Long Voicemails

This week I’m all over the place. ALL OVER. You want to get weird, this is the episode for you. It’s way too long, but that’s the point, is it NOT? Rhetorical question. Things I cover: Stripper perfume in malls, Tinder Profiles, Morgan Spurlock. Wi-Fi hotspots. Just kidding! How I almost beat up a Seahawks fan. Weight vs Height. Genetics son! Just listen.

This week I make a full episode and talk about the life of Hugh Hefner, why we should start naming Earthquakes, and a new hot spot called To-Bang-Ya. Not only that, I fill your mind with a yoga studio’s collective body fat percentage of 17% vs a large unknown man who lives in Ohio who far exceeds that. If you’re reading this, you don’t realize this is a podcast. Just saying.

This week I talk about fearing the development of racist robots, Eclipse Ritz Glasses, and why not to wear cologne. I talk about other stuff too, so just listen to the episode and make sure to share it on the internet with like-minded people. Thanks in advance.

Hey guys/girls, this week I delve into some hard hitting topics. Oh, you like time zones? Donald Trump doesn’t, so he fixed it. Service dogs bailing you out? Don’t. They should be your scarlet letter of mental health if you need it. You are getting married? How about you get married with a 3 year contract, and an option to be traded for money or for someone better? Marriage Cap is the answer to so many divorces, I can’t even tell you. But I just did. This ep is great. Stop reading good. Thx to my sponsor “That Smoothie You Made For Me”

Oh hey. This week, I cover lots. For example, White People Can Be Mean To White People; Don’t Order Avocado Toast At a Resturant, Ask Strangers For Help At the Grocery store, and if you’re playing Giant Jenga, don’t. Or add important people into the physical structure that is Jenga.

Yolo, this week I go ON the rails and explain why people in 3rd world countries should be allowed to have ridiculous problems too. I talk about my blind masseuse Tomas, and how he gets tired at night. Go Figure. I also do a Gary V parody talk because I crowd sourced my group text, and they get what they want, almost always. Also, the guy who sells the expensive My Pillow product, did crack and probably meth. And now he pushes god on you and makes millions. Let’s invent something new, without even having to have a sob story about doing drugs. Nancy Regan would approve. Let me know your ideas. Kind Regards, Josh Smack

Wow. That’s a mouthful. This week I explore the realities and fallacies of making a pussy remember you via Chris Brown. Memories are sometimes selective, but in the case of the pussy, sometimes it’s not about what you did good, it’s about what you did badly. Then we talk about pocket montages, good looking porn people, and some personal hot tub moments.

We all have been on Road Trips, but not quite like this. Josh Smack encounters hitchhikers and does nothing about it. He travels around in a Kia Soul and then tries to fix stomach aches with ice cream. Not good. None of this makes sense, which is why it’s a long voicemail for the ages.

Hi, this week got real, like the real world. Here’s how. I became Vegan kind of, then I quit, but kept going, with an attitude. I may donate some blood for the rich, and I think AI should be JI, because the artificial part is fake, not the smart part.

Hmmm. This week, I explore the world of AI meets JI, meets Mother May I. Honestly, don’t become vegan, but eat fewer animals, especially dogs. Mainly dogs. Don’t eat dogs. And in regards to sharing blood, don’t do it.