Life With Herpes

Stereotypes, perception and a huge wakeup call   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9FN3JiNk9xX1ZUdw==[/video_player]   Welcome to Life With Herpes, thanks for joining me on episode 27! This show is about busting stereotypes of who has herpes, and who gets herpes. Whether your “thing” is tall, dark and handsome or big breasts and an ass, none of that has anything to do with herpes!   Find out exactly what I’m talking about, and what my old misconceptions were about who can have herpes and who can’t get it on today’s edition of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes When I say “whatever your thing is” what I mean is I had this preconceived notion that - bluntly - if you had herpes you were a slut. If you had herpes you were the slimy used car sales type of person.   The person I thought who would get herpes would be someone in line at the DMV or the carnival workers - just weird people. That is who I thought had herpes. I thought people with herpes were uneducated, of a lower socioeconomic class, and were couch potato-types. It's hard for me to admit these were my thoughts but I'm being totally transparent! I also thought minorities and really promiscuous people were the only ones with herpes. I never thought a tall, dark and handsome man would have it. And that was one of my ah-ha moments: when I got herpes none of these notions mattered. I realized the herpes virus doesn't care if you are the most attractive person in the world with a PhD, the most powerful and influential CEO, or anyone of any variation in between.   My point in sharing this is I was wrong and naive - these stereotypes were my mind’s way of convincing myself that will never happen to me because I don't date certain types of people.   I want you to know that it doesn't matter. We have it. You have it, I have it, we have it.   Tweetable:  “There’s no way to stereotype people who have herpes.” - Alexandra Harbushka Maybe we are the person who works at the DMR or we are tall, dark and handsome. Maybe we are the person who has slept with one person or we've slept with everyone. There are no exceptions to who can and does get herpes. you did nothing wrong! I did nothing wrong. Not one of us did anything wrong to get herpes. Getting the preconceived idea of who can have and who does have herpes is what we should all do. To this day one of my biggest pet peeves is when I tell someone I have herpes and I recommend they use condoms, they tell me they don't sleep with “dirty people” so they won't get it. Or they tell me they know the people they sleep with and they won't get it.   None of that matters! No one fits into any certain box of who will get it and who has it, I mean 70% of the population has HSV-1! And 1 out 6 sexually active adults has HSV-2. There is no stereotype, there is no tall and dark and handsome who will protect you from getting it. There is no person out there who cannot give it to you because they aren't "dirty". We both know that just because you and I have herpes doesn't mean either of us is dirty.   I hope this helps you, maybe you had your own "ah ha" moment from today’s show. Perhaps you realized you were putting yourself in a certain stereotype because you have herpes, I'm here to tell you to get out of that! Don't think you are less of a person or you aren't deserving because you have herpes. That's BS - don't put yourself in that mindset because it isn’t true!   Now I’d love to hear from you: did you have a herpes stereotype or have you been putting yourself in one? Join our free, private community on Facebook and let me know after you’ve listened to all of episode 27 of Life With Herpes.       Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask, Answer & Get The Facts About Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9kNFNCSHpKR3JfVQ==[/video_player] Welcome to episode 26 of Life With Herpes! I’m back with another #AskAlexandra show, and I say this every time but it is my favorite of all of our episodes together. I love seeing your questions in my Inbox so keep them coming!   Do you have any questions of your own? If you want to send them to me go to LifeWithHerpes.com and scroll down to the bottom where you'll see the #AskAlexandra section and click on that. Fill out the Google form with your question. Remember you can remain anonymous if you want.   Speaking of questions, today's question comes from Katie in Orlando, Florida. Thanks for reaching out Katie. She has just found out she has herpes, and she's been married for five years. She wants to know if this means her husband has been cheating on her. Listen in to hear my advice to Katie and anyone else in her situation on episode 26 of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes   Wow, what a big question Katie! Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable to ask this. First of all I want tell you I’m so sorry for what you are going through, and I’m here for you.Before you let yourself believe your husband has cheated and given you herpes, here are some things I want you to look at:   First: have you ever had a herpes test? Even if you have gone in for STD tests you may not have been tested for herpes, unless you specifically ask for it. And if you were tested for herpes was it negative? The same goes for your husband.   If you didn't have a herpes test prior to your diagnosis then there's no way of really knowing for sure when you got the virus.     Tweetable:  “Usually the first outbreak happens within 2 days to 14 days.” -Alexandra Harbushka   Second: another thing to look at is it HSV-1 or HSV-2? HSV-1 is oral and HSV-2 is genital. In certain situations if your husband has HSV-1 there is a chance he can spread it to your genitals through oral sex. So it could be how you now have herpes. Or if you have oral herpes you could have given it to his genitals and now he's given it to yours. And third: in some cases the herpes virus can lay dormant for a period of time. It's not often but it can happen. It’s also possible you had a very mild first outbreak in the past and the virus then went dormant til now. Or you could have acquired it and it has been dormant until now. It's rare that this happens, but it does happen. And for your understanding usually the first outbreak happens within two days to two weeks of having sex with someone who has herpes and passes it on to you.   So there are a lot of combinations and a lot of moving parts to look into before you automatically accuse your husband of cheating. But I think your question and your concern is completely valid, that would be the first thought on anyone's mind!   What I recommend you do Katie is go back through your medical records and have this conversation with your husband. Tell him how you're feeling, be vulnerable and put your cards out on the table. Doing all of that will help your relationship go to the next level. If you want to know the answer and you want to know if he's cheating, then have the conversation.   And again I'm sorry you just got the diagnosis and had your first outbreak. Join us in the private Facebook group and share your experience with you. We're there for you and would love to support you. Let us know how you’re doing and share your thoughts on today’s episode of Life With Herpes. Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Stuffing Emotions And Exploding [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS80RDFhQm5oVHIyZw==[/video_player] Welcome to Life With Herpes, thanks for joining me! Today we're talking about judgment: judgment and feeling your feelings. it's a bit of a deep but extremely important topic. On episode 25 we’ll go into exactly why it’s so important, a time when I remember not wanting to feel my feeling about having herpes and why it’s imperative to our health that we express all of our emotions from anger to sadness to joy and happiness. This is a show you won’t want to miss so sit back and tune in to this edition of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes You know those butterflies you get when you are scared to talk about something you don't really want to talk about? Just starting today’s podcast brought up the memory of a time when I had those feelings!     I can remember not wanting to feel the feelings I had about having herpes. I can remember just wanting to move on, to pretend like it wasn't happening to me. I wanted to avoid my feelings, and not face the anger, sadness, shame and other emotions I had about my diagnosis.   This was especially hard for me when it was confirmed that my now ex-boyfriend gave me herpes. I can remember the day: I was at my aunt's in Newport Beach with my mom and a friend from elementary school. My friend had moved away but by coincidence, her parents were back in Newport Beach and she was there. I had not seen her for a really long time and wanted to catch up. But I couldn’t, I had just found out my now ex had given me herpes and I was so angry, so hurt and so mad. I was in public so I didn’t want to feel all of those emotions, I couldn’t cry or get pissed off. I was around people and I was expected to go to certain places that day and be with certain people.   I remember the conversation with my ex in which he told me he did have herpes: he told me and then he turned the entire thing around on me and made it my fault somehow! The conversation and the entire situation that day was exhausting and draining because I couldn’t express my feelings. In retrospect, I should've excused myself from the event and the party, I should've stepped away and let myself feel my feelings. Tweetable:  “Having the herpes virus is not the end of the world.” Alexandra Harbushka       I’m here to tell you it's okay to NOT be fine, I want to stress that point for you. It's okay to feel your feelings. Burying our feelings only works for a little while, at some point those emotions come pouring out.   Think of our bodies as a teapot. You boil water and get it in the teapot. If you keep pouring the boiling water in, it keeps rising as you continue pouring. What happens if you continue to pour the water in? It fills the teapot til the water pours over and spills out. And if you boil the water too long and at too high of a temperature in the teapot with its cover secured, the teapot will explode.   Our bodies are no different. if we keep filling and stuffing emotions down into our bodies eventually there's nowhere left for them to go but out. Eventually, we explode releasing all those pent up feelings.   Science agrees. A Harvard study suggests suppressing emotions may increase the risk of dying from heart disease and certain forms of cancer. This confirms that suppressing negative emotions like anger, anxiety, and depression can increase our chances of heart disease and some types of cancer (see below for the links).   To sum up, the herpes virus isn't the problem, it's not feeling what you feel. If you don't talk about those feelings and let them out you'll become a victim to this virus. What I'm trying to say is people who love you will understand. Talk to your lover, your best friend or write in your journal. If you are angry then be angry, and have appropriate discussions about that anger. And if you need a community to talk to about your feelings you can join our free, super private Facebook group after you listen to episode 25 of Life With Herpes.   Episode Resources  

• Life With Herpes website
• Harvard study on suppressed emotions
• Additional abstract from Harvard study
• Huffington Post article on suppressed emotions
• Join The Life With Herpes Facebook community
• 9 Seldom Used But Incredibly Powerful Over The Counter Herpes Remedies
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask, Answer & Get The Facts About Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9fMmxFaGdpamFPbw==[/video_player]   Welcome to episode 19 of Life With Herpes, I’m excited to share this #askalexandra episode with you! Do you want to join in and send me your own question? Go to Life With Herpes.com and click on the #askalexandra link. Fill out the form, check the box if you want to remain completely anonymous, and you're in! Today’s question comes from Kelly in Melbourne, Australia. She wants to know what the first outbreak is like and I give the answer on this edition of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes   If you’ve been here before you know I love to hear from you, which is why the #AskAlexandra episodes are some of my favorites! You guys are always in my thoughts so when I get the chance to hear from you and help answer your questions I am ecstatic. Let’s jump right into today's question from Kelly from Melbourne, Australia. Kelly's question is about the first outbreak, she wants to know what it's like. She asks because she is going through her first painful outbreak, including sharp pains in her pelvis.First of all I want to tell you Kelly I'm so sorry that you are having your first outbreak. I totally get it, as do our other listeners. The first outbreak is just a stab to your heart: it's emotionally shocking and physically painful - probably the most painful outbreak you'll experience.   Tweetable:  “The first outbreak is just a stab to your heart.” - Alexandra Harbushka     Personally I had to wear maxi dresses during my first: I couldn't sit down and I couldn't wear jeans. So I understand Kelly and I know you are in a ton of pain, and for that I am so sorry.   Now let's talk about some of the symptoms you experience during your first outbreak: you may have a fever, a headache, and aches and pains throughout your body. In fact it may feel like you have the flu. You might get a sore throat or your lymph nodes may become swollen.   It also burns when you urinate and your entire pelvic area becomes inflamed. You may feel a tingling sensation, too. And you will have blisters show up, those are extremely painful especially when they burst open up.  After they open a clear liquid comes out, then the blisters will scab over and begin itching!   The good news is the itching means the area is healing, and the blisters don’t leave a scar.   I've heard of people not noticing their first outbreak but I find it really hard to believe because mine was so severe! But if that's the case for you good for you! Just be aware it's not an ingrown hair or a zit or a cut from shaving. I'm passionate about paying attention to this because that was my personal situation: he didn't think his blisters were herpes, he thought they were something else.   To get back to you Kelly I’d recommend you phone your doctor about the sharp pelvic pains you are experiencing. It's really hard to get an STD inside the uterus, which is where you are experiencing the sharp pains. And that makes me wonder if something else isn't going on for you.   For me, when I had my first outbreak I also had a severe yeast infection and bacterial vaginitis. My doctor actually thought it was just an extremely bad yeast infection, but she tested me for herpes just in case.   The good news about your first outbreak is that it is typically your most severe. After your first outbreak you’ll start to notice the warning signs ahead of time, and then you can nip those future outbreaks in the bud by getting on an anti-viral and/or using home remedies.   You can find those home remedies in my crisis toolkit. If you're like Kelly and have just been diagnosed pick it up. Be sure to listen to episode 24 of Life With Herpes first, and then go get it! Episode Resources

• Life With Herpes website
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Join The Life With Herpes Facebook community
• 9 OTC Herpes Remedies
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Dating, Authenticity & Acceptance     [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9VNnkzeHNxLWE2cw==[/video_player] Life With Herpes Podcast Welcome to episode 23 of Life With Herpes! I’m really excited, as always, to be with you today. While none of us likes having herpes I do love having these conversations with you so I’m glad you’re here to join in.   Today we’re talking about having the herpes talk with your partner. You’ll hear some of my personal stories as well as my fears and how I let go of the negative thoughts and beliefs I had when I was first diagnosed. This episode, like all of the others, comes straight from my heart to yours. Thanks for joining me on this edition of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes   Because it's important for me to be transparent with you I'm going to share my stories on this show. I’ll talk with you about what it was like to tell past boyfriends that I have herpes.   Personally, this was always one of my biggest fears: after I was diagnosed I thought no one would ever want to be with me again. I thought no one would date me and everyone would think I was dirty for having herpes. It took a lot of work for me to let go of those thoughts and beliefs! And while it didn't happen overnight, it did happen with a lot of self-love.   I can imagine you might be dealing with a similar fear so I'm taking the time on this episode of Life With Herpes to talk about my experiences having the "babe I've got herpes" conversations.   After I broke up with the guy I was dating who had herpes, I got to a point where I thought okay I've got to move on and date again. I knew I was not going to let herpes get in the way. As hard as it was to accept having herpes, I really took on the belief that if someone doesn't want to love me because I have herpes then that person doesn't deserve my time, my attention, my affections!   I believed they didn’t deserve anything to do with me or me if they weren't going to love me for everything about me. I’d say it took me about two years to get to that phase so I want you to know it is possible and you can get there too.   But that doesn't make it any easier to have the herpes conversation with someone you are dating. I have two specific examples of having this talk with someone, here’s the first one:   I went on a date with a guy I had known for awhile. He had asked me out a few years prior but I didn't want to go out with him then. But when he asked me out again I said yes, even though I had no interest in him really. We went out on a romantic date, he took me to a nice restaurant in Little Italy in San Diego. I knew he was ready for sex, which I completely understood his perspective. However, I was not. To be totally honest with you, I used the fact that I have herpes as a way to not sleep with him. It was my scapegoat!   At the time it was easier for me to say you don't want to sleep with me because I have herpes, rather than telling him he's a nice guy but it wasn't going to work out between us because I didn’t feel that way about him.   Tweetable:  “I’m not going to let herpes get in the way.” - Alexandra Harbushka   Then there was someone I found very hard to have the herpes talk with. I was dating a guy for about 3 months and I really liked him and he liked me. We were friends first and had known each other for awhile.   We even went through the phase of spending time together and wondering whether it was a date or not! We did reach a point there when I decided to tell him, it only seemed fair. We went to dinner and I told him during our meal. I told him I had herpes and that it was something he was going to have to understand if he wanted to take things further with me.   I was shaking I was so scared to tell him! I knew he could reject me and even though I told myself that was okay if he did because it meant he didn't really love me and didn't deserve me, I was still afraid to tell him. Fortunately, after I told him he responded with kindness and comfort. By sharing these stories with you what I'm trying to say is it is all in how you share your message. If you use it as an escape from sleeping with someone, that's what you'll get back. If you share it from your heart and tell the person how you're feeling chances are you're going to get the same in return.   I believe there’s also an ideal time to have the conversation with someone you’re seeing, join me to hear it! And listen in to hear how I told my fiance and how it's impacted our relationship on today’s 23rd episode of Life With Herpes! Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask,  Answer & Get The Facts About Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9MdVVIdW5FMVhPYw==[/video_player]   Life With Herpes Podcast     Welcome to episode 22 of Life With Herpes! As always I'm excited to be here with you, especially for these episodes because each #AskAlexandra show is my chance to get to know you in a more personal way.   Today our question comes from Destiny in Washington, D.C., I love your city Destiny, especially the cherry blossoms in the spring! Destiny wrote in because she wants to know how having herpes affects pregnancy and her baby, join me to hear the answer on episode 22 of Life With Herpes!   More About Life With Herpes   First of all Destiny congratulations! How exciting for you, I bet you are thrilled about your pregnancy and your baby on the way!   This is a great question, thank you for asking it. In fact, this was one of the first questions I wanted to know too, after my diagnosis. I remember asking how herpes will affect pregnancy and having a baby. Tweetable:  “Find out what is best for you, your body and your pregnancy.” - Alexandra Harbushka Here's the two-part answer: if you got herpes while you're pregnant it's a little bit trickier then if you've been living with herpes for awhile before your pregnancy. First, let's look at the situation if you've been living with herpes for awhile.   It's not that big of a deal for you, your body has antibodies that have been made by your immune system for a while now. You may experience more outbreaks because your body is stressed and your body is changing - you are growing a whole new human being after all!   It can get tricky during the birth, however. If you are planning a vaginal birth and you have an outbreak at the time, you can pass it to your baby. Now that can be dangerous for your baby because of the traumatic and dramatic experience of birth. After all, your baby has been in the womb and protected for last nine months!   And it can be difficult and challenging for your baby if it does get the virus during birth. You can solve this by doing a C-section, of course. But if you want to do a vaginal birth you can, just be sure you talk to your doctor and let them know you have herpes. They need to put you on an anti-viral, when and how will be up to your doctor. For a lot of soon-to-be-moms it's about 2-4 weeks before their due date. Keep all of this in mind if you are pregnant or want to be pregnant. The key is to know your body and tell your doctor so they can do everything possible to protect you and keep your baby safe and keep your baby from getting herpes.   The second part of the answer to this question is what happens if you are pregnant and have just gotten herpes. I’m not going to lie to you, this scenario is going to be a little more challenging.   Your immune system is down after contracting the virus and you don't have the antibodies yet, so you can pass it on to your baby more easily than if you had had the virus before becoming pregnant. Again the key here is to talk to your doctor. Your doctor will know what to do, and will most likely prescribe anti-viral drugs to ease your symptoms and reduce the risk of infecting your baby.   It's just going to be a bit harder on you. There is a rare situation in which the baby can be infected, but this fact isn't meant to scare you! I’m telling you this just to make sure you know the symptoms and complications that can happen. But if you do get scared remember that we have been birthing babies forever! Mommies lived, babies lived. The key is this isn't unique or rare, it's common and your medical professional can deal with this. Be sure to tell your doctor!   And if you are pregnant and think you have herpes but are afraid to find out, go see your doctor and find out. That can make an enormous difference between having proper care for you and your child, or not. Do it for your baby even if you are scared! Thanks again for this great question Destiny! When you have a question like she did you can send it to me by going to LifeWithHerpes.com. When you’re there scroll down to the bottom, you'll see the #AskAlexandra section. Click on that link, and fill out the Google form with your question. Remember you can remain anonymous!   Want to have more conversations like this one with other people who have herpes? Join the secret Facebook group and continue chatting there, after you’ve listened to episode 22 of Life With Herpes. Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

STD’s, Google and Herpes   [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS91dGFMdktOazIzYw==[/video_player]   Welcome to Life With Herpes, thanks for joining me on episode 21! Since most of the shows are serious I thought we'd have a little fun today and explore what people are searching for about herpes and other STDs on the Internet.   I’m hoping our talk today will be a little bit lighter, and maybe we can even laugh together! It's okay to go through the phases of feeling down, feeling afraid and even angry about having herpes, but let's also remember we can still laugh, love and have fun. Life is meant to be enjoyed and that's what we're going to do on episode 21 of Life With Herpes.   More About Life With Herpes   Let's dive right in and talk Google: what are we Googling about herpes? Personally, the second thing I did after finding out how I have herpes was to turn to Google (the first thing I did was call my best friend). And I was horrified at what I saw! The pictures terrified me. So then I got into the facts, which wasn't so scary but it was sterile and very inhuman. It was like reading about science experiments, rather than actual human beings with emotions, thoughts and real-life experiences.   To save you from the same fate I want to talk about what we're all asking google about herpes. The #1 most searched for STD in the U.S. is herpes! Now here’s another surprising statistic: the least searched is HIV. This surprised me and was interesting to me because as a teen in the 1990s HIV was the scariest thing ever. Let’s look at which states are searching the most for herpes and other STDs. The state that searches for STDs the most is Mississippi, the runner up is Louisiana and the third state (or district) is Washington D.C. were the top query is HIV.   What are people asking in their searches? That’s the next logical question, and the answer is the #1 search in the US and UK is “can you get herpes from kissing?”. The #2 search in those same countries is “can you get herpes from oral sex?” and the third most searched question is “can you get herpes from a toilet seat?” Tweetable:  “We Google herpes more than any other STD!” Alexandra Harbushka To address the first two searches the short answer is yes. If you missed our discussion on the details of how you can get herpes from oral sex and from kissing check out episode 12, episode 14, episode 16, and episode 17. I break down how exactly this is possible, something I'm not going to do on today's show. And to answer the last question, can you get herpes from a toilet seat? The answer is no because there is no skin to skin contact. If your partner tells you they got it from public toilets they are lying to you, they got it from skin to skin contact and/or bodily fluid exchange with a person who has herpes.   In the UK the #1 Googled STD is chlamydia, while genital warts and herpes had the same number of searches. Worldwide the #1 searched STD is HIV/AIDS, right behind it is herpes. Everything else has a fraction of the searches, including HPV which is 3rd.   In the European nations the countries with the top STD searches are as follows:

• Finland
• Norway
• Russia
• Belarus
• Albania
• Ukraine
• Hungary
• Croatia
• Switzerland
• Austria
• Montenegro

  Let's find out what they are searching for in each country next. Finland searches for chlamydia the most. Russia's top search, along with Belarus’, is gonorrhea. In Albania, and the Ukraine they are on Google for info about HIV/AIDS. In Croatia and Hungary, the #1 search is HPV. The Swiss and the Austrians are looking into syphilis while the top European nation googling herpes is Norway, the runner up being Montenegro.   Now let’s get back to the States and look at which states are going to Google the most for STDs and which STDs they are looking for.   The #1 state for HIV/AIDS is Washington, D.C., closely followed by Maryland, which makes sense because they are so close geographically. Syphilis is the #1 in Mississippi followed by Louisiana. Chlamydia is #1 in Mississippi followed by Louisiana, as is gonorrhea. New York and Texas are searching for HPV the most and finally, Georgia and New York are searching for herpes the most   When you tune into episode 21 you’ll also hear the top 5 US and top 5 UK cities that are googling herpes, and the top European countries and top US states for Viagara and Cialis searches. I thought it would be fun to throw those last two stats in there!   Now today's episode isn't to make fun of herpes or other STDs, I hate the stigma attached to herpes which is one of the reasons I created Life With Herpes. So remember you aren't alone in having herpes; I'm here with you to bring you the top information from credible sources and help you in any way possible! That’s my mission for every episode of Life With Herpes. Episode Resources

• Stats from articles in Glamour and Online Doctor
• Episode 12 of Life With Herpes
• Episode 14 of Life With Herpes
• Episode 16 of Life With Herpes
• Episode 17 of Life With Herpes
• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

Ask Answer & Get The Facts About Herpes

    [video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS91b081YnB1UE5paw==[/video_player]   Welcome to episode 20 of Life With Herpes! Thanks for being here, this is another fun #AskAlexandra edition dedicated to answering one question from a listener like you. These episodes are so fun for me because it’s all about you: I get to hear from you, find out where you’re from and what questions you have.   Drew from Newark, New Jersey wrote in today to ask about anti-viral drugs and whether they help reduce symptoms. Ready to hear the answer? Great! Join me on episode 20 of Life With Herpes.  

More About Life With Herpes

  A big thanks to Drew for writing in about anti-viral drugs. The short answer of whether or not they help reduce symptoms is yes. These medications work very fast and are great at relieving the pain and other aspects of a herpes outbreak.   If you have frequent or severe outbreaks these drugs can be very helpful. My first outbreak was so painful I couldn't wear pants! If you're in that same boat then I recommend getting some anti-viral meds to help you. If you’re wondering whether your outbreaks are frequent or not, it would help to know how often an outbreak happens to be considered frequent. Frequent is between 4 and 6 outbreaks a year, so basically every other month or every three months. If you're having them that frequently (or more often) get on an anti-viral drug!   The anti-viral medications suppress the virus so it relieves the symptoms, and it reduces your chances of spreading the disease (something we’ll talk about more later). I no longer take an anti-viral every day, I did for three or four years because I was scared and didn't want to deal with it. I thought if I took the pill then herpes wouldn't show up! Now I don't want to take a pill every single day, so I don’t. But I know I have to be a bit more careful about my diet and my health so I can avoid outbreaks. Whether you take it daily or not is your personal decision.

Tweetable:  “Anti-virals work fast and are great at reducing symptoms.” - Alexandra Harbushka

There are multiple anti-viral drugs you can take, including Valtrex and Famvir and their generic counterparts. Valtrex is the original anti-viral drug and its generic version is Valacyclovir. The other anti-viral drug people with herpes take is Famvir, and its generic alternative of Famcyclovir. Personally, I recommend you talk to your doctor about which is best for you and your lifestyle. Some medications require you take them once a day or twice a day. There's also a difference in cost, insurance coverage, and the like so keep those things in mind.   Also on today’s show I explain why an anti-viral medication reduces your chances of spreading herpes but doesn't eliminate it. The drug suppresses the virus so there's less viral shedding opportunities, which means the symptoms don't appear and you won’t have an outbreak. And because 70% of transmissions happen when someone is NOT having an outbreak you still have to tell your partner! Tell them you are doing everything you can to prevent passing it on to them through using condoms and anti-viral meds. Do you have any questions of your own like Drew? If you want to send them to me go to LifeWithHerpes.com and scroll down to the bottom where you'll see the #AskAlexandra section and click on that. Fill out the Google form with your question. Remember you can remain anonymous if you want. I only use your first name and your city, but if you want complete anonymity I will do that for you!   Want to join the conversation about this or any other herpes-related topic? Join the secret Facebook group and continue chatting there, after you’ve listened to episode 20 of Life With Herpes.

Episode Resources

 

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

 

[video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9xRUtEa0xlR1Fkcw==[/video_player]   Ask, Answer & Get The Facts About Herpes   Welcome to episode 19 of Life With Herpes, I’m excited to share this #AskAlexandra episode with you! These shows are our opportunity to connect: you send in a question and I answer it on an #AskAlexandra episode. I love being able to interact with you directly so thanks for writing in!Our question for episode 19 comes from Taylor in Chicago, Illinois. Taylor wants to know if herpes is considered an STD or an STI. This is a fantastic question, join me to hear the answer on today’s Life With Herpes show.   More About Life With Herpes   Do you want to join in the fun and send in your own question? Go to Life With Herpes.com and click on the #askalexandra link. Fill out the form, check the box if you want to remain completely anonymous, and you're in!   That’s exactly what Taylor did to send in this great question: is herpes an STD or an STI? To answer this let’s understand what each term stands for: an STD is sexaully transmitted disease, and an STI is a sexually transmitted infection. What's the difference? Up until the last decade or two, everything was an STD. After that people were saying we should call it an infection, because a disease sounds so scary! So the term STI was used.   Which leads to the obvious question: what is the difference between an infection vs a disease? Here are the actual dictionary definitions of both:  a disease is a disorder of structure of function in a human, an animal or plant, especially one that produces specific signs or symptoms or that affects a specific location that is not a direct result of physical injury. Synonyms are illness or sickness. Bacterial meningitis is an example given.   An infection is defined as the process of infecting or the state of being infected. it's an infectious disease. Synonyms are disease or virus. Tweetable:  “1 in 4 sexually active adults has an STD or an STI.” - Alexandra Harbushka   When you boil it down, herpes is both, in my opinion. It's the same thing: herpes is an infection and it's a disease. I don't think we're ever going to get away from the term STD, it's been a common part of our language for so long. STI is not as commonly used. People don't always recognize that STI stands for sexually transmitted infection.   Thank you for your question Taylor! If you want to be one of the cool kids like Taylor then submit your question go to the Life With Herpes web site and look for the #askalexandra link, click it and fill out the form. You can stay anonymous by checking the box, otherwise I’ll only use your first name and your city when I air your question. Thanks again to Taylor for today’s question and to you for listening to episode 19 of Life With Herpes! Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• 9 OTC Herpes Remedies
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils

[video_player type="youtube" style="1" dimensions="560x315" width="560" height="315" align="center" margin_top="0" margin_bottom="20" ipad_color="black"]aHR0cHM6Ly95b3V0dS5iZS9sTm1wcExUODgzVQ==[/video_player]   Pain, Emotions, and Acting Like a Child   Welcome to Life With Herpes, thanks for joining me! On today’s show we’re talking about why herpes hurts, the real reason behind the pain. I know you’re thinking of course it hurts, duh! But I’m talking about more than just the physical pain of an outbreak, I’m talking about the emotional side, too. On episode 18 of Life With Herpes I’ll be discussing the reasons for that emotional pain, and how to deal with it. Join me to hear more, and then let me know your thoughts via email or in our private Facebook group.   More About Life With Herpes So we all know a herpes outbreak hurts physically, but have you considered why it hurts emotionally? I actually think it hurts more emotionally, but what are your thoughts?   One of the reasons I believe this is because the physical pain does go away. Every blister heals and goes away, but the fact that you have the virus never does. The emotional baggage of having the virus never goes away, that's always with you.   As I was thinking of ideas for today's show I thought about what I felt and what many other people feel when they are diagnosed. The shock of finding out is unlike anything else. Your immediate response is probably something like: “I did something wrong. What did I do to deserve this?” Emotionally we go back to being a child: we did something wrong and we regress into this place. We become scared, we tremble, we feel ashamed and confused. The bottom line is we are terrified.   Before we go any further I want to clarify is this: you did NOTHING wrong, absolutely nothing. You aren't being punished by getting the herpes virus!   Let me tell you a story I read recently that illustrates my point: a woman was explaining how she contracted the virus. She said she did everything right: she was a virgin when she got married. She trusted her husband. He had an affair and got herpes, and gave it to her. In the article where she shared her story she asked: “Why did I get it when I did everything right?”   So I want to say this: it doesn't matter. It's not about doing "right" or "wrong", it's life. The fact is every time you have sex you are at the risk of creating a pregnancy or getting an STD.   The only way to 100% guarantee you do not have herpes, or other STDs or create a pregnancy is complete abstinence - which is not realistic!   Sex is part of life, it's like sleeping and eating. So to deny yourself that is missing out on part of life. The virus doesn't care if you did something "right" or "wrong": it simply wants to pass and survive. Tweetable:  “Every storm runs out of rain.”  - Alexandra Harbushka And to get back to my personal opinion of why herpes hurts, it's the emotions of it. The physical pain you can adjust to and go with. It hurts but it's like having your period - you just deal with it and go about your day. But the emotional side of it hurts us: it hurts our spirit, our soul, our dreams, our ambitions, all of it goes out the window.   That is the only wrong thing to do: become a victim to this microscopic virus and letting it control your life, that is wrong and that is what hurts. It's letting all of your dreams and ambitions go out the door because did something normal and you had sex.   What i'm saying is don't be a victim, don't stop enjoying one of life's greatest pleasures, sex. Don't let herpes stop you and hurt you and your life, your love life, your ambition and your dreams. The virus doesn't stop us, it just requires an extra conversation before you have sex. That's it! Now I’d love to hear from you: do you think the emotional pain is greater than the physical pain of herpes? Let me know after you listen to episode 18 of Life With Herpes - and be sure to join our secret invitation-only Facebook group! Episode Resources  

• The Herpes Crisis Toolkit
• Life With Herpes Website
• Join The Life With Herpes Community
• 9 OTC Herpes Remedies
• Check out the Life With Herpes Facebook page
• DoTerra’s essential oils