Locker Room - A Southland Christian Church Podcast

Scott talks about insecurity and how it shows up in our behavior.

1. Have you ever had a complete and utter meltdown? What was the cause of it? 
2. If you have kids, can you resonate with the tension of wanting your kids to succeed and it having to do with your own identity? For those without kids, what are some other factors that threaten your identity?
3. What are some of your deepest insecurities? How do you manage or hide them?
4. Does your perception of yourself match what others think of you? Have you ever resonated with the thought that you have been “faking it till you make it”? 
5. The reason we explode is because who we are is at risk. Do you have anyone in your corner always championing you to become the best version of yourself? 
6. What things define who you think you are?
7. One sign that someone is insecure is “not sharing the spotlight”. On the flip side, someone who is secure will tend to elevate others. Which one do you resonate with and why?
8. Where and when do your insecurities show up? What situations reveal your insecurities? What would you hate for people to think about you? What would you be embarrassed for people to find out about you? Find one person who knows you really well and ask them to identify your insecurities.

In this episode Scott continues his conversation with Jason Martinkus who leads Redemptive Living, which helps men who are struggling to restore their sexual integrity.

• Read Galatians 6:2. Have you ever approached the church or a counselor for help with issues related to sexual brokenness and idolatry? What was your experience like with each? What can the church do better to deal with these issues? When men are in crisis, where do they tend to go if left to their own resources? Where do you go? What do you know about how to get help?
• One of the huge disservices we do in church culture at large is we don’t talk about issues honestly. Jason acknowledged that most guys are struggling in some way. He made the assertion that, in one room at a conference, there were men who are having sex with animals, inanimate objects, women, children, transvestites. How does that hit you or how do you respond to that reality?
• Eventually, God says, “Enough.” He doesn’t allow the dysfunction and sickness in us to go on any longer. Why does He do this? Have you experienced this kind of moment when God puts His foot down and says, “This far… no further...”? What happened?
• Men sometimes try to manipulate their wife into changing, thinking they will somehow solve their own problem in that way. We shift the blame onto her, abdicating responsibility for our place to lead and love and serve. What kind of damage is done in your relationship and/or in your wife’s life when you do this?
• Wives desperately believe there’s a good man in their husbands. They long for that man to come through. They want so badly for you to become everything they hoped you would be, to step into who God has made you to be. About what issues and areas of your life do you need to get honest with your group and your bride? Will you start that journey toward freedom right now, allowing the truth to break the chains?
• Read John 8:31-32. One final question: Do you need to reach out for help?
• Jason said, “We’ve got to get ahead of this.” It starts with you doing the deeper work and goes on to lives like yours being redeemed to help the next generation. Learn more about the work Jason is doing and the services his ministry provides at redemptiveliving.com or rlforwomen.com.

In this episode Scott talks with Jason Martinkus who leads Redemptive Living, which helps men who are struggling to restore their sexual integrity. 

• Jason shared about being introduced to pornography at a young age and the effects it had on him. Unfortunately, many men can relate to his experience. If appropriate, share with the group your first introduction to pornography and the effect it has had on you.
• "Swearing every time would be the last and then hating myself when it happened again" - I think we've all been there before, even the apostle Paul can relate. Read Romans 7:14-25. Why does this seem to be part of the human experience?
• What does it mean to for us to have two powers at war inside of our minds or to be slaves to sin? Why did Paul choose that language?
• Jason said, "you're not going to heal without the truth being on the table". What is it about bringing things into the light to allow them to be healed? (Imagine a doctor performing surgery in the dark)
• If we all agree with that principle, then why do we still resist it in our own lives? Why do we, why do you, resist being completely honest and vulnerable?
• Read 1 Corinthians 6:18. Jason mentioned some about the neurochemistry of our brains, building off that, why and how does sexual sin affect us in different ways?
• Jason reflected back on how his secret sins were destroying him and eroding his faith. As a man, as a follower of Jesus, and to the people around him who needed him. How are your secret sins affecting you? Who else may they be affecting too? 

This is part 2 of Scott’s discussion with Gary Black.

• Gary shared about the "exchanged life"; trading a performance-based, approval-seeking mentality for the unconditional love and acceptance God is offering. How did he say that revolutionized his understanding of how God sees him? Did that resonate with you in any way?
• When God walks in the room, He smiles at you. He not only loves you He also likes you. Is that hard for you to believe? What would change if you believed that every day as you went throughout your day?
• How do legalism and shame keep us from letting God love us? What lies are we believing when we allow those things to tell us what God thinks of us?
• Romans 8:1 reminds us that there is now no condemnation for those in Christ. What truths did Gary emphasize from that verse?
• What we build our identity around is key. How can you lay down the "performance-driven life" while still being productive, setting goals, and working to achieve them? 
• When was the last time you did an honest evaluation of gratitude and thankfulness in your life? How could you best cultivate a heart of gratitude today?
• Read through the rest of Romans 8 and reflect on the type of love God is offering you. How would you sum that chapter up? What does God want us to understand about His love?

In this episode Scott sits down with Gary Black. Gary shares the wisdom he has gained through decades of marriage, ministry, and manhood.

1. Just to get the conversation rolling: have you ever been mugged or had a scary encounter similar to that? Share your story.
2. God called Gary to overcome his fear of public speaking to preach the Gospel. What is a fear, insecurity, or doubt you have had that God has used to spread the Gospel and expand His Kingdom?
3. Gary’s fear originated with insecurities from his childhood. What hurts or pains from your childhood still plague you today?
4. You have an audience of one... Jesus. Are you playing for the grandstand or the coach? Are you living to gain accolades and praises from other people or are you receiving your self worth from Jesus?
5. The reason God’s opinion of you is the only one that matters is because He created you; you are His. How do you struggle living out this truth?
6. Who you are at home is who you really are. So who are you at home?
7. When men are unhealthy, we tend to hurt those we love the most. How has this played out in seasons of un-health for you?
8. Gary’s story shows us that transformation takes time. What is one area of your life that you need to take to Jesus starting today to begin the road to reconciliation?

In this episode Scott addresses what is commonly referred to as toxic masculinity.

1. What have been your thoughts, interactions, or assumptions about the term “toxic masculinity?”
2. What are some of society's problems that have placed the blame on toxic masculinity?
3. Watch this Gillette commercial. What are your reactions? Do you agree or disagree with it? Why?
4. Scott says there is no such thing as toxic masculinity because if it is toxic, it is not masculine. To be masculine is to be like Jesus because Jesus is the essence of masculinity. How does this truth challenge or sharpen what you have believed to be true about masculinity?
5. The essence of manhood is responsibility. As men, we even need to take responsibility to help be a part of the solution to problems we didn’t cause. What are some situations you sense God calling you to be a part of the solution to by taking responsibility?
6. As a father to a son, how are you helping him to understand and act out a biblical view of masculinity? As fathers of daughters, how are you helping her to understand what a real man is, and how to go about looking for and waiting for a Christlike man?

In this episode, Scott, Chris, and Derrick continue their conversation and discuss work/life balance.

• For a lot of men, there is a struggle between home and work. Just because you live at home does not mean that you are present and pouring into those you are called to protect. Where do you feel the tension most with home vs. work?
• A common cultural lie is that we find our primary purpose in life from our careers. How would you say you have fallen victim to this?
• We need to leave work at work: What are some practices you put in place—or need to put in place—so that you can transition from work mode to home/family mode?
• Chris Hahn mentioned tracking your hours so you can get an honest look at how productive you really are with your time and discover areas where you can tighten up with productivity. Have you ever done this? What are some moments in your day where you could be more productive so you can be more present at home?
• A lot of what we do daily is based on what season of life we are in. What season of life are you in and what benefits and struggles does it bring?
• Like the guy who played 300 games of softball in one year, are there badges of honor you brag about but might be a detriment to your family and personal well-being?

In this episode Scott, Chris and Derrick discuss the state of manhood.

Discussion Questions:

1) What is the typical stigma attached to going to counseling? Do you agree that it is becoming more normal for men to dive into personal issues or step into counseling?

2) Chris made the connection between going to a personal trainer for fitness goals with looking at counseling as emotional training. Why is it hard for us to admit weakness in certain areas of our lives but accessible in others?

3) The guys mentioned how we can get excited about big events and conferences but neglect meeting around a table with a few guys. They used the analogy of a yearly shot vs. finding true substance. Do you feel this tension in your own life? What is the value of having consistent friends to help put these things into practice?

4) What do you think about this quote: "There’s a reason good friends are hard to find. You don’t find them, you make them. Redemptive community is forged over time together, knowing one another’s stories and journeying together." How are you pursuing friendships like this? What is preventing you from doing so?

5) Read Romans 6:1-14 together. How would you explain the dynamic between Grace and Freedom? What does it mean to be dead to sin and alive in Christ?

6) Paul uses word pictures to help describe the relationship between a Christian and sin. In your own words, how would you describe that relationship? What does God want us to know about His victory over sin?

This is the wrap up of Scott and Chad’s conversation.

• Men are shaped dramatically between the ages of 12 and 20. Looking back, for good or ill, what are some significant ways you were formed in those years of your life? What was lacking for you? What was invested or built into you in a good way and who made those deposits? Talk about ways you might be able to invest in the lives of young men.
• Many lessons learned early in life become important to lifelong success. Chad found a way to allow the game of football to help develop people. How can you do that through a game? Or your work? Or through the role(s) you fill in your home?
• When we get deeply involved in something—in a game, our work, school—we can find aspects of what we do get woven into our identity. We heard some great advice in this podcast: “Separate what you do from who you are.” Until 2007, the game of football was Chad’s “god”. So the Lord had to take the joy in it away for a time, until it was put in its proper place. Chad even said he was the happiest unemployed person ever when he was not defined by what he did, but who he was. Where you are today, would you feel this sense of freedom if you were to lose your job? Why or why not?
• Chad’s dad would say, “...have character, don’t be a character.” What does that mean? Take a look through the lens of the quote about character and ask yourself: How am I doing?
• Soldiers, athletes, and others who have been part of a strong team often share, in essence, “I miss the locker room.” They miss being with the other people on the team. They miss the structure and organization provided by it. And they miss the brotherhood with other players. You connect with people who have been through the same experiences you’ve been through. We need structure and brotherhood. Isolation leads to bad habits and destructive choices. How have you seen this play out in your life or in the lives of people around you?
• Expectations that people place on us can become a measuring stick that gives inaccurate results. We can even come up with some pretty tough expectations of ourselves. But Jesus met people right where they were - at their best or worst. And He invited them to take a step toward something more. Read Hebrews 10:14. What does this scripture tell us about what God does through our belief in Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross?

Scott and former NFL quarterback Chad Pennington discuss the many things Chad’s learned through playing football and his passion to build into boys and young men.

• What might it look like for you to use your passions and gifts to give back to others? Who could benefit the most from you stepping up and stepping in to share what God has entrusted to you?
• “The greatest gift you can give your children is yourself.” What does this statement say to you about your relationship with your parents? What does it say about what you have to offer your own kids or younger people you may influence?
• Chad’s dad stepped down to coach freshmen so he could see his son play. Ask yourself this really hard question: Is there anything you do, personally or professionally, that is stealing from the most important people in your life? What do you think you need to do in response to this realization? If you’re not sure, pray in the coming days and ask God what He is trying to reveal to you.
• Chad mentioned the team-approach he and his wife take to their roles in marriage and family. Are you someone who would tend to divide responsibilities or share roles in the home? What is good about each approach? What do you sense God would desire for you when it comes to this idea?
• Chad and Scott talked about how busy Chad is now, but how he’s keeping priorities in order. He wants to stay productive and do things that are meaningful. We can do this, even if we aren’t retired in our 30’s from a professional football career. How can you be productive and do things that are meaningful from whatever position you find yourself?
• Read Deuteronomy 6:4-9. What does this scripture look like when it’s lived out in the context of the questions you’ve thought through today?