Mapping New Common Ground

In this episode, Jed introduces the Separation Pressure Mindset, the fourth connection mindset that illuminates how a particular force that pushes on us from within can push us physically away from those we disagree with, despite our intentions. Then, Jed shows how the four forces described so far can together provide simple answers to many confounding questions:

* Why is it so hard to live harmoniously?

* Why is it so hard for people to have reasoned debates?

* How can intelligent people come to believe ludicrous things?

* Why people can be impervious to evidence that disproves their position?

* How can good people come to commit atrocities?

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this end of summer check in, Jed speaks to where he’s been all these weeks, and a modified approach for the podcast going forward.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed revisits the urge we have to correct others: Correction Pressure.  He touches on how deeply engrained it can be and how it plays out in groups.  Then he introduces a technique called Connection by Curiosity that can be used to work around correction pressure to connect with those we disagree with.  With this technique, rather than having the difference of opinion serve as a cue for battle, we use that difference of opinion as a clue for finding shared core values. These core value stories become a point of connection - common ground that is normally hidden by the conflicting opinions.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

* In this episode, Jed introduces a force called correction pressure - a force that powers the urge we have to correct those we disagree with. This force is central to why our world is so polarized, and tirelessly works against connection. He digs deep into what it means to hold a story, and the multiple reasons we so desperately defend the stories we hold. Finally, to these stories we hold and defend, he brings a profound and humbling twist that may change the way you think about everything that anyone does and says.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed reflects on a question that is relevant to every conversation ever had, a question that led him to envision three different connection mindsets. Then he touches on how the title of this episode points to a lifelong project we don’t realize we are all on. Next, there are some questions posed to help listeners better connect the concept of alignment bonding to their personal experience. Then it’s on to how the Alignment Bonding Mindset can have us thinking differently about what an argument is. Finally, and for the bulk of the episode, Jed looks at some fascinating examples of how alignment bonding plays out in various types of groups.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this short episode, Jed introduces a new resource and revisits the questions: What problem does the Story Forces Project address? How do these connection mindsets address it? What gives hope that it might work? What are the obstacles to it working? He answers each, but this time using concepts from the first two connection mindsets.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed introduces the Alignment Bonding Mindset, a way of thinking about what goes on under the hood to pull people together when stories they hold align. He explores how the common ground provided by these stories we hold in common is central to belonging, helps us know we are not lost in the world, and gives reassurance that we know how to make the world a better place. These positive feelings around aligned stories power a bonding force that draws us closer and makes us feel more connected. Jed then raises a fascinating possibility - that how our body manages energy might play a role in how our relationships play out. Finally, he looks at how relationships can have problems when two few stories align and how co-creating more stories together can improve them.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed revisits the frame-surface-plan technique for preventing an increase in the emotional distance we feel with others. In Chapter 5, he introduced the technique using the example of sharing an apartment with someone. This time, he explores how the frame-surface-plan conversation needs to change if it happens after the lease is signed, after moving in, after problems come up, or after problems re-occur. He shows how curiosity can be used to get to the bottom of why someone is being obstinate or blows up during the conversation, and how to turn that around to improve connection.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed shares a simple visualization of how conflicts kick-in during collaborations. He delves deeper into the idea of changing the framing around a collaboration from "me vs them" to "both of us vs things that work to divide us”. Next, Jed describes a technique to reduce distancing pressure, using a sharing an apartment as to help illustrate. Finally, he revisits the challenging question posed at the end of Chapter 4.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com

In this episode, Jed gives a name to this first connection mindset - The Distancing Pressure Mindset. He introduces the idea of thinking of an emotion as powering a force. He coins the term distancing pressure for when anger pushes context out of stories, and this leads us to feel less connected to the people the stories are about. Then Jed looks into the question of who is responsible for this pressure playing out. After adding a few caveats, he lists out the benefits of stepping into the Distancing Pressure Mindset, and then finishes by leaving us with a very challenging question to ponder.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit storyforces.substack.com