Pointless. It's been a long journey and some balls have popped out of the pocket along the way, but we're pulled out all the stops (ie changed the colour of the scoreboard) for the Grand Final. Which of the quite dull characters will win? Is anyone really behind either of them? And what next for self-playing snooker? Find out by ingesting this.

Winter Tourney - Semi-Finals - My Dog Has No Nose. Richard is very moved by the being that this week's arena is named after, but we're here for snooker, not tears. But will the snooker leave us in tears too? It's Viking Me versus Meninist Me and Serious Me versus Female Me. Richard is extremely partisan but can he somehow manipulate it for the big money Meninist versus Feminist final? Or are we looking at the boner killing Viking Me versus Serious Me? Or one of the other possible outcomes? Only one way to find out. The 500,000th view of the Twitch channel occurred during this stream.

Kabang picture by Anton Mari H. Lim

Winter Tourney QFs 3 and 4 - They Think It's All Over. Back on the old green board and we're so close to the final now that you can literally taste it. Serious Me is taking on Total Recall Me and Motorcycling Me is facing off to Female Me. There's still a chance that the final could be between two qualifiers. Or between a sexist and a woman. Or a Viking and someone serious. But by the end of this presentation you will know who the last four are and what all the permutations will be. God it's thrilling.

Self-Playing Snooker Winter Tourney - QFs 1 and 2 - Marmite Face. Richard has had to make a difficult choice re making money or maintaining the integrity of the one player sport. I wonder which he has chosen. Tonight Viking Me takes on Oversharing Me (in a terrible, but thrilling frame) and then Successful Me attempts to overcome Meninist Me. It's four of the least likeable players and two of them will be in the semi-finals and one will be in the Final. God help us. We're really ramping up to the denouement of this seemingly never-ending contest. You have to stick with us to the bitter end now.

From Me and All the Mes - It's been a tricky few weeks for all sorts of reasons but the second round matches end with a huge bang as Samuel Beckett Me takes on the never defeated Motorcycling Me and 'Legs' 11 takes on Self-Doubting Me. We've lost some big scalps and some even better accents in this tournament. Will the disappointment continue? You will be on the edge of your seat for both frames with some fine, fine snooker on the old green board. By the end of this broadcast you will know the names of the 8 Mes who will be battling it out over the next four weeks to win the truly amazing trophy.

Which Me Is It? - A weary Richard, full of crisps is finding all the balls flying out of pockets a little bit triggering. In the first frame there's some confusion about whether Me 4 or Me5 is playing Conspiracy Theory Me. It's very offensive when commentators think that all Mes look the same. Then Boring Me 14 takes on Total Recall Me 27. Will any of the competition's big characters get through to the quarter finals or do we need a European Super League? It's a terrible and tired event, but at least we are closer to knowing who will be the winner of this cursed tournament.

Half Empty Bawl Bag - After a brief intermission for bollock removal, the Mes are back. King of the World Me, so far unbeaten, takes on Successful Me and Northern Me attempts to defeat horrible Meninist Me. Surely Rich can control the results? He can't. He really can't. If things had turned out differently he might be doing John Oliver's job and John Oliver might be taking to himself in an attic (oh, he kind of is). Anyway business as usual - bad snooker, poor refereeing, weak commentary but maximum excitement.

Come and see Rich in person LIVE at the Clapham Grand for five weeks of RHLSTP (or buy tickets for online viewing) https://claphamgrand.com/rhlstp/

Winter Tournament - Round 2, Matches 1 and 2. Rich is about to take a shortish break (geddit) but manages to get in two frames before lockdown, though the snooker board is warping by the second. Impressionist Me37 takes on Viking Me15 and Oversharing Me18 faces off to one of only two previous semi-finalists still in the contest Gay Me3. And there's some pearls amongst the excrement tonight. We'll meet again, don't know where don't know when, but one thing will be different on the next time we're together. Apologies for the many technical issues with this event. But it's all part of the fun.

It's a thrilling end to round one of the Winter Tournament as we finally find out who the last 16 players will be. Interestingly all finalists from the first three tournaments are already out, so we're guaranteed two virgin finalists (even more virgin if teenage me was still in). Tonight sees Female Me take on Somerset Me in one of the most exciting frames ever and then self-doubting me takes on oversensitive me in one of the most forgettable frames ever. Next week, if God be willing, we'll be back with the start of round two. Incredibly exciting times, especially for any five year olds watching.

We're approaching the end of round one and tonight sees the Titans that are Samuel Beckett Me and Italian Me fighting it out for the chance to play newcomer Motorcycling Me and perennial loser Northern Irish Me. There's controversy, there's a lot of xenophobia and there is some of the worst self-playing snooker that has ever been broadcast in any medium.

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