CARSON AND KNIVES ARE BACK! After months spent in limbo, on the run from the law, pursuing new creative endeavors, searching for turtle food during a global shortage of turtle feed, Carson and Knives return for an all-new installment of their unquestionable notes to God. This episode is BUSY. 

Much like most of the world every other day of the year, Carson and Knives ditch the Bible and its contents for a very special Christmas episode they recorded on Christmas night while getting absolutely drunk as shit at their respective secret locales because they're Jews and had plenty of free time. 

Lighter and Tighter is taking a little summer vacation, because Carson and Knives are rich and they can do that kind of thing. 

Suckers. 

In the latest episode, God's all, "Alright dorks, get ready to have some fuckin' LAWS made up, you oxen farming motherfuckers!" and Carson and Knives are like, "What!?" and God's all, "Yeah, that's the deal now," and Carson and Knives are like, "Eff that!"

Also, we hear from friend of the Pod, Lindsey Pankhurst, about his incredible knowledge of hornets!

Have you ever thought, "Fuck I love rules. If only there was a set of rules and laws imposed over me and all living beings across the entire world that I can have dictate the entire ebb and flow of my existence."

Well, that's really weird, but damn, you're in luck! Thousands of years ago (supposedly) one guy walked up a mountain, where nobody else was allowed on pain of death (sounds legit), and came back with a list from God (allegedly) that commanded us how to live or else we'd incur the wrath of a spooky hall monitor in the sky (FUN!).

With Egypt becoming an ever smaller dot in the rearview mirror of the Hebrews' storied history of subjugation and inconveniences, fortunately, at long last, everything is about to be awesome for everyone forever.... 

...Give or take.  

Did Carson do a press junket with Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, and a bunch of literal babies? Did Knives win an epic sea battle while fleeing Interpol? Can the blood of the lamb really save your boy from being murdered by God in the final plague? Did banjos exist during ancient times? Does God have a party planning committee?

The answer is yes. Sorry. Didn’t mean to bury the lead there. 

Anyway, listen to the fucking episode.

TIME FOR THE MOTHERFUCKIN' PLAGUES, Y'ALL. This, of course, shouldn't be a problem for you so long as you bothered to listen to Moses, speaking directly on behalf of God, instead of doing what the literal dumbest Pharoah in the history of history did. 

Beyond that, legendary directors, producers, and writers Carson Fuego and Knives Goldstein welcome their first guest to the pod! From his hit Youtube channel, My Two Cents of Nonsense is Lindsey Pankhurst! Some listeners may not know this but when he's not making you laugh, Lindsey is also an accomplished herpetologist (That's a frog/amphibian expert. Not the first thing you thought) whom Carson and Knives sit down with to discuss the finer points of one of the lesser-known plagues.

Genesis is (thankfully) a thing of the past, and now legendary producers, directors, and writers Carson Fuego and Knives Goldstein dive headlong into the book of Exodus, where nothing goes wrong for anyone ever!