One of the common questions I get from the community has to do with oral sex. Oral sex is kind of left out of the equasion when we’re talking about sex, sex education or sexual health. Typically what comes to mind when we talk about sex is just the plane old hederosexual vaginal sex. And then when we talk about safe sex or even in sex ed classes, oral sex is kinda just left out. It’s like it’s not really considered sex.  

 

Ok so here’s the deal, you can get herpes from having oral sex! 

 

This might be an oh sh!the moment for you or it’s a moment that explains it all. Regardless we need to talk about oral sex and how herpes is just as contagious with oral sex as it is with regualr old sex. 

 

Before you panic I’m going to cut to the point and say that yes, you can still give and recieve oral sex with your herpes diagnosis but here’s the deal you’re still putting your partner at risk. Let me explain.

 

Just a quick herpes 101, so herpes is contagious by skin to skin transmission. That means that if someone has herpes on their mouth, either HSV 1 or HSV 2, and they use their  mouth to come into contact with someone who does not have herpes then they have just potentially transmitted the virus. The same goes for genital herpes, if someone has genital herpes, either HSV 1 or HSV 2, and their genitals come into contact with someone who does not have the virus then they have potentially put their partner at risk. 

 

Here’s how herpes is NOT transmitted. If someone has oral herpes and does not use their mouth to come into contact with someone. So basically you can have vaginal or anal sex you are not putting your partner at risk. Or the flip if you have genital herpes you can use you rmouth all you want and you are not putting your partner at risk. 

 

Just because you have the herpes virus in your body it doesn’t mean that your entire body is contagious. It’s just the area where you get outbreaks. Also, this is very important to bring up that just because you have HSV 1 it does not mean that it’s oral herpes and just because you have HSV 2 it does not mean you have genital herpes. I go into details here about it. 

 

So back to oral sex and herpes. Let’s be clear and break it down. If you have oral herpes and perform oral sex then you are putting  your partner at risk of getting genital herpes. On the flip side if you have oral hereps you can recive oral sex and not worry that you will transmit it to your partner. 

 

Here are ways to have oral sex even though you have herpes. 

 

1. First and foremost you need to tell your partner. Cold sores are herpes and can be transmitted to your partner and you can give them genialt herpes. After you’ve talked about this with your partner then the both of you can decide what you want to do moving forward. 
2. To protect your partner and yourself for that matter you guys can decide to use dental dams or condoms to reduce the transmission risk 

 

Once you have talked to your partner and you both have a game plan then enjoy. In my personal relationship with my husband we both give and recive oral sex and do not use condoms or dental dams. It’s because we’re both aware of the risks and we’re both ok with the outcomes. If I’m feeling like maybe something is up then we don’t do it, it’s as simple as that. 

 

Here's the deal and why I want to talk about this. It’s not to scare you and make you feel like you can never give or recieve oral sex again. Please don’t put yourself in that position. It’s not fair to you or your partner. What I want you to know is that oral sex is sex and you can give or recieve STI’s  wich includeds herpes just as easily as you can having sex. Infact, in my opinion you’re more at risk with oral sex becase we’re not taught about this in sexed and when we don’t have a condom we typically turn to oral sex for an alturnative. I want you to know the facts so that you and your partner can move forward with safe sex practices that work for the both of you. 

 

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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Herpes has been around since humans have walked this earth. The fact is we have to learn to  live with this virus. What’s odd about this is as a culture we’ve decided that this virus is dirty and one of the worst things we could catch. With that being said, as a society we really don’t even know that much about herpes and it’s probably because we choose not to. I mean, we’ve made this herpes thing out to be worse than the boogie monster under your bed. 

 

With that being said whether you have herpes or not there’s someone close to you that you love who does so here’s 3 things you need to know. 

 

⅔ people have HSV  1 and  ⅙  people have HSV 2

So with that being said the majority of the population has herpes. The funny thing is that when you get herpes you become the majority not the majority. We’re made to believe that because we have herpes we’re the only person in the world who has herpes and no bode ever will understand or want to be with us. But the truth is that 84% of the population has herpes. 

You can transmit it without an outbreak (yikes)

This is very important to know. The old saying was that you could only transmit herpes if you had an outbreak. Well has science has evolved and we’ve learned more about viral shedding, we now know that it’s possible to transmit herpes without an outbreak. In fact, about 70 percent of transmissions occur during asymptomatic periods, says James Whiteside, an obstetrician/gynecologist at the University of Cincinnati College of Medicine.

Yes, when you have an outbreak you’re the  most contagious and when you don’t have an outbreak you’re the least contgouse. But there’s this thing called viral shedding and when that occurs you’re contagious. Here’s the catch, the person doesn’t know when viral shedding occurs. There’s no signs or symptoms of an outbreak. So this is why it’s very important that you disclose to your partner about your herpes diagnosis. I go way more into detail on viral shedding here. 

You can have a sex life

We all think that our sex life is now over because we have herpes. That is so far from the truth. Just because you have herpes does not mean that you’re less desirable or need to become celebate for the rest of your life. All that having herpes means is that you have to have a conversation with your partner about having herpes. Both you and your partner need to come to an agreement and decide what best methods you want to use to prevent transmission. That’s it. I talk a ton about sex and herpes here, here, and here.  

At the end of the day, I want to make sure that we know how common herpes is and how we’re so not alone because we have herpes. Also, that having herpes does not need to change your life or make you feel like you need to take a back seat to your dreams. All that herpes means is that you get an outbreak here and there and when that happens it’s a reminder for you to take a little better care of yourself. 

I’d love to hear what you think so feel free to reach out. 

 

The quick answer is no! You can absolulty have unprotected sex even if you have herpes. Before we dive deep and go into explanation on this let’s talk about how this is a huge myth and is one of the drivers for the stigma.

When we are diagnosed and told that we have herpes we automatically think that we’re going to be forced to use condoms for the rest of our lives, even when we’re married. Yuck! And this is not true. Yes, condoms are great! They do a great job at preventing pregnancy and they do an okay job at preventing the transmission of herpes. Condoms definitely have their pros and thank goodness we have them. But let’s face it, there comes a time in a relationship when you don’t want to “have to” use one. I get it. 

Here’s the deal with condoms. Like I mentioned before they are great at preventing pregnancy in fact they’re 98% effective when used correctly. And when it comes to preventing herpes transmission they are 30-50% effective when used correctly. So this great news but it also explains why if you always used a condom why you still got herpes. Condoms don’t cover all of the body parts. I mean you’re pretty exposed still and herpes doesn’t just show up in the areas that are covered by the condom. Herpes can be on a mans scrotum, at the base where the condom doesn’t cover or in any area around the genital region. Same thing for women, herpes is not just in the vaginal canal or around the opening. It can be anyplace in her genital region. 

The best method out there for reducing the risk of transmission is actually when the person who’s infected takes the antiviral. Yep, the antiviral cuts down on transmission by 48%. This is far more effective than a condom because the antiviral keeps the herpes virus dormant in your system. 

So, what this boils down to and what this means in reducing the risk of transmission is you need to have a conversation with your partner about having herpes. They need to know and they need to make their own decision about when the condom comes off. Really this conversation needs to be had with our without herpes  but we’re specifically talking about herpes. You and your partner need to talk about what precautions you’re going to take to reduce the transmission and what you both feel comfortable with. 

Go out there have fun and talk to your partner!!!

Life With Herpes Details:

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Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

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This is one of our biggest fears when we find out we have herpes. The last thing we want is to pass it to someone else and have them experience what we went through. I mean it’s physically painful and emotionally painful. 

One of the aspects I like to bring up is normally when we’re diagnosed with herpes it came to us by surprise. Either our partner didn’t tell us or our partner didn’t know. Either way it’s a surprise. So when we’re diagnosed we’re in shock wondering how this happened, we’re physically in pain and want some relief and then we’re pissed! We’re so angry at our partners for not disclosing or not telling us. 

 

Moving forward when we’re in a new relationship and going to become sexually active with a partner who doesn’t have herpes the transmission is a huge fear! I get it and it’s a valid concern. 

Personally, I’ve never given a partner herpes so I can’t speak from personal experience. But I do know that this was something I was extremely worried about in a past relationship. I can remember taking the antiviral before going over to his house because I’d get so worried that if I felt something or a tingle then it would be the onset of an outbreak. I would totally stress myself out over it. Maybe it was because it was my first relationship with a new partner or maybe it was because he and I didn’t communicate that much about it. I’m not too sure. 

Here’s what I’ve learned going forward with my husband as well as what I tell members in our community. My husband, Bill, is very aware that I have herpes. I mean it’s what I do for a living so clearly he knows. Lol. But in all seriousness he knows what the risks are, he knows what herpes is all about and he trusts me to have a conversation with him letting him know if and when I have an outbreak. The bottom line is it’s his decision to have sex and it’s his dicision to take that risk. 

This is what I want you to work with. If you’ve disclosed to your partner and he or she knows that you have herpes and you both were in agreement of the best ways to prevent transmission for example condoms or antiviral etc and the transmission still occurred then you have to let go of that guilt. You told them, you both decided on the best method and it still happened. At the end of the day it was their decision and you didn’t make it for them. 

I like to use the analogy of a car. So let’s say you’re the perfect driver. You get you oil changed, you have new tires, your car is cared for and up to the safety standards. Then you as the driver wear your seat belt, are not under the influence, not using your cell phone and following all the traffic rules. Just because you do all of that does not prevent you from getting in an accident. Yes, you were doing everything you could do to reduce your risk but it’s still possible for a car to run a red light or a car to forget to stop  or whatever. Basically this is the same as the possibility of transmission of herpes. You’re doing everything you can to protect your partner but he or she took on the risk and the transmission still happen. 

Forgive yourself, communicate with your partner and know that it was their choice. 

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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These herpes myths will surprise you. I know they sure did for me.

The reason why there’s a stigma against herpes is because of all the myths out there. We say that someone was irresponsible and that's why they have herpes. We say that people were promiscuous and that’s why they have herpes. We think that condoms will protect you from getting herpes and so on. 

Really what this all boils down to is the lack of education about herpes and the snickering that continues about herpes and STI’s. 

The truth is that 84% of people have herpes. You can’t say that 84% of the population were irresponsible or promiscuous or that their sex life is over. The truth is that we as humans get herpes by enjoying life and by spending time with other people. You don’t have to have sex to get herpes and you really can’t tell who has it.  

I want to break down the 10 most common myths that are associated with herpes. If you have herpes you should keep reading and if you don’t have herpes you should keep reading also. Chances are there’s someone out there you love and care about who has it. 

 

Herpes is not included in the STD panel

This is not true. You actually have to ask for a herpes test. Other STI’s like chlamydia and gonorrhea and HIV are included but not herpes. There are many different theories and reasons for this. Some doctors feel that the aftermath of knowing you have herpes is far worse than the actual outbreak. Others feel that it’s so common so why test. Regardless, you have to speak up and ask for the test. 

Promiscuous people get herpes

This idea of being promiscuous or a slut or sleeping around really needs to be put to rest. I mean yes the more people you come in contact with the more exposure you have to the virus. However, that thought or stigma does not apply to everyone with the herpes virus. Most of the people I talk to who have herpes got it from a committed relationship. Most of the time the person with herpes did not know they had herpes and unknowingly passed it to their partner. 

Oral herpes is different than genital herpes

This particular one really erks me. Herpes is herpes! HSV 1 is herpes and HSV 2 is herpes. There is no good herpes or bad herpes. You did not do something right or wrong. HSV 1 is typically oral herpes however HSV 1 is becoming really common in the genial region. What this means is the majority of people with oral herpes think they’re different or put in a better category because they don’t have the “bad herpes”. This is total BS! 

Antiviral will cure your herpes

The good news and bad news about viruses is that they are in your body for life. So in some cases this is great, like with a cold or the flu. In other cases this is annoying like with herpes. So taking an antiviral will not “cure you” or get rid of herpes for good. What it does is the antiviral works really well at keeping the virus dormant in your body and prevents outbreaks as well as lesses the chance of transmission. I talk more about antivirals here. So at the end of the day you’ll have this virus for the rest of your life and you will be contagious when the virus is active. 

Your sex life is over

This is a big one and most of us think this when we’re diagnosed. It’s totally not true and you can absolutly have sex again and be in a loving relationship. Herpes has nothing to do with it. Having herpes does require you to discuss your diagnosis with a partner and it might require some extra protection or communication but that’s it. 

If you're in a relationship and just found out you have herpes then it means that your partner cheated on you.

This is always what we think and having a conversation with your partner is crucial. Here’s the deal, typical transmission occurs within 2 weeks however that’s not always the case. You can become infected with the herpes virus and it can lay dormant in your body for weeks, months or even years. So in this situation, your partner or spouse could have come into contact with it years ago and it just now it popping up. 

Condoms fully protect you from herpes

I’m all about using condoms as protection so I’m not discouraging you from using them. But a condom only covers a portion of a man’s genital area and during sex there’s more square feet that’s coming into contact. You know what I mean? Also, we don’t always use the condom during the entire sexual experience. There’s foreplay where there’s not a condom used and also oral sex where condoms are typically not used. Basically what I’m saying is there’s lots of opportunities for skin to skin contact and herpes to infect a partner. 

It’s obvious to tell if someone has herpes

You can not tell if someone has herpes. It’s not like a look or a classification or a smell or anything for that matter. The only way you’d be able to tell is if they had an outbreak happening however even with that it might look different than what you’re thinking or be in a funny spot where you can’t really see it. So in other words, doing body check before you have sex doesn’t work. The only way to know is if the person is diagnosed by a doctor. 

You’re only contagious when you have an outbreak

This was what we originally thought back in the day when it came to herpes. However, now that we’ve done so much more research on the virus and have a better understanding we know that there’s this thing called viral shedding. When this occurs we’re contagious and can transmit herpes to a partner. The catch is we don’t know when the virus is shedding because there is no sign or symptom of the virus. I talk more about viral shedding here if you want to know more. 

If you don’t get herpes outbreaks then you don’t have herpes

This is another huge myth out there and one of the reasons why herpes is being transmitted so often. The majority of people with herpes are asymptomatic which means that they don’t get outbreaks. Lucky them right!?!? But here’s the catch, they’re still herpes positive and can still transmit the virus to a partner. Back to the viral shedding thing. The other downside to this is that if you don’t have outbreaks then you’re probably not getting tested and don’t know you have it. So you’re unknowingly exposing your partner to herpes. 

So as you can see there’s tons of myths out there that we all play into or believe what we want to believe because we it helps our situation. It’s so easy to believe that if you always use a condom then you won’t get herpes or it’s easy to put yourself in a situation of not finding a partner because you have herpes and think that nobody will want you. It requires you to educate yourself on the herpes virus and have conversations with your partners. 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm

 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished I knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

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Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

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Ok I’m sure you’re reading this going...what are you crazy!?! Before you start wondering about transmission and how this is going to work out let me calm you down and explain. 

Sex doesn’t have to mean vaginal sex. That’s typically what we think of when we hear the words sex. It’s pretty conventional and socially we’ve been programed to think of sex as vaginal intercouse. Well, there are many other ways to be intimate with your partner and avoiding your outbreak.

Let me talk about my relationship for a bit. As of writing this, my husband and I have been together for 5 years, we have sex regularly and he does not have herpes. Me having herpes, does not get in the way of our relationship, our marriage, or our sex life. We’ve found ways to get around it when I have those pesky outbreaks or when I feel like they’re coming on. 

In case you’re wondering how I haven't transmitted herpes to my husband I attribute it to being very open when it comes to communication. I let him know if I feel like something is going on or if I have an outbreak and when it’s all healed up. We do not use condoms nor am I on the antiviral so it really boils down to communication. I talk about the best methods of reducing transmission in other episodes so if you’re interested in that topic you can go here. 

But what I’m wanting to get at here is that there are other ways to be intimate that doesn’t involve vaginal intercourse. There’s oral sex, there’s masturbation and there’s the use of toys. 

Let’s quickly review how transmission occurs. It’s skin to skin transmission with the location of the outbreak. 

So here’s an example, if you have oral herpes and have an outbreak on you mouth then would want to refrain from using your mouth and coming into contact with someone who is not infected. In other words, if you have an oral outbreak you can have vaginal or anal sex  and receive oral sex but not perform oral sex. Make sense? Kissing or performing oral sex on your partner would put them at risk of contracting herpes.

Another example, if a man has an outbreak on his penis then he would want to prevent his penis from coming into contact with his partner. So in this case, he could perform oral sex on his partner and  depending on where the outbreak is located he could potentially masturbation.  

So do you get where I’m going here? You have to get creative and sometimes that can be different and fun. It gets you out of your normal sex rhythm and forces you and your partner to communicate and get creative. Yes, maybe it’s not sexual penetration but hey, you’re still intimate with your partner and you both can still share in the fun and pleasure. Outbreaks only last for a few days and they go away, don’t let an outbreak dictate or get in the way of you and your partner enjoying one another.

 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished I knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

 

Just in case…

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Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

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You probably have herpes and you’re not alone. 

 

When you get diagnosed with herpes you feel like you’re all alone and the only person in the world with herpes. Well guess what!!! You’re now the majority. Yes, the majority of people have herpes. In fact 84% of the world population has herpes. 

 

Let’s break that down for you...

 

First let’s talk about the United States and people with herpes. I pulled up numbers from the census and data from the Center of Disease Control to get as exact as we can. Unfortunately the CDC only had numbers of people from the ages of 14-49 with herpes. Now we know that there are plenty more people with herpes that are over 49 but we have to go with the numbers and data that’s provided. 

 

In the US there are 112,806,642 people in the US between 18-44. Of people aged 14-49 in the U.S., 47.8% have HSV-1 and 11.9% have HSV-2. Or if you want to total the percentage of people with herpes both type 1 & 2 it’s 59.7%.  That’s a lot of people and remember we’re not even including people 50 or above. 

 

Here it is broken down into numbers instead of looking at it as a percent. There are  53,921,574.90 people with HSV 1 and 13,423,990.40 people with HSV 2. This totals to be 67,345,565.30 people with HSV in the US between the ages of 18-44.  Again that’s a ton of people! 

 

I’ve also included graphs and more data breaking it down to type 1 & 2 as well as the age, race, and sex. I found this pretty fascinating and I think you will.

 

Data from the CDC

Ok so now let’s talk about the world population with herpes. The information that I can find on numbers are that  ⅙ or 17% of the population has HSV 2 and ⅔ or 67% of the population has HSV 1. This means that 84% of the population has HSV either HSV 1 or HSV 2.  Unfortunately there are no cool graphs and data on this that break it down so I had to look at this with some rough numbers.  There are 7.53 billion people in the world. So that means that 17% or 128,010,000 have HSV 2 and 67% or 504,510,000 have HSV 1. This totals to 632,520,000 in the world with either HSV 1 or 2. These numbers are astonishing.

You are so not alone. The only reason why you feel alone is because nobody is talking about it. We’ve been made to feel like we are carrying an awful secret or we’re bad people for living life. As you can see from these numbers that the majority of the population has herpes. Feel free to use this information while disclosing or sharing it with others. Educating people on herpes is the best way to stop the stigma.  

Don’t let having herpes stop you from living your life and following your dreams. Go out and crush it!!!

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished I knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

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You get the call from your doctor saying you have herpes and they’ll fill your prescription. 

Eek… right?

Here’s the deal. Take the antiviral. Chances are you’re in pain and feel horrible and all you want is for your outbreak to go away. Getting that antiviral in your system ASAP is the best thing you can do. In fact, the soon you get it  in your system on the onset of an outbreak, the sooner your outbreak will clear up. I’ve heard of people being too embarrassed to go to the pharmacist to pick up the antiviral, don’t be. Seriously they medication will be a god send and get you feeling better. 

A quick note, however, you don’t  need the antiviral to recover. Unlike having say strep throat or some other type of bacterial infection where you need an antibiotic to get better you don’t need the antiviral your outbreak will clear up on it’s own but it will take a lot longer.  Also, a quick disclosure, herpes is a viral infection so you will never get rid of it. Taking the antiviral does not “cure” you or get rid of herpes. It just clears up the current infection you have right now. If you want more information on herpes you can go here where I break it way down. 

Let’s cover herpes medications and break them down into 2 categories. A pill and a topical cream.

The Antiviral Pills:

1. Acyclovir (brand name Zovirax): The oldest antiviral medication for herpes is acyclovir. It has been available since 1985 in pill form. Acyclovir has been shown to be safe in people who have used it continuously (every day) for as long as 10 years.
2. Valacyclovir (brand name Valterx): A newer drug, valacyclovir, actually uses acyclovir as its active ingredient. This medication delivers acyclovir more efficiently so that the body absorbs much of the drug, which has the advantage of taking the medication fewer times during the day.
3. Famciclovir (brand name Famvir): Famciclovir uses penciclovir as its active ingredient to stop HSV from replicating. Like valacyclovir, it is well absorbed, persists for a longer time in the body, and can be taken less frequently than acyclovir.

The Topical Antiviral:

1. Acyclovir ointment (brand name Zovirax®)
2. Penciclovir cream (brand name Denavir®)

Both work to speed up the healing process and reduce the viral activity. These topical drugs are put directly on the lesions themselves, but can also be used at the onset of prodrome.

As you’ve seen me mention “branded” and “generic” basically what that means is the brand name was typically what the drug companies came out with when the drug came on the market. And the generic has the same ingredients and works in the same way but does not carry the brand name. Usually branded drugs are more expensive and generic are less expensive. It doesn’t really matter which one you take and they will do the trick.  Of course, if you’re having side effects or issues with one drug or the other then you’ll want to talk to your doctor and have him or her prescribe another option. 

Also, other questions I get are about why one drug over the other drug etc. A lot of time it has to do with your insurance and which one they will cover as well as which one your doctor prefers. Again, if you have issues with one or your outbreaks are not clearing up then talk to your doctor and see what can be done. The good news here is that you have options!

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

 

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Disclosing is one of the things that we fear the most when we’re diagnosed with herpes. There’s so much that we wrap up into dating and wanting to feel desired and now with a herpes diagnosis we are fearful that we’ll get rejected.  We either don’t disclose because we’re so caught up in the stigma and with the fear of rejection or we just got caught up in the moment and didn’t get a chance to disclose. Ok this happens...I get it but let’s look at some possible consequences of not disclosing. 

Here’s what happens when you don’t disclose you have herpes:

 

Your partner is at a higher risk of getting herpes

Yep, this is true. Lots of times we think out of sight and out of mind, however that’s not the case with the herpes virus. This virus works a little different. While you are most contagious when you have outbreaks and if you expose someone to the virse with an outbreak you’re probably going to transmit it. But the thing is with the HSV virus is that you can still transmit it when you have no symptoms at all! Yikes! This is due to what’s called viral shedding. We talk more about viral shedding here so go check it out. By telling your partner about your herpes diagnosis your protecting your partner more because you guys can come up with the best plan for safe sex. Without having the conversation you’re just putting your partner at risk without their knowledge and at the end of the day it doesn’t feel really sexy.   

A Lack of Trust

Here’s what I’ve learned in life is that at the end of the day the truth will always come out. And in this particular situation they way the truth can come out is your partner potentially getting an outbreak or they see your prescription for the antivirals in your medicine cabinet or their bff mentions it while they’re drunk. Whatever the situation is, it can happen and then there’s a bigger problem. The bigger problem isn’t that now your partner had herpes but it’s that there’s a huge lack of trust. This can lead to breakups, an unhealthy relationship and your partner wondering what else you’re hiding. None of this is good and it could have been prevented by having the conversation upfront. 

You Live with The Guilt

Here’s the thing, we’re talking about this because I don’t want you to be living with guilt or shame. The last thing you want in your relationship is secrets and feel like you have to keep them. If you’re in the situation of not disclosing to your partner and don’t know how to approach it then the best way is to lead with the truth. I get that it’s a super hard conversation to have. Personally when I’ve been in situations where the truth is hard or I need to apologize for something I’ve done the best way to lead is with your heart and your vulnerability. When the person you care about sees how much it’s eating you up and how much you want to set it right there will be compassion.  This is something we talk about almost weekly in the Secret Society weekly Support Group calls as well as if this is something you want to talk about privately then we can set up an Emergency Call.  

This is all really deep stuff and trust me I get where you’re at. Sending you big hugs and tons of support!  

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 

• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

• Shop the LWH Essentials

• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

 

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

 

If you don’t have herpes then hearing that everyone has  herpes virus probably just freaked you out!

Well, it’s true that everyone has a herpes virus and it’s nothing to be worried about. You’re going to be just fine. Promise. 

We’ve been living with these dang herpes viruses for as long as humans have been walking on this earth. The herpes virus want to survive as much as we do and they’ve done a pretty good job at it. 

Let me explain.

 

There are more than 100 known herpes viruses out there! Yep 100! The good news is that there are really only 8 that infects us as humans. Here’s the list and I’d bet you have more than one of them:

1. herpes simplex virus type 1 (HSV) or commonly known as cold sores or fever blisters
2. herpes simplex virus type  2 (HSV) commonly known as genital herpes
3. Varicella-zoster virus (VZV) or commonly known as chickenpox or shingles
4. cytomegalovirus is very common and doesn’t really have any symptoms
5. Epstein-Barr virus or commonly known as mononucleosis or mono and the Symptoms include fatigue, fever, rash, and swollen glands. 
6. human herpesvirus 6 or commonly known as HHV and infects nearly 100% of human beings, typically before the age of three and often results in fever, diarrhea, sometimes with a rash known as roseola.
7. human herpesvirus 7 or commonly known as HHV has symptoms including acute febrile respiratory disease, fever, rash, vomiting, diarrhea, low lymphocyte counts, and febrile seizures, though most often no symptoms present at all.
8. Kaposi's sarcoma virus or human herpesvirus 8 include symptoms that are lesions on the skin: flat, painless spots that are red or purple on white skin and bluish, brownish, or black on dark skin. 

 

Ok so heres the deal. You have 1 or 2 or 3 or many of the herpes virus that are living with us humans. The only one that causes us to freak out or make us believe that we did something wrong is herpes or HSV 1 or 2. So why is it that getting chicken pox or mono doesn’t make us feel like we’re a leper? My guess it’s all a marketing stunt that was put into place to sell the antiviral, valtrex. The pharma companies need a compelling story to convince people that then needed this antiviral in order to continue to live a normal life. And yes, it’s 100% BS. You don’t need the antiviral to live a normal life, yes it helps heal the outbreaks faster but thats really it. 

 

But back to the 8 herpes viruses and how we all have many of them and we all freak out about getting genital herpes or oral herpes.  It really does get me going when you hear people cringe or have an eww attitude towards people with herpes when I know that they have herpes viruses too. Oh and 80% of the people with HSV don’t even know they have it. 

 

The reason why this is important to you, someone living with either oral or genital herpes, is that you can educate the person who stereotypes you or calls you names. Ask them if they have ever had mono or the chicken pox or cold sores. I can guarantee you they’ve had one or all of them. 

 

The truth is you have herpes viruses and that’s just fine. Chickenpox or mono doesn’t define you’re life so why should you let HSV 1 or 2 define your life. What? It’s because you feel like nobody else has it or nobody will date you? It’s total BS and all that it is is a stupid virus that gives you some blisters here and there. That’s it!

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

 

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook