Like a Mother

i was THRILLED to read a recent Psychology Today article referencing recent research that found that moms are actually spending TOO much time with their kids, so much so that it is a detriment to their development. Meanwhile, INCOME is the biggest indicator of a child's academic and financial success in life. 

If that isn't great news for working moms -- especially single moms, who do statistically spend less time with their children than our married counterparts -- I don't know what is. 

In this episode I elaborate on how there is so little societal support for working moms-- even though most of us NEED or WANT to work! 

Also: Stacey calls in, asking for advice on how to make sure her 31-year-old son is cared for long-term. Stacey has faced a lot -- not only is her adult child disabled, her fiance died unexpectedly five years ago. But Stacey is suffering a case of the poor-mes. When she kept repeating, "No one understands how hard it is to have a disabled child" I let her know that I really felt for her. I have never faced that. But I -- and everyone else on this planet -- has faced all kinds of trauma. "You don't get a pass for lifetime grief because your son is autistic" I told her.

Stacey must move through her losses, and make plans. Even though Stacey has ample financial resources, she has not taken the financial or legal steps top protect her son. "Time to put on your big girl panties and take care of business," I told her. 

Did you vote for Like a Mother with Emma Johnson on GoBankingRate's "Money on the Air" contest? I'm up against giants like Freakonomics, Pat Flynn and Rich Dad. Pretty cool! Please vote here!  

Last summer I was having a really hard time with my kids -- mornings were hell, they didn't seem to listen, I felt like they weren't getting what they needed to me. Over an early dinner at a local bistro with a good (childless) friend who knows my family well, I spilled my guts. 

Whether out of blind friendship or strategic therapy, she told me what I wanted to hear: You are an awesome mom. Your children are lucky to have you. You're doing a great job. 

I listened, even if I didn't really believe her. But something shifted. Because when we finished supper we walked a few blocks to buy some frozen yogurt and ran into my ex and the kids on the street. It was awkward for obvious reasons -- the kids were confused and a little upset. But it was even more so because it was 8:30, and they were still dressed and coming home from their dinner. Their bedtime is 7:30, and at my house, they are fed, bathed, read-to, bedtime-snacked, evening-gratituded, kissed and in bed at 7:30. WTF, dude?

I could see in my ex that a) he was scared of my reaction, and b) clearly overwhelmed by parenting. 

Just like I was. 

I walked home, and thought about the evening. My friend's support was a gift. It bolstered me in a dire moment. It gave me energy and strength. 

I picked up my phone. It was only 20 minutes or so after I bumped into my ex and kids. 

I texted him.

Hang in there. You're doing a good job. 

He replied: Thanks. I'm trying. 

Have a listen to this week's podcast about how moms -- single moms in particular -- need support. And of course you can find all kinds of support on Single Mom Society forums. 

Also on this episode, Tim calls in to ask what to do about his nationally ranked athlete son who is failing three classes out of laziness (spoiler alert: follow your guts). Have a listen! 

Do you find yourself constantly blaming others for your hurt? Are you so angry at others that you just can't let it go? When something goes wrong, do you think someone should be punished?

You have a victim mentality. You can't move forwrd, heal from past hurt or grow to your full potential unless you chose to stop feeling victimised. 

Life happens. Sometimes it stinks. Often it's unfair. But that doesn't make you a victim. 

I hear from caller Jen who calls "Uncle" because her son and two neighbor kids -- all ages 9 and older -- won't play by themselves. Say what? And Stacey loses her mind because her teen neice is pregnant, and she's worried this will automatically impregnant her own teen daughter, whom she has over-protected at birth (listen to what I tell her about teens, sex and her parenting). 

In this episode of Like a Mother with Emma Johnson, I go off on entitled women -- What's with all the "Deserve"? You deserve a big house even though your (now ex) husband earned 100% of the money and you decided to give up your career? You deserve a new, pricey handbag, even though you're broke, because you worked hard today? You know who worked hard? Everyone.

I dig into the root of this nonsense (your self-imposed sense of victimhood), and take a call from Laura, who is dealing with a classic cases of the poor-me's, which has manifested itself into $70,000 credit card debt and five half-assed professional projects that are going nowhere fast. Also hear from Barbara who is at her wit's end trying to run a restaurant she recently bought (seriously, you can hear the freak-out in her voice) - and we work through a few marketing ideas that will get her on her feet ASAP.

Have a listen.

Having a flexible work schedule is one of the most empowering things you can do for your career, family and self-esteem. In this episide I explain what a work-at-home career has done for me, and share secrets to building the job situation that works best for you and your family. Guest Sara Sutton Fell, CEO of FlexJobs, offers insight into this growing job trend and tips for landing the job with a schedule you crave.

Caller Michelle feels overworked and wishes she had more time with her family. I help her identify what is holding her back: A low-paying, time-sucking weekend job that stands in the way of her dreams.

If your kids' other parent doesn't see the kids regularly, it can be devastating -- for you and the kids. It is also devastating for the absent parent. In this episode I help single parents cope with this very sad situation -- both on a practical level, but also contending with the pain and grief.

Also, Ashley calls in with a beautiful story of forgiveness and love. Her young son's father recently re-entered their lives, and now the boy has four loving parents trying to transition into a new family - with some minor growing pains. Have a listen.  

Happy Thanksgiving! 

You can't be happy unless you're grateful. So how do you become grateful?

On this episode I share how a simple gratitude exercise helped me get through the most difficult time of my life, and another simple practice I do with my young kids to teach them this critical skill.

Then caller Fonda shares her pain and frustration over her ex-husband's sporadic visits with her 11-year-old daughter, and the toll it takes on both of them. I give her a three-part plan for dealing with what she can't control. 

The Emma Johnson Show, a live call-in program, is syndicated nationwide on AM at noon ET Wednesdays. 

Listen live: LifestyleTalkRadio.com 

Call in: 888-454-3378 

In blog post this week on WealthySingleMommy.com I shared how my boyfriend of three months spent the night for the first time with my kids home. My kids were a little confused -- and I suggest listening with respect to your children's concerns about your dating. But mostly it was normal. Because dating and sex and parenting are normal. Our culture tells mothers that they have no right to be sexual adults with romantic needs. Bullshit, I say.

In this episode I share what happened with my family, and also welcome guest Ray, an old friend who gave me grief on Facebook earlier about how repeats of different men sleeping over is going to be really bad for my kids. Um, hello. My kids have met exactly two men I've dated -- the last one three years ago. Why default to the "single moms who date are filthy whores whose parade of lovers will corrupt her kids" ? We have at it. It's fun, but also to the point: every family is different, dating and being a mom are not incongruous, and the party-line view of moms dating needs to be turned around. 

This week I wrote a couple of posts for Forbes on changes in alimony: 

Stay-at-Home Mom Facing Divorce? Don't Expect Alimony and 

An End to Alimony Would be Good for Women

To quote myself: 

An end of alimony would force each able-bodied person to be financially responsible for themselves . Suffragists and feminists before us fought bitterly (and joyously, one would hope) so you and I have financial and legal parity with men. We have a way to go, but for the most part in this country women have opportunity to support themselves. With opportunity comes responsibility. You choose to be financially dependent on someone else (like a husband), you take a risk. If that marriage ends and you have little career equity and low earning potential as a result, you must pay the consequences of the downside of that risk.

I also explored the topic on "The Emma Johnson Show" this morning, when Charlotte called in, asking about whether she could sue her ex-husband for more alimony, even though their divorce has been settled for years. I help her turn her tune around and focus that angry energy directed at an ended relationship, and build a thriving life for herself --including a new career. 

On my blog WealthySingleMommy.com I've been writing a lot about outsouring -- and how paying someone else to do your laundry, clean your house and other mundane tasks is the key to making the most of your time and energy. In fact, outsourcing is critical if you want to get ahead -- no matter if you are poor or filthy freaking rich.

Women often refuse to hire these services without thinking logically about them, instead reverting told, tired gender roles that tell women that good moms, wives and women clean their own floors and do their own wash-and-fold. You have to get over these mantras if you want to get ahead. 

I help caller Yoli figure out how to outsource her most loathed household task -- grocery shopping, a chore that each week costs her 2.5 hours, untold anxiety, and in the event she doesn't do it, this single mom resorts to restaurant food, which of course is more expensive and less healthy. To boot -- she lives in rural Colorado, so by outsourcing each week, she saves risks to her life when driving on mountain roads in the winter!