Lunchtime in Rome

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 200 is entitled,    The Best of You. Tonight we are excited to talk about all of those who sit with us at The Table (most) each and every week!    

Pull up a seat at the table and join us!

What’s this show about?

Being alone is the worst. Good times aren’t as good and bad times are worse when you are all alone. Romans 12:15 says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. That is how you keep people from being alone and what this podcast is all about.  We demonstrate that in the first 15 minutes of the podcast and talk about it for the rest.

So while it may not be 12:15 in Rome, we’re treating it like it is Lunchtime in Rome.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 199 is entitled, Previous Guests. Tonight we'll be going over all of our favorite (non-family) guests that have been with us at The Table.  How many of them have you watched/listened to?  Which ones did you miss?  

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Name - Episode

Kim Clemons 188

Matt Cresto 164

Douglas Bentley 159

Amy Rayman 157

Ashley Cesaratto 152

Lia 144

Duke & Lydia 120

Luke & Kate 117

Christina Marra 116

Dr. Hines 112

Rob Jackson 111

Michelle Gonzales 107

Joseph Jason 106

Justin & Laura 105

Jared Frank 104

Michael Fenandez 77

Amanda Fernandez 75 & 76

Richie Reeder 64

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 198 is entitled,    “Gratitude”. What if there was something that could help ALL of your emotional needs? We've got it, it’s gratitude.

Pull up a seat at the table and join us! First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, or watch us LIVE or later at youtube.com/@lunchtimeinrome. Visit us at Lunchtimeinrome.com, while there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and it would be great if you give us a five star review. Jay, what specifically is this podcast about?  

Being alone is the worst. Good times aren’t as good and bad times are worse when you are all alone. Romans 12:15 says to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. That is how you keep people from being alone and what this podcast is all about.  We demonstrate that in the first 15 minutes of the podcast and talk about it for the rest.

So while it may not be 12:15 in Rome, we’re treating it like it is Lunchtime in Rome.

Lunchtime In Rome Podcast is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Gratitude

* Definition

* Oxford - the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness

* Lunchtime in Rome - the mindset and action of appreciating that which you do have or the situation that you are in

* Thoughts and/or comments on gratitude

* Why have it?

* How can you have more of it?

* What happens when you ignore it or don’t have it?

* How does it apply to each emotional need?

* Acceptance - that you have people you have wronged

* Affection

* That you have people you want affection from

* For the fact that they give you affection in any way

* Appreciation

* That you are doing things worthy of appreciation

* That you have people that you value enough to want their appreciation

* Attention

* Again, that you have people that you want attention from

* That you are doing things worthy of attention

* Belonging

* For the relationships that you do have

* For those who have brought you in and included you in the past

* Comfort

* For the knowledge and ability to comfort others

* For the comfort you have received in the past

* Encouragement - that you have something worth being encouraged (task, challenge, project, accomplishment). 

* Respect

* That you are worthy of respect

* For the respect that you do get

* For the ability to respect others

* Security

* That you have things worthy of protecting

* That you are as secure as you are

* For those who have protected you historically

* Support - that you have something worth being supported (task, challenge, project, accomplishment).

* Gratitude as an antidote to complaints

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 197 is entitled,    “Toxic Relationships”. We've all been there.  The time when we have finally realized that a relationship is not going to work and is, in fact, toxic. This week, we will be going over what many people have submitted when asked, "What is a dead giveaway of a toxic relationship?"

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What is a dead giveaway of a toxic relationship?

* My 57 year old colleague constantly has to send videos and pics of him working to his wife

* I found out the other week that my buddy has to send his girlfriend detailed notes with timestamps of legitimately everything he does while hanging out with the guys…

* 9:14 went down to the kitchen for a glass or water 9:15 stopped to pet the cats before heading upstairs 

* 9:18 made it back upstairs and sat on the right side of the couch

* One partner always gets their way (mutual giving)

* For me, it was "easier" to bend over backward than to deal with the whining and complaining if I stood my ground. Easier is in quotes because it was only easier in the short term - long term made life hell

* Michael & Jan from The Office

* If someone is always talking crap about their partner whenever they are not together

* Inability to take a step back, listen and analyze the other person's point and actually come to a conclusion during a conflict

* Someone who does not let you have a life outside of the relationship and gets upset when you see friends or do hobbies you like, even if you make time for them

* Break up, make up, break up, make up, rinse, and repeat

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 196 is entitled, “At The Movies”. More often than not, movies depict terrible emotional responding. This week at The Table we are going to be going over where the movies get it RIGHT!!!

Pull up a seat at the table and join us! First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, or watch us LIVE or later at youtube.com/@lunchtimeinrome. Visit us at Lunchtimeinrome.com, while there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and it would be great if you give us a five star review.

Christina Madden

Steel Magnolias

Kimberly Clemens

The shack!! (The scene about forgiveness) “you're not stuck because you can't, you're stuck because you won't”

Kim Mulaski

Beeches.  Friends that even if not together all the time or even living near each other they had each other's back.

Megan Shema Keim

Not a movie but Ted lasso. (specifically the Christmas Eve episode)  Rebecca (the boss lady) knows what Ted is going through but rather than talking to him about it she asks him for help in giving gifts away and keeps him from being alone literally and relationally.

Monica J. Minesky-Aiello

Under The Tuscan Sun, Hopefulness; She brings people together under adverse circumstances and the love and family like atmosphere turns her house into a "home".  Frances, an American writer, ends up divorced and unable to write. A friend convinces her to use her ticket on a gay tour of Italy because she is pregnant and can’t travel. On the tour she ends up purchasing a fixer-upper Villa near Tuscany. She hires a crew of Polish immigrants to repair the villa (chain of comical events). The crew, made up of interesting characters, become her friends. There are several side stories like the elderly gentleman who brings flowers daily in memory of his deceased wife that she cannot even get a nod from, but eventually wins his approval. Another side story is a faucet that doesn’t work starts to work when life falls into place. Her pregnant girlfriend arrives after her relationship with her partner ended. The youngest Polish immigrant falls in love with a local girl, but it is forbidden love because of his ethnicity and because he has no family. Frances convinces the girl's parents that she is his family and that he has a future. Frances had a dream for the house to eventually get married, raise a family. She realizes all of that is coming to life because of the amazing friends, workers, and locals. The villa hosts the wedding of the Polish Immigrant/Local Girl and the birth of her girlfriend's baby, and Frances has found her happiness. She kicks back at the wedding just as another young American writer shows up at her door. He heard about her buying the villa and wants to meet her which opens her up to being able to be happy again at the prospect of a romantic relationship.

I know you are probably wondering how that fits into your theme, but it's comical, romantic and all about how complete strangers come together to become a family, have hope and love amidst tragedy and despair. They are there for each other emotionally as well as physically.

Geri MacBeth

Stand By Me, Great movie about children fumbling-their-way through this issue (&, sadly, the consequences of not dealing…):

Douglas Kersten

Hunt for the Wilderpeople, a young boy by the name of Ricky Baker who has spent most of his life in foster homes has a new placement with this older couple that lives in rural New Zealand, and a tragic event brings Ricky and Hec (the male figure) both at odds with one another and revealing how they need each other.  - Also Dead Poets Society

Sally Herr

80 for Brady, They ended up going to the game, but the journey of their trip was filled with fun, love , supporting each other.  I thought it was going to be like some of those dumb men movies ie the Hangover. But it was sweet. What's so funny was I didn't want to go. Phyllis wanted to see it & no one wanted to go. So I went because I love her! I ended up loving it.

Wendie Mack

Jerry and Marge Go Large.

A retired married couple find a loophole in winning the lottery and involve their small struggling community helping their neighbors and local businesses. It’s a true story!

Janet Amato

Shawshank

True friendship

Heather Ashe

Lars and the Real Girl

It is about a man who is struggling mentally and emotionally who gets a girlfriend, a sex doll, with pure intentions of having her as his girlfriend.  A therapist recommends to his family that they play along that it is his girlfriend.  The whole town rallies around him (ladies take her shopping and do her hair for example).  You have to watch it for it all to make sense and see the transformation of individual characters, family, and community by the very coming together to help another.  

Jay

As Good as it Gets (acceptance), Glory (respect), Anti - Rocky (any scene with Adrienne lacking support, encouragement, respect, joining him)

Duke

Good Will Hunting Sean (Robin Williams) cries with Will (Matt Damon)

Brian

Goodfellas

Eric

Chef

Carl felt that he was not being appreciated or allowed to express his creativity in the restaurant where he worked. He was also struggling to balance his work and personal life, and he felt disconnected from his son, Percy. He was so focused on his job that he neglected his family and failed to attend important events in his son's life.

Carl’s ex-wife Inez is one of his biggest supporters. She encourages him to start his own food truck business, and helps him with the logistics and planning. She also provides emotional support and helps him to reconnect with their son Percy. Carl's friend and sous chef Martin, is a key supporter. He joins Carl on his food truck journey and helps him to refine his menu and cooking techniques. Martin provides comic relief and a sounding board for Carl as he works through his personal and professional struggles. Percy, Carl's son, is also a source of support and encouragement. He helps Carl to promote the food truck business on social media and becomes an integral part of the operation.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 195 is entitled,    “Support”. This week at The Table we will be discussing the emotional need of support.  This is not encouraging someone, it is actually helping someone.  How can you recognize this need?  What happens when we don't meet this need?  How can you help someone who has this need?  We'll be talking about this tonight

Pull up a seat at the table and join us!

Lunchtime In Rome Podcast is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Support

* What is it?

* Oxford def - give assistance to, especially financially; enable to function or act. 

* LIR def - Coming alongside and gently helping with a problem or struggle; providing appropriate assistance.  

* What causes it?

* Having it met constantly as a child

* NOT having it met as a child

* How is it like Encouragement?  - It’s helping someone with a problem or struggle.

* How is it not like Encouragement? - It is actually helping them and not verbally believing in them.

* How is it met?

* Helping someone actually complete a task/problem or struggle

* Helping someone organize, strategize, plan out the completion of a project/situation

* Financially contributing to a project, cause, or person to complete a goal.

* How is it not met?

* By encouraging them

* By demanding that it get done

* By minimizing the problem or struggle

* Begrudgingly assisting someone while not believing in them

* By completely taking over the problem or struggle (leaves them feeling inadequate/not believed in/worthy of helping) 

* What does this look like with…

* Spouse 

* Assisting in relationship (friends/family) problems

* Making life decisions

* Chores/tasks/projects

* Children

* Chores

* Homework

* Life decisions

* Friends situations

* Friends

* Projects (fundraisers, employment type, volunteer things)

* Tasks (moving, household, rides (airport))

* Helping them work through relationship situations

* What happens when it’s not met?

* Tasks get started but not completed

* Problems don’t ever get solved

* Procrastination is prevalent and common

* Lack of confidence and self worth ensues

* How do we “steal” it when it is not met?

* Refusing to complete tasks

* Refusal to assist in others tasks

* Begging/nagging/crying for help

* Lashing out and pointing out of others faults/deficiencies

* Overly helping others complete tasks

* Withdrawal from a relationship

* How can we meet one’s need for support? - help them…duh

* When we do not receive  belonging, how are we hurt?

* Fear - anxiety that things will not get done

* Guilt - feeling like you haven’t done enough for others 

* Self Condemnation - believing that either one or one’s tasks are not worthy of help

* Anger - lashing out at the lack of help, refusal to engage or help others

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Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 194 is entitled,    “Security”. Are you the type of person who is always checking the doors to see if they're locked?  Do you fear that your partner isn't always telling you the truth?  Does your loved one always hold on to money and not want to splurge?  Do you get a ton of phone calls and texts asking where you are and where you've been?  We'll be talking about the emotional need of security this week at The Table.

Security

* What is it?

* Oxford def - the state of being free from danger or threat. 

* LIR def - Ensuring harmony in life and relationships.  This is both in regards to physical and emotional security.   

* What causes it?

* Having it met constantly as a child

* NOT having it met as a child

* Experiencing relationship trauma 

* Being abandoned as a child

* Being cheated on as an adult

* Getting ghosted by friends

* Always being dropped by significant others

* Experiencing  breaches in safety/trust

* Assault 

* Break-ins/loss of property

* How is it met?

* Consistency of upbringing within parenting styles

* Stability at home/peace

* Constant and consistent meeting of and communication of desired needs

* Conflicts are resolved in a productive manner

* Fear/threats are encountered without catastrophic results

* How are we hurt by not receiving it?

* Anxiety

* Manic behavior

* Obsessive behavior

* Shame

* Alone

* How do we “steal” it when it is not met?

* Obsessive behavior

* Emotional security

* Constant questions 

* Smothering 

* Manic “snooping”

* Needs for reassurance

* Physical

* Checking on locks/doors excessively

* Manic obsession with spending/finances

* Withdrawal from “normal” activities

* How can we meet one’s need for security?

* When we do not receive  belonging, how are we hurt?

* Fear  

* Guilt 

* Self Condemnation

* Anger

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 193 is entitled,    “NOT Over It”. Very often you hear,  "I'm over it."  People have said it to you.  You've said it.  The thing is, they're not and neither are you.  Why is that?  Why can't you just move on?  We'll be talking about that at The Table this evening!  

Pull up a seat at the table and join us! First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, or watch us LIVE or later at youtube.com/@lunchtimeinrome. Visit us at Lunchtimeinrome.com, while there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and it would be great if you give us a five star review.

Lunchtime In Rome Podcast is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

* Intro - people often say that they are “over it” regarding…

* Trauma

* Broken relationships

* Disagreements

* Other “less traumatic” hurts

* I.e. all emotional pain

* What does “over it” mean?

* It’s no longer pressing

* It’s no longer an argument

* The relationship is over

* You have come to understand WHY you were hurt.

* Why you are not “over it”

* Trauma changes your brain and the way it works

* Broken relationships create patterns

* Hurts are literally that…hurts

* A simple illustration/analogy - knife

* Typical reasons for being over it

* Relationship - the person is no longer around

* Hurts

* Not a big deal

* Understand why it happened

* Don’t blame the perpetrator

* Why you’re not over it

* You may know those things but the hurt isn’t gone

* You still need to heal

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Lunchtime In Rome Podcast is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 192 is entitled,    “Childhood Essentials Pt 4”. As a child, did you get what it takes to fully function as an adult? This week at The Table we will conclude our series going over the assets ANY child needs to be set up to succeed as an adult.

Pull up a seat at the table and join us! First time listeners can subscribe on your favorite podcast app, or watch us LIVE or later at youtube.com/@lunchtimeinrome. Visit us at Lunchtimeinrome.com, while there you can take our relational needs questionnaire. Make sure to follow us on all social media and it would be great if you give us a five star review.

40 Developmental Assets® (32-40)

32. Planning and Decision Making—Parent(s) help child think through and plan school and play activities.

33. Interpersonal Competence—Child seeks to build friendships and is learning about self-control.

34. Cultural Competence—Child continues to learn about her or his own cultural identity and is encouraged to interact

positively with children of different racial, ethnic, and cultural backgrounds.

35. Resistance Skills—Child is learning to recognize risky or dangerous situations and is able to seek help from trusted adults.

36. Peaceful Conflict Resolution—Child continues learning to resolve conflicts without hitting, throwing a tantrum, or using hurtful language.

37. Personal Power—Child has a growing sense of having influence over some of the things that happen in her or his life.

38. Self-Esteem—Child likes herself or himself and feels valued by others.

39. Sense of Purpose—Child welcomes new experiences and imagines what he or she might do or be in the future.

40. Positive View of Personal Future—Child has a growing curiosity about the world and finding her or his place in it.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe

Lunchtime In Rome Podcast is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support our work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Welcome everyone and pull up a seat at the table. It’s Lunchtime in Rome. Tonight’s episode 191 is entitled, “Childhood Essentials Pt 3”. As a child, did you get what it takes to fully function as an adult? This week at The Table we will continue to go over the assets ANY child needs to be set up to succeed as an adult. Pull up a seat at the table and join us!

40 Developmental Assets® (21-31)

* Achievement Motivation—Child is encouraged to remain curious and demonstrates an interest in doing well at school.

* Learning Engagement—Child is enthused about learning and enjoys going to school.

* Homework—With appropriate parental support, child completes assigned homework.

* Bonding to School—Child is encouraged to have and feels a sense of belonging at school.

* Reading for Pleasure—Child listens to and/or reads books outside of school daily.

* Caring—Parent(s) help child grow in empathy, understanding, and helping others.

* Equality and Social Justice—Parent(s) encourage child to be concerned about rules and being fair to everyone.

* Integrity—Parent(s) help child develop her or his own sense of right and wrong behavior.

* Honesty—Parent(s) encourage child’s development in recognizing and telling the truth.

* Responsibility—Parent(s) encourage child to accept and take responsibility for her or his actions at school and at home.

* Self-Regulation—Parents encourage child’s growth in regulating her or his own emotions and behaviors and in understanding the importance of healthy habits and choices.

Get full access to Lunchtime In Rome Podcast at www.lunchtimeinrome.com/subscribe