Man Shopping with Stacie

This episode was recorded live at Ash Cigars in Kansas City, Missouri with a group of local singles.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Cigar Smoking v Cigarette Smoking - is there a difference?  (We say YES!)
• What are single people looking for after 40? I think people are looking for different things at different parts of their journey...excitement, sex, fun, an escape, friendship, to build a network, OR a sense of comfort, security, avoidance of being alone.
• How do you hit on someone in public but not offend or seem creepy? I think it's bullshit that we have to overthink this. I think we should feel confident to walk up to someone and say something flattering or say something funny and just see where it goes.
• Why do men think we want dick pics turned into a fun discussion between my male friend & I about sexualizing the initial flirtation stage of online dating.
• How do I balance my career, parenting, podcasting/writing, and dating... I prioritize & dating is at the bottom of the list. This topic morphed into a discussion of how my podcast is affecting my dating life.
• How do you kindly decline a date or second date? A friend of mine reminded us that it's ok to meet awesome people and it not be a match.
• Do men or women really want the truth when their date feels catfished or deceived or that they've mischaracterized themselves?
• We discuss talking with/dating multiple people at the same time.
• First date ideas/opinions on where to go and how much time and money to invest.

I had so much fun having these conversations with my friends.  I hope you enjoyed listening!

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In this episode, I explain why travel has been a priority to me since separation and how it has impacted my relationship with my daughter, Lanie.   I share my motivation and rationale for trips that my daughter we  went on in 2019 and 2020.  Also, I encourage you to consider sharing travel experiences with your child(ren).

If you thought this was going to be an episode of me glamorizing galavanting around the country with my daughter in the first year after my divorce, you'd be wrong.  I begin by talking about how I tacked Lanie onto a work trip to Chicago before we had even moved out of our house. 

• On Day1 we shopped the Miracle Mile, rode the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier, ate at Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinders in Lincoln Park
• On Day2 we went to the Hancock Building and hung out at their observation deck, did Tilt and sky deck at Willis Tower, saw the Bean, ate Stan's donuts, Garret's popcorn, rode the L
• On Day 3 we hung out with my boss and co-workers.  We ate a fancy brunch at Maple and Ash, and went to Soho House.

Our 2nd trip together, was in June 2020 to Seaside, FL.  We went on this trip to escape our apartment.

• We relaxed at the beach, went to the Great Southern, Bud & Ally's, and Modica Market.
• We found our rhythm of how we travel together as a pair... I get up early to walk and explore, we eat and adventure during the day, we call it a night pretty early.

Our third trip of 2020 was in late July/early August to Colorado.  We took this trip to continue with tradition and to avoid a massive water leak in our apartment. We had already  packed to move into our townhouse.   

• We started by staying a couple of nights at Cheyenne Mountain Resort in Colorado Springs.  It was a beautiful spot.  We went to Garden of the Gods, and explored the area.  We ate at Urban Egg, Denver Biscuit Co. , and Dos Santos Tacos. I met a Bumble date I had been talking to while we were there. 
• The drive from Colorado Springs to Vail was incredibly beautiful and we had never done that before.
• In Vail, we stayed at Lions Head. We rode the gondola up to the top of Vail Mountain and did the mountain coaster.  I hiked down by myself.
• We went river rafting and horseback riding. We ate at  Blue Moose Pizza, La Nonna, Fall Line, and Vintage Vail.

Our fourth trip of 2020 was in early November.  This was Lanie's dream come true. We flew to San Francisco and drove the wondrous Hwy1 down to Los Angelos.

• On Day 1 we explored San Francisco. We ate at Boudin at Fisherman's Wharf, went to Ghiradelli Square, drove Lombard St, saw the Full House house, drove the Golden Gate Bridge, and stayed the night in Half Moon Bay.
• On Day 2, we had lunch at La Bicyclette at Carmel-By-The-Sea, drove 17 mile drive, and stayed in Monterey. We stopped at all of the beautiful spots, including Spanish Bay, Lone Cypress, and Pebble Beach.  We even had a snack and drink at the Pebble Beach Lodge.
• On Day 3, we drove directly to the Bixby Bridge and followed the incredible twisty-turns drive through the redwoods down the coast of Big Sur. We stopped in Paso Robles in beautiful wine country and landed at the famous Madonna Inn in San Luis Obispo.
• On Day 4, we drove further south to Santa Barbara, ate In and Out in Ventura, and fell in love in Manhattan Beach. Lanie did schoolwork while  I met a Bumble date I had been talking to for months!

I encourage you to consider some sort of travel with your children.  It has been an incredible way for Lanie and I to bond and to share experiences.  

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Divorce inevitably draws a lot of speculation, rumors and gossip. 

In this episode, I share several stories from friends, listeners, and of course, myself.

• I begin by sharing the sad story of a listener friend of mine. She lives in a tiny town where rumors are flying about her. She can't trust anyone and feels isolated and alone.
• The second story I tell is of a male friend of mine who had an affair after his marriage started to crumble and his wife withheld sex for several years. I think there's an unfair narrative here that he's a narcissistic asshole who cheated on his perfect wife. 
• The next story I share, is one of a couple I know through mutual friends. In this case, the ex wife shared the idea that her ex husband might be gay.  She casually threw this idea around to enough people that it has created a rumor.  
• I share the rumor I heard during my divorce that I was dating a doctor.  (I wasn't.)  I also explain how social media has been used by my ex husband to hurt my reputation. I speculate his posts were at the request of his first ex wife. It was a sad situation that hurt my daughter's feelings.
• I share my friend's story of surviving a ridiculously traumatic divorce only to be mistreated by some of the married people in her community.
• Lastly, I tell the story of a male friend who has been ostracized by other parents because he's single and older. 

If you've been the victim of these types of behaviors, know that you are not alone! It's often people who are unhappy in their own lives who bully and stir up drama about other people.  So, try not to take it too personal! Have honest conversations with your closest friends and neighbors and tell them you still want to be included in gatherings and family events.

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Divorce is an opportunity! Let's celebrate some accomplishments of things we've done all by ourselves.

• Parenting  Alone
• Finances
• Little stuff/Household tasks

I share a story of how a guy that I went on a date with has evolved as a dad. When he was married, his role was to work and provide for his family.  His wife did everything for the kids. Since their divorce, he is making the most of his time with his kids. I also share accomplishments of listeners and my friend's story of successful co-parenting with her ex and his wife. Lastly, I share my own story of single parenting.

Divorce can be financially devastating.  Often, one spouse "financially abuses" another - refusing to pay child support, shared bills, etc. After divorce, financial freedom can be enjoyed and capitalized on.  Listeners weighed in that they've landed new jobs. They're also enjoying managing their own budget and paying off debt.

You can find joy every day in overcoming little household challenges by yourself. There are a lot of tasks around the house that are more easily done with two people...BUT you can find a lot of pride in doing things alone. 

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In this episode, I explain what a vision board is.  I tell you what I put on mine, what my results have been, and why I think you should make one too.

Although we've all experienced the effects of a global pandemic, social unrest, and political divide, I'll cautiously tell you, 2020 and 2021 have been amongst the best years of my life.  I don't believe happiness and success in life happen by luck. Thoughtful goal setting, prayer, and hard work have been key for me. I'm going to give this vision board of mine a smidge of credit for helping me to see all of my goals and dreams all in one place.  

To start, I got out some magazines, scissors, glue sticks, and some images I printed online.  I thought about things that were important to me and made me happy.  Some were small things like going to brunch.  Other ideas were abstract like feeling serene or at peace.  A few of my goals were to write my book, to have my best financial year yet and to travel frequently with Lanie.

To summarize my results for 2020:
It was my best financial year. Lanie and I went on 4 big vacations. Most of my book is written.  We brunch regularly and that time together has grown our relationship.  

I'm a dreamer so I think vision boards are fun to make. My vision board has helped me to stay motivated and inspired. I think you should make one too!

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Meet my Bumble match, my friend.   He reigns from the sunny state of California, stands 6'4" tall.  He's tall, dark, and handsome. He is kind, intelligent, and sweet.  He is proof positive you can meet a great person on a dating site.

We discuss why we swiped on one another.  After we swiped, we found commonalities in our backgrounds and locations.  We got to know each other through texting and FaceTiming during COVID.

We share our opinions on:

• Online Dating Profiles
• FaceTiming to get to know someone before an in-person date
• Coffee Dates, Happy Hour Dates, and Dinner Dates

We both agree on the need to put yourself out there, be willing to go out on a limb to meet someone, stay positive, and optimistic.

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After Ep15, I gave myself homework to consider what I'm hoping to find in a future love. I've put a lot of thoughtful consideration into this to share back with you and hopefully inspire you to put time and consideration into what you're hoping to find in a partner.

After recently filling out an exhausting questionnaire for a matchmaker... It made me think about the qualities I'm really looking for in a partner, as well as what I bring to the table.

After discussing my opinions on the matchmaking process, I begin this episode by reiterating that you can't expect to attract your ideal partner if you aren't the best version of yourself.  

I joke that if you add up the qualities of my favorite guys I've met, they'd make a great mate. It's hard to find someone who possesses (most) of what I'm looking for. It's hard to find someone who embodies a lot of the traits of what you're looking for.

Some of the traits I discuss:

• Physical Appearance
• Intelligence
• Witty Banter/Humor
• Kindness
• Political & Social Views Alignment/Open-Mindedness
• Confidence/Pride in what I'm doing with this podcast/book
• Someone who wants a relationship with Lanie & fits in well with my family & friends
• Similar Interests (and interests of his own)
• I want to be with someone who has a BIG HEART

I'd love to find these qualities in a man I love, but I also understand "he" will possess qualities I find "annoying" and he won't be perfect.  We're all human & this is expected. If/when I find a man who posses some or most of these qualities, I'll cherish him.  If I don't, I'll be happy on my own.

HOLD OUT and play the long game to find the right person!

I'm willing to wait as long as it takes OR I'll BE HAPPY ALONE!

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In this episode, I talk about why it's so hard to find a match when you're dating over 40... especially if you have kids and are divorced. I share some personal stories straight from my dating life as to why things just didn't work out with some of the guys I've gone out with.

Complications of Dating Later in Life:

• Children - Do you have them? Do you want them? Do you not want them? If this doesn't align... Well, what's the point?
  • I tell stories of several men who are in their 40s who want babies. (Spoiler alert, I'm not their girl.)
• Location - How far are you willing to to go to date someone? Within your own city, state, or country?
  • I share insights from men I've dated as well as my own unsuccessful attempts at long distance dating.
• Careers - What do they do? How much do you care?
• Relationship/Co-Parenting with the Ex - Does the person you are dating have an amicable relationship with their ex?  If not, is it reasonably difficult at times or is it toxic 100% of the time? 
  • I discuss my own personal hell sharing life with the most challenging woman I've ever known - my ex's first wife.

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It's a scary world out there!

In this episode, I share everything I can think of to keep you safe while dating! 

• I share how I research potential dates online, on social media, and even court records, if necessary
• I tell you measures you can take to stay safe when you meet someone in person for the first time.
• I share a story from a male friend as an example of why you should do your research before a date with a stranger.
• I share a story of a time my female friend thankfully listened to her intuition and avoided a potentially scary situation with an abusive man.
• I talk about how carrying she's birdie personal safety device makes me feel more confident and protected. Promo Code: manshoppingwithstacie for 10% discount

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Let me introduce you to my creative consultants and friends, Melissa and Tracy! 

In this episode, we discuss the dynamics of our friendship.

• We explain our unusual way of communicating throughout the day.
• We talk about their influence on the book I'm writing.
• They share their opinions on living vicariously through my dating life.

The girls weigh in on some of the guys I've gone out with.

• We talk about safety, trust issues, and how they look out for me - especially when I am out on a date.
• We discuss the formation of nicknames for the men I've dated in order for the girls to keep up.
•  The girls share their (negative) opinions on a guy I fell for early in my Bumble days, John Denver. 

We chat about the girls' high expectations for whomever I date, my future, and the future of the podcast and book.

• We talk about our Sex and the City dynamics and how I've found the guts to share the dirty details of my personal life.
• The girls wish there was more humor and flirting involved in my dating life.

Lastly, we discuss how Melissa and Tracy have been such supportive friends to me during my separation, divorce, and since navigating my single life. 

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