As Rob marks a milestone birthday while traversing France, his thoughts drift — as they often do — from real life to showbiz. Gone are his days of being 24 years old, writing for 20 million viewers on Cheers. In their place: streaming “drops” that sound more like bodily functions than cultural events. But amid all that change, one rule still holds: If the laughs are flowing, showbiz is worth betting on.

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Keith McNally isn’t in showbiz, but he might as well be. Whether you’re dining at Balthazar or, like Rob, a frequenter of Minetta Tavern, it’s all lights, noise and timing. The food matters, but it’s the vibe that keeps people coming back — and the same goes for Hollywood. It’s not just plot and characters; it’s atmosphere, tone and letting the audience feel at home.

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If a joke falls flat, you’ve got two options: fiddle with the set-up or adjust the punchline. That’s comedy writing 101 — unless you had George Wendt. As Norm on Cheers, George’s timing, presence and even just how he walked into the bar got a laugh. But Norm was a lovable loser, while George was just plain lovable. And for writers like Rob, lucky enough to work with him, George was the secret third trick to make any joke land.

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The best TV shows are like the best restaurants, says Rob Long: familiar, comforting, and just stylish enough. Not everything needs to be a tasting menu or guilty junk — sometimes you just want a steak, buttered broccoli, baked potato and a laugh. So in this era where prestige and junk reign in both food and TV, Rob asks, where are all the Hillstones and Houston’s?

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This week, Rob wakes up spinning — literally — and ends up in the ER being evaluated by what appears to be the cast of Grey’s Anatomy: Gen Z. It wasn’t a stroke (spoiler), just vertigo, but that doesn’t stop Rob from noticing these physicians seemed to behave a little too much like TV doctors from ER, House or Chicago Hope — all of which gave Rob his own hope: TV really does still matter.

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As President Trump involves himself in showbiz finances, Rob Long raises the problem of what happens when government gets involved in Hollywood spreadsheets: Everyone above the line gets a raise because A. money is fungible; and B. greed. And below the line? Taxpayers in whatever state is offering cash-back goodies end up paying for second season salary bumps for the cast and the producers. 

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Time was when networks would land a major star, with the next step finding a writer with “auspices” — an industry term for somebody proven, with a hit show already on air. The only issue? Those successful writers often couldn’t write. In spite of that, those series sometimes became massive hits. Which is why Rob Long wants to keep optimism alive. After all, as he says, “Hey, could work.”

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Like Rob Long’s old Subaru, show business is leaky and can emit a toxic cloud — but it works. That is, until Silicon Valley strides in and tries to plug up the holes with things like “ad-free offerings” and an “all-inclusive monthly price”. What the tech overlords don’t get, though: It’s all those wires and oil and grime that keep the engine running.

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No matter how successful you are, the pitching never ends. Even the most seasoned TV creator has been known to melt down in front of their G-Wagon when they can’t land a greenlight: “Why don’t they just say yes?” Silicon Valley tech giants thought they could disrupt the “terrible business” of entertainment — less buying and selling, more ownership and verticality — which led to the streaming wars, and now a contracting industry where “the yeses just aren’t coming.”

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There are two keys to making money in showbiz: make a hit, and make it easy to watch and find. In other words, make the experience more like shopping on Amazon. Easy is why kids are on YouTube, Rob Long is watching The Gilded Age in TikTok snippets and why Amazon makes being online a seamless experience — except on Prime Video.

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