Make Your Damn Bed

(remastered August 2023)DAY 13: NEGATIVE SELF TALK 

If your inner voice manifested into a human form today, would you be friends with it? I think a lot of us would have to teach our new friend some manners before going into the real world. Which is wild to think about - that the most common voice, our most reliable narrator, our internal operator is kind of an asshole? Is really sad to me. If the voice we live with, and listen to the most, is not nice? What does that mean?

Negative self talk quickly trains your brain to believe that the criticisms of it are true. This is why it’s so crucial to train your brain that the good shit can be true, instead. 

If you cuss yourself out every time you drop something, or call yourself names when you make mistakes, I highly recommend this tactic: 

EVERY time you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative about yourself (or someone else) you MUST say OUT LOUD two unique positive things to counteract that thought. And take a second to absorb it and try to believe it. Train your brain that there are alternate ways of thinking and believing and perceiving. 

Now I fully recognize that reframing isn’t a miracle cure for everyone and everything, but this one, with enough practice and redirection - does work. And the less we complain, the less we see the world as a thing to complain about, and find a lot of the shit we were complaining about was not that big of a deal to begin with. 

Notice it. 

Then replace it with more positive thoughts. 

Then reward yourself with a lil hell yeah. 

And if this sounds hokey and too much for a simple thought - the magic of the practice is because it IS too much, it doesn’t reallllly take that long to stick in theory. Think about it, nobody is gonna wanna self correct and think of new original and unique compliments all day, especially if we struggle with positive self talk, so it’s  a real solid rebuttal strategy! 

The brain is a giant computer. 

Computer needs updates + reprogramming occasionally. 

We should be keeping up with this shit anyway. We need to “sleep and shut down” to keep the battery healthy. But this is a great way to do so. 

I recommend you start recognizing the negative speak first, then highlighting it by redirecting when you can - just to see how often you’re falling victim to your own bullying but not noticing because you’ve been living with them for so long. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

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(remastered August 2023)DAY 12: Critics gonna critique We really gotta get over the fear of being seen. We should never feel bad for trying.

The only people who feel comfortable criticizing others for trying are typically envious of your fearlessness, or washed up from their time in the spotlight, and they have nothing against you but everything against them for not being you at that moment. Excuse my language but FUCK EM. Every professional in the history of professions has failed and begun again and failed and begun again. Its between those failures where we define and find our own versions of success. Give yourself a chance to “fail” freely and eventually you’re going to redefine failure. Because you cant call something a failure that was simply practice. It’s not a failure til you quit. Until you give up, everything is just practice. 

Also, there is such POWER in a beginner’s mind. Starting anything with fresh eyes, and hopeful excitement can remind us of why we begin anything! It’s a dopamine hit when we can approach shit without second guessing ourselves because we’re learning and know we’ll get better after our first go-round. There will be people that criticize you if you do anything publicly, but that will happen even if you are publicly not moving (Mitch McConnell) so you may as well be getting critiqued for showing up. That way you can weed out any of the critics who you don’t care about impressing + you can put your efforts into the coaches who want to help you improve your game. Who knows, maybe they’ll become a lifelong fan. People talk shit, no matter what we do, so isn’t it best to show up as ourselves at the 100% we’re capable of on any given day, and let that be enough? It’s not worth missing out on opportunities that could make us feel alive/free/joy because we’re afraid of looking “stupid”.

Plus, unless they’re in the ring with us, what the hell does their opinion matter? Focus on your game, don’t worry if it’s trash - because improvement is inevitable if you show up with that on your mind.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) Day 11 - You may feel isolated but you are never alone. 

If you’re the type to self isolate? Or find yourself genuinely lonely? You may also be the type to chase yourself down deeper and deeper rabbit holes that only leave you more isolated from the community (and world) above. But look around. No matter how deep you are? You are never alone. It may be dark, but every rabbit hole has rabbits and yours is no different. If you show a little vulnerability and genuinely call out in the right direction in search of help, you’ll always find a pathway towards it, even if it means running into the other lil bun buns that are in the same type of hole as you.

 It’s easier to find the light when you’re not alone, and even when it doesn't feel like it - you’re never alone. Just remember to keep finding more rabbits, and not to rely on the first ones you see, because our eyes will take time to adjust to the real world and it’s tough enough to return to our normal ‘den’ after a dip in the rabbit hole. 

The human experience can be isolating AF but every emotion has been felt and survived before, under the same sky that you have felt it impossible to explain. Give yourself space + time to feel shit. Not with shame or guilt. And not passively. Allow yourself the space and grace it takes to let emotions join you instead of resisting them, which tends to make us run from them into our lil hidey holes that make us feel that way to begin with. 

Life is about experiencing. It’s about feeling. And if you need a break from those things, take breaks and get outside of your mind by getting into your body. Break a sweat/take a cold dip or a warm bath/dance/jiggle/tap/volunteer/sing/call/help/connect/ your way into a more well-rounded worldview that isn’t shrouded by your rabbit hole of darkness that sometimes comes with us, even after we’ve climbed out. The world is a big and beautiful place and way to remind yourself of your value in it is to get out into it. Call a loved one, help a neighbor, find a community volunteer opportunity, start a lil garden, throw paint on a wall, do anything to remind yourself you’re not a rabbit. You’re a badass. And no matter how much it may feel otherwise, at times, you are never alone. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) HARD UNIVERSAL TRUTH: Just because it ain’t your fault, doesn’t mean it’s not your responsibility to deal with it. 

I think taking responsibility for your trauma gets lost in translation a bit. We often say, “everything happens for a reason” or “there’s a lesson in everything”; and while those may be helpful reframes for a select few, most people won’t benefit from those generalities, especially at a time of need. 

So yes, dealing with your trauma is your responsibility, 

1. in the immediate sense: when you have a negative experience (even if it’s in no way, shape, or form your fault) you have no choice but to respond to that experience. It’s unfair, unjust, and unfortunately - it’s a part of life that feels avoidable yet rarely is. 
2. The future sense: if it affects your behaviors in a way that may be harmful to yourself or others. Yet this should be done with an appropriately matched, qualified mental health professional. 

So, when I do say there’s a lesson in everything, I just know that it helps me feel better about my own bullshit. But if that’s not the case for you? Don’t sweat it. Trauma isn’t the only way to build character and it’s not some badge of honor - but it’s also not something to be ashamed about. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) Day 9 - Get out of your comfort zone. Have you ever heard a term so much that it loses all meaning? I feel that way about comfort zones a little bit. Maybe because mine fluctuates from year to year or maybe cuz I’ve read “life begins right outside of your comfort zone” in too many public restrooms, but when I came back to revamp this episode about getting out of your comfort zone - I knew I needed to reevaluate my relationship with the term. According to Judith Bardwick, the person who coined the term in her 1991 work Danger in the Comfort Zone: “The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.” So while a comfort zone is both comfortable and safe, it is not a place where much growth can occur. Learning, growing, doing - can be an uncomfortable practice if you are not accustomed to it. So that’s why it’s crucial to understand our personal relationships with our current comfort zone, so we can see where and when it’s been interfering with the (often uncomfortable) learning + growth that is necessary to creating a roomier, and more comfortable comfort zone in the long run. 

PART TWO IS AVAILABLE NOW (search for Episode 910 from august 30th, 2023)

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) A life without any indulgence is just plain sad AF.

It’s not just me who says it - there are studies that demonstrate that some indulgence is as fundamental to a happy life as self-control is. 

Decades of research have shown that self-control is associated with many positive outcomes, including our overall well-being. But as self-control helps us to align our behaviors with our long-term goals (e.g., exercising to stay fit) it can often shield us from conflicting hedonic goals (e.g., relaxing) and because of these often contradictory wants and needs, it can undermine a lot of the positive effects of the long term goals (HELLO intrusive thoughts). So, next time your brain insists on stopping for pizza rolls, it’s not because it’s trying to sabotage you, it’s trying to remind you it’s okay to indulge once in a while. Some of us have been conditioned to resist things that feel good instantly, but even the science confirms:  

Self control + instant gratification are both critical pieces in our overall wellbeing. 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) You’ve showed up EVERY single day. Every shower you’ve taken, every tear you’ve shed, every laugh you’ve had, every connection you’ve made, you’ve been there for. And sure you didn't have a choice, I get that, it seems cheesy but eat up, rat friends. - because we spend so much time showing gratitude for our besties if we’ve got them. And I DO love appreciating a good community moment, it’s also crucial to show up and appreciate you.

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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seems cliché, but time is by far our most valuable commodity. Money comes and goes but time you can never get back. This is why we often feel so strongly about the things we’ve invested our time or money into - because we’ve invested we feel we’re losing our deserved payout if we bail. But just because we make an investment, doesn’t mean it’s always the right one for you. In fact, we’re often focused so much on recouping our perceived losses that we ignore the wins we could be making had we cut the costs earlier. Our time and effort are the most valuable resources we have. And if we’re wasting those valuable resources on things that are harmful to us, we need to pay attention to that - because only YOU can know if an investment is right for you. Sure there are “advisors” but deep down, we’re in charge of the way we handle our finances/our Be tactful with how you use your time. Divide it and budget it like you would your money.

Respect your free time like cash in the hand. If you’re the type that has no time to focus on your own needs, and must focus ALL of your time on others, everyone ends up broke! So ask for loans. You deserve to be invested in the same way you invest in others. 

(remastered August 2023)

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

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(REMASTERED in August 2023) People rarely sustain the exact same routine forever, really. Habits are meant to be used as tools, and sure, some of them stick for many years, but more often than not, I drop habits like it’s bath night at the nunnery! Most things I begin, I give up on. Literal obsessions I have had over the years have given way to make space for new/updated experiences. Imagine if we clung SO tightly to everything we’ve ever loved or felt passionate about.

Life isn’t one size fits all! Find what fits, feels right on YOUR body, and your current style, so you can get back to LIVING your life instead of constantly trying to change it! 

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

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(Remastered August 2023) Momentum is far more valuable than motivation. Motivation is inconsistent. Some days I feel like a superhero but most days I just wanna take a nap + eat hot chips. It seems silly to say to “just start” as if it’s easy - sure, starting may be simple, but it ain’t easy. That said, it is easier to stand up + start, than to tack on the additional labor of convincing yourself to stand up + start first, so I truly find the best way to get rid of dread is with action. Sometimes, taking ONE step is all it takes to see how vast the mirage of our overthinking was. Have you ever been stuck in bed without motivation, but once you convince yourself to do the tiniest piece of the puzzle, the rest falls into place without thought? I find that a shower clears my head of all the internal dilemmas that had me stuck in bed - over planning and hating every second.  Lately, I’ve been trying to be more purposeful with my “PLANNING” time. Instead of ruminating, I try to redirect that focus towards preparing something to make the process easier and less intimidating for future me. Whether that be breaking it up into smaller chunks and writing each step on a separate post it note or putting supplies near my keys or in containers with labels for easy access? When i find the energy to tackle it, i can just sit and begin - setting timers and deadlines to feel less lost in my goals, making things tangible and easier to tackle so i dont get overwhelmed before i begin. If you’ve ever driven a stick shift, you know that getting into first gear is the hardest. I cant tell you how many times I stalled and was yelled out for “burning out mah damned clutch” but once you get out of first and shift into second/third/ and so on - it’s WAY harder to stall that baby. Unless you come to a complete stop, but like biking, once you’re rolling, you’re rolling! It’s Newton’s first law of motion (basic inertia): an item in motion will stay in motion, so if you really want to get something done? Get in motion!

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The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Read Julie's Medium Blog.

Support JULIE (and the show!)

Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.

Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com

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