Love How Deep Marriage Podcast

Episode 137: Small Moments That Strengthen Your Marriage with Jon and Teresa Harper

Does your marriage get whatever time is left after everything else? Between work, family responsibilities, and the constant pull of our phones, meaningful connection can easily slip away.

In this episode of the Love How Deep Podcast, Brian and Heather Mayer welcome Christian speakers and authors Jon and Teresa Harper for a conversation about making small moments matter. Drawing from their marriage and their devotional, Minute for Marriage: Turning Minutes into a Marriage That Lasts a Lifetime, the Harpers share practical ways to give your spouse your attention and keep Jesus at the center of your relationship.

From dating through the alphabet to setting aside a few minutes of uninterrupted conversation, this episode offers encouragement for couples who want to move beyond simply sharing a home and start enjoying one another again.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Making your marriage a priority during busy seasons.

• Bringing creativity and laughter back through alphabet dates.

• Using "couch time" to reconnect and talk about your day.

• Supporting your spouse's interests, even when they differ from yours.

• Praying together without feeling pressured to say everything perfectly.

• Putting phones away and being fully present.

• Showing love in ways your spouse actually receives it.

• Practicing the grace, humility, forgiveness, and service Jesus models.

Try this together: Choose one small way to connect this week. Plan a simple date, spend 15 minutes talking without phones, or pray aloud together. Start with something you can repeat.

Guest links and resources

• Minute 4 Marriage ministry and book information: thewordministries.net/minute-4-marriage

• Minute for Marriage on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1737356775

• Facebook — https://www.facebook.com/thewordministries.twm

Connect with Love How Deep

We help disconnected married couples reconnect through the foundational love of Jesus Christ. Explore our marriage resources and speaking opportunities at lovehowdeep.com.

Subscribe to the Love How Deep Podcast and share this episode with a couple who could use encouragement to make time for each other.

What could it look like for your marriage to grow out of a deeper experience of Christ's love?

In this solo episode, Brian explores Paul's prayer in Ephesians 3:16–20 and applies its themes to marriage. The passage begins with strength in our inner being, moves into being rooted and established in love, and points us toward God's power at work within us.

For married couples, it offers an invitation to nurture your individual relationship with God and consider how that growth can shape your relationship with each other.

WHAT YOU'LL TAKE AWAY

Strength begins within.

Brian reflects on Paul's prayer for strength through the Holy Spirit. When you feel depleted, prayer offers a way to seek the inner resources you need to approach your marriage with greater love and intention.

Deep roots and flexibility belong together.

Drawing on his experiences with hurricanes in Florida, Brian uses palm trees as a picture of remaining grounded while bending under pressure. Couples can reflect on what it means to stay rooted in Christ's love while remaining open to growth and change.

God's love is something to experience.

A trip to Niagara Falls gave Brian a vivid picture of love that is powerful, abundant, and continually flowing. He connects that experience with Paul's invitation to grasp the breadth and depth of Christ's love.

Your marriage needs community.

Paul's prayer includes God's people together. Brian encourages couples to seek trusted support when they remain stuck, whether through a friend, pastor, mentor, or professional therapist.

This passage is at the heart of Love How Deep.

Brian shares why Ephesians 3:16–20 helps shape the ministry he and Heather lead: helping couples experience Christ's love and bring that love into their marriage.

SCRIPTURE TO EXPLORE

Read Ephesians 3:16–20 together. Notice the movement from inner strength to faith, rootedness, shared understanding, and God's power at work within us.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

• Where do I feel depleted, and what would I like to bring to God in prayer?

• What helps me stay rooted in Christ's love when our marriage feels stressful?

• Where could I respond to my spouse with more flexibility and care?

• Who could we turn to for wise support if we keep getting stuck?

TRY THIS TOGETHER

After reading the passage, each spouse can share one phrase that stands out and why. Then pray for one another, asking God to help you receive His love and express it through one specific action this week.

MARRIAGE RESOURCES AND NEXT STEPS

Marriage Strategy Session: Clarity, Connection, and a Plan Forward

If you want a clearer picture of your marriage and practical direction for growth, the Marriage Strategy Session offers a personalized experience with Brian and Heather.

You'll each complete a Prepare/Enrich marriage assessment before meeting privately by video for a two-hour session. Together, you'll explore your strengths, relationship patterns, and areas that need attention, then develop a personalized strategy with practical exercises and next steps. A 30-minute follow-up about 30 days later gives you time to review what you've learned and how your strategy is working.

Learn more and reserve your session:

https://www.lovehowdeep.com/marriage-strategy-session

Invite Love How Deep to Your Church

Brian and Heather offer Christ-centered keynotes, interactive workshops, half-day intensives, and marriage conferences. These experiences combine biblical teaching, relatable stories, and practical activities that help couples apply what they learn. Topics and formats can be tailored to your church's needs.

Explore speaking options and schedule a conversation:

https://www.lovehowdeep.com/speaking

Explore more Love How Deep resources:

https://www.lovehowdeep.com

SHARE THE EPISODE

Know a couple who would appreciate encouragement to grow deeper roots in Christ's love? Share this episode with them, and follow the Love How Deep Podcast for more conversations about faith, connection, and marriage.

When Summer Looks Different: Finding God's Goodness in an Unexpected Season

This week, we are sharing another "Behind the Lives" episode—a relaxed and honest look at what has been happening in our family, marriage, ministry, and business over the past few months.

This summer did not look like our typical summer. There was no long vacation or major trip for just the two of us. Instead, the season was filled with work, tutoring, business coaching, hosting family for nearly half of a 40-day period, spending time with friends, creating new Love How Deep resources, preparing speaking presentations, and developing new ways to serve couples.

The biggest and sweetest news of the summer was becoming grandparents. We traveled to Ohio over the Fourth of July weekend to meet and hold our new grandson, Noah Michael. That time with him—and the pictures, videos, and updates we continue receiving—became one of the greatest blessings of the entire season.

We also enjoyed a mountain getaway with close friends at House Mountain Inn and took the train to Washington, D.C., where we spent hours exploring the Museum of the Bible. These shorter experiences reminded us that meaningful rest and connection do not always require an elaborate vacation.

Behind the scenes at Love How Deep, we joined an intensive business coaching program, created new website pages and marriage resources, developed another seminar, prepared new speaking material, and launched the Marriage Strategy Session. Heather also began writing a 13-chapter Bible study filled with Scripture, self-reflection, journaling, personal research, and practical application for both individuals and marriages.

As we looked back, we realized that it would be easy to focus on what did not happen and decide the summer was disappointing. But when we named everything God allowed us to experience, the season looked completely different. It was full of family, creativity, ministry, friendship, connection, growth, and gratitude.

Different is not automatically bad. A season may not unfold according to your original plan and still be deeply good.

A Challenge for You

Look back over the past few months and make a list of the things you were blessed to be part of. Consider the people you connected with, the ways you grew, the work you completed, the unexpected joys you experienced, and the places where God met you.

Your season may not have looked the way you hoped it would—but when you put it into perspective, you may discover that the good outweighs the perceived bad.

In This Episode, We Talk About

• Hosting family as two introverts—and recognizing the need for recovery time

• Becoming grandparents and meeting Noah Michael

• Enjoying meaningful experiences without taking a traditional vacation

• Visiting House Mountain Inn and the Museum of the Bible

• Joining a business coaching program and growing Love How Deep

• Heather's progress on a new 13-chapter Bible study

• Creating new marriage resources, presentations, and website pages

• Launching the Marriage Strategy Session

• Building connections with churches and marriage-ministry organizations

• Savoring a mountaintop season while remembering that storms are part of life

• Looking beyond unmet expectations to recognize God's goodness

• Practicing gratitude by naming the blessings of the past few months

Places Mentioned

Museum of the Bible — Washington, D.C. https://www.museumofthebible.org/

House Mountain Inn — Lexington, Virginia https://www.housemountaininn.com/

Work With Brian and Heather

Invite us to speak at your church We offer Christ-centered keynotes, interactive workshops, half-day intensives, and full marriage conferences designed to strengthen couples and support the needs of your church. https://www.lovehowdeep.com/speaking

Reserve a Marriage Strategy Session Complete a trusted marriage assessment, meet privately with both of us for a two-hour video session, and leave with personalized insights and practical next steps for your marriage. https://www.lovehowdeep.com/marriage-strategy-session

Visit Love How Deep Find Christian marriage resources, podcast episodes, videos, courses, and updates about Heather's upcoming Bible study: https://www.lovehowdeep.com/

Behind the Scenes: What It Really Takes to Speak as a Couple

This week, we are doing something a little different: taking you behind the scenes of a full weekend of speaking, ministry, marriage, and the unexpected moments that happened along the way.

We recently traveled to the Staunton and Swoope, Virginia, area to serve Village Church. On Saturday, we led an intimate couples retreat, and on Sunday, we were honored and humbled to be invited to speak during the church service. In this candid conversation, we share what it took to prepare two different presentations—and what we learned once we stepped in front of the audience.

Preparation included much more than practicing a talk. We created slide decks, wrote speaker notes, prepared cues for the church's technology team, organized visual exercises, and rehearsed together night after night. At times, the presentation flowed; at other times, we wondered whether we would ever get it right. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we could do was stop, rest, and return with fresh energy.

Of course, the weekend did not go perfectly. There was a nearly overflowing bowl during a forgiveness exercise, anointing oil that needed to be distributed at the last minute, a missing laptop charger, skipped notes, forgotten words, and a pair of yellow sunglasses that almost missed their moment. Yet those imperfect moments became reminders that ministry does not require perfection. It requires preparation, flexibility, grace, and dependence on God.

We also reflect on what speaking together revealed about our marriage and communication. When one person is talking, it is easy for the other to think ahead to the next point instead of truly listening. We are learning how to stay present, help each other recover when something goes off script, improve our transitions, and balance planned teaching with natural conversation. These are speaking lessons—but they are marriage lessons too.

Through it all, the best part of the weekend was the people: meeting couples, talking with church members, answering questions, connecting with the pastors, and sharing lunch and laughter with a wonderful family. We are deeply grateful to Village Church for welcoming us and giving us the opportunity to serve.

In This Episode, We Talk About

• The unseen preparation behind a couples retreat and Sunday message

• Why nervousness can remind us to rely on God

• Knowing when to keep practicing—and when to take a break

• Recovering from forgotten words, skipped notes, and missed cues

• How facial expressions and body language affect a presentation

• Listening to your spouse instead of planning what you will say next

• Learning to banter, transition, and support each other onstage

• Giving yourself grace while continuing to improve your craft

• Why relationships with people matter more than a perfect performance

Connect With Village Church

Learn more about Village Church in Virginia: http://www.villagechurchva.com/

Work With Brian and Heather

Invite us to speak at your church We offer Christ-centered keynotes, interactive workshops, half-day intensives, and full marriage conferences designed to strengthen couples while serving the needs of your church. https://www.lovehowdeep.com/speaking

Reserve a Marriage Strategy Session Complete a trusted marriage assessment, meet privately with both of us for a two-hour video session, and leave with personalized insights and practical next steps for your marriage. https://www.lovehowdeep.com/marriage-strategy-session

Visit Love How Deep Find Christian marriage resources, podcast episodes, videos, courses, and more: https://www.lovehowdeep.com/

Making It Through the Mess: The Two Directions of Healing

What is the biggest mess you have ever faced—and how do you begin to heal from it?

In this special episode, recorded at Village Church in Swoope, Virginia, Brian and Heather share personal stories of abuse, divorce, cancer, grief, abandonment, depression, reconciliation, and God's faithfulness through life's most difficult seasons.

Their experiences reveal a simple but powerful truth: healing happens in two directions.

We heal vertically as we move toward God—surrendering our pain, connecting with Him, and learning to see our circumstances through His lens. We heal horizontally as we move toward trustworthy people—allowing community, empathy, encouragement, and accountability to help carry us through.

Your mess may be part of your story, but it does not have to define your future. God can use even the hardest seasons to develop perseverance, restore hope, deepen relationships, and lead you toward purpose.

In This Episode

Brian and Heather discuss:

• Why the way we see our mess often determines the way we walk through it
• How worship, prayer, journaling, and Scripture help us connect with God
• What it means to exchange our perspective for God's lens
• Why isolation can prolong our pain
• Why asking for help is not a sign of weakness
• How to find trustworthy people who offer both empathy and encouragement
• The importance of reconciliation and second chances
• Why healing begins when hiding from God and others ends
• How the vertical and horizontal beams of the cross remind us to love God and love people

Key Takeaways

• Change your lens. Look for what God may be doing in you, even when He does not immediately change the situation around you.
• Take an active step toward God through worship, honest prayer, journaling, and Scripture.
• Do not carry your burden alone. Identify one safe, trustworthy person and invite that person into your story.
• Look for people who offer both empathy and motivation—someone willing to sit with you in the pain and help you take the next step.
• Hold on to hope. Hope does not mean the problem has already been solved; it gives you strength to continue toward healing, growth, and purpose.

Scriptures Mentioned

• James 1:2–4 — Trials, perseverance, maturity, and joy
• Isaiah 43:18–19 — God doing a new thing and making a way in the wilderness
• Proverbs 15:22 — The importance of counsel and wise advisers
• Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 — Two are better than one
• Exodus 18 — Jethro advising Moses to share the burden
• Matthew 22:37–39 — Loving God and loving our neighbor

Questions for Reflection

• What hurt, struggle, or difficult season are you carrying right now?
• Are you seeing your circumstances through your own lens or asking God to help you see them through His?
• What is one practical way you can move toward God this week?
• Who is one trustworthy person you could invite into your story?
• Where might God be developing perseverance, hope, or purpose through what you have experienced?

Links and Resources

• Visit Village Church
• Invite Love How Deep to Speak at Your Location
• Marriage Strategy Session for Couples

Join the Conversation

What helped you make it through one of life's messiest seasons? Share your story or one takeaway from this episode in the comments. Your experience may be exactly the encouragement someone else needs.

Content note: This episode includes personal discussions of domestic abuse, divorce, cancer, grief, abandonment, depression, and alcohol use as a coping strategy.

Becoming More Mentally Present Through Mindfulness and Neurofeedback

The speaker discusses how difficult it is to stay fully mentally present and describes becoming more grounded on a four-mile run by turning off podcasts and music and intentionally engaging the senses—observing trees and a butterfly, feeling wind, noticing smells, touch, and taste. They then share a personal experiment with neurofeedback through Mind Lift (M-Y-N-D-L-I-F-T), clarifying they are not compensated, and explain the headband-and-electrode training that uses audio/visual feedback (a crackling fire) to encourage desired brainwave patterns. They report struggling with anxiety and an overactive alpha wave, compare rumination to "50 people in the shower," and note possible early benefits after a couple weeks, including less chest tightness and feeling more present and less drained at a social event. As a therapist, they emphasize the value of presence and plan to continue neurofeedback for 3–6 months with coaching and updates at lovehowdeep.com.

00:00 Why We Zone Out 00:46 Grounding Through Senses 02:41 Neurofeedback Discovery 03:08 How Mind Lift Works 03:57 Anxiety and Alpha Waves 05:05 Early Results and Social Ease 06:49 Try It and Stay Present 07:35 Therapist Perspective on Focus 08:29 Choosing a Simple Setup 09:05 Updates

Isaiah 43:18–19: Letting Go of the Past and Trusting God's New Thing Heather from "Love, how Deep" shares her favorite Bible passage, Isaiah 43:18–19, and breaks it down phrase by phrase. She explains that "forget the former things" doesn't mean erasing memories, but choosing to give past hurts, mistakes, and even good things to God so He can heal and move you into a new chapter. She emphasizes trusting that God is "doing a new thing" in His timing, which may feel slow, and compares spiritual growth to pruning plants so new life can flourish. Using the Israelites' wilderness journey, she reminds listeners that God is present even when they feel lost, and that He provides "streams in the wasteland" through the Holy Spirit's refreshment and renewal. Her takeaway: give your past to God, look to Him for your future, and follow His path. 00:00 Favorite Verse Intro 00:16 Isaiah 43 Read Aloud 00:35 Forget the Past 01:10 Surrender and Healing 01:24 Letting Go of Good 01:55 Gods New Thing 02:27 Pruning and Patience 03:28 Wilderness Trust 04:49 Streams in Wasteland 05:25 Final Challenge

Why Jesus Was Alone: Prayer, Rest, and Preparation

Heather from Love How Deep reflects on how being alone can feel recharging or lonely, then explores times Jesus was alone in the Bible and what it meant. She cites Matthew 4:1–2, where Jesus is led into the desert to fast for 40 days, face temptation, and prepare for ministry, modeling resistance through God's Word. In Luke 6:12–13, Jesus spends the night alone praying before choosing the twelve apostles. In Mark 1:35, after healing many and driving out spirits, Jesus rises early to pray in solitude before continuing to preach and cast out demons. In Mark 14:32–36 at Gethsemane, Jesus prays in deep distress, asking for the cup to pass yet submitting to God's will. Heather challenges viewers to make prayer their first response when feeling alone, seeking rest, renewal, and strength.

00:00 Alone or Lonely 00:25 Why Jesus Was Alone 01:07 Desert Temptation Prep 02:18 All Night Prayer Wisdom 03:17 Solitary Morning Reset 04:51 Gethsemane Surrender Prayer 06:14 Applying It To Us

Living by the Spirit: The Fruit of the Spirit as a Marriage Roadmap

Heather from Love. How Deep. asks what it means to "live by the Spirit," referencing Galatians 5:16 and the fruit of the Spirit in 5:22, describing it as one fruit with nine "segments" that reveal spiritual health and godly character. She applies each segment—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—especially to marriage, emphasizing consistent, Christ-like love; joy and peace during hardship through prayer and putting God first; patience without nagging; everyday acts of kindness and sacrificial goodness; faithfulness supported by practical guardrails; gentle, humble communication that builds a spouse up; and self-control over emotions, desires, actions, and thoughts. She concludes that proper priorities—God first, then spouse, then children—bring alignment and growth, and challenges listeners to pursue these traits through prayer and Scripture.

00:00 Live by the Spirit

00:08 Fruit of the Spirit

01:56 Love in Action

02:47 Joy Beyond Happiness

04:34 Peace at Home

06:04 Patience with Spouse

07:47 Kindness and Goodness

09:16 Faithfulness Guardrails

11:08 Gentleness in Conflict

12:30 Self-Control and Growth

13:29 Priorities and Challenge

In the conclusion of her two-part testimony, Heather goes deeper into the "aftermath" of a destructive marriage. This isn't just a story of surviving abuse; it's a masterclass in how God "recycles" our deepest pains into our greatest purposes. Heather discusses the struggle of letting down "The Mask," the fear of trusting again, and the divine orchestration that led to her marriage with Brian. If you feel like your past has permanently stained your future, this episode is your reminder that nothing is wasted.

Key Takeaways:

• The Lingering Shadow: Why physical safety is only the first step, and the "internal" work of healing takes much longer.

• The Decision Fatigue: How the trauma of the past makes deciding on the future (and a new relationship) feel paralyzing.

• Breaking the "Play Church" Cycle: Moving from performing for God to resting at His feet.

• Recycled Grace: A reflection on Jesus Calling and the truth that your mistakes and sins can be transformed into something good.

Resources Mentioned:

• Moving Forward - Part 1

• Devotional: Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.

Connect with Love How Deep:

• Website: www.lovehowdeep.com

• Facebook: www.facebook.com/@lovehowdeep