Live With Meaning Podcast

Listen as I guide you through a short meditation practice.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. Look for the Live With Meaning podcast on iTunes and Stitcher.

If there’s one thing I can hope for the New Year, is that I learn to take more responsibility for my choices. I’m not perfect and am invariably learning how to move through this life that I sometimes muck up by complicating it too much.

If I'm feeling a certain way, good or bad, I'm going to share it. I will be honest about how I'm feeling and not overanalyze it or ignore it. Yoga and meditation have taught me to listen to that "gut feeling." The intuition that we are all born with, but I know that I suppress at times.

I want to share ways that I will start to take responsibility for my choices and my life, and I hope they can help you do the same.

1. Be willing to say, "I am responsible." You and you alone are responsible for the choices YOU make. How we react to situations or certain people is not a group decision on how we react to things. I know I am willing to say this and mean it. I need to feel what this feels like knowing that the choices and decisions I make on a daily basis are my own responsibility. So the next time a driver makes me mad, and I want to say something not so nice, I'm going to recognize it and not blame the other driver, but take responsibility for my reaction.

1. Analyze what is holding me back. Accomplishing what I'm striving for is within my control. The same applies to whatever you are trying to achieve. If we are not moving closer to our goals, than what is holding us back? Are we making excuses and saying we are too busy? Do we depend on others to make a decision for something that we can take control of? Take the time and think about what is holding you back.

1. Am I playing the role of the victim? A victim mentality is something none of us ever want to admit to. Being a victim means we have given power over to another. We tell ourselves we are stuck in a situation or can't get the promotion because someone else has more control than we do. Let's stop playing the role of the victim. Our actions and words are powerful, and once we start taking responsibility for them, we become powerful creators. What category are you putting yourself into?

1. Eliminate these phrases from your vocabulary: “I have to; I have to do this; I have to do something I don’t want to do.” Over time, these are sayings I’ve learned to change. If there's something I don't want to do and it might upset some people, I'm willing to upset some people. For me, this is a hard one with my family. Coming from a large family, there are a lot of obligations. Dinners, birthday parties, graduations, family reunions, etc. I've lived out of state and away from my family for several years, but these things still come up. "I have to go home for this event," or "I have to go to make my mother happy." Learning how to stop saying, "I have to," has been huge in my growth with my parents and for myself.

I am looking forward to learning to take more responsibility for my actions and feelings this year. I hope these are helpful in your personal growth and knowing that we all struggle with some of these from time to time.

We are all doing the best we can, and some days are still a battle; I completely understand. But let's remember that taking responsibility is a huge step towards making our lives the best they can be.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. Look for the Live With Meaning Podcast on iTunes and Stitcher.

We have all acted in ways that can be considered toxic or less than stellar. Things are said that we wish we can take back, or events happened where our behavior was not what it should have been.

What happens when there continues to be behavior that seems to attract negative people or attitudes into our lives? These feelings can steal our happiness without us even realizing it.

If we can identify this conduct and make some conscious decisions and choices, we can start to bring happiness and joy back into our lives. We can begin to attract the right people into our lives by making some much-needed changes.

Here are five toxic behaviors and ideas how to change them.

1. Acting like you are always the victim. Do you know someone like this? Or is this you? Life seems to happen to this person, and they act like they have no control over the outcome of their day. When we believe that our decisions have no impact on our existence, we no longer have to take responsibility for the outcome of our lives. We have more power than we give ourselves credit for. To break free from a victim mentality we have to believe we have power. We have the power to make decisions and choices in our life. Take control of your power and be responsible for the decisions you make.

1. Worrying about the future. We can't live in the land of "What if..." What if I get sick? What if I lose my job? There are things that you can plan for to build a safety net for your future, but nothing is guaranteed in this life. Tomorrow will come whether we want it to or not. Learn to live today, in this moment. Take steps to feel healthy, have a secure job, etc., but don't obsessively worry about what has not yet happened.

1. Lack of compassion. We see it every day on the news; people being cruel and violent towards one another. One of the things I didn't like about myself after several years of being a police officer was my lack of compassion. I saw tragedy after tragedy and I lost that sense of empathy for others who were hurting or struggling in their life. It made me hard and callous toward the world. After recognizing that I had lost that sense of compassion, I was able to make changes to feel for other people when they were hurting, and be kind and show humanity for others. Do you treat people differently because of their status in the world? Notice if you feel a lack of compassion for others and see if you can make that shift to kindness and caring.

1. Feeling stuck in the past. Whatever happened yesterday or ten years ago is over. Let it go. I know that's easier said than done sometimes, but it’s time to move on and forgive the people who’ve wronged you. If you’ve wronged someone, work to remedy your actions, and then you have to forgive yourself. Are there situations you wish you could go back and change? Of course, but you can't. Accept it for what it is. Come to a place where you can feel it's taught you a great lesson and then move forward.

1. Comparing yourself to others. Nothing can steal your happiness quicker than comparing yourself to those around you. We are all uniquely different and have different attributes, so sometimes we can feel a little jealousy. Remember that what we see on the exterior sometimes isn't always as wonderful as it seems. It's okay to see someone and think how beautiful they are, but remember you are also beautiful and wonderful. Just because someone drives a nice car or lives in a big house doesn't make them happier or better than you. Don't let yourself feel "less than" anyone else.

Do you recognize yourself in any of these behaviors? Notice the next time these feelings come up for you. The first thing is to recognize and notice the behavior and then start to make small changes around that feeling. Move past these toxic behaviors to create a better life for yourself.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. Look for the Live With Meaning Podcast on iTunes and Stitcher.

It’s now the end of the year, and usually, this is the time when people start thinking about getting healthier, eating better, and trying new things.

We all feel we need to get healthier after we’ve been stuffing ourselves with too many desserts. Parties with family and friends where there’s tons of food starts to take its toll on our health.

But why do we always seem to fall off the bandwagon? By February, we forget what we wanted for ourselves in December and life goes back to the same routine. The gym membership gets used less and less, and we start going through the drive-thru when we promised ourselves we would eat healthier.

So how do we start to make better choices for ourselves and our family that we can implement, and make part of our routine to live healthier and feel better?

Here are four tips to making better choices- and sticking with them.

1. Write it down. Put what you want on a piece of paper. Seeing the words makes it much more real. Don't just say you are going to go to the gym more, write it down. Put it in your calendar on your phone, and set it to remind you that you need to go. Just like any other appointment or commitment, don't brush it off. Keep the commitment. Try making a vision board. It is a great way to put down what you are wanting for your life, and put it in a place that you see everyday. If you can dream about it, and see it everyday, it will keep you focused on what you are wanting. Here is a link for How To Create A Vision Board by Jack Canfield.

1. Take a look at who is closest to you. You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with. Take a look at who you spend the most time with. Are they sucking the life out of you, or are they encouraging and helpful? Make those hard choices if necessary to have people in your life that add to it. I know it's a difficult decision and conversation, but if you want to be better, make sure the people you surround yourself with help make you a better person.

1. Create a plan. If you want to be healthier, break that down, how are you going to get healthy? Do you need to clean out the pantry and get rid of things you know are not healthy? Don't keep things for the kids. If it's not healthy for you, it's not healthy for them either. Plan your meals. Organize your week so you fit in a yoga class or a workout. Create an actionable and realistic plan.

1. Start small. Put the changes you want into small, obtainable increments. If you want to eat healthier, plan for the week. Not the month, just plan for the week. If you want to get to the gym more, how many times can you commit to getting to the gym in one week? If you're routine is to go to the drive-thru a couple of times a week, what can you do to change that? Don’t keep it so big that it feels unattainable, start making better choices by focusing on what you can do today.

If you want to create change in your life, you have to start somewhere. The circumstances will never be perfect, and if you are waiting for the perfect time, it will never happen. So recognize that you want to start making better choices for yourself in whatever area of your life you need to change.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. The Live With Meaning Podcast can be found on iTunes and Stitcher.

What does an average day look like for you? Do you wake up feeling rushed and tired? Or do you wake up feeling refreshed and move into your morning with a plan for what needs to get done that day?

What are you eating throughout the day? Many of us get caught in the rut of eating fast food from the drive-thru because it's easier and faster than planning our meals. This can lead to us feeling tired and unhealthy. Are you being mindful about your diet? Are your meals healthy and you know that what you are eating is fueling your body?

How many times a day are you checking social media? If time on social media isn’t regulated it can be a time-suck for many of us, and take away the valuable time we need to fulfill our goals and passions.

Take some time and think about what is fueling you every single day. Get an overall picture of how you are moving through life and see if there are some things you may want to change.

Try to start thinking about how to fuel your body and life in the best possible way.

1. Take a look at what you're eating daily. Think of your food as fuel. Would you consider the food you consume on a daily basis healthy, or is it harming your body? There is enough information out there so that most of us can figure out what is good or bad for us. Get your partner, kids, spouse, and family on board with you. Go to your doctor and get a check-up, get your bloodwork done and see what your numbers are. It's a great starting point to see what's going on internally and make the necessary changes.

1. Make exercise fun. If you don't enjoy going to the gym, then don't do it. You need to find a form of exercise that you enjoy, or you won't stick to it. Try different types of classes and gyms. Groupon, Living Social and Class Pass are a couple good places to try different things for a discounted price. Exercising doesn't have to cost money. You can walk around your neighborhood or go to a park. You can do pushups on a bench or do walking lunges. Who cares what you look like while you're doing it! The point is that you are moving your body, and the more you move your body, the healthier you will be and the better you will feel.

1. Take time for yourself. Is there a book that you've wanted to read, but you can't seem to find the time. Would you like once a week to take a long bath? Do you enjoy a massage but don't want to spend the money? Instead of staying up late watching a television show that you can record and watch later, go to bed early and read that book. Take that bath. Lock the door, and take that time to relax for a little while. It's not selfish for you to take time for yourself. Do you want a massage? Check Groupon or other discount sites. I've been able to find good deals when I want a massage; it's worth it.

1. Be social. If you enjoy time with friends and family, create that time to get together. If it's once a month, than great, but plan it. If you don't make the time to see friends and family, it can end up being only seeing each other for holidays and special occasions. If there are people whose company you enjoy, make the time to see them more and appreciate your time together.

1. Fuel your spirit. If you are religious, and a daily practice is what fuels your spirit, that's great. If you like meditation, take the time to get in your daily practice. What makes you feel alive? Connected to a higher self? I enjoy hiking and smelling the trees, or a walk along the ocean, hearing the water. I can turn everything else off and be absorbed in that moment.

Taking the time to figure out what fuels you can awaken a part of you that might have been put on the back burner. Take control of what you put into your body, mind and spirit every single day and see how your life can change. Notice if you start to feel better and healthier, you feel more in control of your life. What a wonderful feeling!

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. The Live With Meaning podcast is on iTunes and Stitcher.

I was reading something the other day, and the word PLEASURE stood out for me. Most of us can equate the word joy to pleasure in our life. Enjoying times of laughing, having fun, good times with friends and family can all be considered times of joy.

But what about pleasure? Some might think of sex or love when the word pleasure is thought of, but what about pleasure in our day-to-day lives?

The word pleasure at www.dictionary.com is defined as: Frivolous Enjoyment

Frivolous - it just might be my new favorite word, besides pleasure.

For many years, I didn't even realize that I wasn't enjoying life; I sure as heck wasn't having frivolous enjoyment. I had forgotten what it was like to have fun, laugh until I was crying, and my stomach hurt.

After I let go of things that no longer served me, and moved my life in a direction that I was unsure of- scared at times, but in my heart felt right- I started to find pleasure, joy, and laughter.

Here are five ways to add pleasure to your life.

1. Listen to music. For many years, I would have the television on the background while cooking or doing stuff around the house. But when I switched it to music, I found myself in a better mood. I would be singing and dancing (no one needs to see or hear that) but I was having fun, hence bringing me pleasure.

1. Get outside. It sounds simple enough, but take a walk around the block. Don't drive and get your mail, walk. I see people out walking, jogging and getting fresh air all the time. Bundle up when it's cold or go early in the morning when it's hot. Get out into nature; it improves your mood, and you will feel better.

1. Play games. Get a group of friends together and play card or board games. You are never too old to play games. I'm not talking about Xbox, games on your computer or phone. It's a completely different way to interact with people, and you will find yourself laughing until the neighbors are asking you to quiet down.

1. Schedule a date night. Just you and your partner. Enjoy a meal together, talk, look at each other, and connect. Go to a movie, make out like teenagers; who cares who sees you? Connect with the person you love and care about. If there isn't that special someone in your life, then go out with friends. Meet for drinks, dinner, see a show, something that is not what you typically do, be adventurous!

1. Plan a trip. Make plans in the future for something you've been putting off that you've always wanted to do. If it's scuba diving, seeing the Riviera, swimming with sharks, whatever that is, schedule it, plan for it. Vacation makes us look forward to the future when we can get stuck in the rut of the day-to-day life.

Go out there, find and feel frivolous enjoyment. Feel pleasure and joy. You will be happier, and more fulfilled!

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. The Live With Meaning podcast can be found on iTunes and Stitcher.

Low self-esteem can affect us at any age. Feeling worthy -that we are “enough,” are feelings that can happen at any stage of life.

Anyone who has experienced a divorce, loss of a job, end of a relationship, may experience feelings and emotions that cause us to think “I’m not enough,” “I’m not worthy.”

How do we rebuild that sense of worthiness, the sense of deserving love and all the beautiful things that life can bring to us?

Here are four ideas of how to feel worthy again.

1. Who is in your inner circle? I've said it a hundred times, and I will keep saying it. Who do you surround yourself with? Are there individuals who trigger that sense of "I'm not enough?” I've learned that I would rather be alone than be around people who make me feel "less than." They trigger something in me that makes me feel that I'm not living up to their expectations, or they bring a sense of stress to my life. Examine how the people in your life make you feel. No one should have the power to make you feel less than what you truly are.

1. Worthiness comes from within. We need to be able to look at our lives under a microscope and reveal all the ugly truths. Are we doing things that sabotage our happiness? Are we limiting ourselves because we think we can't do it? Do we judge ourselves every time we look in the mirror? I'll be happy when I lose 10 pounds. I'd be happier if I had those Gucci shoes. We need to learn to be accepting of where we are in this exact moment.

1. Find a mentor. Talk to a therapist, coach, mentor or friend. There needs to be a gut-wrenching, honest conversation about what you're feeling. Seek out self-help books, authors or speakers that you connect with. If Tony Robbins isn't your cup of tea, keep looking. I love the book "10% Happier" by Dan Harris because he was trying to figure out meditation, what it was, and how it made him feel. He was able to seek out different teachers, hear them speak, and read about them. There were some he completely didn't connect with, and didn't understand their views or philosophies. In the end, he found meditation made him feel a little happier; a little happiness goes a long way. He trudged through the books and authors to figure out his struggles, and did the work to change himself. We need to do the work to find that sense of worthiness.

1. Do things everyday that make you feel worthy. This is tough for some people, but put up post-it notes on your mirror that say, "I am worthy," "I am beautiful," "I am strong." This might feel strange and uncomfortable, but if you are going to manifest what you want and need for your life, you need to start somewhere. Telling yourself that you are worthy, enough, and loved is a great place to start. Try volunteering or helping out a neighbor. Is there a non-profit that interests you, and you’ve always wanted to help out in some way, send the e-mail or phone call and see what you can do to help. Realizing you can help others is a great way to feel that sense of worthiness.

Let's not live small and think we don't deserve certain things in our lives. We deserve all the wonderful and beautiful things that life has to offer. We have to realize we are worthy of them and be brave enough to ask for what you want.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information.  The Live With Meaning podcast can be found on iTunes and Stitcher.

Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can at times be overwhelming. We can have a fear of the future, feeling afraid of getting sick or becoming old.

Our fears can get ahold of us, and sometimes we can't let it go. Even when things in our lives are going well, is there an underlying sense of fear? Do we ignore certain aspects of our lives because we are afraid to look at them?

To face our fears, we need to look at them. It's a hard thing to do, but we need to ask ourselves; What exactly am I afraid of and why? Fear can keep us stuck, keep us from the doing the things we want and are meant to do. The more we push fear away and keep it locked up, the stronger it becomes. Bringing the fear into our awareness, acknowledge that it is there, is the first step to overcoming what we are afraid of.

We have to look deeply to create change in our lives. Facing our fears can be one of the hardest things to do because we often make decisions based out of fear. We choose the wrong partner because we are afraid to be alone. We make decisions that may not be the healthiest for us because of our fears.

We can start by looking at our fear without judgment. Just examine it without attaching any meaning to it. You’re not trying to figure out why you are feeling this way, or why this fear keeps coming up, you are only trying to accept your fear for what it is. The “why” behind the fear will reveal itself in it’s own time. It will likely change as you’re in this state of observing. The reason behind the fear may not be what you originally thought it was about. So don’t let the “why of the fear be what you’re searching for. Try to think of the fear like it's standing in front of you. No judgment, just looking at it.

The fear of being alone.

The fear of failure.

The fear of not living up to someone else's expectations.

The fear of not having enough money.

The fear of not succeeding.

Take a moment and try this: Take the time to think about what you're afraid of. What does it look like? If you close your eyes for a few minutes and think about this fear, what comes to your mind? Notice if you feel a sensation in the body as you think of this fear.

If you have your eyes closed, and you have that fear in front of you. Can you think of the opposite of that fear? If the fear is of being alone, can the opposite be, "I'm perfectly fine and happy being alone."

If the fear is not living up to someone else's expectations, can the opposite be, "I don't need anyone else's approval."

Think about what the opposite would be for your fear. Then form that sentence and slowly repeat it to yourself.

Go back to your original fear and then move to the opposite of that fear. Slowly move from the fear to the opposite of the fear. Notice any sensations in the body. Do this a few times and notice when you go back to the original fear and if it's changed in any way. It might not have, and that's okay.

Bringing our awareness to our fear brings them out of the shadows. It makes us face them, turning the spotlight on them, instead of ignoring them. What we ignore will only get stronger. So take some time and face those fears, let your body feel the opposite of that fear.

The things in your life might not change overnight, but bringing awareness to it is the start. It can be the beginning of you realizing you are okay, and you can face your fears with a different outlook.

Let's stop giving so much power to the unknown and live into our truth and authenticity. Let the world see you as you should be seen: The powerful, beautiful, wonderful person that you are!

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. The Live With Meaning podcast can be found on iTunes and Stitcher.

As the year comes to a close, it's a nice time to reflect on what we accomplished this year, what failed, and how we can move into the New Year with a plan and defined focus.

It’s good to acknowledge our failures and successes, but not good to dwell on them and use them as excuses as why we can’t achieve or change things this year. To grow, to find happiness, or to find love, we need to take action and put ourselves in the best place possible for success in whatever we are trying to achieve.

We have to experience life, and in the experiencing there will be discomfort and pain. We have to shift our thinking about the pain and realize it is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to change, and to find something deeper within ourselves. We need to experience the pain, but not allow it to become our identity and become a victim of the pain.

Change is necessary for growth, but it also frightening, and we can stay stuck for years if we don't allow ourselves the gift of asking ourselves some hard questions.

1. What do you want? This may seem like a simple question, but it can be the most difficult to answer. I've never been big on vision boards, but at the urging of my dear friend, we made vision boards. It was almost mid-year when we made them, but we still made them. Better late than never! I felt like what I had on my board was only a dream, but I went with my heart and with what I truly felt I wanted in my life. As I look at my vision board now, everything on my board has been fulfilled. Just 6-7 months ago I felt what I was wanting was so completely out of reach, but I accomplished what I wanted, even if I didn't quite believe in myself at the time. The power of seeing visually what you want is very powerful. See what you want in order to bring your dreams into fruition.

1. Try something a little scary. Is there something that you are wanting but feels so out there and unattainable, you keep pushing it away? Don't push it aside anymore. If you are going to accomplish what you want, you have to be willing to take that risk. We all have the inner survival instinct that keeps us safe as if a tiger was chasing us. But since I doubt a tiger is chasing you, turn that inner survival voice off for a moment and see what's calling you to try, be, and do.

1. Take time to listen to yourself. Find a few moments of silence, and listen. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Don't listen to the skeptic that we have inside us, but to what direction your heart is moving you. Is it moving you towards something that feels unknown and scary? That’s okay.

1. Know that not everyone will agree with your choices. This is a big one for me. I'm a people pleaser in all aspects of my life, so if someone doesn't agree with me, I immediately question my choices. Know that it's okay to shake things up a bit. Trust yourself and your choices and know that it's okay to follow your heart even if those around you question your choices. Sometimes those closest to you want to keep you where it's comfortable for them; it's not about you. So start making the choices you need for you. Choose your path and dance; even if others can't hear the music.

1. Change is inevitable. It will happen no matter how much of a fight you put up. As much as we want to be able to control things, people, and our surroundings, change is inescapable. Everything is moving and shifting all around us; why would we want to stay stuck in one place?

To grow, we must start with realizing that no matter what we do or say, change will happen. Embrace it. Welcome it in. My yoga nidra teacher Richard Miller would say, “Invite it in for tea and ask what it wants of you.”

Learn to embrace your life and all the challenges. Be thankful for your past and all the wisdom it has brought you; the lessons learned. It's time to pull out the blank vision board and imagine what you want for your life. Put it out there, and see what you get in return.

Visit www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. The Live With Meaning podcast can be found on iTunes, Stitcher and Podomatic.

I ran across the quote, "Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness." It stopped me. I read it a couple times, and I thought about the recent events in Paris.  It may be easy for us to quickly forget about atrocities that are happening around the world, and move along in our lives like these things don’t affect us. Do we so easily dismiss these things because we feel like there is nothing we can do to make a difference?

During my time as a police officer, I had started to believe that no matter what I did, I wasn't making a difference. I would get called to the same domestic disturbances – mostly family fights - with the same people. I would deal with the same troubled kids over and over, and nothing was getting better. I would see the same homeless people day in and out.

I had to turn off the emotional part of myself to be able to understand and deal with the everyday suffering people go through. The problem with turning off a part of myself, is that it wasn’t sustainable, and I became someone I didn't like.

The expectation is that a police officer has to be tough and strong, and that you can't show weakness in any shape or form. An officer can’t crumble when dealing with a conflict or a stressful situation; you have to push through whatever comes your way.

After years and years of this, I became callous and hard to the world, and had no patience for anyone else's suffering.

But how do we start to create change? We have to start with ourselves. We have to look inward before we can look outward for answers. Here are four ways you can create change for the greater good.

1. Become aware of what you focus on daily. What amount of energy are you putting into things that do not matter? How much time are you spending daily on Facebook, scrolling through posts about what someone ate for breakfast or what they're wearing to work? Are you the one posting the picture of what you had for lunch? What amount of time are you losing every single day on things that mean nothing?

1. When you see despair and sorrow, do you turn away from it? When was the last time you talked to a homeless person? I mean, actually spoke to them. Asked them if they were doing okay. Or do you grab your purse a little tighter and walk past hoping they don't talk to you? It takes no amount of extra time for you to acknowledge that person internally. If you're not comfortable helping out or talking to them, that's perfectly fine, but at least recognize that that is a person in need.

1. Know that one person can create change. You are one person and if you want to help a person in need, volunteer at an organization, or give back in some way, you are creating change. You giving your time to another human being is creating change for that person, which then creates a domino effect of change. As I started to learn this focusing inward during my last few years as an officer, I know I treated people differently. I listened more; I was empathic I tried to help in any way possible. You and you alone are enough to create change.

1. Be thankful. There may be times when we feel we can't find a sense of gratitude or thankfulness. But if you have a place to lay your head at night, you have more than most.

Showing that you have a heart, and care for others takes courage. It is not a sign of weakness. Tragedies will continue to happen; it's inevitable, we need to look at them, not turn away, and know that we can make a difference every single day.

Go to www.livewithmeaning.net for more information. Look for the Live With Meaning podcast on iTunes, Stitcher and Podomatic.