Melancholy Minutes

We have a lot of people telling us that we are wasting our time, not doing the right thing, or even not thinking about us when we're speaking to them. We accept this is the normal because we're too afraid we're actually wrong and not actually spending time believing we are actually correct about ourselves. 

This episode is about some of the struggles I have had because of situations like these.

Inspired by Me and That Man.

If there is one thing we all believe in with the COVID-19 virus, it is the fact we are living through history. 

Since it is historic, it means we are exposed to two flaws within the system. No one was prepared for this, even though we had plenty of warning. The other is understanding we do not have the same idea of what society is and will be after this moment and time in our lives.

What can one do? How much control do you take? Are you even in control?

I explore some of this in my thoughts about what this means to us all.

Today we cover my feelings during this health crisis. It is in reaction to how leadership at my pretend job decided to respond to this situation.

This is how their actions took undermined the faith of hundreds of employees.

As with all things, we have to make sure how we navigate situations like this. I've come up with my own plan and hope this will inspire you to take some action if this is happening to you.

The goal is to give you some faith and confidence in your efforts and help you find your own courage in a time of crisis. Not everyone can react the same, but we'll make it through this together!

I am here to prove my depression is driven by the emptiness I feel in my soul.

This is driven by the lack of love in my past as well as the need to develop a safe space in my mind. I had to close down my heart to live in the past, but now it does not serve me anymore. 

The measures I am taking is being more interested in people and also being aware of their shortcomings. No one is perfect, not even me. I am still a part of the problem. I am also studying my own flaws more. Not everyone wants to study their flaws, but it will give me a method of bolstering my abilities while also being attentive to other people.

If I achieve the level I want, I will fill the emptiness inside by a small margin. It will never go away and I will always feel inadequate, but in the long run, I will have more filling than I will not.

Why do we need control? Some believe we must have everything right if we are supposed to do what is best. Others believe it is the only way we can live peacefully. I use an example from my life and working at this new place to determine how I am ready to give up control as well as what steps I am taking in this global crisis to continue forward with my life.

When someone tells you what to do, sometimes it is not about you but about them. This episode touches on some of the changes that happened over the last few weeks and the horrible times where someone decided I would be their pet project and a reason for their salvation / goddess complex.

The main hurdle is, of course, me. I can't stop getting out of my way and I can't accept the failure and faults of my own process. This is a relic of my abuse, but it is also a bad habit I got into when I was living a poor life. 

It is something I can easily get out of, but it also takes time to know how difficult I am on myself as well as what I can do to change it for future me. I know many of us go through unable to trust what we have in our lives. In order to change well, we must start learning. This is my example.

This came off of the fact I was facing an anxiety attack while at my new job. A lot of changes and adjustments in my life means that I am facing something new.

As a survivor of multiple cases of abuse and shames, this is uncharted territory for me. Having control over things is where I want to be, but I know it won't do me any good at this point because that is not how I grow.

So I sat there with my mother chiming in, the same woman who didn't want me and sold me for a small amount of money to make ends me, shaming me over my poor choices and how I should just go away forever.

In this episode, I do share how I deal with my anxiety attacks, but it is heavy on that moment where I essentially caught myself sleeping.

From Myers-Briggs to DiSC and everything between, how is one supposed to get things done and get some stability in this crazy world of self-improvement?

You don't. These are guides, not things set in stone.