In this episode, Mary Petersen tackles one of the most-asked questions in fundraising: “What exact words do I use to close a major gift?” Mary breaks down the anatomy of an effective ask—clarity, confidence, and connection—and shares five solicitation styles with real-world language, when to use each, and why they work. You’ll learn how to time the ask using permission-based fundraising, avoid common pitfalls (like being vague or asking too soon), and tailor your approach to each donor’s style so you walk into every meeting poised, prepared, and confident.

Key Takeaways

• Tailor your ask to the donor’s style, motivations, and relationship stage.
• Lead with confidence—never apologize for your ask.
• Don’t ask too soon; use permission-based fundraising to confirm readiness.
• Always include a specific dollar amount and what it funds.
• Acknowledge past giving to build momentum for the next gift.
• Silence after the ask is strategic—let it do the heavy lifting.
• Different donors respond to different ask styles—match the method to the person.
• Personalize by naming the program/outcome your donor cares about.
• The “What would it take?” ask unlocks collaboration and negotiation with strategic donors.

Chapters

• 00:00 — Transforming Panic into Poise
• 02:49 — The Art of the Ask
• 06:12 — Common Mistakes in Fundraising
• 09:05 — Five Powerful Solicitation Styles
• 26:29 — Tailoring Your Approach for Success

The Five Solicitation Styles (with sample language)

1. Direct Ask — best for decisive, well-briefed donors
   “Sarah, we’re looking for partners to fund the new Food Pharmacy. Would you consider a gift of $100,000?”
   • Why it works: clear, concise, confident.
2. Gratitude Ask — ideal for loyal donors stepping up
   “Lisa, your generosity has changed lives. We’d love to invite you to deepen your impact with a $500,000 gift for the new animal shelter.”
   • Why it works: honors history, creates momentum.
3. Partnership Ask — perfect for lead/anchor gifts & insiders
   “Tom, you’re a champion of our mission. Would you consider investing $1 million to help us scale our food bank?”
   • Why it works: elevates the donor as a co-creator.
4. Storytelling Ask — for heart-driven, first-time major donors
   “Mark, let me tell you about Maria… With $75,000, we can help 10 more families like hers in the next six months.”
   • Why it works: connects dollars to human outcomes.
5. “What Would It Take?” Ask — for negotiators & strategic thinkers
   “Tim, what would it take for you to consider a $1 million investment in our domestic violence hotline?”
   • Why it works: opens collaboration and deal-shaping.

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Asking too soon—skip the pitch until you’ve secured permission for an ask.
• Being vague—never ask for a “major gift” without a specific amount and purpose.
• Apologizing or filling silence—state the ask, pause, and let the donor process.
• One-size-fits-all scripting—match your ask style to the donor.

🪑 The Small Table Intensive. Half a day. Build or rebuild your major gift program around fewer donors and deeper relationships, using the methodology from my book Small Table Big Philanthropy.

🎯 The Ask Workshop. Half a day. The exact words to use when it's time to ask for 5 and 6-figure gifts. Walk in nervous about the ask. Walk out with the script.

More from Mary:

📘 Mary's books. What to Say and Small Table Big Philanthropy. The books behind the methodology.

🔥 Major Donor Meeting Mastery. My step-by-step system for donor meetings that move the relationship forward.

👩🏻‍💻 Momentum Training. My complete packaging + ask system, all in one place.

💻 Connect with Mary Petersen

• Website: heyfundraiser.com
• YouTube: @heyfundraisers
• Instagram: @heyfundraiser
• LinkedIn: ...