"Love, Sex, Lies and Reality" Talks

We often confuse what true love is with romantic love. We forget that love is unique to each one and it takes knowing who you truly are as love, before learning to commune with someone else to share the love with.

We are all born with and in love...in the image and likeness of God, Love Himself. However, we become conditioned by our caregivers into believing and mirroring their version of love without consciously connect to the love within us (as part of our DNA).

We also acquire pain/trauma (emotional wounds) that derail us further as we go through life's journey without realizing that everyone we meet, is bringing us the conscious awakening to reconnect to the love that we and find ourselves.

"You can't give the love you do not have. You can't make anyone love you without loving yourself first.” - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain: A Return to Love." Copyright © 2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

It takes loving yourself unconditionally through commitment to you, to discover the love that you are when you embark on the journey of self-discovery.

“If you don't love yourself, you won't be happy with yourself. If you  can't love yourself, you can't love anyone else. You can't give the love  you do not have. You can't make anyone love you without loving yourself  first.” -excerpt, "Beyond the Pain: A Return to Love." Copyright © 2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

The moment you discover the power of love from within you (by reconnecting to your true self), your perspective about love will change as you embark on the journey to becoming restored.

Signing off,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

2021 is a year of elevation and what that means is that you have to step up your game if you want to go far in life’s journey.

Here are some steps to take if you want to live your best life going forward:

1. Be Intentional about Your Life. Be Committed to Yourself. Be Flexible and Open to Learn and Receive.

Be Prayerful. Pray without ceasing and build your relationship with God by taking it to a deeper level. Commit to knowing and understanding who you are.

2. Evaluate Your Life Daily.

3. Strive Harder Daily. Stop procrastinating. Stop giving into fear. Step out of your comfort zone. Set Goals. Set Deadlines for Your Goals. Stay Focused.

4. Treat Yourself by Feeding Your Mind Right. Take time off when needed. Take time to regroup, recharge, re-energize. Test every person you connect with to ensure they are in line with your life’s goals and vision. Trust God and His Process. Take risks and take baby steps. Tap into people who are already where you need to be. Take courses, trainings.

Understand that no one can give you the best life if you are not giving it to yourself. The pace at which you set for yourself is the pace others will mirror back to you.

Don't know where to start? Schedule a complimentary session with me to get started.

Signing off,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

Have you ever found yourself repeating patterns and cycles, dating the wrong type of partners or doing things you do not want?

Emotional trauma/wounds allow us to live in our shadows while fear and ego dominate and make irrational decisions on our behalf.

We acquire emotional trauma/wounds from childhood and these create limited beliefs, illusions and leave us conditioned while living in/with fear.

We struggle and wonder why we experience so much pain but without embarking on the self-discovery journey, we continue to get lost in our own worlds.

11 years ago, I got tired of living in my shadow. I felt caged and lost. I needed to break free. I prayed a simple prayer for God to remove anything that was not of Him from my life. I was trauma bonded in my marriage. We both came in with emotional wounds. I had been raped at 17 and never healed from him. I had so much childhood trauma that I had not healed from. Everything weighed me down including the back-to-back miscarriages I had. I did not want to go on. I had to find myself...this was the longing I had as I continued to pray.

My marriage fell apart. I began the journey of self-discovery which is very painful but rewarding. I birthed "Love, Sex, Lies and Reality," "Being Single," "Beyond the Pain" and "On Becoming Restored" within the first year of my healing process. I began to add nuggets to my books as I continued to heal until they were published. I became a certified life coach and relationship expert as well as a global speaker on life and relationship issues.

I had to choose to not allow the emotional trauma/wounds to hold me back. I had to break free and find my true self. 

Nothing beats knowing who you truly are. You are not the labels others put on you. You are not the titles. You are not the trauma. Those only alter your behavior and make you become disconnected from your true self which comprises of your body, mind, spirit and soul. It is time to re-align with your true self and live your best life!

Life is short and it is for living to the fullest!!

"You cannot love anyone from a place of pain (or trauma) including yourself." - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain" Copyright ©2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

You must find your true self to fully live not exist. The time to do so is now...it is all you have. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Yours truly,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

Finding a partner who will complement you, involves know what you are bringing to the table as well as what you are being served with at the table. It also entails not just sitting at the table but dining at the table.

You can sit at the table and not be served and that is not what you need when it comes to having a successful as well as a healthy relationship.

If you come to the table with expectations, you may miss out on what is not being said when you only pay attention to flattering words that soothe your emotional wounds than speak the truth you need to hear. It will result in you getting drunk with infatuation and fall for love than build on a friendship that will allow you know and understand this potential partner. 

You have to come to the table with your requirements, lay down your core values and set goals. This is not done just once but on the initial dates so that your partner can see who you truly are. It also allows your partner to serve you with information that will make you "Think before you act and reason before you react/respond." - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain." Copyright ©2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

You have to be the chooser and learn to come to the meeting of the minds at the table. 

You don't want to be fed with crumbs at the table...this will only lead to you settling for less than you deserve and selling yourself short.

What do you truly deserve when you meet at the table? What do you hope (the information) to leave the table with? Can the information gathered at the table help you make a decision on building on further friendship or walking away without being emptied out? 

Can you determine your partner's emotional, mental, spiritual, physical financial or life stability when you are served at the table?  Ask yourself these questions. 

The table is where you meet and begin to explore opportunities and possiblities. 

You can make the table work for you or you can choose to work the table. You however, must remember that "For every choice you make, there is a consequence you will face." - excerpt, "Love, Sex, Lies and Reality." Copyright ©2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

Peace and blessings,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

Have you ever had to ask yourself why you keep meeting the wrong type of partners? Does it feel like you are the bull's eye for unhealthy relationships?

Reality is that there are no wrong or right partners. We tend to attract the opposite sex in relationships, based on where we are with ourselves.

You attract who you are.

Growing up in an environment where you may not have received attention, affection or love, may create a void and longing. You begin to fantasize and idealize the partner you believe you need. You draw up that long laundry list of who he/she must be. This only results in disappointments when the idea/persona you have created does not manifest in reality.

Creating a persona based on who you have not become, will lead you to project the ideas based on the fantasies on the partner you meet. The moment you discover that the partner is not meeting up with the persona you have created, you begin to try to fix them. 

The truth is that you cannot fix anyone. You also cannot give the love you do not have. 

For example, if you are looking for a partner making six figures, you have to be making six figures yourself. Everything you want that partner to manifest, must first be manifested in your life. That is the only way you can be on the same page with each other. Your values must align. Your needs must be met by you not your partner.

If you are not in alignment, you will experience major unresolved #conflicts which are usually due to the unhealed/buried emotional wounds.

You have to become the love you wish to attract and keep. You have to allow the partner see those values in your life and exercise your healthy boundaries where needed.

If you keep choosing the wrong partners, you are fleabagging (repeatedly dating partners who are wrong for you).

Want to learn more? Schedule a complimentary session with me.

Kemi Sogunle

#dating

#unhealthyrelationship

#findingtheone

#purposefulrelationship

#lovesexliesandreality

#kemisogunle

#consciouslove

Have you ever pondered on what your greatest fear is? 

Most of the time, the greatest fear we have is that others will discover our truth and shame us. We fear what they will think, say or do. Reality is that when we allow fear to hold us back, we will never truly discover our inner strengths and true self.

"Your greatest fear, holds your greatest strengths." - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain." Copyright © 2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

Fear is what we inherited or developed as coping mechanisms from the painful/traumatic childhood experiences we had. Fear has also been instilled in us by our caregivers who did not know better. This creates limited beliefs that drive our lives and lead us to looking for answers in the wrong places. 

We acquire more fear and pain/trauma in the process and become stuck in life while repeating patterns and cycles. We also continue to develop coping mechanisms that make us stay in the comfort zone of pain/trauma while attracting those who are also in the same space into our lives. We trauma bond and become codependents in the process due to fear of being abandoned, rejected or feeling unloved. 

The coping mechanisms and limited beliefs make us accept this mediocre lifestyle as our norm. 

Understand this: "Fear and love cannot co-exist. You can never love anyone from a place of pain (or fear)...including yourself." - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain." Copyright © 2014, Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

This is why I created the Purposeful Relationship Inner Circle to support you on healing from emotional pain/trauma so that you can  stop selling yourself short and become the love you wish to attract. I  invite you to come into the Inner Circle to learn more.

Signing off,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

As women, we have the desire to meet the one but without healing from our childhood pain/trauma, those emotional wounds lead us to create fantasies and illusions about 'Prince Charming.'

The image of the man from the fantasies is mostly a reflection of the father we never had...the love we never received as a child, the abuse we have gone through, the abandonment/rejection/neglect. The image of the rescuer is what drives us into the arms of the wrong partner.

You meet him and he expresses his fears but without paying attention to the words he utters, your emotions result in self-abandonment while you try to convince him to love and rescue you. 

He sees the opportunity to soothe his own pain/trauma and you both trauma bond.

It is all about convenience not #commitment. It is a transactional relationship and not healthy but toxic. 

The intense of the pain you both bear and have not healed from seem like chemistry but it is unhealthy emotional attachment.

He gets his way to the cookie jar when you give yourself up with the hope that your relationship will get to the next level. This is how you self-abandon and self-sabotage. He will deplete you and leave you.

You have to understand that he does not know who he is at the stage neither do you. You are both soothing your emotional wounds than healing from them. 

He is not the one but the one to awaken you to why you need to heal and not settle or give up your body for a moment of pleasure. 

I have been there myself and walked the healing journey. I became a certified life coach and NLP to help others find who they are, heal their souls and become the love they need to attract.

He was never into you. He is not the one for you. You attracted him based on where you are with yourself and who you are at the moment.

Reality is that you deserve better. You deserve to be loved. You deserve someone who is a reflection of you. This is why you have to heal yourself so that you can attract the healthy and healed partner.

This is why I created the Purposeful Relationship Inner Circle to support you on healing from emotional pain/trauma so that you can stop selling yourself short and become the love you wish to attract. I invite you to come into the Inner Circle to learn more.

Signing off,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

"There can be no life without relationships and there can be no relationship without life." - Kemi Sogunle

Be it friendship, romantic, family or workplace relationship, we must always ensure that we understand each person's role in our lives and vice versa.

How meaningful or purposeful are the relationships you currently have? Do you know each person's purpose in your life as well as yours in theirs?

Without understanding each person's purpose, we tend to invite chaos, drama, toxic or unhealthy people into our lives. 

We lose ourselves as a result of these relationships without being consciously aware of some choices we are making.

Part of what we do in the Purposeful Relationship Inner Circle is to explore how the relationships we have with others affect our lives - emotionally, mentally, physical, morally or spiritually.

If the relationship is draining your energy, then it is not healthy and you should evaluate it and pivot. This doesn't have to be a romantic relationship alone but all types of relationship.

Know who belongs in your inner circle, your fair weather friends list or your acquiantance list, Declutter so that you can unclutter your mind and space. Introspect to see what you need to do.

Always remember that we are who we accept and what we allow. Don't wait until you are getting overwhelmed with the relationship. Understand that you have to believe people for who they show you they are. No need to beg, chase or people please.

Create a healthy atmosphere for yourself. Stop self-sabotaging by inviting those you do not need for your life's journey. Heal so that you can stop #traumabonding.  The healthier you become, the healthier you will attract to yourself.

Signing off,

Kemi Sogunle

www.kemisogunle.com

Having a partner is great especially when you have been single for a long while. 

You finally meet someone but you may not be consciously aware of the choices you are making as you are running on your emotions. It feels good to have someone shower you with so much affection and attention. It just feels right and you believe you have found "The One."

You may get showered with the gifts, text messages, phone calls and FaceTime/WhatsApp video calls. You may hang out and begin to feel this person's touch.

Red Flag #1: Showing affection and attention too early in a relationship is love bombing. It is done to manipulate your emotions and understand how you will react emotionally.

You share your past emotional pain and it suddenly feels like you have known each other for decades. The slightest touch turns into kissing and eventually become sexual entanglements.

Red Flag #2: Meeting someone who engages in sexual chemistry early in the first few weeks may be due to trauma bonding. This is not healthy. You both are soothing your emotional pain/trauma. This usually leaves you fantasizing about the future but you must understand that it takes at least 3-6 months to know and understand someone as well as build trust.

You may start to express your need to go to the next level in your relationship, asks questions and you discover your partner is now serving you with silent treatment, gaslighting or ghosting on you - Red Flag #3.

 This person is not able to handle their emotions or have become overwhelmed by your emotions/feelings, may not be emotionally mature, may avoid some conversations that will expose their emotional pain and open Pandora's box or he/she may not be ready to address conflicting issues.

Red Flag #4 - Having multiple partners in order to avoid being abandoned or rejected by you should the relationship not work out as he/she may have planned. Your partner is seeking for validation and attention from others.

Red Flag #5 - Always blaming the ex for what happened. This partner does not want to take responsibility or be accountable for his/her part in the previous relationship. This is all about control and may also be an early warning sign of an abusive partner.

The Purposeful Relationship Inner Circle allows you to learn how to heal from unhealthy emotional attachments and recognize dating red flags while finding yourself and gaining a conscious awareness of who you are to build a healthy and purposeful relationship with yourself first. I would like to support you by inviting you to join the Inner Circle (an exclusive monthly membership community).

Signing off for now...yours truly,

Kemi Sogunle

At some point in our lives, we all play mind games especially when we do not know ourselves. 

Mind games make us feel powerful especially when we have buried and unhealed pain/trauma. Mind games help us escape taking ownership of our emotions and feelings. 

Here are some ways we play mind games:

1. Setting unrealistic expectations - expecting others to meet our needs without making an attempt on our own.

2. Projection - projection buried and unhealed emotional wounds/trauma unto others.

3. Gaslighting others in unhealthy relationships to where they begin to question their own sanity.

4. Lovebombing - to gain power and emotionally manipulate and control the relationship and partner.

5. Shaming others - this is also used in the religious settings and is done for control and manipulation.

6. Auditioning and performing in relationships to win the partner over while people pleasing.

7. Guilt Tripping - to avoid addressing issues and dealing with reality.

Mind games don't let you "Think before you act and reason before you react/respond." - excerpt, "Beyond the Pain." Copyright ©2014 Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

Reality is that you can feed your mind with healthy thoughts when you are busy playing mind games.

You are what you think and if you allow mind games to take over your thought process, you will make it a habit which eventually will lead to repeated patterns that become a lifestyle. 

"What you feed your mind, leads your life." - excerpt, "On Becoming Restored." Copyright ©2014 Kemi Sogunle. All Rights Reserved.

I teach how to eliminate mind games in the Purposeful Relationship Circle. If you are ready to stop unhealthy habits that lead you further to losing who you are, I invite you to join the Purposeful Relationship Inner Circle to learn how to heal, find and love yourself in order to become the best version and authentic self while still living.

Signing off...yours truly,

Kemi Sogunle