Marriage Unhindered

Doug shares what a woman should look for in a future husband and what a man should look for in a future wife.

Listener questions and comments:

• Mary - Is it appropriate for my husband to remain in a WhatsApp group where coworkers share inappropriate content and videos involving other women, especially after I have expressed that it makes me uncomfortable, and he refuses to leave the group? (10:30)

Resources:

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Traits a woman should look for in a man

1. He should be clear about his intentions
2. He should be protective of you
3. He should be faithful both online and off
4. He should encourage you to be a better person
5. He should believe that marriage is for life

Traits a man should look for in a woman

1. Look for honesty and integrity
2. Look for emotional stability
3. Look for kindness and respect
4. Look for the capacity to sacrifice
5. Look for shared faith and shared vision of life

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to share how parents alienate their adult children without knowing it.

Listener questions and comments:

• Maria - As a single mother raising a son with special needs, I give God thanks for every blessing, every milestone, and every victory. Through prayer, praise, and unconditional love, I lift my son up and remind him daily that he is wonderfully made, deeply loved, and has a purpose. (27:47)
• Rudy - Sometimes it takes a third person to bring family back together. After a falling-out, my brother and nephew became estranged, and the hurt was so deep that my nephew didn't invite his uncle to his wedding. (40:01)
• Deedee - Monica, I truly admire your insight and wisdom. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on how we can recognize our own parenting patterns and grow from them. (44:24)

Resources:

Monica Hinderer

https://www.monicahinderer.com/

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Doug unpacks a case study from Leila Miller’s book, Impossible Marriages Redeemed. The marriage began with strong attraction, but after having children, the husband gradually drifted away and eventually left his wife for another woman.

Listener questions and comments:

• Chris - I’m going through a difficult time in my 11-year marriage. We have three young children, ages 7, 5, and 2. How can I keep my heart from becoming hardened, grow personally, and work toward improving my marriage? (17:00)

Resources:

Impossible Marriages Redeemed

https://www.leilamiller.net/impossiblemarriagesredeemedpdf

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Are you experiencing stress in your life? Is your stress getting in the way of your sleep. Today, Doug shares 9 healthy ways to cope with stress.

Listener questions and comments:

• Jessica - How can I better manage stress while caring for a family with multiple mental health and learning challenges? My children have ADHD, autism, and learning disabilities, and my spouse has OCD. As a mom, I feel responsible for managing everyone’s needs. (27:44)
• Cindy - I have ADHD, as do my two children and my son-in-law, who is a doctor. ADHD doesn't define you or limit your potential. My son is a professor, and we're all living healthy, successful lives. These kids are simply wired differently! (34:31)

Resources:

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Healthy ways to cope with stress

1. Check in with yourself
2. Accept the stress
3. Meditate
4. Distance yourself
5. Engage in healthy habits
6. Try deep breathing
7. Talk about it
8. Seek meaningful activities
9. Progressive muscle relaxation

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty joins Doug for a discussion on suffering in marriage and how we can navigate it with faith and grace. Together, they reflect on the Blessed Virgin Mary as the ultimate model of embracing suffering, exploring how her example can teach us to endure life's hardships with patience, humility, and trust in God.

Listener questions and comments:

• Araceli - How should I approach a situation where one person in our family has experienced a miscarriage and another person has chosen to have an abortion? How do I explain the difference? (16:07)
• Rita - I've personally experienced six miscarriages. A miscarriage is a spontaneous loss, not a choice or something the mother causes. An abortion involves a deliberate decision to end a pregnancy. They are two very different experiences, and it's important to recognize that distinction. (27:53)

Resources:

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty

https://substack.com/@aaronkheriaty

Dr. Aaron Kheriaty on X

https://x.com/AaronKheriatyMD

Mary’s Participation in the Cross

https://catholicexchange.com/marys-participation-in-the-cross/

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Doug discusses the lives of St. Elizabeth of Portugal and Blessed Elisabeth Canori Mora.

Listener questions and comments:

• Deedee – How does one deal with spiritually when a husband has PTSD. (45:40)

Resources:

Practical tips for holiness

1. Go to Mass with the deepest devotion
2. Spend a half hour to reflect on a defect and work to replace it
3. Do spiritual reading every day
4. Pray the rosary every day
5. Visit the Blessed Sacrament
6. Conclude the day with evening prayer
7. Make a review of the month an go to confession
8. Choose a patron saint every month

Monica Hinderer joins Doug to discuss how past sexual trauma can show up in marriage.

Listener questions and comments:

• Jenny - My cousin assaulted me and my mother was upset. I told her what happened and he was kicked out. I felt ashamed. (24:29)
• Robert - My brother and I were molested by a neighbor but I was able to forgive him. From then on I lived a normal life. I kept it hidden for many years but was able to heal at a spiritual retreat. (33:51)
• Maria - I had been through it as a child and in relationships I’ve been in the past. I’ve had to keep this person out of my life. I forgive him and pray for him. (39:02)
• Jimmy - As a young child, my brother sexually abused me, but didn't know what was happening until years later. It affected my marriage and led to divorce. (44:32)

Resources:

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Monica Hinderer

https://www.monicahinderer.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Doug goes to the mailbag discussing separation and abortion as the wrong way to go about trying to heal a marriage.

Listener questions and comments:

• Julie - My parents separated briefly, and it definitely affected me. They eventually got back together, but that generation didn’t know how to communicate or work through problems. They just swept things under the rug. (10:07)
• Emma - We got back together after 12 years of alcoholism. He got sober because he wanted to save our marriage. What pushed him to AA was me saying, “I’m not coming back.” He passed away 25 years ago, and we had 17 wonderful years together with him sober. (19:38)
• Lucia - After having two boys, I felt the same way. My doctor advised me to just do it, reminding me that the less you do it, the less you want to. It worked! Physical intimacy helps maintain your spiritual connection. (44:28)

Resources:

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01LP7F9NY?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback

Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak

https://www.leilamiller.net/digitalbook

Marriage Unhindered

https://www.marriageunhindered.com/

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Emotionally Focused Therapy

https://iceeft.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Licensed therapist Greg Schutte joins Doug to discuss his Building a Eucharistic Marriage program.

Listener questions and comments:

• Ruby - My husband and I are disagreeing about our kids’ education. What should we do?  We've been married for 9 yrs and have five kids. (4:27)
• Jeff - I'm going through a divorce after 22 years of marriage. Finally, after an argument she pulled the plug and filed for divorce. What can I do to save my marriage? (25:30)
• Marie - The type of therapist matters. If your faith is important to you, find a Catholic or Christian therapist who shares your values. You don’t want a therapist who dismisses your beliefs about things like pornography or New Age practices. (38:41)
• Michael - At what point does a spouse’s behavior become completely unreasonable? My wife divorced me over not moving clear crates and trying to organize things while I was struggling at work. After therapy, my therapist agrees the reason seems trivial. Where’s the line? (39:58)

Resources:

Eucharistic Marriage

https://www.eucharisticmarriage.org

Marriage Works! Ohio

https://trustmarriage.com/therapy/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

Doug shares 5 things men can do to strengthen their marriages. He also reads an email from a woman who asks about whether she should have breast reduction surgery for medical reasons.

Listener questions and comments:

• John Littell - It's a no brainer decision, I totally support breast reduction surgery for medical reasons. (14:21)
• Christina - We were advised to pause our relationship before moving toward marriage and reassess, as we were moving too fast. He’s not Catholic. We’ve known each other for two years but only started officially dating last month, and he proposed about three weeks ago. What do you think? (18:29)

Resources:

Marriage Unhindered

www.marriageunhindered.com

Happy Marriage for Life

https://www.happymarriageforlife.com/

Catholic Therapists

https://catholictherapists.com/

Catholic Psychotherapy

https://catholicpsychotherapy.org/

5 things men can do to strengthen their marriages

1. Accept that you are not the fixer or breaker of your relationship.
2. Give yourself and her permission to take breaks.
3. Look fear in the face.
4. Repair, repair, repair.
5. Seek help early