Memoirtistry

Memoirtistry

By Elizabeth DawnArts
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Memoirtistry episodes

  • S3-E5. Reflection & The Writing Process

    Recording audio hasn't been the medium I've reached for lately. I'm sure it's obvious by now there is no schedule for when another episode will release. It doesn't really work that way for me, when I'm in the creative flow.

    In this stream, I share a what I am currently reflecting on in my healing process; I talk poetry and editing, and did you know I am writing my second memoir? It's true.

    My theme for 2024 is Release & Root.

    I suffer chronic mistrust. I'm unsure of myself. I trust myself. These are all true, too.

    Enjoy bobbing along with me. Thanks for listening.

    33 min
  • S3-E3. Processing my Process for Writing & Developmentally Editing My Second Memoir ... that I'm currently living.

    On the road, thought explosions, oh,

    the stings of awareness; of process recognition!

    These are my REASONS: shaking off the old stories.

    howdoirewriteasigo thisishowiwilllivewithcptsd presenceismyreligion


    I'm learning how to capture my second memoir in real time; because I am living it.

    December 19, 2022 is when I truly began living

    [like]

    I'm not wearing any pants; it is when

    I became aware

    of my

    own

    nakedness.


    APA-CALYP-TIC FEEL :: UPDATE (24 hours after recording this episode)

    and now this last chapter ended without my consent. Is control real?

    I thought the future began on July 23 and instead it began yesterday, July 17, at 7:05p EDT.

    I do not even have a week to steep; one week as a single day, oh, how quickly life can change.

    How

    do

    I

    play

    this

    game?

    26 min
  • S3-E2. An afternoon walk before an evening date.

    In classic Memoirtistry fashion, I wax poetic my thoughts in stream-of-conscious format. I wander from aging to idealism, past versions of myself, C-PTSD, the opportunity of "stranger", solitude & the artist's journey, long-distance partnership and what happens when we love our fear with PRESENCE being a key. (Present is my word of the year for 2023.)

    I'm also interrupted by a stranger who asks if he can take photos of my tattoos and I oblige.

    Listening back to this episode, I recognize the stories of my religious trauma I am currently unraveling. For example, I mention the delight I experience in my body when I am in a state of longing [for some thing or someone], and I connect this to being raised with so many limitations around self-expression. The meaning I place on this reflection is that I am learning to release myself of the internal bonds to trauma--to C-PTSD--by identifying the strength I acquired during a survival state. I know how to wait. I know how to be patient. I dreamed of being as tattooed as I am now when I was 15; my dreams of self-expression have come to fruition. I can survive the absence of choice.

    It is obvious to me now the manuscript of my second memoir is beckoning me. If it doesn't make sense now, perhaps it will make sense later. Document, document, document.

    53 min
  • S3-E1. I wonder, is my expression of [being a] Memoir Artist a symptom of C-PTSD?

    I am an investigator of my past selves; they haunt me, they are alive.

    I’m baaaaaa-aaaaaack!

    A few things to note: I previously unpublished every episode of this podcast for personal reasons that have now expired. As of today, the past audio is available but the episodes did not maintain their original publish date. It looks like I made this entire podcast today! Look how fast I work! I don’t have the desire to figure out how to change that, so I’m not going to waste energy on it.

    I began this podcast in December of 2020 and, from what I recall, I stopped publishing new episodes in 2022. That’s all you need to know I guess. Though maybe none of it is required to know. Maybe it’s just for my own peace of mind I even mention it. Peace of Mind = Administrative Brain with a touch of OCD.

    Per usual, I wax poetic following my stream-of-conscious. I listen to every episode before I publish, not to edit myself, but to take notes so I can write something here for you. As I take notes, I reflect on what I said and find new information; I teach myself, and I am my best student.

    Reflections:

    • The title of this episode … I wonder, is my expression of [being a] Memoir Artist a symptom of C-PTSD? Artistry as a symptom. Hrm. I explore artistry as healing so maybe Memoirtistry isn’t a symptom of the traps of C-PTSD, it is the medicine. I like that. I’ll land there and see what this drug continues to do.
    • I received a phone call while I was recording and I vocalize that it interrupted my flow, even though I continued to flow with the next recording. The truth is not that the phone call disrupted, it is that the phone call rang my fears alive inside of me. With the second recording I felt the shame trying to overtake; the interruption a trigger that what I’m saying should not be said. Read: who I am I should not be. I continued anyway. I can do hard things.
    • My thoughts express as poetry when I’m actively editing myself—and I do that (actively edit) when I speak in an effort to be clear and unavoidable in my communication. Ah, but my love of metaphor and prose can whisk me away. I avoid certain words because I fear their meaning to be misinterpreted and used against me. I’m always expecting my words to be used against me. (A symptom of C-PTSD.) When I say blood, I mean family.
    • I’m still working through the “real, but not true” concept. I expect it will be a theme I work with until I flush it out.

      • Welcome to Season 3!

      42 min
    • S2-E7. I Am: Using my Voice
      I have a tattoo on my right forearm that says, "Be brave with your words."
      I remember when I got the tattoo how scary it was; the permanence of it, the commitment to living this truth. Every expression of myself lends itself to using my voice. I use my voice on this podcast. I use my voice in my writing. I use my voice in my art. I use my voice when I edit. I use my voice when I sing. I am meant to use my voice. And so, I persist.
      40 min
    • S2-E5. DoorDashing & Changing my Relationship with Money
      In this episode, my train of thought goes something like this:
      When I’m invisible, I’m more myself.
      My current day job is driving for DoorDash. I share some data I've collected, the experiments I do, and a few stories from my last dash. It’s a great job to have when suffering writer’s/artist’s block because I can work almost anytime.
      What is this new trend of public boom-boxing? 
      As a business, I’m always adjusting my language and my approach, so back-end work on my website is usually on the list of "things to do". I finally got my shop displayed how I prefer though, yay! Check it out: memoirtistry.com/shop
      Patreon is forthcoming! I’m learning how to believe in myself and ask for support.
      My relationship with money, oof. I’m on year four in this cycle of financial disability/instability. I feel ashamed that I’m not “doing the right things to make money the way I used to”. I’ve left one class of society for another, and it is an entirely new world to adjust to.
      30 min
    • S2-E4. What's in a name?
      My name is Elizabeth, and she is trapped at 8-, 12-, and 20-years old. When I married and took my ex's surname, I laid Elizabeth to rest and embodied Liz. But I'm still Elizabeth and she's angry for being locked up, so I'm growing her up to 40. Maybe now I'll get some grey hairs.
      I'm writing my second memoir. It shines a [sometimes-harsh] light on my journey to heal my injured brain and understand the Complex PTSD diagnosis I've been given. You can buy my first memoir, I Was a Good Wife: A Self-Portrait, here. 
      Memoirtistry is what I build my world around; it's my spirit-led, one-word purpose; it's my expression in response to, and of, life. 
      It's a new year, so I'm rethinking the business end of my approach to living Memoirtistry. I've decided [again] to only sell originals. I'm a human, not a brand. My work is alive and so, it is also in the process of dying. All of my work is unfinished and it is for sale in every iteration, which means some of my pieces will not be varnished, some will not have picture hangers, some will fade and fall apart in time. I believe there is something inside of every stage of creation to learn from, and some stages require we muster intense patience--we must sit in the suffering of learning. I do not create easy-to-digest pieces; I am in love with the hard work of living. I will not inhibit my creative flow by following structure and algorithms and social media calendars. I will not create with the intention to mass produce for the sake of money. I believe the money I require to have my basic needs met will come and I need not force it to show up in ways that will harm my desire or my stamina for artistic living. 
      Other things:
      I'm learning to recognize myself as a mystic. I've always been one. Ah mystery, my seductress. 
      Kim Krans' The Wild Unknown Archetypes tarot is easily becoming my new favorite deck.
      I'm considering a road trip to Texas to explore my childhood--to research more of myself for memoir #2.
      I lost my day job. That's a lie, I was fired. I've never been fired before! I literally asked for it. 
      Need an editor for a story, an essay, an email? (Basically anything with words attached.) You can hire me.
      59 min
    • S2-E3. Liz begins and Wordw_tch ends; a human walks with spirit.
      It's been a minute. I take myself on a crisp morning walk to process life, and then Wordw_tch reveals herself. (Don't mind the subtle scratchy sound. The mic was rubbing against my teddy-gear-inspired coat.)
      What's inside:
      Energy Management vs. Time Management
      Information shared WITH me vs. Information shared AT me
      Changing careers is stressful and I'm trying not to exist in the worry of financial strain.
      I'm finally hitting my stride as a barista! It feels good to move from learning something to knowing something.
      Sometimes I think animals see me more clearly than people do.
      I'm coming to terms with aging. The unknown--when will it not be scary?
      My first art show made me anxious.
      I'm preparing to learn of my ex-husband's engagement to his girlfriend.
      My best friend is moving soon, and I'm sad.
      I'm finding closure and an ocean of forgiveness in an email exchange with an ex-partner.
      Grief never goes away, it just changes shape.
      My alarm cut the recording right before the ad. Time can be intuitive.
      Wordw_tch presents organically and waxes her history of spiritual belief. If you want to meet with me, schedule time here!
      A lovely song that was shared with me.
      A book I'm listening to for free.
      Sharing my beliefs is scary, but the more I talk the more I understand the language of my beliefs.
      When I was younger, I wanted answers. But no answers would suffice. I'm grateful I seek my own answers and don't parrot--being raised in a cult taught me how to do that.
      Cults are everywhere. Company branding is a method of creating a language for "believers", is it not?
      My second book is writing itself.
      I'm meditating on my word for 2022.
      Weird used to be a trigger word for me, but now it's my favorite descriptor.
      My final sentence: I'm grateful life presents me with opportunities to learn the many perspectives of human experience so that I may remain humble by the vulnerability of expression and continue to choose love and safety as an offering.
      You're welcome.
      xoxo,
      Liz
      52 min

    About Memoirtistry

    From the publisher's feed

    Memoirtistry is how I process my inner experience of the world around me; with words and paint, through memoir and artistry. It is how I make sense of my existence. I create intuitively, allowing flow…