Mark is the play-by-play voice of The UCF Knights

Woman freaks out over 'Confederate Flag' flying in her Seattle neighborhood and contacts local paper who investigate and find something very different, Texas woman defecates in pants to hide drugs and stolen Valentine's Day card, Man with two penises has written a book detailing his life with two working dongers, Man who used fish stomach as masturbation aid ends up in hospital

Pet pig adopted from SPCA killed and eaten by new owners, Crematorium damaged after fire spreads from oven in funeral home, Body awaiting cremation found 3 years later in funeral home, Owner of world's first sex doll/robot brothel says men prefer his dolls to real women because porn has 'warped their minds'

Mike is the sports columnist for The Orlando Sentinel and host of 'Open Mike' on FM 96.9 The Game

College student finds out her dad is not her dad after experiment in biology class, Single Mexican women are 'marrying' trees, Upstate NY man arrested after setting booby-traps on snowmobile trails, Thief steals $700 electric napkin dispenser from Indiana White Castle restaurant

Daytona Beach stripper brandishes rifle after dispute over tip money, Nursing home brought in pole dancers to entertain residents, Florida escort and her 'protection' arrested after banging on wrong door at 2:30 in the morning, There's a vibrator called 'RubGrub' that will order pizza fro you after orgasm

Police rescue cat from garbage disposal, Woman killed after she was accidentally run over a second time by the same driver, NYU apologizing after serving meal in honor of Black History month that featured Ribs, Collard Greens and Kool-Aid, Man has to call rescuers after getting his junk stuck in a wrench

Mike is the sports columnist for The Orlando entinel and host of 'Open Mike' on FM 96.9 The Game

The worst that humanity has to offer vie for the weekly title

Car thief tries to tell cops he is Matthew McConaughey, Columbus police asking for public's help to track down shoplifters who beat Family Dollar employee with 'WET FLOOR' sign, Thug tries to pistol whip victim and instead shoots himself in the hand, Lazy rich widow convicted of DUI tries to make asinine argument as to why should should still be able to drive, New Netflix show called THE PUSH tries to manipulate people to commit murder