Man Shopping with Stacie

In this episode, my friend, Eric Reid, and I discuss the age old question... Can men & women be friends... just friends?

Our topics of conversation include:

• When Harry met Sally
• Siblings
• LGBT+ 
• Exes (itch scratched. But is it always? What about new relationship's feelings about it? Would you let a Friend tell you you can't have other friends?)
  • Eric - Chicago - After heartbreak determined he could not (just) be friends with his ex girlfriend.
  • Co-parents - How we've adapted to friendly / amicable rather than truly friends
  • Hits you never see coming…
  • New personality facets in your former spouse?
• “Castle in the sky” phenomenon
• Friendzone
• Currently: non-related  friends where there's never been any sexual attraction or tension either direction? 
  • Really, does it matter if they can be "just friends" if everyone's being honest and needs are met? Not every relationship will "turn romantic"/sexual even if there's attraction / sexual tension. Question you must ask yourself is, are we both ok with that?

Personally, I'm a fan of that last paragraph above.   Maybe the underlying tension, if it does exist, is healthy and normal. I mean, isn't part of the fun of having friends of the opposite sex that the feelings are a bit different sometimes?

Big THANKS to Eric for putting together our outline & steering this conversation! 

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Let all that you do be done in love. 1 Corinthians 16:14

This is a special Valentine's Day Episode.  I'm sharing with you several different ways you can spend this holiday that is NOT just for lovers.

If you're alone, with little kids or older children, or open to sharing Valentine's Day with a group, I'm sharing ideas of how you can look forward to, anticipate, and have fun with this most romantic holiday of the year.

1. If you like the idea of spending Valentine's Day with others, I have a couple of ideas for you.  Inspired by Charlotte from Sex And The City, many years ago I hosted a party  similar to her "Trash or Treasure" party. I invited a diverse group of singles from 25-55 years old of all races, occupations, statuses of never married/divorced, parents/non-parents  to mix and mingle with other singles. I called it an Anti-Valentines Day party. The anti part was that absolutely no one married or in a relationship was invited.

The party gave me an opportunity to anticipate,  prep, decorate, cook, and bake.  I allowed everyone to invite friends.  It was so fun watching the Facebook Event invites roll in.  It was exciting to connect with new singles. 

At the party, my house was packed with a bunch of amazing people, food, a stocked bar, and an 80s Love Anthems CD playing. Looking back, it was my first attempt at helping other singles like me!  I think you should gather up singles in your area and get together at someone's house  or meet up at a restaurant or bar and celebrate too! You don't have to wait for a singles group to put an event together for you. Plan one something sociable and fun amongst your friends!

      2. Last year, Lanie and I hosted a Galentine's Day Party at our house just for her and her friends. I made a balloon arch and made cute heart shaped food.  It was an opportunity for their girl gang to celebrate their friendship. It was adorable!

This year, I'm going to show my love for just a few of my friends too. Adults upstairs and teens downstairs. We'll keep it simple with some flowers, decorations, and food.  I think Galentine's Day could be a night out dancing, a good old fashioned sleepover, or brunch. Think outside the box to make it happen! It takes effort and creativity sometimes to bring people together.  It's important!

     3. How about some Malentine's Day ideas?!  Smoke cigars in a cigar lounge or out on your deck (Maybe just don't make it about Valentine's Day). Surround yourself with your friends! Play cards, watch sports, do your manly things... It's important for men to cultivate friendships too!

    4. Ideas for Valentine's Day with KIDDOS:  Bake & Craft - Make Valentine's Day boxes, make a box of brownies or bake for a coach or teacher, family, friends, or neighbors. (Let all that you do be done in love.) Have kids pitch in on a family Valentine's Dinner - heart shaped pizzas.  I've also taken Lanie to some nice restaurants as my Valentine's Date.  You don't have to wait for someone else to ask you out!  Take yourself and your kids!

   5. Spending Valentine's Day ALONE? Me too! Treat yourself to something special - a manicure, a message, a facial, relaxation. Show yourself some love! Buy yourself a gift. It's very gratifying. Maybe just give yourself a night off of no chores or productivity - get take out and binge Netflix. If you need to self indulge and have a pity party for one night... give yourself permission.  Love yourself a little harder.

Let all that you do be done in love!

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In this episode, I have a conversation with my friend, Licensed Clinical Therapist, Emma Wood, about narcissism, triangulation, and gas lighting. 
I share experiences from my second marriage with Emma to gain a better understanding of these traits and behaviors as they relate to divorce and co-parenting.  Emma beautifully articulates:

• Why triangles form as a result of  conflict between two people
• Why narcissists are prone to seek and thrive in triangulation
• How triangulation affects children when put in the middle of two parents
• What gas lighting is
• Why people may use gas lighting as a manipulation tactic
• How gas lighting makes a vulnerable or dependent person feel
• The need to work on one's identity

Lastly, I share a  triumphant (silly!) story of confronting the person in my life who I consider to be a narcissist. It wasn't until I had separation from her and rebuilt my confidence that I had the courage to say anything to her face. Low and behold... without my ex husband relaying messages between us or a phone screen to hide behind, she was timid and silent! Oh how I wish I had communicated differently with her all of those years I was silenced!

My hope is that as you make new friends and date, you will be cognizant of these personality disorders and manipulative behaviors so that you can make better choices than I did when faced by them.  I'm so grateful I know what flags to look for now and I AVOID the flags at all cost.  My daughter and I are enjoying a peaceful life and I won't risk disrupting that. 

If you share life with someone similar to what we discuss in this podcast, my advice is that you seek tools, resources, and therapy to support you.  

Emma's practice is Thalia Therapy and Wellness Centerlocated at the Saint Lukes Multispecialty Clinic- Mission Farms.  https://www.thaliacenter.com/

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On this podcast, I typically focus on light subjects and keep things positive and fun around being single and dating.  However, I think it's important to keep in mind we can't be happy and healthy singles if we haven't learned from our past.  In this episode, I share many stories of narcissism and triangulation I encountered during my second marriage.  

As I am still learning and healing from divorce, I know many of you are too.  I tried to record in a way to relate to the challenges of co-parenting with difficult people.  If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights on what to look for and avoid as you date.

To begin, I share several real examples of narcissist traits I recognized in my husband's first wife:

• Obsessive Control
• Manipulation/Lying
• Portraying a clean public image
• Private emotionally abusive behavior 
• Public displays of charity and gift giving for adoration & praise of others 
• Golden Child
• Triangulation in Communication

My reactions and responses to these behaviors were not always polite. I broke a few times throughout the years and did not always "take the high road".  I  scoffed, glared, rolled my eyes, and on a couple of occasions, I yelled.  Although I went to therapy throughout my marriage, I never developed the tools to intervene or advocate for my stepdaughters in a way that would bring lasting change. I hope that this podcast helps those of you in a similar situation. 

 If you've never done life with someone toxic, you'll get a lot of insights into traits to watch out for and avoid as you date and enter into relationships.  We can all learn from my mistakes together! 

In Ep 40 (Pt 2), my friend, Emma Wood, a Licensed Clinical Therapist, does a magnificent job of clinically explaining Narcissism, Triangulation, and Gas Lighting. 

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They say we are the sum of who we surround ourselves with. In this episode, I examine who I have surrounded myself with throughout my life and how they impact me and I encourage you to do the same.  

It's pretty well accepted that teens' peer groups impact them even more than their families, so I begin by talking about childhood friends and experiences. I invite you to take a trip down memory lane with me to think back on your middle school/junior high and high school friends and cliques you were a part of.  How did those kids and shared experiences shape and impact you?

For the most part, we cannot choose our family members, but we can choose the amount of time we spend with them and how we communicate with them.  I share an example of a friend of mine who has a very verbally and emotionally abusive sister.  My friend has made the difficult decision to limit her contact in order to protect her own feelings and to guard against the anxiety, anger, and stressful situations her sister creates.

I also discuss my own work/career/industry friendships. I have been very fortunate to develop close friendships with a lot of people I've worked with throughout my career.  My industry friends have supported and encouraged each other's career development and have been there for each other personally too.  I have a big appreciation for people who want to see one another succeed and who add some humor and fun to my work life. Some of my male co-workers have shaped my belief that men and women can indeed JUST be friends.

I share many examples of my diversified friendships.   I have friends I've made in different cities I've lived in and different neighborhoods within Kansas City. I have neighbor friends, mom friends, and single parent friends.  I have friends who make me laugh, challenge me, and pray for me. I think it's important to surround ourselves with people who are different than us and think differently too. Take my friend's advice! She says we should diversify our friendships like we diversify our financial portfolio.  Be friends with people who are different than you! I couldn't agree more!

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I mean, after the past two years, how are we supposed to feel as we enter 2022?  For those of us who are single and dating during a pandemic, newly separated or maybe divorced for years, approaching this new year can seem extra challenging and overwhelming.  For me, I feel clueless and at a loss but I'm entering this year cautiously optimistic. 

In this episode, I begin by discussing  a Reece Witherspoon/Ina Garten Instagram Post that has actually gone viral since I recorded. It's a great example of exactly how I'm feeling as we embark on 2022. On one hand, I like the idea of setting goals and creating new hablts (a la Reece Witherspoon).  On the other hand, I find comfort in savoring guilty pleasures and overindulging just a bit longer (a la Ina Garten).  

I discuss the dichotomy of these two different approaches to New Years resolutions.  I don't think there is a "right" way to feel or plan for our year ahead. You do you. Grant yourself some grace. If you're already a goal setting high achiever don't pile on too much.  If you need a kick in the pants, set some goals! Do what serves you best! I provide some ideas such as:

• Choosing a Word or Theme for the Year
• Using word/journal prompts from Pinterest/blogs to set  Personal &/or Dating Goals OR If you'd rather not, you can just use them as a type of Mad Libs game to play with your friends :)
• Small daily habits to reward ourselves and to help us to stay optimistic and perservere 

Whatever approach you're taking in planning ahead for the new year, I hope you'll take it easy on yourself and have some fun with it. Even though life is hard and unpredictable, I think it is such a  beautiful journey when we focus on the good and laugh together along the way. Cheers to great adventure in 2022 !

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I don't know about you, but I'm feeling' 22X2! In this episode I share my positive thoughts and feelings on turning 44.

• Being comfortable in my own style, skin, body, nakedness - I share my struggles with body image and my opinions on skin care, cosmetic procedures, and growing old gracefully.
• As I've grown older and more confident I feel free to speak my mind! I'm no longer silenced and I'm choosing to live out loud!
• It feels good feel qualified, prepared, and experienced to make smart life and career choices.
• I'm maturing! I find it much easier to admit my faults, mistakes, and I don't take myself too seriously.
• I feel free to own my own past, my personal history.  I don't carry as much shame or guilt in my life choices - a broken engagement and two divorces.  
• I'm grateful I've learned to slow down, listen to my body, and care for myself. I'm typically very disciplined but I allow for indulgences and pampering.  Life is too short to not eat the cake (& ice cream)!
• Recently, I've found myself occasionally feeling melancholy.  I really recognize how short life is.  I'm still optimistic for my future and find it pretty thrilling that I don't have a clue of what's ahead.

I hope that you can listen to my take on aging and make peace with your age and where you are in life too.  Own it, enjoy it, and be grateful for this life you've been given!

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In this episode, I reflect upon 2021 experiences and learnings and encourage you to do the same.

This episode is divided into 5 categories:

1. Greatest Learnings (from dating/being single) Being ALONE has taught me the most this past year!
2. Health Obstacles - Sinus surgery is minor, but definitely had an impact on my year
3. Sweetest memories - Travels with my girl 
4. Biggest Change - My career has taken an exciting turn!
5. Greatest Accomplishments - Man Shopping with Stacie podcast 
   • 9 Launch Parties
   • 4 Guest Podcast Appearances
   • 2 Print Interviews
   • Partnerships with Twill Boutique, She's Birdie, & ... something new in the works.
   • Society KC Collab for monthly podcast meet & greets 
   • Divorced Over 40 KC Ambassador 
   • 16,500 downloads in 54 countries and 1,040 cities
   • Over 2,200 IG followers
   • BIGGEST accomplishment is building a supportive community and making SO many new friends!

"What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best moments in our lives haven't even happened yet." ~ Anne Frank

HAPPY NEW YEAR to my listeners and loved 💕ones! Thank you for listening and sharing the podcast with others!

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A thrill of hope is a lyric from the classic Christmas Carole " O Holy Night".  These words evoke a lot of emotion in me.  In this episode, these words provide inspiration for examples of how I have experienced a "thrill of hope" in my single life.
The easiest example is in dating... I've met several men that have thrilled me with potential... unfortunately, that initial excitement has often waned quickly as one or both of us were distracted by someone else, lost interest, or saw the dreaded "flags". 
Perhaps the greatest example of a "thrill of hope" is for a do-over. I find being single incredibly liberating and exciting! We can do whatever we want (within reason) without consulting another adult. Our futures are wide open.  We don't have to have a plan. We don't have to wait to find a partner to live our dreams.
I hope you find yourself with some time on your hands during this holiday season to mull over your future in an optimistic and exciting way.  
Merry Christmas to my beloved podcast listeners!

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In this episode, I changed up the lyrics to the classic Christmas Carole, The Twelve Days of Christmas.  I share 12 verses of what my "Ex Loves Gave to Me" :

1. My first year of bad debt free (A partridge in a pear tree)
2. A sense of love (2 turtle doves)
3. A crystal clear lens (3 French hens)
4. Only kind words (4 calling birds)
5. Widespread wings (5 gold rings)
6. A career a slaying (6 ladies dancing)
7. A sweet girl a grinning (7 swans a swimming)
8. A podcast a killing (8 maids a milking)
9. Some fun romancing (9 ladies dancing)
10. Some great sleeping (10 lords a leaping)
11. Some major swipe swiping (11 pipers piping)
12. No more hum humming (12 drummers drumming)

This was not only a fun exercise in rhyming, but also one of gratitude.  Plenty of positive things have come from my divorces... these are just a dozen examples. I hope that as you listen, you can relate and maybe laugh a time or two.  

Merry Christmas to all of my loved ones, listeners, and fellow singles out there! 

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