Life With Herpes

127: Herpes Work Life Balance With Herpalert And Kristy Spraggon

 

Today I had the pleasure of sitting down with HerpAlert and Kirsty Spraggon of Kirsty TV. Also, I had the worst cold ever and was overloaded on DayQuil, so I apologize in advance. Lol.   But in light of being sick we had a great time and we covered all sorts of fun thing about herpes, dating, outbreaks. Something I found interesting was how we both handled the work life balance when it came to herpes and our diagnosis.

 

Let me back up a bit and bring you up to date with our diagnosis. Both Kirsty and I were in our 20’s when we learned about our herpes diagnosis. We both share how were in a state of looking for acceptance from the wrong sources and trying to figure out this thing called life. Of course, when we learned about our diagnosis we were in shock and we both went into a dark hole. Now how we came out of our dark phases and learning to live with this herpes diagnosis were our individual stories.

 

I’m sure you’ll relate to one or the other or both.

 

When I was diagnosed I was struggling financially, I was struggling with my career, I was trying to date and find love.  I was a hot mess!. When I found out I was HSV2 positive I went through the levels of anger, resentment, the why me phase and so on. But what I decided at the end of the day was that I won’t become a victim to the virus and the stigma.

 

Truly being diagnosed with herpes forced me to look myself in the mirror and make the changes that needed to happen. It was like cutting the umbilical cord or that little extra nudge that forced me to grow into who I am today. It forced me to get my career together, it forced me to get my finances organized, it forced me to take care of my body and it forced me to stand up for myself and what I wanted in a romantic relationship. It didn’t happen overnight but it got it together and I thank my herpes diagnosis for it. I give some tips on how I turned myself around in this video and so does Kirsty.

 

Now Kirsty shares how herpes forces us to go on a journey of self-awareness and how it forced her to dig deep.  She says how her confidence was blown, not that there was a lot there before her diagnosis but what was there was shot. It was very interesting how she decided to overcompensate for her herpes diagnosis. It’s the mindset of oh I’m hurt or I’m in that shame phase and I don’t want anyone to know about it so I’m going to go into overdrive and prove my worth. Kristy refers to it as going into her hypermasculine. Meaning she decided that she was going to be the top real estate agent, that she was going to bring in the money to prove how worthy she was.  Meanwhile, the root of the issue was not being addressed. This all came along with binge eating, drinking too much and not respecting herself. Basically, she was putting up a wall and not letting anything or anyone in. This is something that Kristy says she sees a ton when working with people who are just diagnosed.

 

Kirsty shares that getting herpes has 100% gotten her to where she is today. The pain and difficult time helped her get through all the roadblocks and overcome what she needed to in order to show up as her best self.

 

At the end of the day, both Kristy and I discuss how being in the shame phase, or the victim phase is a choice. We both made the choice to overcome it. To overcome it yourself you can reach out to us.

 

For more information about HerpAlert,  http://www.lifewithherpes.com/diagnosis

If you’d like to reach out to Kirsty Spraggon you can https://kirstyspraggon.com/

 

I love doing interviews like these because they allow us to share our one version of a very similar story.

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Details:

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• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

 

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

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Life With Herpes

I have to imagine that dating has been around since the first humas roamed this earth. Finding love, compaionship, friendship and the desire to reproduce is just in our DNA. And from my opinion it’s in pretty much every species DNA. Now, don’t quote me on that, I’m in no way a National Geographic or Animal Planet expert. But what I’m saying is we are born to desire companionship and reproduce. If we didn’t have that then our specise would be extint.

Clearly as humas we’re here and were thriving so the union, companionship and lust is still pretty strong. In my opinion over the years, there’s been this huge pressure to find the right one a young age and then settle down and work on building your dreams together. Well.. can we all agree it’s not that easy.

To singles dating is looked at as this daunting activity and to married people it’s looked at as go have fun and enjoy. I guess the grass will always be greener.

Now I can say that there were times in my life when I loved dating and there were times in my life where I was so over it. I can honestly say now that I’m married that I don’t miss that phase of my life but I’m super glad I had about a decade of dating.

Are you wondering when I’m going to get to the dating and herpes?

Ok so let’s get to it. When you’re diagnosed with herpes one of the thoughts that haunts you is who will ever date me now. The thought of being wrothless or no longer equal to the non herpes dating community or that you now have this huge secret and you’re scared of the rejection.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t end the reationship with the guy who gave me herpes for about 2 years because I was so scared to get out there and I thought I’d be alone. I knew that I had to build my confidence before I could move on. Once I was ready to get out there and dated I made the decison to say yes to anyone who asked me. I decicded to have fun with it. I decided to enjoy this time on my life because I knew that I wouldnt be here forever and this phase would come to an end. And you know what… I learned a ton along the way.

Here are some great reasons to get out there and date. Yes, even though you have herpes.

You Learn More About Who You Are

This is so great. You think you know who you are because I mean, you’re you. But when you start dating thinks might get poined out to you or you might have some big ah ha moments. This might sound silly but when I was 19 I went out on a date with a guy and on that date he opened the car door for me. I was stopped in my tracks. I’d never had a date do that for me. I didn’t know that I really like it when he did that. It made me feel special, and it made me feel feminin and I’d get all giddy inside. I learned from then on that that was something that was important to me. And if you’re wondering yes, my husband opens my door for me every time. Now this migh not be importatnt to you but my point is you’ll pick up on something that will be a deal breaker.

You Learn More About Who You Want To Find As A Partner

So with this I mean you’ll be better at learnin whats importatnt to you with lifestyle and the more people you date you’ll get better at weeding out the ones who you don’t jibe with. I mean let’s think about it… do we all have that hight school crush. Either the senior quaterback or the hot valdictorial or whoever? We all have that one crush. So I had a HUGE crush on this one guy. I mean huge and I wasn’t allowed to date him becase he was a senior and I was a freshman and my parents shut that down asap. But I got the chanse to go on a date with him when I was in my late 20’s. It was like a dream come true. I mean I daydreamed about him all the time and now 10 years later I get to go on a date. Well, let me tell you, he’s an awesome guy and I have noting bad to say abou this personality and who he is as a person but I have to say that when we went out he wasn’t the cursh I used to have. I realised our lifestyles were different our political views were differend our religios belives were different and theses were all pretty big deals to me. My point is, had I not dated many differe people in that timeframe since my freshman year in highschool I wouldn’t have known that these differences would have been really importatnt to me.

You Get To Get Good At Disclosing About Herpes

I know this is something you never wanted to be good at but let’s look at it as a positive. You can get really good at your disclosre. Now as you know I feel you don’t need to disclose unless you’re going to expose someone to herpes. And just beaxuase you’re going on a date or dating it doesn’t mean you have to sleep together. What this means is you can decide if you want to practice on the person sitting across from you. Sometimes you’ll be on a date and you know you  have no intrest in persuing this to a second dated. So why not give yourself a dress rehersal? What’s the worst that can happen...you never see them agian?

You Get To Have Fun And Meet New People

Ok I know there’s other ways to do this but a lot of times your date can end up becoming a great friend and even introduce you to a whole new sphere of people you’d like to be friends with. And going on dates can be really fun. The key is not to have your wedding planned out before you even go on date 1. Have fun planning a date or have fun being taken out. You get to try new restaurants or go to new places in your city that maybe you’ve never been too or even to try something new. We get so caught up in is this person worth my time and will this person be the one that we forget to have fun along the way.

Ok so at the end of the day, dating is an important part of learning who you are and what you want in your life and what you want from your partner. Basically, herpes should never be in control of your life and your decisions. It shouldn't prevent you from dating, it shouldn't prevent you from following your dreams and it should never prevent you from living your life.

I’m curious to hear your take on dating. Let me know in the comments below.

Xoxox,

Alexandra

Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

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Today we’re going to talk about dating and online dating when it comes to herpes. I get asked frequently about being able to date even though you have herpes. Dating can be a scary and daunting period. I mean… we set out to find love, companionship, lust, and friendship in a partner. Not to mention all the other little lifestyle factors that have to come into play.

The way we act today as humans is so different than before smartphones and the internet. Back even 10 years ago we could sit at a Starbucks and strike up a conversation with someone there. We could strike up a convo while in line at the grocery store or even ask the cute bank teller out. The point I’m making is that we didn’t have our noses in our phones or earbuds in our ears playing our favorite podcast. We were out and even if we didn’t think we were being extroverts and social but we were.

Now, it’s so easy to hide behind our computer at work or go home and have everything we want at our fingertips from Netflix to Uber Eats to endless hours of scrolling through Insta. Before all of this we’d have to go to blockbuster to rent a movie and unless it was pizza we’d have to go out to eat and Insta wasn’t even invented.

So online dating is something that has opened doors for us through the use of technology. I can about 15 years ago when online dating came out and there were so many people who were not in favor of this trend.  I can remember girlfriends saying that they want to meet Mr. Right the old fashioned way. Or couples that actually did meet online and found love and got married would sometimes change their story of how they met. They were embarrassed to say that they met online.

Fast forward to now and online dating is a norm. There’s estimated to be over 2500 sites out there serving millions of people worldwide. There some that are specific to age, income, lifestyle, religion, race and yep...even herpes.

As we’ve discussed many many many times dating and herpes is one of the biggest fears that we have once we’re diagnosed. We wonder if we’re deserving of love and if anyone will ever love us with this disease. Well, you know how I feel about that...its all bull shit and it’s the stigma that’s putting those thoughts in your mind. But regardless, I get how terrifying it can be to disclose to someone new about having herpes and the fear of rejection can be paralyzing. So a great solution is online dating. Here are some pros and cons of the online dating world:

The Pros Of Online Dating

Differentiate Between Dating, Hooking up & Gettin Married

This is something you can make clear by your profile or through your initial conversations. A lot of times the dating application will ask you if you’re looking for friends, casual dating or if you’re looking to get serious and settle down. This is all great news and easy to set the expectations for your future dates

Expands Your Pool Of Potentials

With online dating, you get to expand your reach to people you might have never met by chance. Hey as we all know dating is a numbers game so the more people you meet the chances are you’ll find someone you connect with. The old fashioned way of dating only allows you to go so far in your sphere of friends vs a large online dating database.

Personality

You get to specify your personality interest and what you’re looking for in a date. If you love scuba diving and want to meet a scuba diving partner then boom you can make that a requirement.

Disclosing About Your Herpes Diagnosis

A huge benefit to online dating is finding online herpes dating communities. There’s a list to pick from obviously but one of the benefits is knowing that you're preaching to the choir when you disclose about genital herpes. This is awesome!!!!  

The Cons Of Online Dating

Dangers Of The Unknown

As we all know people can not really be who they say they are. This is nothing new but it’s become really easy to create a profile or become someone else through social media.  Since it’s super easy to just click some buttons or add photos from 1995 we don’t really know who the person is that we're going on a date with. I mean you can’t really ask for bank statements, do a background check and ask for medical records on the first date. Most of the time people are honest and good but we’ve all heard those horror stories of the dual personality and people who are married with a separate family. Yes, this can happen without online dating but usually, you date someone in your sphere so you’ll know something about them.

Time Consuming To Build A Profile & Communicate

Online dating can be time cosuming. As you know from past experience or could imagine there’s a ton of questions that are asked to pull together your profile and then link you to people who will be a good match. This process can take time up front. Not to mention the time you’ll spend swiping around in the app and chatting with people who wink at you. To some, this can be fun but for others, it’s just a time suck.

One Dimensional Conversation

Your conversation will be one-dimensional meaning you’re only communicating at first through the app or text. Yes, this can be on you’re own time but also when you’re only texting you don’t get to know peoples voices, humor, humility or even feel out their chemistry. Yes once you go out and meet them you’ll see this but you could pass on someone just because you’re not a texter.

Software's In Control Of Who You Meet

Earlier we talked about the software being a pro because it can introduce you to people you most likely wouldn't have come across because they’re not in your sphere. But a con can be that the software or your settings control who you meet. So for example, I would have never been matched with my husband because I had criteria of only dating someone 10 years older. Now of course if I met someone in person and they were 12 or 15 years older I’d accept a date but if I were putting this on my profile I would have had to draw the line at something. Thus I’d never had me, Bill, because he’s 20 years older than I. So sometimes putting the restrictions on can prevent an introduction.

As you can see there’s a ton to think about when it comes to taking the steps to date and then, of course, the steps to online date. Regardless of the decision, you pick it’s the right one for you. Not ways are right for everyone. If you're looking for a great herpes online dating site I personally recommend Dating Positives. You can go here to learn more about them.

Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)
• Dating Positives - online herpes dating site

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

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Life With Herpes

https://youtu.be/-fIg8a61WvY

The ego is a really strong influence on our lives. The ego has some really good quality and of course, it can have some bad qualities.

The ego has many definitions and to some, it can be described as the little devil that sits on your shoulder. But the ego is basically a little voice inside you that wants to feel special and wants to prove it’s self. At the same time, the ego could be seen as it’s lacking confidence so it needs to be boisterous and the life of the part.  Regardless, we all have an ego and it can take years and practice learning how to manage it and not let it take over us.

Back to the bad qualities of our ego friend. Our ego doesn’t like being wrong, it doesn’t like being made fun of, and it most certainly can’t take criticism. And guess what the stigma has made herpes out to be? All of the above. By saying, “I have herpes!” to the ego this translates as I F@C%ED UP. Not at all what the ego’s about. The ego is all about winning and proving that you’ve always made the right choices.

Some traits of people who let their ego take over might go into the victim role and blame others for their mistake or loss or whatever. So in the situation of having herpes, it’s so easy to point the finger at the person who gave you herpes or the person you think gave you herpes. It’s so easy to say they just ruined my life and now I’m not going to ______ insert whatever you want. Not going to get married, not going to ever find someone who loves me, not ever going to have the career of my dreams, not ever going to whatever because of the A$$ HOLE who gave me herpes. This blame game is really not helpful to anyone. It doesn’t help you and all it does is build up your ego.

Ok, so the key thing here is to get your ego out of the way especially when it comes to telling your partner that you have herpes. For all the reasons I’ve listed above the ego doesn’t want to admit its wrong or put its self in a position to I  can be the brunt of the joke or gossip. But I’m sure we all can admit that it’s going to be the best and long term only option for a relationship.

We’ve gone over and over why it’s important to tell your partner about having herpes and of course we’ve discussed why its a really uncomfortable and potentially painful conversation. I want you to remember that it’s your ego who doesn't want you to share this. It’s your egos way of saying I’m scared $h!tless and I don't want to be in this position. Well, its tough beans for your ego.

So as silly as it sounds this is what I want you to do,  let your ego know that it’ok that she’s (or he’s) scared. Heck, you’re scared too. But you know that this is going to be the best thing for your relationship and you really want to move forward with this partner.

Once you have the convo and let him or her know then your ego will calm down. It will either be proved wrong or try to prove that it was right. Just know that you need to put your ego aside and bite the bullet.

Take a deep breath and have the conversation!

Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh yea and just incase you need some Herpes Outbreak Essentials

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Obviously, if we have herpes we want to do everything in our power to prevent another outbreak. Right?

Of course, as I’ve discussed time and time again, we’re all different. Some people will get an initial outbreak and then never have another one. Some people are asymptomatic and either they don’t know they have herpes or justs never have outbreaks. And others get them all the time. Now, I don’t know how some people can be asymptomatic, that’s a secret we all want to know but I do know some key things that play a role.

Let’s talk about some triggers and some possible changes we can make in our day to day life.

Immune System , Stress & Diet

Immune System

Our immune system is probably one of the most intricate and important functions in our body. Our immune system basically dictates whether we can go to that fun party on Friday night or travel or basically enjoy what life has to offer. When we’re run down or worse are sick we don’t get to go out an enjoy life. Our health is the key to life and with that so’s our immune system. If you are like me and were raised in the ’80s and ’90s at the time our medical professionals gave us antibiotics for basically anything and everything. While antibiotics are awesome and save lives they also can be overprescribed and even do some harm on our immune system. There is good bacteria that is essential to our overall health. If that’s missing then our body can’t do what it needs to do to keep us healthy. The best thing is to have your vials tested and see if you have any deficiencies in your system. This all is woven together and affects your immune system do if your deficient in a mineral or vitamin it can really help get you to your strongest. Take daily vitamins, our soil is so depleted and we as a whole eat so much processed food that it’s hard for us to get the vitamins and nutrients that we need from just our food. And finally where you’ll see huge changes is if you add a daily probiotic. Probiotics are the good bacteria that live in your gut and keeps away the bad bacteria and helps keep our immune system healthy. I’ve linked the one that I use but when you go to your local health food store ask the vitamin specialist which one is right for you and your needs.

Stress

Stress is something we hear about all the time. Yet in a way, it’s hard to measure stress. It’s almost like it’s this invisible thing that you carry around with you. We all have stress and stress can be a good thing but if it gets to be too much it can reach havoc on our lives and our health. Stress can be cause for things like heart disease, asthma, anxiety, obesity, diabetes, depression, premature aging, and even death. Not to mention other hardships it can cause on you or your family. So stress can cause outbreaks. The really good thing about this is that we can know when our bodies are stressed to the max. Herpes is like our own little stress indicator. No outbreaks then stress must be low or under control. Outbreak after Outbreak must mean you’re pushing yourself to the max. Learning to let things go and not add the stress to your plate will have a huge effect on your outbreaks. Try meditation, taking daily walks, doing your best to pinpoint what actually stresses you out and compartmentalize it.

Diet

This is another big deal in people like you and me who have herpes. Really, diet is a key ingredient in our lives. We all know that whole, organic, real foods are better for us and processed, preservatives and fake food aren’t. But with our busy schedules and being on the go fast food and unhealthy food is just easy. Not to mention it tastes good. I mean who doesn’t love In n out? There are some foods that you can keep an eye on and do your best to have in moderation. These foods either are triggers for outbreaks or they are linked to lowering our immunosystem. These are foods like fast food, fried food, nuts, peanuts, chocolate, sugar, processed foods, coconut, and starchy foods. I go into more detail on this episode 107 if you want the nitty-gritty. But the bottom line does your best to fuel yourself with real foods. Your body will never be upset with a fresh orange or a fresh summer salad.

Like I mentioned earlier I don’t have the secret recipe to getting rid of herpes outbreaks forever but I do know some key things that will increase your outbreaks. I hope you take a second to look over your lifestyle and see how you’re doing with your immune system, the stress you have in your life and look at your diet. If you need resources in any of these areas feel free to reach out and I’ll point you in the right direction.

Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

Oh Yea and in case you need Herpes Outbreak Essentials

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Life With Herpes

There’s always an initial thought that goes through all of our heads when we feel an itch or a tingle or something just doesn’t feel quite right “down there”. The thought is...is that an outbreak? Or if we haven’t been diagnosed with herpes we’re thinking, “OMG is that Herpes.”

Questions I get all the time from members in our Secret Society are what are the symptoms of herpes or how do I know when it’s an outbreak or what are some symptoms I should be looking for. One question I recently got from one of our members was, “ Are outbreaks different for men and women and what are some of the symptoms for men?”

So let’s break it down about what symptoms you can expect to see or have when you’re coming down with an outbreak or during an outbreak.

Herpes symptoms for both men and women:

• Blistery sores
• Burning when you pee if you have sores
• Trouble peeing if you have sores covering your urethra
• Itching or pain around your genitals
• Sometimes the blisters can blee
• Swollen, tender glands in the pelvic area, throat, or under the arms
• Fever
• Chills
• Fatigue
• Headache
• General run-down feelingsAchy, flu-like feelings

What does herpes look like?

• The sores can be single or in clusters
• Can look like papercuts
• Filled with fluid
• Are hard to pop

What men should look for:

• Typically in men, the herpes infection is on the penis or around the anus

What women should look for:

• Typically in women clusters of blistery sores show up on your vulva, cervix, or anus.

Keep in mind everyone is a little different. Someone might get headaches and flu-like symptoms while you might get really itchy and swollen. We’re all different and our bodies all react a little different. The key thing here is to know you’re body and know what your triggers are so that you can get on top of your outbreak as well as do the best that you can to prevent transmission to your partner.

Do you have symptoms that are different than what I listed? Let me know in the comments.

Details:

+ Join the Secret Society

+ HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

Oh yea, remember to subscribe to the Life With Herpes newsletter and get The 5 things  I wished she knew before I was diagnosed with herpes sent directly to your inbox + weekly updates.

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Just in case…

Learn about the Herpes Outbreak Toolkit:

Need to talk confidentially about herpes?

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Ok, so I love essential oils. When I was first introduced to them I was really skeptical about their holistic healing properties but I was always a huge fan of using them as aromatherapy. Essential oils have become a huge thing over the last couple of years so most likely you have some type of oil laying around your house. Well, as I’m sure you guessed it there are some oils that are really helpful and beneficial when it comes to a herpes outbreak. These oils can do things like calm your nerves, help with swelling, the itching and even have antiviral properties.

Lavender oil

I think this is the best smelling oil. Lavender is really great used topically and it can help with the antiseptic properties as well as helping relieve herpes symptoms like the itch. It’s great to be used on open cuts so when you have an outbreak you can lavender directly to your sore. Also, in addition to healing open wounds lavender is also a natural painkiller, so if you're dealing with a ton of pain from your herpes outbreak this will help ease it. Another great benefit of lavender is it can help you sleep and a lot of times during really bad outbreaks it can be hard to sleep whether it be from the anxiety of your diagnosis or just because of discomfort. You can use it topically on the outbreak, put a few drops on a cotton ball and put it in your pillowcase or drop a few drops into an Epsom salt bath. All these methods will help you tremendously.

Oregano oil

Oregano oil is pretty popular oils for herpes treatment. This is one that I’ll get questions about and see that a lot of people in our secret society use oregano oil. This oil has been used for many years due to its health benefits and it’s antibacterial properties. Oregano oil can quicken the healing process, as well as, reduce inflammation and swelling. There are tons of other great benefits but I’m sticking to what will help with herpes.

Peppermint oil

IS one of my favorites. Personally, I love putting some drops into some hot water and drinking it, but the best way to use this for herpes is not to drink it but to use it topically. It’s often considered a "super oil" because it has health benefits that many herpes medications do not. There’s been some medical research showing how badass peppermint oil can be. Peppermint oil can help alleviate symptoms of different herpes strains that are immune to many other herpes medications. Meaning that using peppermint oil topically is pretty badass and it will fight the herpes virus.  If you plan to use peppermint oil as a treatment, dilute the peppermint oil with a wet q-tip. For best results, apply it as soon as you know a breakout is getting ready to start.

Melaleuca oil

Best Practices: Take a q-tip and wet it a bit. Apply a drop or two to the wet q-tip. Then apply the q-tip to the area you wish to treat. The reason why it’s recommended to wet the q-tip is that the essential oils can be so potent and can even burn your skin. The last thing you want is a herpes outbreak and a skin burn. That sounds like a really bad day!

Pro Tip: If you want to ingest them make sure you read the label first. Some of the essential oils are not for consumption, but some of them are and are really yummy.  Also, the quality of essential oil will play a role in whether or not you want to add them to your food so do your research.

So as you can see there’s a ton of benefit to having these oils on hand and in your cupboard. I’ll always travel with at least one oil and I keep them on hand. If the oil flavor fits with what I’m cooking I’ll add a few drops in or I’ll put them in my diffuser and take them in that way. Regardless they are a pretty big part of my life.

You can order your essential oils here.

• Lavender Oil
• Oregano Oil
• Peppermint Oil
• Melaleuca Oil (tea tree oil)

Details:

• Join the Secret Society
• HerpAlert (use promo code: lifewithherpes and get 10% off)

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Xoxo,

Alexandra

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https://youtu.be/RqdvGeMGLp8

Hi there! On today’s episode my husband, Bill, is joining us. Yay! There’s been a ton of Secret Society members who’ve been asking about Bill and wanting to know what his true thoughts were when it came to be with me, us having sex and the risks of transmitting herpes.

Originally when I was diagnosed I truly believed that nobody would love me because of this virus. Sound familiar? I stayed in a relationship far too long because I didn’t have the self-confidence.  

Moving forward to this episode we get the real skinny on what Bill’s thoughts are about our love, our marriage and yep our sex life.

I wanted you to hear Bill tell his story about when I disclosed to Bill about my herpes diagnosis. This is great to tune in because we all have to tell our partners at some point.

Bill shares from his point of view about how emotional I was when I disclosed to him about having herpes. Now keep in mind that when I disclosed we were not dating or together. I just confided in him because he was my best friend and my confidant.

One key point that we both make is herpes is not an issue AT ALL in our life. And that’s one of the biggest concerns when first being diagnosed. We think that having herpes will get in the way of our sex life and it’s a huge concern that having a normal relationship has flown out the window. I can tell you this is 100% BS.  You’ll hear Bill share his side.

Oh, and you heard me talk about herpalert on this episode. BTW...HerpAlert is the best way to have a confidential diagnosis as well as get your monthly antiviral refills. Use the promo code: lifewithherpes and receive 10% off.

Here’s How I Can Support

Join our Life With Herpes Secret Society - https://lifewithherpes.com/subscription-membership-sp/

Herpes Outbreak Toolkit - https://lifewithherpes.com/herpes-outbreak-toolkit

Emergency Call - https://lifewithherpes.com/emergencycall/

Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka

www.lifewithherpes.com

www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka

www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast  

www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes

Join The Life With Herpes Community

If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. See you in there.

Ways You Can Support The Life With Herpes Show

If you enjoyed this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you than a subscribe would be a great idea.

Are you a YouTuber? Go ahead and subscribe to the show. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. When you subscribe it helps the algorithm in YouTube and it helps promote the show. If you are worried about your identity and your friends finding out you subscribed to a herpes channel then change your settings to private. And trust me I totally get it and would want to keep it a secret. Also, when you subscribe you will be notified in your inbox when a new episode is out or when Alexandra is live on Youtube Live. Subscribe Here

Are you a podcast listener? Please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you in the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!   Subscribe, Rate and Review

Life With Herpes

https://youtu.be/w-NzfQJ0OeU

Hi there. So we’ve talked a ton about how to tell your partner or when to tell your partner and what to say when you tell your partner. It’s all scary and trust me I totally get it. Society has made us look like we’re bad people for having herpes and we’ve also been taught to not talk about sex. So why would talking about herpes be normal or easy?

So here are some ways to NOT tell your partner you have herpes.

A really bad time is…

When you’ve just had sex and even worse would be if you have an outbreak.

This is a really bad time to mention it. I know it’s hard to tell someone that you have herpes and it’s easier to just not say anything. But now if this is your situation you’re in a pickle. Getting your partner on the antiviral asap is key to helping them heal. I was in the mortgage industry for a number of years and people would always try to fudge their income or assets in order to purchase a home. The thing is that the truth always would come out. I mean always. So If you’re going to wait until after you have sex to let them know to remember that the truth will always come out and it’s a lot easier, to tell the truth in the beginning then ask for forgiveness.

When you’re hot and heave and the clothes are on the floor.

Yep, this is another pretty bad time. Talk about blue balls! Right before you have sex is such an exciting time. There are so many emotions flying around and probably some other things flying around for that matter. You want this to be fun, sexy and not filled with the...oh wait well I have to tell you something real quick. You only get one chance to have your first time so make sure that you prep and

Over the phone or via text

Ok, so there are sometimes when over the phone is ok. I’ll get into that but in general, this should be a conversation you have in person. I get that we use text as our main form of communication and I’m totally guilty of it. But when we’re talking about sex and something super important like your sexual health this needs to be had in person. Back to my mortgage days, sorry to bore you but I learned a ton from that era, anyway, when you have bad news it needs to be communicated in person or in the mortgage situation over the phone. So if someone could purchase the home of their dreams a text or email was a pretty lame and ass hole way to tell them. We had to either tell them in person or the next best was over the phone. When we read the text in emails or our text messages the tone and information can totally be taken out of context. I can understand if you’re dating long distance and if one of you are flying out to see the other and you want to let them know ahead of time. But, perhaps in that situation, you can facetime or skype or do some type of video chat so you both can react and see one another's expressions. This is so key in relationships.

After you’ve been dating, you’re engaged or even married.

This happens more than not. Some of you reading this are like, what married or engaged? Yep, it happens and as I’m speaking about this if this is your situation please know I’m not judging you. I get it. It’s a really hard and uncomfortable situation be in and tell your partner you have herpes and then you get further into your relationship and then all of a sudden your married and now you can’t possibly have the conversation because then your spouse will think that you’ve been lying about more things. So I get it and I’m not trying to make you feel bad about this. What I’m trying to do and I’m sure you’d agree and if you could go back and change it you would. SO what I’m trying to do is prevent others from being in this situation. Remember when I said the truth always comes out?  It somehow will a carrying all that guilt is not good for you either. Do your best to tell your partner that you have herpes. It’s just a silly skin disease and that they can catch it. That’s all it is and that’s all the attention that needs to be given to it.

On a double date or in a group setting

Ok, this is between you and your partner. Not your friends or family or whoever you want to pull into this. Dropping that you have herpes on a double date would be a bad idea. This is something you both need to talk about. There will be questions and it’s a beautiful opportunity for your relationship to grow deeper. Thinking that having this in a group setting will soften the blow or divert the attention is not a good situation.

Ok, the other bad way to tell your partner is when you’re wasted!

Again, this sounds like a great way to tell them. I hear time and time again, “oh I’ll have a couple of drinks before.” A glass of wine or a beer is a different situation than a bottle of wine and a 6 pack of beer. At that point, no important or serious convo should be happening. You should do you’re best to avoid having this conversation while inebriated.

Ok, so as you can see there are plenty of situations where it’s not the best place or situation. Also, hear me out, if you’re in one of these situations please understand that I’m not judging you or trying to make you feel bad. I think that you can agree that these situations are not the idea. And if you’re in this situation please reach out and let’s talk.

At the end of the day, communication is key. It’s hard to do because we want to protect ourselves and don't want the rejection. But you’re totally worth it and if that other person is worth it then you guys will be happy you communicated on having herpes.

Let me know your thoughts!

Xoxo,

Alexandra

Here’s How I Can Support

Join our Life With Herpes Secret Society - https://lifewithherpes.com/subscription-membership-sp/

Herpes Outbreak Toolkit - https://lifewithherpes.com/herpes-outbreak-toolkit

Emergency Call - https://lifewithherpes.com/emergencycall/

Keep in touch with Alexandra Harbushka

www.lifewithherpes.com

www.instagram.com/alexandraharbushka

www.facebook.com/lifewithherpespodcast  

www.pinterest.com/lifewithherpes

Join The Life With Herpes Community

If you are ready to join a community of people who are living with herpes also then you will want to join our slack group. It is FREE and it is a great way to find the support and comfort that you are looking for. Head on over to www.lifewithherpes.com and join our community. See you in there.

Ways You Can Support The Life With Herpes Show

If you enjoyed this episode as much as we enjoyed making it for you than a subscribe would be a great idea.

Are you a YouTuber? Go ahead and subscribe to the show. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. When you subscribe it helps the algorithm in YouTube and it helps promote the show. If you are worried about your identity and your friends finding out you subscribed to a herpes channel then change your settings to private. And trust me I totally get it and would want to keep it a secret. Also, when you subscribe you will be notified in your inbox when a new episode is out or when Alexandra is live on Youtube Live. Subscribe Here

Are you a podcast listener? Please give the Life With Herpes show a review. It is a way to pay it forward to fellow friends who are living with herpes. You can Subscribe, Rate and Review the show through your iTunes app or on the desktop. Seriously, it helps out a lot more than it is a hassle for you. You see, iTunes has an algorithm that organically promotes the show, so the more ratings and reviews the Life With Herpes Show receives then the higher it gets ranked. This is your way of paying it forward and helping someone find the show who really needs it. Oh, and you can totally use a fake name, so don’t worry about a friend finding you in the iTunes review. Talking about herpes needs to be spread as far and wide as possible. You are totally a part of this movement so THANK YOU!   Subscribe, Rate and Review