Melancholy Minutes

This is where I start talking about some of the gaslighting that got me here today. How the small amount of gaslighting helped destroy the person I would become in hopes that eventually the people who broke me would see me for someone valuable and able to love.

This one touches on the ending of life and the confessions of people who have opened up about wanting to end their life. I am very tearful here, but I am okay. It was a very powerful moment.

I've told this story to close friends because it is entertaining, but I figure I should let this get out there in the wild and let the universe here it.

No wonder I am always depressed.

In a nutshell: The people I used to look up to now turned to offer me a woman to come back to the church.

The first instance of misinformation and fake news in my life was thanks to TBN and the church,

It was the Well to Hell in Russia (later to be Finland with Satan and bats).

Today we delve into a memory that popped into my head for one reason or another. I was thinking about how to improve things once the new year started and this little gem popped up. 

My mother tried to gaslight me into believing my father died in the Oklahoma City Bombing simply because she was so full of hate for the man that she had to tear him down in front of me.

Granted, I was already replaced by my father with another son, but that is okay.

It is another axiom reaction as we delve into "It is not what I want, it is what the job requires of me."

These things are always difficult because we always have our ego in place. Having an ego is the only real thing we know, but when working together, we have to set those things aside and move on because the job requires it.

Can you think of places where this fits in your life?

In this episode, I am going over a few of my axioms I always think about when I am in a pressure situation. This first one is an old staple for me that I use often in conversations regarding people and their interactions.

Of course, this was recorded after a long night out debating a drunk demon so I am not at my best either, but this interaction really did give me something to think about. What sort of control do I have over myself as I watch someone who has no control making a mockery of everything and everyone? None.

This is why my life is out of control, with my expectations so high and my results so low, of course I would have a problem. The only thing that keeps me stable is the thin veneer of civility that comes with being a member of that tribe.

It is something to consider while pushing for another 100 episodes.

I know it is hard to live this life, but the harder thing to do is to identify with a list. Whether it is a genuine list of things that can save your life or a witty list put together by a college kid hoping to make ends meet, lists are always dangerous to tinker with.

I react simply to The Hillarious World of Depression and their episode Depressions' 11 Big Lies: Exposed.

My words are not to tear down the episode but to expose the gap in lazy thinking. It isn't a list that will get the ball rolling, but understanding the third side on a coin many of us forgets exists.

Have you ever wondered why someone doesn't celebrate a specific holiday or participate in a gift exchange? This story is my own and it is all about my own pain, but it will also shed some light on the thinking in this situation.