On this week's episode of Melody and Friends, Melody sits down with Author Kia Stephens to discuss what father wounds are, how to identify them and how women can overcome abuse or neglect from their fathers. Kia breaks down what lead her to write her book, Overcoming Father Wounds: Exchanging Your Pain for God’s Perfect Love, and offers practical tools to help women overcome their insecurity, low self-esteem, perfectionism, and trouble connecting with God as your loving heavenly Father. 

Who is Kia Stephens?

Kia Stephens is a wife and mom of two who is passionate about helping women know God as Father. For this reason, she created The Father Swap Blog to help women exchange their father wounds for the love of God the Father. Kia is also the founder of Entrusted Women, which she created to equip Christian women communicators of color. In addition to these ministries, Kia faithfully serves in Bible Study Fellowship and her local church in Atlanta, Georgia. When Kia is not writing or serving women, she enjoys spending quality time with her family and friends. Kia will be releasing her first book, Overcoming Father Wounds, on March 7, 2023.

Our listeners can learn more about Kia Stephens by visiting her website: www.kiastephens.com

Things we discuss in this episode:

What are father wounds?

How can women identify their father wounds?

How do we begin treating these father wounds and the lingering scars they leave behind?

Why is community so important to women suffering from father wounds?

In this episode of Melody and Friends, Sherri Tate returns with Melody for part 2 of her discussion on dealing with overtly abusive relationships and talks about one of the most manipulative tactics abusers use, love bombing. Sherri explains what love bombing is, why it is such a potent tool for abusers and what victims can do to recognize and escape from potential love bombing.

Sherri also discusses her past with an overtly abusive partner, how things started off as a budding relationship, but over time red flags began to appear. She shows examples of love bombing with her partner and why they seemed both incredibly endearing yet also unsettling and abusive. She then explains how she was finally able to free herself from that relationship and form a ministry that aids to help women around the country find support, love and peace as the Daughters of God they are called to be.

Sherri has received her certification in biblical counseling, with a concentration  on helping women that have experienced sexual abuse, domestic violence and controlling/dominating relationships. She also founded Daughter By Design a community-based outreach that ministers to victims of abuse through one-on-one counseling and specific biblical-based small group formats. Our listeners can learn more about Daughter by Design at www.daughterbydesign.org

In this episode of Melody and Friends, Melody sits down with speaker Sherri Tate to discuss the dynamics of abuse and the effect it has on women's lives. Sherri shares her story of living with abuse for years and trying to "pull herself up by her bootstraps" to push through the pain.

However, after finding herself at the end of her rope, she realized how to put a name to the abuse and trauma she was experiencing, and began to find ways to seperate herself from the abuse and begin healing.

Sherri has received her certification in biblical counseling, with a concentration  on helping women that have experienced sexual abuse, domestic violence and controlling/dominating relationships. She also founded Daughter By Design a community-based outreach that ministers to victims of abuse through one-on-one counseling and specific biblical-based small group formats. Our listeners can learn more about Daughter by Design at www.daughterbydesign.org

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody travels to Texas to speak with best selling author and international speaker Gary Thomas to discuss something that can be very difficult for spouses, when to walk away. Gary talks about how as Christians, we often feel the guilt and responsibility of meeting the needs of unhealthy people in our lives. Gary says that instead of attempting the impossible task of mollifying toxic people, it's time we dedicate our energy to a more worthwhile effort: completing the work God has given us by investing in reliable people. He shares his experience on how to identify truly toxic people, how to deal with them in difficult situations, and the most important aspect for many, when and how to walk away from a toxic relationship.

Our listeners can learn more about Gary Thomas, his books and more by visiting the links below: https://garythomas.com/ , and can check out When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom from Toxic People by clicking the link here:  https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0310346762/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0310346762&linkCode=as2&tag=garythomas0e-20&linkId=4e994c710a924b11a90d60ab148d43e2

Who is Gary Thomas?

Gary Thomas is a bestselling author and international speaker whose ministry brings people closer to Christ and closer to others. He unites the study of Scripture, church history, and the Christian classics to foster spiritual growth and deeper relationships within the Christian community. 

Gary is the author of 20 books that together have sold over two million copies, have been translated into more than a dozen languages, and won numerous awards . His writings have established him as a thought-leader in the areas of marriage, parenting, and spiritual formation. 

Gary holds a B.A. in English Literature from Western Washington University, an MA degree in systematic theology from Regent College (Vancouver, BC), and an honorary Doctor of Divinity degree from Western Seminary (Portland, OR). He has served on the teaching team at Second Baptist Church, Houston and as an adjunct faculty member at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon and Houston Theological Seminary in Houston Texas.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• The difference between labeling and name calling and why labeling can be important for victims in relationships with toxic individuals.
• What truly defines a toxic person in a relationship and how their behavior will differ from the “normal” spouse or partner.
• How someone can actually experience a rebirth when they learn to remove themself from that toxic relationship and how to know “when to walk away.”
• How to decipher when someone is exhibiting toxic behavior versus being a toxic person and what to do when a spouse begins acting toxic towards their partner.
• How to deal with toxicity when it's overt, but also covert where the partner may look great to those looking outside the home, but inside they are continually abusive in passive aggressive ways.
• How to reveal to your wife that you are dealing with sexual addictions without creating greater trauma and chaos in her life by doing so.

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody sits down with author and speaker Nate Larkin to discuss his decades long battle with pornography and sex addiction. Nate shares his story of why he spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on emotionless sex, what led him to recovery and how his marriage went from desolation to rebirth after his wife discovered his addicition. He shares practical ways to begin having conversations that build trust. He also discusses how pornography and sex addiction stifle our ability to be intimate and why intimacy is vital. Nate created the Samson Society, a community dedicated to creating brotherhood between recovering addicts, and he shares how today there are over 10,000 men connected experiencing real intimacy and finding freedom.

Our listeners can learn more about Nate Larkin, his book and The Samson Society by visiting the links below: https://samsonsociety.com/ , and https://www.amazon.com/Samson-Pirate-Monks-Authentic-Brotherhood/dp/0849914590#:~:text=Samson%20and%20the%20Pirate%20Monks,9780849914591%3A%20Amazon.com%3A%20Books 

Who is Nate Larkin?

Nate Larkin knows the pressure to live up to a public persona. He knows what it's like to have a secret that can destroy a career. He knows what it's like to quit. And He knows what it's like to find healing, deep friendships, and hope. Nate has a story that unfortunately too many people can relate with, addiction to pornography and sex. 

So in 2004, several of these friends formed a mutual aid society for Christian men called the Samson Society. Within the safety of the Samson Society, honest friendships have taken root and men are finding new power in their faith. Nate, who drafted the Society’s charter and designed its first meeting format, has written a book about his experiences entitled Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood, which was published by Thomas Nelson in February 2007. (He is also the author, with Darrell Waltrip, of Sundays Will Never Be the Same).

As of 2012, more than 250 local Samson Society groups are functioning in the United States, and others have started in other countries. A social networking website has been established to connect men who do not have access to a local meeting. Nate loves talking to men about their need for community and how they can overcome struggles together.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• Why men often don’t want to look to external sources to find help for sex addiction and porn addiction.
• Why intimacy in a relationship is about so much more than sex and why it can be hard for men to realize that
• How contempt for a man’s own action in addiction can create contempt in the relationship and how to break them out of that mindset.
• Why having a community of sex addicts is important to recovery and how to overcome the voice in a man’s head saying they can recover on their own.

On this week's episode of Melody and Friends, Melody chats with Dr. Sheri Keffer about the impact of betrayal trauma and the path forward to recovery. She explains how the trauma of betrayal affects our minds, bodies, spirits, and sexuality. Dr. Keffer also provides women new tools they can utilize when dealing with emotional triggers and how they can confront their spouse or partner when discovering they have an addiction to sex. Finally, she shows women how they can begin practicing self-care, develop healthy boundaries, protect themselves from abuse or manipulation, and discover freedom from the burden of shame and guilt.

Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Sheri Keffer by going to her website: https://drsherikeffer.com/.

Who is Dr. Sheri Keffer?

Dr. Sheri Keffer received her PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and her Master of Arts Theology, both from Fuller Theological Seminary. She currently specializes in individual, couples and family therapy at her private practice in Newport Beach, California.

Things We Discuss in this Episode

What denial looks like in a relationship with someone who is addicted to sex and how to break that denial to address the problem.

How sexual betrayal has the same stress impact on spouses as soldiers with PTSD.

How to confront your spouse in their addiction, set healthy boundaries while they get help and how to know when to walk away.

What methods women can use to help remove the shame and guilt they experience when walking through betrayal.

Why finding a community of women who have similar experiences is vital to recovering and restoring yourself after betrayal.

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody takes a trip to a coffee shop in Panama City Beach to discuss how we can find a group of safe friends to walk with us through life and grow with us. She talks about the three circles of friends we should strive to have as we walk through life and who exactly fits into each of these circles.

Melody then talks about the differences between acquaintances, friends and the sacred, safe people we have in our lives as well as what we should share with each of those groups. This is an excellent episode for those wondering who they should trust with your deepest conversations, how to figure out who those people are, and how to expand your outer circles of friends with deep, meaningful relationships.

Things we talk about in this episode:

Why it’s so important to have friends that will grow along side us rather than just tell us what we want to hear

How to distinguish between a friend and a close friend.

Why it’s okay to consider some people as just acquaintances and how we don’t always have to be super close to every friend that walks into our lives.

The difference between friends that are life giving and friends that are life receiving and why both are important.

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with Dr. Barbara Steffens about breaking the stigma and shame that partners often experience when going through betrayal trauma with their spouse’s sexual addiction. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Dr. Steffens talks about what trauma truly looks like in a relationship, what steps women can take, and how communities provide understanding for sexual addicts and their partners. 

Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not co-addicts but post-traumatic stress victims. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Steffens’ book, coaching and more by visiting www.drbarbarasteffens.com. Another resource she highly recommends is www.apsats.org.

Who is Dr. Barbara Steffens?

Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, CCPS, CPC specializes in helping women recover from sexual betrayal and is a sought-after speaker and presenter on special issues related to partners of sexual addicts. She was the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, an organization that provides training and certification of Clinical Partner Specialists and Partner Trauma Coaches. 

She has counseled and coached betrayed spouses/partners for over twenty years and her research on trauma after betrayal has changed the field. Barbara also consults with other professionals and provides training for those who want to help partners heal.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• The dangers of the codependency model and calling women co-addicts when they discover their husband has an addiction to sex or pornography.
• What trauma looks like for spouses that are in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict
• How to determine if an addict is in a good place after recovering from the original trauma of betrayal and why it can often take a while to figure that out.
• What to do if your spouse doesn’t begin to exhibit those signs of reform or doesn’t respect your requests for boundaries and safety.
• How Dr. Steffens wrote Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and how she began rewriting the way people recognize betrayal trauma.
• Where do women go next after experiencing betrayal trauma and how can counselors be better informed to treat sex addicts and the trauma their spouses experience.

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody is joined by Certified Professional Life Coach and Contributor for The Huffington Post, Catherine Etherington to discuss healing from betrayal while also battling and treating addiction. Catherine shares her story of being a heroin addict for over 10 years and how she was able to walk through the trauma of betrayal after discovering pornography on her husband’s phone a few years into their marriage. After doing a lot of research, and finding support and resources for him and his addiction with pornography, Catherine realized that she had hit a brick wall in finding support for herself, her pain and her own addictions. This caused Catherine to become a life and recovery coach. Catherine now works with The Naked Truth Project as Head of Recovery with their Free Lives Ministry. Our listeners can learn more about her work and NTP as a charity by visiting www.nakedtruthrecovery.com

Catherine and Melody then discuss how finding community, support and looking for someone to help process the pain are the best first steps for women to take after facing betrayal. Self care is an extremely important part of the healing process due to the amount of emotional energy women are putting out. Catherine walks us through the process she walks women through to find true healing and comfort after betrayal. 

Who is Catherine Etherington?

Catherine Etherington is the creator of both the Whole Hearted Partner Programme and Whole Life Recovery Programme for The Naked Truth Project and oversees all the work at Naked Truth Recovery. She has previously worked as a group facilitator, trainer and coach, specializing in behavioral and cultural change through emotional intelligence. 

Catherine is a recovered substance addict with over a decade of recovery as well as a betrayed wife healing from trauma. Catherine has years of experience working with addiction recovery in both peer and professional roles and is equipped to work with people seeking recovery from problematic behaviors, their partners, as well as with the couple together. 

Things We Discuss in this Episode

• How Catherine dealt not only with the discovery of her husband’s betrayal and pornography addiction, but also how she began to find help for her own addiction to heroin as a young mother of 2.

• Where the best starting point is for women and couples looking to heal after experiencing betrayal and trauma.

• Why self care is one of the most important things for women as they begin their healing from betrayal and addiction.

• How to get men in the relationship to understand that their spouse getting “triggered” isn’t just a feeling, but instead is a whole body reaction to feeling unsafe.

• What slips and relapses can look like in a relationship and what women can do when their spouse slips back into that old behavior or even experiences a relapse into that addiction.

• How to navigate the difficulty of betrayal and addiction with your children, whether they are adolescents or adults. What are the steps that you can take to still be a supportive parent to your children while in the midst of all the chaos of walking through betrayal.

On this episode of Melody and Friends, Melody sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist Marnie C. Ferree. Marnie is also the founder and director of Bethesda Workshops, a faith-based clinical intensive workshop program for sex addicts, their partners, and couples affected by sexual addiction. Marnie shares her story of growing up with a father who was a pastor that was a sex addict, using both same sex pornography and men to feed his addiction, and ultimately being sexually abused and groomed by one of her father’s sexual partners. She then talks to Melody about the importance of ministering and helping the partners of those addicts and how they can begin their journey to recovering from these traumatic relationships. Our listeners can check out all of the resources Marnie and her team offers over at bethesdaworkshops.org. 

Who is Marnie Ferree?

Marnie C. Ferree is the founder of Bethesda Workshops and has a national reputation as a leader in the field of sexual addiction. She has an active role in every workshop.

In 1997, Marnie established a workshop program for female sex addicts that was the first of its kind, and today draws participants from across the United States and Canada. That program expanded in 2001 to include workshops for male sex addicts, partners, and couples, and it was renamed Bethesda Workshops. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified sex addiction therapist (CSAT).

Things We Discuss in this Episode

• The different types of sexual addicts that can show up in relationships. Not all sex addicts look or act the same and Marnie discusses the different types she works with at Bethsda Workshops
• How Marnie recovered from her upbringing of having a sex addict father, being abused by one of her father’s partners, and later her husband who was also addicted to sexually deviant behavior.
• How partners can start their journey of recovery after experiencing the pain of a relationship with an addict and how they can become their best selves after moving on.
• How to recognize as a partner that there is nothing more you can do in a relationship and the healthiest option is for you to leave that partnership. Marnie explains that it takes two healthy people to have a relationship and one person cannot keep that relationship afloat themself.
• The first step as a partner when you recognize your significant other has begun exhibiting addictive behavior is to remember that it is NOT your fault. You will be okay and you can choose health, no matter your partner’s choice. Partners need help even more than the addict.
• How Bethesda Workshops can help both partners and addicts through the struggles of addiction, the heartbreak of discovery, and how to create a safe, impactful recovery journey.