Bella learns the rules of werwolvery from Jacob. The rules range from odd (they don't age) to repulsive (sometimes they form a unbreakable romantic bond with a toddler). Edward is even more controlling than usual, but after a serious talk with Bella he agrees to let Jacob make some of her decisions for her also.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bellas life returns to normal. Unfortunately for her, normal is not very good. I don't know who needs to hear this, but if your hundred-year-old vampire boyfriend is trying to isolate you from your oft-shirtless werewolf bestie and using the promise of eternal life to push you into marriage, do not marry that man.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

We watched New Moon: The Movie! I guess I didn't realize, when reading the novel, just how many jorts were present. It's hard to ignore the jorts when they're on the big screen. Also, there's a bunch of drama about Edward and Bella and Jacob (and his jorts).

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella goes to Italy to meet some cool vampires. None of them say "Ciao, Bella." They live in a combination sewer/office building/watchtower, and they collect special vampires like Edward. They don't get him this time, but they can wait.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella's second-favorite vampire returns, and she needs Bella's help. They must hurry to Italy to prevent Edward from exposing himself to tourists.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella discovers Jacob's furry secret. Then she throws herself off a cliff. Those things aren't connected, Bella just thought that would be a fun thing to do.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella puts her best moves on Jacob. That means she nearly dies and he has to save her life. After that he starts avoiding her, and she comes to the only reasonable conclusion: he has joined a cult.

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella is despondent over her loss of Edward. She seems like she'll never be happy again, but then she encounters the combined effect of Motorcycles and Another Hot Guy.

• (00:14) - Intro

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

Bella and Edward are still madly in love, but a tragic paper cut incident at Bella's 18th birthday party tears them apart, presumably forever. Bella is very sad, and spends 4 months thinking about how sad she is.

• (00:13) - Intro

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.

We watched the Twilight movie! Sparkly sexless vampires in the Pacific Northwest.

• (00:14) - Intro

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Music: CHASIN' IT by Jason Shaw, licensed under CC-BY 3.0.