its ⅔ globally and ⅙ globally have HSV 2. If you want more information on HSV you can go here where I give a full breakdown of symptoms and all sorts of goodies.

HSV1 is known as oral herpes or because we don't like to use the word herpes we call them cold sores or fever blisters. Oral herpes is also known as the "good" herpes and genital herpes is known as the "bad herpes". This is total BS and I'll get on that subject another time. But here's the shocker...HSV 1 can also be genital herpes. Mic Drop!

I get tons of DM's and emails with people asking about having HSV 1 and either assuming it's oral or wondering why they're getting outbreaks down there. This can be confusing, especially because there's not a lot of education on the matter.

First thing I want you to look at when you're diagnosed with herpes is, where is your outbreak? Is it orally or is it genitally? Don't assume that because you have HSV1 that it's not genital herpes. If you have herpes in your genital region then you have genital herpes regardless of HSV 1 or HSV 2. Make sense?

In the past and past generations we were not so careful about transmitting herpes. Maybe it wasn't a big deal or maybe we just didn't know. I really don't know. But in the last generation we've done a much better job of reducing the risk of HSV 1 being orally transmitted. So that's good news! But we're still getting herpes and we're not getting it up there. Instead we're getting it down there. I've seen a ton of new cases especially with millennials getting genital HSV 1. This goes back to we're not educating our society that HSV 1 is also sexually transmitted. This is always such a shock and super confusing to people when they get their diagnosis. For reasons I'm sure you understand.

Here's the deal. I'm going over this so that you can have more information and use this to educate your partners or give you answers to your diagnosis. It really doesn't matter what type you have nor does it matter where you have it. Yes there's a HUGE stigma about having genital herpes but at the end of the day it's herpes.

When starting a new sexual relationship with someone I recommend having your partner get tested before you jump in bed together. Because so many people have HSV 1 and a lot of them don't even know it most likely your partner has HSV 1. They either don't not know they have it or are not aware that their fever blisters is herpes and is sexually transmitted.

Education is power so you can now take this and decide how you want to handle it.

Of course let me know if you have any questions on this.

Life With Herpes Details:

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Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

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After launching the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm I've been getting lots of questions from you all about CBD and why we should use it. Well… I'm convinced that CBD has so many health benefits and they completely fit with the lifestyle of people living with herpes.

Let's face it. Outbreaks hurt! They're annoying. They show up when we're stressed out or run down. They absolutely are a buzzkill and change our mood. Oh and not to mention the outbreak that never seems to go away. And guess what? CBD helps with all of this. I'll tell you how.

Regardless of just being diagnosed with herpes or if you've had herpes for years anxiety can set in and wreak havoc on you. There's nothing worse than an anxiety attack and CBD Oil mimics serotonin which plays a key role in our mood. It's the gatekeeper to anxiety or depression.

CBD can reduce your inflammation from herpes outbreaks. When the outbreak is in full swing there is redness, puffiness, and pain. CBD helps reduced the information and discomfort that goes along with it.

When outbreaks happen it's a perfect time for us to be a roller coaster of emotions as well as be an energy suck. CBD makes a positive impact on your mood swings and energy levels.

Herpes outbreaks hurt and CBD reduces pain on multiple levels and even promotes nerve health which is important because the HSV virus lives in our nervous system.

Outbreaks cause stress on your body and that can keep you down and out and in a funk for too long. CBD lessens inflation calms your nerves and gets you back into balance.

After covering all of this...why wouldn't you give CBD a try and why wouldn't you give the lip balm that's specially designed to improve recovery time, lessen the outbreak pain and improve your overall mood? Here's the link for you to check it out and see for yourself.

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

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Wow, this is exciting! Time in your life so let's talk about herpes and pregnancy.

I can remember one of the first things I was worried about and asked my doctor about pregnancy. I was curious if it would impact pregnancy, birth, and the child. I'm sure I wasn't the only woman so here are some great details on this next exciting big step.

Let's break this down into two sections, people who already have herpes and want to get pregnant or are pregnant and then people who get herpes while pregnant.

Genital herpes can be treated safely during pregnancy. You will be offered antiviral tablets which are safe to take during pregnancy and while breastfeeding. A mother can infect her baby during delivery, often fatally. But if a woman had genital herpes before getting pregnant, or if she is first infected early in pregnancy, the chance that her baby will be infected is very low -- less than 1%.

If the first episode happens in the first three months of pregnancy, your baby does not have increased risk of developmental problems and it does not increase your risk of miscarriage. If you go into labour less than 6 weeks after the first episode of genital herpes, your immune system would not have had time to produce antibodies to protect your baby. Thus, there is a high chance of passing the virus to your baby if you have a vaginal birth. This is known as neonatal herpes. If you have your first episode earlier in the pregnancy, your immune system will provide protection.

In rare cases, if you get an initial herpes infection during your first trimester, the virus could pass through the placenta and cause a miscarriage or serious birth defects. 15-20% of pregnancies have miscarriages so we don't really know if it was caused from the herpes virus or not.

Ok so now let's talk about birth..

A mother can infect her baby during delivery, often fatally. But if a woman had genital herpes before getting pregnant, or if she is first infected early in pregnancy, the chance that her baby will be infected is very low -- less than 1%.

The risk of infecting the baby is high (30% to 50%) when a woman is newly infected late in pregnancy, however. That's because the mother's immune system has not developed protective antibodies against the virus. Women with an older herpes infection have antibodies against the virus, which help protect the baby.

Life With Herpes Details:

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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This vaccine is one of the most sought out vaccines and it would help millions of people throughout the world. Not to mention on the business side of things how it would monetarily reward the people or company who solved the puzzle. But here's the deal, as of now there's no research happening for the herpes vaccine.

If you feel like the wind's been taken out of your sails go watch or read the other episode about waiting for the herpes cure. I promise, having herpes is NOT the end of the world!

According to an article published by Healthline, pharmaceutical companies are taking a break from the research. I'll breakdown what the article has to say. You can also check it out for yourself.

The pharma companies have a double-edged sword when it comes to herpes. There are two-thirds of the world population living with herpes and they would really benefit from a vaccine. This means there's clearly a need but the problem lies in the nature of the viruses. It's a very complicated virus and so, therefore, it will take multiple millions of dollars to perform the research and clinical trials.

At this point, there's been nobody close to the finish line. In fact, the three companies were close to the clinical trial phase and they all three backed out and are now focusing on something different. So to break it down, there's no clinical trial going on right now working towards a vaccine for herpes.

Bummer, right?

And I'm sure you're thinking how is it possible that there's been research going on for years and millions of dollars spent how's it possible to have nothing. I mean we have vaccines for HPV, Mesals, Mumps, Hepatitis, Chicken Pox, and the list goes on so why is Herpes such a medical enigma.

Well here's the deal. The virus is very complex. It's not like other viruses that have a short incubation period and a person typically sees signs of infection rather soon upon being infected.

According to Dr. William Schaffner, chair of the Department of Preventive Medicine at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Tennessee The herpes virus is very different from the measles virus, for example," said Schaffner. He explains the measles virus makes you sick in a relatively short period of time. Our immune system reacts quickly to it and is ready for the virus again should it appear in the future.

When it comes to being infected with herpes the virus doesn't always show up. It has its own agenda. When you're initially infected the virus can lie dormant for months and even years or it can pop up. And then recurring outbreaks are hit and miss, there's no concrete timeline and the virus just pops up when it wants.

Also according to Dr. William, the herpes virus's DNA is more complicated than the average virus. It's because it goes dormant in our immune system similar to how many cancer cells do. And because vaccines work by stimulating the human immune system it makes it difficult to inoculate for herpes. Basically, the target keeps moving and they don't know where to aim.

With the herpes virus being super complicated it makes the researcher difficult and very expensive. One of the companies that made it to the phase II clinical trial last year was Genocea Biosciences working on the GEN-003 herpes vaccine. They said they made a lot of progress but they cut the funding for the phase III funding and decided to focus on cancer research.

So there you have it! There have been some great attempts to create a vaccine and finding a solution to the gift that keeps on giving. My personal opinion is that there will be someone who finds the funding and put the right team together to find a vaccine. The thing is we just don't know when it will be. Until then, don't hold your breath and don't get caught up in the negative thoughts of being diagnosed with herpes. Like I always say, it's just a skin disease and that's it. It pops up here and there but really its nothing worse than having a bad pimple on prom.

Life With Herpes Details:

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Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

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Okay so I have both oral herpes and genital herpes. The good news is I get what it's like to have both oral and genital outbreaks and I also don't have to worry about getting herpes from anyone else. Lol.

Personally I think having oral outbreaks are far worse than having genital outbreaks. I know that might sound crazy, especially because the stigma has made having genital herpes like the worst thing in the world. However, when I have an oral outbreak it really messes with my ego, my self-confidence and I feel like I can't go anywhere without anyone staring at me. The last time I had an oral outbreak was right before my wedding so I was a little stressed. But I can remember being so mad...like the mad that makes your blood boil. I was humiliated because I had this huge blister on my lip and I felt like I couldn't touch anyone or be around anyone. I was emotionally a mess. Then not to mention the pain I was in. It was sooooo painful and it hurt to eat and just do normal daily activities. URG...it's the pits and I totally get all of it.

In our Life With Herpes community, I've been hearing from you all about this and similar stories. Some are for genital outbreaks and some are for oral outbreaks. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day herpes is herpes and outbreaks hurt, they put you on an emotional roller coaster and all you want is for it to go away.

So here's the deal...I've created a lip balm that will help with recovery time, will lessen the pain and fight the virus to keep it away.

THIS IS HUGE and I'm so excited because there's nothing else out there that has the same fighting & soothing powers as our Secret Society CBD Lip Balm. Using it is my favorite way to calm anxiety, reduce the pain from herpes outbreaks and improve my overall wellbeing. Bam...what could be better?!

Here's how this lip balm works...There is no other product out there on the market that has combined herpes-fighting ingredients as well as CBD to lessen the pain and help soothe on all levels. This is an SPF, moisturizing, Lysine and CBD-infused lip balm that can be used daily to fight against outbreaks both current and preventative. Meanwhile, you'll be getting hydration to your lips and the CBD will help calm any situation. Win-win all around!

And if you're thinking that you have genital herpes and this doesn't pertain to you let me explain...Here's the deal: the CBD isolate in our Secret Society CBD Lip Balm will help you with your anxiety or depression and help you manage your stress level. Typically stress is the cause of an outbreak so the CBD in the lip balm will lessen your mood swings and get you back to a normal level. There have been studies to prove this! Yay science!

If you get genital outbreaks as well as oral outbreaks, we recommend buying two (2) Secret Society CB Lip Balms to designate one for your genital region and one for your oral region. You can use something like glitter nail polish or marker and tape to distinguish between the two. This will ensure there's no back and forth gross stuff going on. Ya, know?

Oh, and you don't have to worry... CBD in the lip balm won't get you high there's no THC.

Come check it out and see for yourself. Trust me you won't want to leave home without it and you're other lip balms or lipsticks will be jealous.

Go here to get your lip balm :-))

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

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148: What's It Like To Date Someone With Herpes With Alexandra Harbushka

Life With Herpes.com has been used as a resource for people who are dating someone with herpes or want to date someone with herpes. The good news is now all the information is at our fingertips and there's a community there to help.

This situation of liking someone with herpes comes up a lot. It's not as uncommon as you think considering that one out of sex people have HS2 and two out of three have HSV1. There are many couples where one has the virus and the other does not. So don't think you have to find someone who has you're the same virus.

Anyway, when you're in the shoes of not having herpes and you're partner has "the herpes talk" the ball is now in you're court. Here's the great news, your partner cares about you and wanted to be open and honest and told you. It's a really hard conversation for us with herpes to have so make sure you acknowledge that tender conversation.

With the information you've now received it's up to you to take that information and decide how you want to process it. There's a couple of ways this could go.

1. It's a this is awesome because I have herpes too
2. It's an immediate no
3. It's a maybe and let me learn more
4. It's an I don't care

Ok the obvious two best cases are either if you both have herpes or if you just don't care. But I'm guessing because you're reading this you do care and you don't have herpes.

Here's what I'm going to suggest you do. It's going to be important that you have all the information you need. I recommend going to our FAQ page where we have just about every question imaginable. Read through there and get your questions answered. It's important to know about the herpes virus and how it will affect or not affect your life. I've had people break up with people because they assumed one thing or another about their herpes virus and come to find out they actually had it too and didn't know it was the same thing. So, the moral of the story education is knowledge.

Also, this is a great time for you and your potential partner to go and get tested. You never know, you may have herpes and don't even know it. It happens all the time. Oh and if you get cold sores..yeah, that's herpes. So it's important that you get tested and know where you both stand before you get between the sheets.

At the end of the day, herpes or not, having sex with someone is a big deal. Yes, we're in the casual sex era but it's still a big deal and with that being said coming in contact with the wrong viruses can change your life and have a major impact on your health. So, take this seriously and go get tested with your partner.

Now you have to decide if this person is worth the risk or not. In any relationship, there is "something" that you have to make a decision on. There's something that you weren't planning on and you get to make that decision if it's worth it for you.

Just remember to fall in love like you've never been hurt.

Life With Herpes Details:

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social?

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