Shuffle, and cluck, and tour jeté, and cluck cluck cluck. It’s a Magnum season finale, and ours too. See you in a little while, turkeys!

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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It’s Higgins versus Magnum in a tit-for-tat, Roland for Oliver battle of pranks, hijinks, and accused felonies. There’s a long scene in an elevator. Our characters become as impervious to damage as cartoon characters. And put away your red string and conspiracy board, because there’s a terrible idea in this episode that receives the blanket condemnation and denouncement of the entirety of Magnum, podcast.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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Old cars versus helicopters, karate and seppuku, a helpful anecdote from Higgins, and a kidnapped guy who’s such a jerk that nobody (except maybe his wife?) wants to see him again. We watch a broken-down old episode from a writer who would go on to do better things, because what else can we do? We’re on the executive board of the Anglo-Hawaiian Friendship Society, after all.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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This final episode of season two is strangely a leftover from season one, so far as we can tell. So many scenes from the opening credits! Julia Nickson is back! We meet Chekhov’s Security Guard, whose name is Ox! The Law of the Economy of Characters and the Fallacy of the Talking Killer are both on display! And, most importantly, we introduce perhaps our biggest bit of Official Magnum Podcast Head Canon yet: Miłosz.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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The most important supporting character in the show (the Ferrari) is sidelined and, oh yeah, Magnum is hospitalized! But is his amnesia a result of his head injuries, or is it more sinister? What does Thomas have in common with Superman and Batman? Jason focuses on island vibes, Phil gets to talk an awful lot about baseball, and we may or may not have subjected David to ’80s hypnosis.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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Candy Clark returns as an ex-hooker who is a deeply unreliable partner. We get caught in the Island Breeze, which services a lot of local men who need their carpets cleaned on a regular basis, sometimes by an unlikely pair of janitors?

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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Presented by Famous Big Hi-Rise Hotel on Waikiki, it’s “The Hotel Dick!” Magnum quits his job (?) to become a hotel detective (??) and foil a thief called the Cat Man of Kauai (???) with the help of a hooker with a heart of gold (???!) and no help from his boss, a mean man who might be up to no good. This is a “Magnum” like no other.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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Sun, surf, and fake Beach Boys muzak can only mean one thing: It’s time for flashbacks! In this episode, we see Magnum, T.C., and Rick as they were before the pilot episode. Magnum’s a struggling P.I. on his first case. T.C.’s flying someone else’s helicopter. Rick is still doing that weird not-Bogart impression. Unfortunately there’s also a plot in the present day, and they’re connected, and neither of them makes a lot of sense, and it’s kind of a disaster all around. But: One of the all-time great Higgins speeches! Also, Jason almost forgets the blockbuster segment he introduced to the show last time!

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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Norman Fell menaces in hallucinatory flashbacks, a centipede bite causes mayhem, a spider steals Herman the Shark’s valor, and there’s some guy named Michaels. Unfortunately, this episode wants to be “Home from the Sea”, and even re-uses footage from that episode, which just reminds us that we’d rather be watching that episode.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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This earliest non-pilot episode of Magnum features weird music, dogs, shots from the opening credits, an unfortunate Chinese food joke, fast dialogue, and a kung-fu assassin with one fatal flaw: blinking.

Jason Snell, Philip Michaels and David J. Loehr

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