Locker Room - A Southland Christian Church Podcast

Derwin Gray joins us to talk about his book The Good Life and share a few NFL stories!

1. Derwin was born to parents 17 and 19 years young. Each had their own issues and, because of that, he was raised by his grandparents. What was your family dynamic growing up? Who raised you? How did that play into the man you are today? 2. Several years into the NFL Derwin realized, "You've accomplished all your dreams but yet you are not happy." How does this thought and quote resonate with you? How have you ever found yourself thinking the same thing? 3. Like many of us, Derwin lived with incredible fear of losing his job, purpose, and identity. He thought, "Who would I be once they told me I couldn't play anymore?" What are you fearful of losing? What do you find security in other than Jesus' provision? 4. Derwin grew up a compulsive stutterer. What are some things you believe to be true about yourself that will keep you from telling people about Jesus and following His call in your life? 5. Derwin's wife came to faith before him and prayed for Derwin to know Jesus months before he did. Are you and your spouse on the same page in your faith? What ebbs and flows do you find in your marriage? 6. Mourning is something Christians often disregard. This is a very hard and trying time for all of us. What areas of your life are you mourning or grieving in this season? What is Jesus speaking to you in this season?

Scott is joined by Eric Schneider on the podcast to discuss Derwin Gray's 'Guard Your Heart' session from our Men's Conference.

To watch videos of the sessions, go to

http://southland.church/guarded

1. Eric mentioned that we as the church need to be the church that God is calling us to be. What kind of church do you feel God calling us to be? What role do you play in that? 2. Read Proverbs 4:23. What sticks out to you? What is the wellspring of life? What is the relationship between our heart and the wellspring? 3. "You will not experience healing until you come out of hiding." Does this trouble you or give you peace? What areas of your life do you need to expose? 4. Eric asked a great question, "Who do we have that we can be recklessly honest with?" Answer this question for yourself. 5. "Isolation plus boredom always leads to destruction." How has this tendency plagued your life? 6. No one has talked worse to you than you. What are the common comments you tell yourself? What lies about yourself have you always believed? What does God's grace say in opposition of that? 7. Read Ephesians 2:8-9. When we understand that it is by grace we are saved, not our own abilities, then we can silence our inner critic. How do you wrestle with the tension of your inner critic? 8. If we are not finding joy in other people finding comfort in the embrace of our Heavenly Father, we are often being the other Brother in the story of the Prodigal Son. Do you find yourself running toward the rebels of our community or running away from them? 9. Most people's autobiographies lead with their greatest accomplishments. For Derwin, he never mentioned in his bio that he played in the NFL. What are some of your own leading accomplishments you tend to tell people about? Why do you think you want other people to know that about you?

Picking up where we left off last episode discussing Jason & Shelley Martinkus' 'Guard Your Marriage' session from our Men's Conference. We start off discussing the 7 building blocks of a healthy marriage and where we can shore up our relationships.

Link to video from the session:

Guard Your Marriage, with Jason & Shelley Martinkus

1) Jason mentioned seven building blocks of intimacy for spouses: Recreational (having fun), Proximal (being close), Spiritual (what God is doing), Intellectual (good conversations, dreaming), Emotional (learning to be empathetic), Physical (non-sexual), Sex. How did this shift your paradigm of connecting with your wife? And also being connected with by your wife? 2) Which one of these do you do the best and how? Which one of these is most challenging? 3) Hatfield had a great line, "Your wife is not a body, she is a soul." How does that confirm or challenge the way you view your wife? 4) Nickell mentioned hopes and dreams versus expectations and demands in our marriages. What are your hopes and dreams for your marriage? What are the expectations and demands of your marriage? 5) Rewiring your brain takes about six weeks. What does your journey in rewiring your brain look like? What tripped you up? What aided you? 6) Sometimes what Jesus calls us to is very difficult and very hard. What is Jesus calling you to right now?

Hatfield & Nickell go in-depth on the 'Guard Your Marriage' session with Jason & Shelley Martinkus from our Guarded Men's Conference.

Link to a video from this session:

Guard Your Marriage with Jason & Shelley Martinkus

1. When is the last time you had a real, honest talk about sex with another brother in Christ? How did it go? What did you not say that you should have been honest about? 2. Read Proverbs 7. What are some of the words, phrases, or images from this text that stood out to you? What resonated with you? 3. After watching Jason and Shelley Martinkus' session at Men's Conference, what helped you find clarity on your battle against temptation and for sexual purity? 4. What direction were you given while you were growing up surrounding sexual temptation and how to find freedom over it? What was your first exposure to porn and how old were you? 5. If your wife asked you, "Is there anything I need to know?" would the question haunt you or give you hope? Why? What would you want to tell her in a moment of transparency? 6. Jason admitted that he allowed fear to bully him and keep him from being honest. How has fear bullied you in the past? How does it sometimes hold you captive now? 7. Having regular questions asked of you regarding the purity of your eyes, mind, and heart is essential. What sort of plan do you have in place now? If you don't have one, who is someone you can trust to ask you those hard questions?

Scott Hatfield is back on the podcast to unpack 'father wounds' -- the pain and trauma from our past. We talk about the impact it still has in our lives and how with God's help we can own our wounds, find freedom and settle the past.

1. How do you react when you hear the term "father wounds?" 2. As a boy, how did you figure out how to be a man? 3. Some causes of father wounds are neglect, absence, and abuse. How have any of those reasons given you wounds? 4. Who filled the father role in your life? In what ways did they fill that role well? How did they struggle in that role? 5. What are some destructive patterns you have in your life that are a result of unhealed wounds? (Extreme bitterness, great rage, unworthy, incompetent, unloveable?) 6. Do you passively or aggressively respond to your wounds? How does that play out? 7. Is your version of God representative of the picture of your father? Was he a demanding rule follower? Passive aggressive? 8. How are the wounds you have received going to change the way you parent or are going to parent? 9. What part of your identity do you need to understand in light of how much God loves you so that you can live in freedom from others' view of you? 10. If you could tell your dad one thing in a moment of transparency and vulnerability, what would it be? What is the one thing you would want to hear your dad say about you? 11. Pray for the wounds in your Group that were voiced in this discussion.

In this episode Scott sits down with Josh Garrett and Qaaim Stainback to discuss the 'Guard Your Gospel' session with Lecrae from our Guarded Men's Conference.

Link to a video from this session:

Guard Your Gospel, with Lecrae

1) On this episode, race and racism was at the forefront of discussion. What has been your experience with the discussion surrounding race? 2) Josh mentioned that Lecrae asked, "Who am I to withhold forgiveness?" Forgiving others is one of the hardest aspects of following Jesus. How have you been hurt and what did your healing process look like? 3) Lecrae mentioned that kids only get one dad and that his ultimate role in life is as a father. How does that resonate with or challenge you? How do you struggle with the tension of getting distracted from what is most important? 4) Lecrae exhibited great humility in not naming the influential Christian Leaders who had hurt him. What has been your experience with being hurt by the church or it's leaders? What is your response in times of betrayal? 5) One of the most intriguing aspects of Lecrae's interview were the complexities he brought up. We live in an absolute/extreme culture (e.g.—You have to be Republican vs. Democrat, Liberal vs. Conservative.) How have you fallen victim to this tendency? How do you rest in complexities? 6) When you see other people's scars, you're reminded that you can heal. What are wounds you're still healing from? How can we pray for that? 7) We don't know what's going to happen when we tell the truth. Are others going to think I am weak or that I wasn't strong enough? What were some situations or struggles you were worried might cause people to see you as weak? 8) In order to protect ourselves, we will weld on certain forms of masculinity to survive. Whether it is pretending everything is okay, acting differently than we feel, etc. What are ways you have welded on armor to protect yourself. (Read Ephesians 6:10-20) 9) "God is a relational God, not a transactional God." How does that statement resonate and challenge your view of God? Pray Ephesians 1:15-23 over your Group.

In this episode Scott sits down with Spencer Hahn and Evan Wehrle to discuss the 'Guard Your Family' sessions from our Guarded Men's Conference.

Links to videos from the sessions:

Guarded Men's Conference Session 3 - Matthew Bradford

Guarded Session 4 - Scott Nickell

1) What comes to mind when you think about guarding your family? What are areas of strengths for you? What are areas of weakness? 2) Israel's problem as well as Sampson's was that they "did what was right in their own eyes." What are areas of your life you often try to justify as right so you can do them? 3) Sampson lived one of the most unguarded lives we see in the Bible. As men, intentionality is crucial for us to protect our loved ones. What are some areas, if you are honest, that have slid off your priority list? What are some simple steps you can take to start loving your family well this week? 4) Fundamentals are essential, both in sports and in protecting and providing for our families. How do you incorporate prayer and time in the Word into your everyday life? 5) What are you guarding your family from? Are there any vain pursuits you chase that you need to guard your family from? 6) We are a story-driven culture. What stories do you need to guard your younger loved ones from? 7) Whether it is hunting, fishing, drinking, over-exercising, over-eating, laziness, etc... What is it you use as a crutch to fill you up? 8) Do you resonate with feeling bored and frustrated? In what situations and circumstances do you feel those the easiest? 9) At this present moment, do you feel more "isolated" (cut off from other Christian men) or "Insulated" (cut off from the Spirit of Christ)?

Scott Hatfield shares wisdom gained through years of ministry in many different contexts.

1. The culture has to change in our church and that begins with men stepping up. Who are you investing in intentionally? Who is investing in you? 2. Someone will one day pick up and continue the legacy that you left behind… what legacy are you currently writing? What pieces are you going to leave behind? 3. Who are you? What is God's character? What does your Bible study and prayer time look like? What does your accountability look like? What issues from your past still plague you and need to be put to death? What armor do you need to put on? What is your kryptonite? What is your mission? 4. What drives your life and perception of yourself: What God thinks and says of you or what the world thinks and says of you? What roadblocks keep you from resting in your identity in Jesus? 5. Men sometimes don't lead because of a variety of reasons: incompetence, comparison, hypocrisy, or because they think it's for women. Which of these most resonates with you? 6. Does your family get your best or your left overs? What small shifts can you begin to make now that will allow your family to get more of your best? 7. Spiritual warfare is real. What was your upbringing on this subject? What areas of your life can you see signs of being under attack? How can the truth of God's presence destroy that attack?

Scott kicks off season 5 with a look at the book of Proverbs.

1. Proverbs was written for boys. It was the collected wisdom of a Father written down for his son. When you hear the word wisdom, what thoughts come to mind? 2. You can be a grown man by age and size but a boy by the measurement of Proverbs. How do you tend to measure your maturity and manhood? 3. Proverbs is primarily focused on two words: Wisdom and Discipline. Wisdom is "skillful living", kind of like a tradesman. It's useful, helpful. Producing things of lasting value in the community you find yourself living in. In what ways are you contributing lasting value to your family, church, friends, and neighbors? 4. Discipline means "moral discipline"; it is the necessary companion to wisdom. It is correcting flaws while developing integrity. Solomon often compromised his wisdom with his lack of moral discipline. Lack of discipline in one area of our lives will seep into all other corners of our lives. You cannot manage sin. Where in your life are you making moral compromises? 5. Honoring God with your body often comes with polarizing opinions such as "to tattoo or not"? But it is so much deeper than that: How are you using your words? Where are your thoughts? How is your health? All of those things affect all of you; they matter. What changes do you need to make and why? 6. "Dont be dumb." What relationships, jobs, or opportunities have you put at risk because of being dumb? 7. Dont have sex with someone other than your wife. Jesus takes this a step further in Matthew 5:27-30 by saying anyone who even looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery. Honestly, how are you doing with this? 8. Read Proverbs 1:1-7. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. A healthy fear of our Heavenly Father looks like beholding His power and majesty with utter admiration and respect. When we do this, it looks like trusting God in all things, in all ways. What areas of your life or in which situations do you need to trust God?

In this episode Scott, Chris and Derrick circle up to review the four freedom killers we discussed in Season 4 and share strategies for dealing with them.

1. Throughout this season of Locker Room, with which freedom-killer have you identified the most? How does it manifest in your life?
2. One of the signs of insecurity is defensiveness... not allowing ourselves to hear and process the opinions of others, and the inability to take in new information, especially when it contradicts our own opinions. Where and when do you find yourself being the most defensive?
3. Defensiveness stems from trying to protect our identity whenever we believe it to be at risk or under attack. Where do you see your identity might be based on things that are unhealthy—on anything other than in God?
4. Talking more than listening is another sign of insecurity. When do you see this rising up in you? Do you tend to be aware of it "in the moment" or not? How can you become more so?
5. Accomplishments and compliments can also feed our insecurities. We can't always believe our own press clippings. What are some achievements that feed into your insecurity? From whom do you need to hear and what do you hope they'll say about you to boost your confidence?
6. Christian men who have their identity rooted in God alone play for an audience of One. Who do you tend to find yourself performing for when you are operating out of a place of un-health?
7. Who do you have in your life that is encouraging you while also holding you accountable?
8. With the holidays coming up, what are some areas you know are hard for you to be secure in who you are?
9. What insecurity do you need to let go of? What aspect of your identity do you need to allow to become rooted in the love and grace of God?