WE'RE NOW BI-WEEKLY! Between Carson's many film/theatre/turtle-related projects and Knives' ongoing tumultuous relationship with Interpol, Lighter and Tighter will now be releasing episodes on a bi-weekly basis to ensure continued quality in conjunction with some exciting new things in the works. That said...

Welcome to the last episode of the first part of the Bible. This week, Carson and Knives round out the Book of Genesis. Here we see the climactic(?) ends of your favorite(?) characters(?) from the most important(?) book ever written before moving into the Book of Exodus. 

It's moving day in the old fertile crescent! That's right everyone! Remember how much fun moving is? Putting everything in boxes and moving your entire life's worth of stuff you've acquired through sentimental hoarding and grief purchasing and promising yourself that it'll be better where it winds up next time? You know? You know how that always works out? How happiness is surely going to be wherever you neatly rearrange your stuff next time? 

Well surely that's going to work out for Jacob and his descendants here in ancient Egypt where all of the Hebrews gather to live under the ruling power of the Pharaoh as Carson and Knives approach the end of Genesis! SURELY! 

On this weeks episode tackling Parshah 10 of the Torah, or Chapters 41-44:17 of the Old Testament, Carson and Knives dive headlong into a portion that's rich with familial trickery, dream interpretation, interpretation of a dream interpretation, interpreting the interpretation of the interpretation, and of course, farming!

You know! Farming! Super exciting farming! Ecstatically riveting farming! FARMING, MOTHERFUCKERS! FARMING! 

This week, the incomparably talented and Carson Fuego and Knives Goldstein are finally given a bountiful wellspring of character choices to work with. It's honestly as if someone else took over writing the Bible for this weeks portion (Parshah 9 of the Torah/ Chapter 37-40 of The Old Testament) and decided to try and have its characters' actions speak to their personality instead of just blithering off a list of names and dates like an almighty history test. 

And lo, there are lessons to be learned this week. Mostly prominently that unless you're currently unpacking it with a licensed mental health care professional, or it involved sex with the person you're telling this to- NOBODY wants to hear about your dreams. 

Did you read this episode title to the tune of Cher's seminal hit chart-topper "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves" on the first go through? You did? Well then consider yourself a Lighter and Tighter devotee. 

This week we begin with an important update regarding Carson's much-maligned and, in his words, "scrumpy little fluffy doodlebug," Muffintop, and continue on with an equally timely dossier of events regarding Knives' forced exile from humanity. 

After that, super creators Carson Fuego and Knives Goldstein dive headlong into the surprisingly sexual escapades of Jacob, and see why you should always be upfront about your employment contracts, regardless of the added benefit of a seemingly limitless wellspring of ass.

NOTE: The sound designer, Marvin, is sadly leaving our employment after this episode because the audio on one end is unignorable in its slipshod quality. We wish him all the best in his future endeavors, however brief that may be, as Carson and Knives have also hired a "consultant firm" to "take care" of not only Marvin but his entire bloodline. 

Do you remember that episode of Full House where Uncle Jesse's grandfather Papouli was coming to visit and they made a cake and he taught them how to do classic Greek dances? Then Papouli suddenly died and there was an extremely somber cloud put over the whole Tanner household but in the end, everyone learned a little something about life and death? Really moving stuff.

Anyway, on this episode of Lighter and Tighter, Carson and Knives have their own Papouli come to visit in the form of sibling rivalry, the deceit of kings, a Faustian deal for a bowl of soup, and many other shockingly intriguing moments in what is essentially a Biblical episode of Full House. 

Sometimes life moves in a straight line. A calculable point A to point B. Other times, you're off on a weird side quest involving betrothals and thirsty camels. It's a tale as old as time. Join Carson and Knives this week as they deal with God apparently needing to up the word count for an Almighty midterm test!

Sorry for the delay! Carson and Knives had to fire their audio editor because he went skiing during a pandemic instead of getting their damn show ready. They assure you though that not only is that sound designer fired, but will also "meet with an accident" sooner than later.

This episode is, well, rough. Not the thunderous critiques that Carson and Knives bring. No, those are just as witty, acerbic, and invaluable as ever. However, this particular part of the Bible is...well... it's rough. Really rough. There's no way to spin this. Whatever you think you know about Sodom and Gomorrah, or the deeply problematic tale of Lot's daughters, we assure you it's far worse than that. If they could turn back time and record this again, Carson and Knives would have been sure to have had a cereal bowl full of muscle relaxers beforehand. Also, be sure to email your questions or comments to [email protected].

Look, you've had it up to here with God's fickle and abusive decrees that He seems to scrap with reckless abandon, right? Well, so have Carson and Knives. Luckily, this week has it all. You want character development? You got it. You want wars? You got it. You want plagues? You got it. You want lecherous pharaohs? Love triangles? Genital mutilation? Magic oaths? Well, if you do want that you're one sick fuck. But guess what? YOU GOT IT. This week, God finally gives megaproducers and ultradirectors Carson Fuego and Knives Goldstein something that (due to years of regular drug abuse) they can really sink their increasingly inaccurately named teeth into. And don't forget to send your questions, comments, concerns, or social security numbers to [email protected] for a chance to have your inquiry and likely yourself personally eviscerated on their show for daring to question them! What? Are you rich? No? Yeah, that's what the fuck they thought. Bitch.