Melancholy Minutes

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a mentally rich world? How about a mentally poor one?

We all know the stigma attached to admitting you have a mental health issue but are you taxed more because of it?

When you think about what your hometown resembles, what do you think of? Do you think of something amazing and beautiful? Something cohesive and aware? 

How about betrayal and greedy?

This is what my town, Santa Cruz, has turned into over the last few decades. Gone are the days of trying to prop up the community with skilled jobs. Now, people have to work four to five jobs just to make ends meet here.

It is also a great view of our own mental health and how we avoid doing anything for ourselves, eventually betraying our trust and our future in the process.

Also: Rolling blackouts suck. Did these in the early 2000's, looks like I'll be experiencing them from the grave.

What do you think when you hear about the Stanford Experiment? Do you think about tyranny and the hatred of all things structure? Do you think of science gone wrong where a narrative drove what was the best and the brightest to act their worst for money and fame?

What if the whole thing was fake and the people who used this example are actually building their arguments on sand?

This is what we must consider when dealing with mental health and the science thereof. If you don't question what is being put in front of you, you will often find you are accepting something blindly that isn't true.

No one will ever get better at this than you when it comes to your mental health care.

This is another journal style that failed me in my attempts. Before anyone says I didn't do this long enough, I had multiple stretches of 90 days and nothing happened other than frustration and disconnection.

If this style is for you, I admire you for doing it. I wish that I could. 

It is as it says on the tin. I can't be grateful, especially in the journal method.

This episode explores one of my attempts to do the 5 WHYs with a very difficult question.

It gets to a small root of a larger tree about why I believe I was a mistake, unwanted, unloved, and needing to end it all.

This also exposes the child-like idea that ending myself will make the people in question love me again because I am not a burden to them. I will give them what they always wanted.

Except I have already given those people what they wanted and they still have no love for me. 

Again, a childish view.

If you have any thoughts like this, please go see someone and get help. You don't have to face this alone, nor do you have to feel like you are a burden to anyone you work or live with.

Die.

This episode touches on something I hear cropping up recently in the community as well as my own brain. I decided to get the root of this situation by exercising the 5 Whys again and determined that I was running into some familiar problems and whatnot. Getting this into writing helped me understand the levels I kept falling and my expectations I wasn't meeting.

This sounds like a bad episode, but it is actually the result of freeing questions.

This episode was driven and motivated by a video from The School of Life called How To Test Emotional Maturity.

It is evident in my life that I am not emotionally mature in any way. This is due to the fact I was brought up to raise my mother in her time of need. I come to the conclusion that even if I had a different parent, it would be the same result simply because my father also struggled with his own parental issues and emotional immaturity.

It isn't on them to make me better, much like it isn't my friends' place to make me feel better. When I watched the video I did flinch a bit as these replies are my standard operating procedure. I know I can't alter my attitude, but I know I can learn more and apply it to my life.

I think it has happened to most of us who are dealing with mental health issues. We tend to be so self-sufficient that we are left to our own devices.

We're given leeway because of how smart and driven we can be. Instead of dealing with it head-on, we often feel that we can't help but feel isolated and alone. This is where the dangers of working with others can come into play, especially if we are not ready and able to take care of everything on our own.

I have had many pretend employers do this to me. While I appreciate it, it isn't what I need. What I need is to know that what I am doing is correct, that there isn't anything I need to change, and that I have a person to go to if I really have a question. Most times, it is an us v. them mentality that doesn't work well in the modern work world.

If you feel the same, let me know!

While we might not think our lives are lead by the unanswered questions, we know this to be untrue. We question what the meaning of existence is, if a deity is real, or if Coke Zero is Satan's magic among other things that distract us throughout our days.

This journal idea tests that idea and asks the question: What question do you need to be answered in order to find peace?

This is not an easy thing to do as it requires you to be really honest with yourself. You can use it with the other episode of the 5 whys to help you get the bottom of what you are looking for.

It might even help shed some light on things you have ignored or forgotten.

Looking for better journal ideas? Click this link for some ideas. They don't sponsor the show, this is a blind assist to those of us who need it.