Life With Herpes

When you have an itch, a tingle or maybe slept with someone that you know has herpes the automatic OMG phase kicks in. It turns to panic and your mind will take you down the rabbit hole of horrible thoughts. Oh and then you turn to google. PLEASE, whatever you do...don't turn to google. You're in the right spot to find out more answers and not see scary photos on the internet.

There are 3 basic ways to confirm you have herpes. But before we break it down let's talk a little bit about symptoms and what that feels like. I talk about this in detail here so you can go check it out too.

Symptoms can be slightly different for everyone and sometimes symptoms can pop up immediately after a person comes in contact with the virus and then sometimes it can take, months, weeks or years. But her are some common symptoms:

• Blistery sores
• Burning when you pee if you have sores
• Trouble peeing if you have sores covering your urethra
• Itching or pain around your genitals
• Sometimes the blisters can blee
• Swollen, tender glands in the pelvic area, throat, or under the arms
• Fever
• Chills
• Fatigue
• Headache
• General run-down feelings
• Achy, flu-like feelings

Also if you're experiencing any, all or some of this. STOP RIGHT NOW AND GO GET TESTED! No reason to keep yourself in this space of anxiety and freaking out mode.

Here are the 3 way's to know you have herpes:

Visually

So this is pretty self-explanatory. If you see bumps, and they're painful and you have flu-like symptoms then most likely it's a herpes outbreak. A way to diagnose by looking at the area visually is called a clinical diagnosis. This is when a medical professional examiner looks at the symptoms. The great news with this is it can be done through a Tela Health company like HerpAlert, where you don't need to even leave your house. The potential downside is there's no way to know what strain you have if it's HSV 1 or HSV 2. This is something that may not be important to you but you can always have a blood test done in the future and get that all sorted out.

Blood test

Having a blood test done can be helpful to tell you what strain you have, HSV 1 or HSV 2, but it doesn't tell you where you have it or how long you've had it. The way this works is the blood test is looking for antibodies for the herpes virus. This can take some time for it to show up in your system. So in some cases, people who have herpes will go in for a blood test and the antibodies have not made it into your system yet. In this case, this person would have a blood test that's negative for herpes, however, if they came back in a few weeks they would test positive. It can sound confusing but if you get a positive test result for herpes with a blood test then you can pretty much guarantee that you're positive.

Culture test

So this test only works when there's an outbreak. When there's no outbreak or viral shedding happening you're going to test negative for herpes. In other words, you have to have a culture or a sample from the sore to see the live virus under the microscope. Now you can get a false reading if you were just exposed and the virus hasn't had time to settle in or if you're on the tail end of your outbreak and the healing or scabbing has started.

So as we talk through all of this if you're in this freak out mode I want you to stop what you're doing and get tested. I recommend using HerpAlert because they specialize in herpes and are a telehealth company but it doesn't matter just go get tested. But what the important thing is to do is talk to your doctor and tell them how long you're symptoms have been going on. Like I mentioned earlier, you may have just been exposed so getting a blood test won't help you at all. And if you have sores or blisters but you've waited too long to get in and have a culture test done then you're going to get a negative result. Tell your doctor everything and let them decide the best way to proceed.

And again...I'm beating a dead horse but please do yourself a favor and if you think you have herpes then go get tested. Just don't think it'll go away or think that maybe it's some weird skin rash. You owe it to yourself to treat your body right and get the proper diagnosis. This way you can get the antiviral and get onto your path of recovery soon.

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social?

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Facebook

This is one of the most pressing questions and the answer often leads to heartache. I hear questions like this daily saying…

“How is there no cure to herpes?”

“Why is there no vaccine when we have a vaccine for practically everything else?”

“When will there be a vaccine?”

“Will there be a cure?”

“Is there something that will prevent outbreaks permanently?”

Here’s the deal. I get it, I’ve felt this way and wondered about it too. The truth is don’t hold your breath and also don’t let this hope of a vaccine hold you back from living your life. 

I hear many people who are in our Secret Society say things like, “oh I’ll just wait for the vaccine before I start dating.” Ok, this sounds like a great idea and it sounds like you’re being a responsible sexually active adult however it also sounds like you’re putting you’re happy in the hands of a vaccine. And that is on the verge of the victim situation and if you know me, I’m huge on not being a victim to herpes. 

Here’s the deal, herpes is a skin disease that causes uncomfortable blisters from time to time. That’s all! It’s nothing more than a dramatized pimple. It’s not a scapegoat for you to become a recluse and become asexual and never go on a date or fall in love or get married or have children or whatever it is you want in life. It’s just an uncomfortable bump that pops up and then goes away a couple of days later. 

The herpes vaccine is almost like Uber. Now hear me out… Before Uber, our only way of transportation besides a private driver or public transportation and of course, mom, was calling a Taxi. Well, as soon as Uber began to transform the way, everyone gets around now the taxi drivers have been in an uproar. Basically Uber has taken their income and their lively hood. Some cities, such as Las Vegas, outlawed Uber and other’s did a good job at keeping them at bay to protect the taxi unions but eventually, convenience wone and the demand was too high. So what did this mean for the taxi drivers, they either could sit in their cab and complained to other cab drivers because they weren’t driving or they could become Uber drivers too. Where I’m going with this and the whole herpes thing is the choice of becoming a victim and waiting for a vaccine before you can live your life is total BS. It’s no different than the taxi driver just sitting on the side of the road with his meter light on saying he’s available for a ride. 

Will there be a cure or a vaccine? I’m sure there will be. I mean we can put a man on the moon, find cures to horrible diseases and break the sound barrier with our jets. It’s just a matter of the right people, the right technology and the other biggie… money. Until then, live your life with herpes and don’t let it hold you back. 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

Ok so we have herpes and now we want to know what we can do to prevent getting the next outbreak. Because the less often we have outbreaks the less we think about having herpes. It’s kinda the out of sight out of mind. Just a quick reminder that if you have HSV you’ll have it for life, so just because you’re not getting outbreaks it won't mean that you’re cured or in the clear.  You’ll still have to tell you’re partners. Ok, I just wanted to get that out there. 

As we’ve all heard that a healthy lifestyle will improve your overall life, relationships with key people in your life as well as it can improve your health. Well these basic lifestyle choices

So let’s talk about some reasons why we get herpes and how we can prevent them with some lifestyle choices. Meanwhile, sometimes getting an outbreak is kinda out of your control when it comes to lifestyle but you being aware can help you prepare and be aware of what’s going down.  

First is stress on your body. Now, we can’t eliminate all stress because it’s just a part of life. It’d be like trying to remove air from the room. It’s just not possible. And even sometimes stress can be a good thing that motivates us and keeps us achieving. But when it comes to herpes, if we put too much stress on our bodies it can cause an outbreak. So things like final exams, new job, moving, new relationships, stress at work, financial stress, stress at home, too busy of a schedule and so on. These things are all transitions that we’ll experience through life and you’re herpes virus will be part of it too. The key for us is to be aware that this can cause an outbreak. So an example is if you’re preparing for finals do you’re best to not pull all-nighters with sugar-free Redbull. We all know that studying a bit a day and getting proper sleep will be a less stressful way to study for your final. Trust me, I get it. I was in college too and sometimes all the exams pile up especially if there’s a really important party happening next door. My point is to be aware, pick your battles and make the decision. Don’t be surprised if an outbreak shows up and make sure you have your antiviral on hand or your home remedies for when it does. 

Next is a low immune system. I never realized how key an immune system is until I started not taking care of my body and running myself into the ground. And then boom, one cold after the next or just that sluggish feeling. Now, add a herpes diagnosis to it and it’s a perfect recipe for an outbreak or multiple outbreaks. Our immune system is like a little army that fights off disease to keep us strong and healthy. Just like a real army, when they’re not rested or not properly equipped for what’s ahead there’s a potential for an attack and letting the bad guys in. The same goes for our bodies, our immune system is fighting around the clock to keep us healthy and if we make some poor choices then it’s an opportunity for an outbreak. Some of these choices are lack of sleep or not getting proper sleep, eating a poor diet full of perversities or sugar, not eating enough protein, not getting proper exercise and just overall hygiene. Personally, I think sleep is a huge portion to a strong immune system. When you sleep you’re body recovers and get’s ready to take on the next day. If you’re not getting enough sleep then you’re body can’t recover and then you just continue on a path of harming your health. Take a minute to look at your sleep, diet and exercise plan. I’m not saying you need to sign up for a triathlon, I’m saying get outside and walk around the block and get some fresh air. Also, look at what you’re eating and maybe you start bringing your lunch to work instead of ordering the double-double with fries. All of these little things add up and play a role in preventing herpes outbreaks. 

Ok and finally, this is one that we really can’t control too much and it’s our hormones. This is more for the women because we have hormone spikes and drops monthly due to our menstrual cycle. Also, as women, we tend to take birth control which of course manipulates our hormones as well. It’s super common for women to get outbreaks a couple of days before their period or when they’re ovulating. There’s just a lot of different hormones moving around through the 28 days. And then of course if you go on birth control or go off birth control or change your birth control. All of this can be a little shock to your system and throw you off just enough to get an outbreak. So, in some cases, women will take the antiviral during their periods to just prevent the outbreaks from popping up or they’ll take it to easy these days, do some Netflix and chill and cut down on their busy schedule to take care of themselves. I know it sounds hard but it’s possible. 

Ok, so as you know, look at this as a recommendation. Take the time to evaluate what’s going on in your life and lifestyle so that you can maybe make some adjustments. Maybe you’re reading this and you’re giving yourself high fives because you’re doing the right things. But if you’re not don’t beat yourself up, just make a little adjustment at a time. Life is a journey, not a sprint and your health won't change overnight. You’ll see gradual little changes after a period of time. 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD Lip Balm 

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

This is one of the scariest things that cross our minds when we’re first diagnosed with herpes. A typical thought that goes through our minds is how awful our diagnosis was and how we’d never want anyone to experience the physical pain of the outbreak. Sometimes we feel like the guilt of giving herpes to someone would be the worst thing too. 

I get asked all the time in our Secret Society about how to deal with giving herpes to your partner. The truth is I’ve never touched on this because I’ve never passed herpes to my partners. I’ve only wanted to talk about experiences that I’ve personally had. But this is something that happens all the time so It’s something I’ve needed to talk about. I reached out to the Secret Society for thier stories so that as a community we could talk about this today. 

Regardless of passing it or not we still have to have the conversation with our partner about having herpes. This is very hard to do but so worth it. If you wait until you’ve had sex or are in a relationship to tell them it will be harder and you face a couple of obstacles. Either the person won’t trust you or you could unknowingly pass herpes to them. Now you’re in a pickle.  I talk about this in other episodes so you’ll have to check them out. 

But back to giving him or her herpes. 

Clearly, this is not our intention and people with herpes generally don’t want to go passing it along. In fact, this very thought keeps a lot of us from dating or becoming intimate with someone. And this is very sad to me. 

Something that’s helped me is I’ve come to find comfort knowing that it’s really out of my hands. Yes, at first in my relationships I’d always freak out and think that I’m going to pass it. I can remember having anxiety attacks over it. So trust me I get it. 

It really wasn't until my husband and at that time he was my boyfriend and I had a talk about it. And that talk clicked in my mind. He said to me that if I was worried about passing him herpes while we were having sex then we shouldn’t have sex. He said that he wasn’t worried about it and if that’s what I was thinking about then we need to stop. And if you think about it that’s really a great solution. This can be for anything really if you’re mind is not in it and you’re having an internal dialog with yourself about something completely different then it’s not fair to you or your partner to be having sex. It’s all about getting present in the situation. 

But let’s get back to how to handle transmitting herpes to your partner. At the end of the day, you have to remember that it wasn’t up to you. If you’ve done these things then you’ve done everything you can to protect them. 

1. Disclosed to partner you have herpes
2. You both agree on prevention method. 
3. Sex was consensual
4. You’ve talked to you’re partner about your outbreaks and also let them know if you've just had one 

In my opinion, if you’ve done this then you have to let the guilt go. You’re partner made the decision to have sex with you knowing the risk. I hate using the word risk but it’s true. He or she consciously knew that having sex could potentially transmit herpes and they decided to do it anyway. 

Of course, there are the times when we forgot to tell our partner because we were in the heat of the moment or didn't feel comfortable having the conversation. 

If your partner blames you or puts you down in any way it’s going to be up to you to stand up for yourself. You did nothing wrong and your partner made the decision. 

This is such a hot topic and can be emotional, let me know your thoughts or your story. 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials
• Shop the Secret Society CBD

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

Let’s talk about those three little words that are brought up when you’re dating.

So I overheard someone say that it's so hard to say those three little words. I immediately thought of the words I LOVE YOU.  Right? I mean wouldn't you? We’ve been so marketed to by hallmark and diamonds are for every type of campaigns that when we think of the three little words we think of  I LOVE YOU. But as the conversation continued and I heard the three words they were not I love you but were I HAVE HERPES. I honestly can’t remember where I heard this but I thought it was a great question and even better for us to have a discussion about. Right?

So the thought crossed my mind, is it harder to say I love you or I have herpes? I’ll share my personal experiences with the words I love you and my experience with I have herpes. Both are equally important words and both can change the course of your relationship. 

I mean if you say, “ I love you” too early in a relationship it can be doomed. I mean you might send the other person running for the hills or heck, you might even be that person running. Lol… we’ve all been the person who is the stage five clinger and all about the I love yous way to soon and we’ve all been on the receiving end of that I love you when suddenly there’s an awful gulp in your throat.  Regardless the three little words are very strategic. 

Now let’s talk about saying, “I have herpes” too soon. Because of the herpes stigma that’s not something you can just drop on someone.  Think about it, the same thing can happen as I love you. Some people will run away as fast as they can and others will be totally fine with it. But a ton of it has to do with how and when you say it. 

So in my personal experiences, I’d tell guys I have herpes without even thinking about it. Whether this is right or wrong I’d use it as a way to get out of sleeping with them. Again… don’t judge me for it. And of course sometimes my plan would backfire on me and I would have to come up with some other excuse...lol. 

But there were two men that I dated and wanted to date and wanted to sleep with that I had both conversations with. One is my ex-boyfriend and the other was my husband. Obviously, we know how it turned out with my husband, Bill.  But don’t worry, I’ll share that story too. 

When it came time to tell my ex-boyfriend that I had herpes I was really nervous. We’d been dating for about 3 months but we’d known each other for a number of years so I felt pretty comfortable with him. But still we were dating for 3 months and I wasn’t sure where our relationship was going. Were we just yoga, Saturday farmers market, and dinner date friends or were we going to take our relationship to the next level and have sex? I knew I couldn't just put in his court and see if he made a move. If I waited for him to make the move I’d feel like it would have been a bad time to have the I Have Herpes convo. Right? So I decided to tell him over dinner one Saturday night. We were at a local San Diego restaurant across the street from my house, Bankers Hill Bar. It’s so good by the way and totally get the burger! Anyway, we were having dinner and I decided to tell him. I said, “I have herpes.” And then went eek in my mind. I have to say telling him that I have herpes was not only more difficult than saying I love you to him but the most difficult guy to tell. I honestly can’t remember when we started saying I love you. He probably said it first but it could be the other way around. I really can’t remember.  But we dated for three years so obviously the I have herpes conversation went well. He did a really good job of asking questions, trusting me and at the end of the day, he wanted to be with me and didn’t care. Also, he never got herpes. We had a great relationship and we both were open and communicated. In this particular situation having the “I Have Herpes,” talk was much harder. 

Now let’s talk about my husband, Bill. Before I started writing this and prepping for the post I brought this up to Bill. I said, “what do you think of this topic?”Do you like the idea of I love you and I have herpes? What was so interesting is we started to talk about our relationship. And I realized that telling Bill I love him and telling Bill that I have herpes were both easy conversations. I mean really easy. Why? Probably because I knew in my heart and soul that we loved each other and I knew that having herpes didn't matter. I also had done a ton of work on myself and truly believed that if anyone didn’t love everything about me including herpes he wasn’t worth my time. And I knew that Bill loved all of me. 

Ok.. so I know you’re like get to the story about telling Bill. Well, I can remember right where I was when I told him I loved him and right where I was when I told him I have herpes. Both were beautiful moments. When I told Bill I have herpes, we weren't dating we weren't even together. We worked together and our work team was like family. So Bill noticed that something wasn’t right and asked what was wrong. This was the day that I was diagnosed with herpes so clearly, I was at my lowest point. I told him, “I have herpes” and I collapsed on the floor crying. He was so sweet and said you’re a strong and beautiful person you will get through this and I ‘m here for you. I consider you my family so please let me know if there’s anything I can do.” I still have the voicemail he left me after this conversation. It was so touching. 

Let me fast forward a couple of years to the I love you. So I’m sure you can imagine that when I told  Bill I loved him there was no big lump in my throat or bad feeling in my tummy. It was the exact opposite and I couldn't wait to tell him that I loved him. So it happened when we were having a conversation about dating. We weren't dating yet and were having the adult conversation about it. You know how that goes, once you date it changes the course of your and we wanted to make sure we discussed it all. So in that conversation I just blurted out, I Love You!” And Bill looked up at me and said, “I love you too!” It was natural and not hard to say. It was a precious moment. 

Ok so to wrap this up...I’m going to throw the question back to you? I’ve had all the combinations of the I Love You’s and the I have herpes convos. All of them were unique and all of them happened at the right time for where we were in the relationship. So what do you think is harder? Have you had the conversations? Let me know. 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

Dating as a whole can be scary, fun, the time of your life or when will this phase be over. We put so much pressure on ourselves to not waste time and find “the one”. Most of the time we forget to enjoy the person who’s in front of us for who they are. We quickly get rid of or move on from someone because they don’t fit this “mold” we put in our heads. 

It’s totally possible to date someone just because you have fun. Back to talking about being so focused on “the one”. Back when I was dating I had the guy who I chilled with and drank wine the guy who I went to yoga with, the guy who loved to take me to fancy Italian dinners,  the guy who I’d hike with, the guy I’d go to the farmers market with, the guy who I’d go clubbing with, the guy I’d meet for breakfast and guy I ‘d have sex with. Keep in mind they were all not at the same time and this was over a course of a couple of years but they all survived their purpose until it was the right timing for my husband and me to come together. 

Ok so now let’s add in the dreaded dark secret of having herpes. One of the things that hold us back from dating at all is the fear of having to disclose the herpes thing. Ok well, remember all the different guys I dated… the majority of them didn’t know that I had herpes. Why? Not because I was too scared to tell them but because I wasn't sleeping with them. Of course, the men I’ve slept with knew about my herpes diagnosis. I just want to make that a full disclosure. 

But I want to get back to the notion that we don’t have to sleep with everyone or disclose to everyone just because we’re dating. Think about it. Not everyone can be “the one”! We can’t fall in love with everyone and have sex with everyone and be in a relationship with everyone. It’s simply not possible. 

3 Things to follow when dating with herpes:

1. Did you have fun?

So when you go out and do whatever you do with this person ask yourself when you get home if you had fun. Did you laugh and enjoy your time and want to do it again? If your answer no then moves on. THere’s plenty of fish in the sea and no reason to keep spending time with someone who you didn’t have fun with. 

2. Would you sleep with him/her? 

This one is a great one to ask yourself too. We can get caught up in our heads about “who” we’re supposed to be attracted to and who we’re supposed to be with. Let’s face it sometimes we are attached to someone we never thought we’d be into. Before you get all worked up on the sleeping part and disclosing just ask yourself, would you?

Before moving onto the 3rd point I want you to ponder the first two questions. If you’ve answered yes to both of the questions then keep hanging out. Keep going out and doing what you guys like to do. Don’t worry if this person is the one or not. Don’t worry if he or she will be ok with the herpes thing. Oh, and we’ll get to the herpes disclosure soon but please don’t self punish and not call your date back because you have herpes. 

If you’ve answered no to any of the questions then most likely you should end it right there. I mean why hang out with someone you really don’t enjoy spending time with. And if you can’t sleep with them then that’s not going to go far either. 

3. You don’t have to disclose until you’re ready to expose them to the virus

Now I know this is the big one. The disclosure! It really stops a lot of people from dating in the first place. But truly keep this in mind, you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. BUT and there’s a huge but, if you’re going to expose them then you have to tell them. But until then no need to divulge everything. I go back to the example about if you were 500k in debt would you tell the person on the first few dated? My guess is no. So why do you need to talk about herpes? I mean you probably wouldn’t mention you had testicular cancer or abnormal pap smears until you’ve gotten a little bit deeper into the relationship. Going to yoga or a movie doesn’t mean you have to tell you’re secret. 

Keep in mind these are suggestions and more like guidelines. Feel free to date who you like, when you like and disclose when you want. It’s you’re life and the great news is you get to write the script. 

Let me know you’re thoughts on this. This is something we cover almost weekly in our Secret Society so if you’re between a rock and hard place with this idea of dating and telling your partner come join our next Support Group. Here’s more details.
 

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society 
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates. 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes? 

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social? 

Instagram

Facebook

Ok, great news,  HerpAlert has some exciting new features and I can’t wait to share them with you all. As you know I absolutely love saying the name HerpAlert! But a quick refresher on HerpAlert in case you missed it or are new to the Life With Herpes community, HerpAlert’s an online herpes diagnosis and treatment resource. So if you’re wondering if you have herpes and want a clinical diagnosis ASAP you’d want to go to HerpAlert.com and fill out your symptoms, upload a picture of the infection and boom a doctor will be in touch with you within the hour. I dedicated an entire episode to this a while back so you can go here to reference it if you have any questions. Oh and use the promo code: lifewithherpes to save 10% on your treatment.

So the new cool feature HerpAlert’s come out with is an easy one-stop place for us folks living with herpes. 

Have you ever been in the situation where you got an outbreak and didn’t have your antiviral? Yep, me too. So then you immediately call your pharmacy to refill the prescription ASAP so your outbreak doesn’t get worse and then you hear on the other line, “we're sorry you’re out of refills.” Ok so then the next step is call your doctor, wait on hold, talk to the receptionist who takes a message, the message then goes to the bottom of the pile on your doctor’s desk and you get a call back 4 days later from the scheduling office letting you know that your doctor wants you to come in so he or she can see you to refill your prescription. So now you’re like WTF… I have a full blown outbreak and I need this medicine now! 

Sound familiar? Yep, we’ve all been there.

So here’s how HerpAlert’s solved this problem and made it easy for you and me. 

They now offer a monthly service where you can log back into your safe and secure member portal and update any changes that may have happened since your last refill and boom...a HerpAlert doctor will review your symptoms and refill your prescription within the hour!

This is super cool and super helpful because if you’re like me you don’t have the time nor do you want the headache of scheduling your appointment, then going in for your doctors visit and then waiting for your prescription to be filled. I mean that’s a ton of extra time wasted and you could be on the road to recovery.

Here’s a quick download of the HerpAlert monthly subscription benefits:

• Your convenience and your time
• You are a top priority to the HerpAlert doctors
• Get your prescription refilled within 1 hour
• Only one stop to pick up your prescription 
• You get to connect with your HerpAlert doctor monthly and update them on any changes in your life

Alright so as you can see this is a miracle for us busy people with herpes. Just think about the ability to be able to connect with a doctor on your time and get the herpes treatment you need and want. Oh and I forgot to mention this monthly subscription is just $29 a month. Ok so go here to learn more and join. 

Ok, so we’ve all heard of how important it is to have a strong immune system. It keeps colds away and it also can keep you from getting herpes outbreaks. Obviously, we want to do everything we can to keep the herpes virus from popping up and causing a painful outbreak. 

What we put in our bodies plays a big role in how we feel, sleep our energy levels as well as our immune system. I’m sure by this point you’ve eaten a meal and then after felt like a slug or not so hot. Either you were bloated or it didn’t sit well in your tummy or it kept you up all night. Most likely you ate something that didn’t agree with you because of one reason or another but your body had to work harder to digest it and chances are that lowered your immune system. 

A lowered immune system means...you guessed it. A herpes outbreak!

As you know from past episodes we’ve talked about lysine and arginine and foods that combat herpes outbreaks. But what we haven't talked a ton about is foods that can lower your immune system and potentially cause an outbreak.  Oh and like I always say, use this as a reference and don’t stress yourself out over it. The last thing I want you to do is get all stressed out and then boom...an outbreak. 

Fast food can really put a damper on your immune system. Now we all know that fast food isn’t good for us. We hear that all the time yet we really don’t know the reason. Well, there was a study done on eating fast foods and how it relates to your immune system, basically what happens is it reprograms the way your immune system reacts and puts it on high alert! When your body’s on a high alert stage it really does a number on the immune system and it doesn’t let your body function normally. So think again if you’re using fast food as a crutch and an easy way to get a meal. 

MSG is one that I don’t think too often about. I guess because it’s not really in the foods that I typically eat. Or at least I think so. I know that for some people, like my nice, she gets migraines if she eats MSG so one of the things she avoids is popcorn at the movie theater. Ok so what does MSG have to do with your immune system...well it’s pretty harsh on your precious immune system. Ok so studies shown that MSG can make changes to your thymus and spleen. Ok so if you’re like me and are like...ok what does that mean? They both are key players in your immune system. They both make lymphocytes, which take out foreign invaders; your spleen also makes antibodies that help keep you well. So basically it disrupts your immune system. The good news is that studies show that by removing MSG from your diet your spleen and thymus can go back to normal but it might take a while. You can research what foods contain MSG but just to give you a quick rundown; fast food, salty snacks, seasonings, cold cuts, iced tea mixes sports drinks and soy sauce. 

Gluten has gotten a bad rap recently. It feels like in the 90’s everyone was on the low-fat diet which meant pasts and mostly gluten foods but now we’re off the low fat and totally off gluten. Yes, there are some people who have celiac disease or are gluten intolerant and can not have gluten. However, gluten can be very harmful on your system. What happens as it passes through your system, it triggers the production of a protein called zonulin, which breaks down the cells of your intestinal walls. When this happens it gives toxins, food particles, and other harmful substances and open door policy to have free rein to get into your bloodstream.  A lot of times this causes an unwanted immune response and leaving you feeling less than your best. This goes for people who are intolerant and people who are not. Try to cut back your gluten intake there are so many other options out there now. 

Sugar and we’ve heard this a ton just like we’ve heard about how fast food is bad for us. But here's why sugar has a direct effect on your immune system. You know how we talk about good bacteria and bad bacteria? Well, the bad bacteria thrives on sugar… it's an all you can eat buffet for them! And just like other living organisms, the more we eat the more we grow and breed. Same thing goes for these bad bacteria the more sugar we give them the more they grow and then crowd out the good bacteria in our intestines. Another way sugar impacts our immune system is by impacting the absorption levels of vitamin c, and we all know that vitamin c plays a huge role in our immune system. You know how people always say take vitamin c when you’re sick. Anyway, The more sugar in your system, the harder it is for your immune cells to get the vitamin C they need to function, resulting in an up to 40% decrease in effectiveness lasting for hours after you consume the sugar!

Ok so we could go on and on about other foods that can be harmful to your overall health but I don’t want you to walk away and feel like you can’t eat anything. Here’s what I want you to do. Be aware of what you’re putting in your body. The form of foods meaning the most natural ways is the best. I guess what I’m saying is the fewer ingredients the better. I’ve heard the saying that if your grandmother wouldn’t know what it is then you shouldn’t eat it. Fast food is exactly what it is...fast food so maybe if you take the time to meal prep and get your work lunches planned out for the week then you’ll cut out swinging through the drive-through. 

Just take a second to think before you eat and think to yourself is this going to be the best thing for my overall health. Herpes or not would this benefit my body. 

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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This is a long drawn out debate. Some people argue that when the birth control pills were brought out it completely changed the dating game. Because think about, before the pill, there were only condoms that would protect you from pregnancy… and who knows how effective they were. So, to avoid public humiliation from your family and the people around you about getting pregnant a lot of couples avoided sex. I’m not saying sex didn’t happen, of course, it did. What I’m arguing is it wasn’t as open and people were not as sexually active with multiple partners.

In the ’60s there was the sexual revolution which completely changed the way men and women dated. This was the beginning of the casual sex movement.

WHich brings us to where we are today in the hookup culture. Which is means exactly what it sounds like...  engaging in sexual activity without an emotional relationship with their partner. In other words a one night stand or just a fuck buddy or a hookup buddy.

Alright, so if you’re wondering where I’m going with this I want to bring it back to herpes and telling your partner that you have herpes.

Telling you’re partner that you have herpes can be one of the most difficult things out there. It’s because we’re programmed to think that we did something wrong and that’s why we have herpes. Then when you go to tell the person you have a crush on that you have herpes you’re freaking out and hoping that he or she will accept you.

Because of the fear of rejection usually, 2 things happen. Either we don’t date or we just don’t tell our partners.

So here’s a question I want to ask you, do you think you need to have sex when you’re dating someone?

Let me tell you a little bit about my story. So after I was diagnosed and moved on from the guy I was dating I decided that I needed to go out and date. In my mind, I was like it’s a numbers game and I need to date everyone and meet everyone. What wasn’t on my mind was sleeping with everyone. I looked at it as just because I’m going out to coffee doesn’t mean that we’re hooking up. And just because we went to dinner it doesn’t mean that sex is involved and just because we went away for NYE it doesn’t mean that we’re having sex.

These were my personal beliefs and you might be thinking that I was a prude or that was wrong or I was taking advantage of a free meal or whatever. Herpes or not herpes, casual sex wasn’t my thing.

What I want you to look at is, are you holding yourself back from dating because you feel like you have to jump in between the sheets? Are you not flirting with that hot girl across the bar or not accepting someone to buy you a drink because you have herpes and then you think that you have to sleep with them?

Define in you’re mind what feels right to you. Just because you have a history of waiting for 3 dates before you have sex or maybe it’s 3 months or whatever it was it doesn’t mean that it has to be going forward. Take herpes out of the equation and decide what you feel comfortable with. Maybe you're going to realize that you were just jumping into bed because you thought you needed to in order to feel sexy or accepted. Or maybe you're not going out at all because you’re petrified of the “talk”.

Don’t feel like there’s a set standard of what you have to do. Just because you’re roommate is one way doesn’t mean you have to be that way too. Just because society is telling you to have sex on the 3rd date it doesn’t mean that you have to have sex.

So let me throw the question back to you...does dating mean sex to you?  Let me know in the comments.

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society
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• Shop the LWH Essentials

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

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So glad you’re here today because we have a special guest, my husband. Ok, so you all have asked for Bill to share his side when it comes to me having herpes. So today I share how I disclosed to him and then we get his reaction to me disclosing.

Disclosing is one of the hardest things that people with herpes have to deal with. After the initial shock of finding out about your herpes diagnosis the next biggie to overcome is disclosing. If this is something that’s preventing you from dating please reach out to me. And seriously you should join our Secret Society, we talk about this all the time!

So today we get to hear from Bill about what went through his mind when I told him about my herpes diagnosis. He talks a ton about the stigma being the biggest part of having herpes. To be honest, he didn’t really know a ton about herpes so one of his biggest questions or concerns was, will he die early because of the herpes diagnosis. And that’s a pretty legit concern. There are so many people who are miss education on this and think that herpes shortens your life. Just so we’re clear...herpes does not kill you!

Bill talks about the stigma and how it was created from the drug companies to try and sell the antiviral. The assumptions that go along with having herpes are that you were sleeping around, or that you’ve had a lot of partners. But the truth is that these were stories that were all enhanced to make people feel bad so that they’d get the drug.

So here’s the good news, there is a solution to when you have outbreaks. The pharmaceutical companies came up with an awesome drug that’s an antiviral and it really works. It cut’s down your outbreaks from a week or more to a couple of days.

The most important thing to Bill was knowing that we can have sex and have a normal sex life. Having herpes hasn’t gotten in the way of our relationship nor out sex life. It truly is all the stigma.

Ok and then Bill being the math guy did a calculation to see how much time we spend having sex. Basically to see how much or little of an impact having herpes really plays a role in your relationship. So if you have sex 3 times a week for 20 minutes at a time the time periods you’re actually having sex is less than .5% of the time that you’re on this life. So basically what that means is it’s the relationship that’s the important part, not the herpes part.

The 3 major things Bill was worried about when I disclosed to him were:

• You’re not going to die
• There is an antiviral
• Yes you can still have sex

So as you can see, education about herpes is key. It’s also key to have the disclosure conversation with your partner. We talk a ton about this in other videos so you can check them out. And of course, we talk about them in the Secret Society.

Life With Herpes Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Shop the LWH Essentials

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

Are you social?

Instagram

Facebook