My parents have always said that they love all four of their children equally. I always thought this was a Correct Lie: that they don’t love us all equally, but they feel such a strong loyalty to us and have Specific Family Values such that lying about it is the thing to do to make sure we all flourish.

I realized this morning they are probably not lying.

The reason I originally thought they were lying is that it seems clear to me that they are on the whole more frequently delighted by some of us than others. And on the whole can relate more frequently to some of us than others. And that's skipping over who they might be most proud of.

Now I grew up with a distinction between “liking” and “loving” which I have always found helpful: “Liking” is the immediate positive experiences and payoffs you get from a relationship. “Loving” is the sense of deeper connection you have with someone[1].

Liking goes up and down. Loving stays the same or goes up, unless you misunderstood someone's fundamental nature entirely. You can like someone more if they are in a good mood [...]

The original text contained 2 footnotes which were omitted from this narration.

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First published:

Source:

Linkpost URL:
https://shoshanigans.substack.com/p/how-to-love-them-equally

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Narrated by TYPE III AUDIO.