Mental Health Training

How many times have you started something with the best of intentions only to fizzle out before you ever got the idea fully off the ground?

Frustrating. This feels especially bad when you quit after making significant inroads into the project. You wouldn’t think you’d leave something hanging like that, but you do.

Why?

We tend to be bad at reaching our goals. Not because we can’t make a decent goal or even put the work in. It's the follow-through that gets us down, mostly because goals tend to involve future success. It's hard to stay excited about something you're not going to finish for days or even weeks from now, even when we're motivated to do so.

The problem isn't us so much as the idea being somewhat abstract. Let's face it; we'd much rather do something which will give us immediate gratification. Games on your phone are designed to give you this instantly. Every level fulfilled sparks and dances with joy, giving you a pleasant little surge of dopamine in your brain with every high score.

Because we like this kind of immediate feedback, we tend to put off those far-off projects for more immediate gratification. If you’re like most people, you’ve probably even gotten good at justifying this abandonment. Trading one project for another, which is easier with a faster culmination, is easy to do. But is it satisfying?

Let's face it; sometimes, you do want to finish what you started. Those great big, interesting goals are the things that can change lives when you reach them. So how can you act with diligence and get things done even when the world pulls you in all directions?

Try This

Hone the Vision

It’s impossible to finish anything when you’re not clear what the eventual goal is. Take a few minutes and examine the project you have in mind. Can you visualize the outcome you want?

Be Fully Committed

Once you have a clear idea of where you're going, ask yourself why you're doing this. What motivates you? What about this excites you? Hold onto these thoughts and make a verbal commitment to this goal. And yes, saying it out loud does make a difference!

Create Your Space

Here’s where you need to set up where the magic happens. Wherever you choose to work, make sure you’ve reduced distractions.

Make Temptation Impossible

This is crucial no matter what the goal. If you have a project you need to dig into for work, it might be you need to turn off your phone or put it in a drawer for a bit. If you're working on your health, this is where you get rid of the cookies from the cupboard. Make it as difficult as you can to throw off your progress.

Organize

Do you have the tools you need to start? Now is the time to assemble them if you don’t. This is also a good place to get any research done you might need. Once you’ve got the materials, take a few minutes to create a game plan. What’s the goal for today? What do you need to get done for the next milestone? This should be laid out in simple, bite-sized pieces of work.

Set the Stage

Do you work better with peppy music? Does it help to listen to an inspiring podcast before you begin? Do you have a mantra you use to put yourself in the right mindset? By creating a routine before work, you tell your brain you're ready to work now and get things done. Do this often enough, and you'll turn this routine into a trigger that puts you in the perfect headspace instantly, which is important in creating the necessary momentum.

Start Early

If you can, begin working as early in the day as possible. Studies have shown an earlier start to the day is crucial to success. This is important even if you're not what you would term a 'morning' person. Why? The longer you wait to start your day, the more likely you are to put off beginning until tomorrow. Also, if you jump in early, you're going to feel amazingly productive by lunch.

The Social Care Institute for Excellence (SCIE) says "social isolation and loneliness have a detrimental effect on your health and well-being". 

Some consider loneliness a primary emotion, on a par with fear and anger. For millions of years, survival relied on being part of a gathering; being isolated from your community was dangerous. 

But now, a fear of loneliness can keep us in a toxic relationship, unfulfilling jobs, or destructive marriages.

Loneliness comes in many guises. It can be temporary with situational loneliness where you find yourself without any camaraderie or support. Or you can be going through a life crisis that results in more extended social isolation.

A relationship breakdown, losing your job, being seriously ill, and needing to self-isolate with the virus can make you feel completely cut off from love and support.

The COVID-19 pandemic forced us to confront loneliness in a new way. Social distancing restrictions and lockdowns meant many more people now faced social isolation and loneliness.

Studies by University College London reported in the Nursing Times concluded that "efforts to reduce social isolation of older people are likely to have positive outcomes for their well-being, and this research suggests that they could also reduce mortality".

However, everyone feels lonely from time to time. It’s a normal part of the human experience and is something you can’t avoid in life.

But some people are more vulnerable to slipping from loneliness into depression.

Or there can be hard times in your life when feeling lonely is only one step away from isolation and depression.

Types of Loneliness

If you wish to live a happier life, you may have to learn how to deal with loneliness when it happens. Psychologists have identified seven different types of loneliness.

1. ‘New Kid’ Loneliness

2. Not Fitting in Loneliness

3. Lack of Romance Loneliness

4. Missing a Pet Loneliness

5. Too Busy for Me Loneliness

6. Toxic Fringes Loneliness

7. Lack of Company Loneliness

5 Steps to Defeat Perfectionism Once and For All

We all have moments where we fall into perfectionism. For some of us, this might happen kind of often. For others, it's reserved for those special occasions where we have a project where we can't rest until we get it right

While occasional super-attention-to-detail is okay, it’s when we make perfectionism a way of life that it becomes a problem. Those are the times when we finally need to take charge of our lives and learn how to let go.

Try this:

Start at the Core

Why are you so wrapped up in perfectionism? Are you truly trying to become a better person somehow, or are you just trying to impress someone else or meet expectations from those around you? Neither of these reasons is very healthy, and both need to be addressed.

Drop the “Should”

The moment you start using this word in a conversation, especially regarding your action, you're already driving yourself crazy. Remind yourself you don’t need validation from anyone. You’re good just by being you.

Rewrite the Script

What are you telling yourself as you throw yourself into perfectionism? Do you think this is the path to success? Or do you have other unrealistic expectations of the outcome? Here's where you switch up your self-talk to get out of any negative spaces and unrealistic outcomes.

Drop the Comparisons

Speaking of self-talk, just who are you holding up as role models? Has this to become unhealthy, going from "I want to be more like them" to "Why can't I have everything they do?”

Wouldn’t it feel better to celebrate where you are right now and all the effort you’ve been putting into things?

Show Some Mercy

Perfection never allows for excuses. If you can't succeed, you're automatically a failure. By chasing imperfection, you learn the value of self-forgiveness and the ability to let go of your mistakes in favour of embracing the lessons you can learn from them.

You wouldn’t think these steps are all so very important at first glance. After all, is chasing imperfection worthwhile?

The answer is a resounding, "Yes!" Perfection is what pulls us away from others and gets us so tangled up inside with worry and stress about getting things right; that we negatively impact our mental and physical health.

With this in mind, isn’t it time to let go and enjoy life once and for all?

3 Visualizations for a Calmer, Happier You

Calm down. Seriously.

We all have things that leave us on edge. Sometimes it’s an event or a person (like a visit from your mother-in-law). Sometimes we’re more anxious due to more significant issues, leaving us unsure of our safety and well-being, like when a severe illness is going around. Whatever the case, anxiety is adept at derailing our lives and keeping us from accomplishing what we want and need to.

How do you handle this kind of nervous worrying? If you’re lucky, you eventually learn how to take it in stride. For some people, their coping skills aren’t healthy. For others, they flounder, trying to find their way. If you’re in these latter groups, consider this: Visualization is a proven skill shown to reduce anxiety and create a calmer and happier you. Let’s explore how.

Go Somewhere Else

Feeling especially fearful? It’s time for a trip to feel someplace safe. For some, this might be the beach. Or perhaps you’d feel more at home by a mountain lake or city café sipping coffee. Wherever you feel the safest and most at home, you want to go there now in your mind. Start by sitting back and making yourself comfortable. Close your eyes and picture yourself in your favourite place. Add in every detail you can to make this experience as real as possible. Include all your senses in the background. Breathe deeply, holding yourself in this place until you feel calm and somewhat refreshed.

Unwind with some String

Feeling all tense and coiled up inside? This usually comes when you’re holding back too many emotions. Picture yourself carrying around all these knotted emotions tangled up with words you’ve wanted to say all day but couldn’t. Make all these feelings into an imaginary ball of yarn. Now sit back and take several calming breaths as you withdraw this ball of yarn and hold it in your hand. Do you feel the weight? Good. Now drop it on the floor, holding onto the end of the string so that the ball rolls away from you, unravelling as it goes. Watch all the strands of yarn unwind, disappearing as they do. Stay in the vision until the entire ball is unwound and gone, and you’re feeling lighter and more relaxed.

Shut it Out

Our thoughts can be noisy things. We hear so many voices in our heads, reminding of us deadlines, things to do, and people to see. Add to this the negative self-talk which creeps in occasionally and the half-heard phrases we’ve carried with us, which sound suspiciously like our parents, and you’ve got a lot of chatter and no peace. For this kind of problem, visualize yourself in a room with a big open window. Set all these voices outside the window. Now, take a deep breath and shut the window firmly. This is a nice thick double-paned glass. You can no longer hear the voices when the window is closed.

With visualizations like these, you tell your mind to calm. You take back control where you need it most and set your feet back on a better path. Remember, you’re in charge of what goes on in your head. Don’t let anxiety set the tone for you.

9 Steps for Creating Powerful Affirmations

Using positive affirmations every day is a powerful way of switching up your mindset and setting you on the path to success. More and more people, from sports stars to entrepreneurs, are using affirmations to change their mindsets to concentrate on achieving their goals and creating the life they really want. You’ll be surprised at how easy it is to create your own, powerful, positive affirmations focused on what you want.

1.    Take Control with “I Am” Statements

Affirmations are much more powerful if they start with the words “I am.” Those two little words immediately make whatever follows personalized and immediate. Straight away, the affirmation is not generic, but yours is focused on what you want to be or have right now.

Keep it in the Present

Notice the words “I am” are not “I want” or “I will.” A powerful affirmation puts you right in the middle of what you want to achieve right now. Not something to work towards or wish might happen, but is happening now.

Keep it Positive

Powerful affirmations make you feel good. They are positive. Keep the focus on want you want, not what you don’t want.

Keep it Brief

You’re not writing an essay or even a wish list. Keep your affirmation short and focused, so it’s easy to remember.

Keep it Specific

A powerful affirmation is focused on precisely what you want. If it’s a house in a particular street or a trip to a small Tuscan village, or a specific weight goal, the detail in your affirmation. Make it as real as you can.

Include an Action

Powerful affirmations have energy—they have an active, present tense verb in them. Think of what you’re doing in your desired life. Are you enjoying your new home? Relaxing on that Hawaiian beach? Driving your new car?

Include a Positive Emotion

If your affirmation is going to make you feel good, you have to evoke the positive emotion you want to feel. How will you feel when you achieve your goal? Happy? Grateful? Proud of yourself?

Stay Attentive to Yourself

The most potent affirmation are the ones you make for yourself. That’s why generic affirmations have a limited effect. They might feel good at the moment but won’t go to the heart of what you want for yourself.

Create an Affirmation Habit

Like any new behaviour, affirmations are most powerful when they are repeated regularly and consistently. Set up a positive habit by writing down your affirmations and committing to repeating them to yourself at least three times a day. Morning, midday, and bedtime might be convenient times for you.

Include positive affirmations that are part of your regular routine and manifest the life of your dreams.

Learning to Trust Your Emotions

We are all born with a certain amount of intuition. From a very young age, the problem is that we are often told to ignore our emotions or that our feelings are just wrong. Much like force-feeding an infant can cause the child to ignore their natural hunger control mechanism, it is the same with emotions. The more we have been taught to push down our feelings, the more likely we are not to trust our innate emotions.

You Get a Feeling in Your Gut That Something Is Wrong

Everyone has a natural ability to know if something is not right in any given situation.

The problem is, over time, you may have pushed down those emotions as wrong or even absurd. You meet a new person, and you feel like something is off for no known reason. You talk to someone and believe they are lying. While you may not want to react to these instances that aren’t cause for immediate danger, keep an open mind and keep your eyes open. You’ll find out that you’re right more than you’re wrong.

The Hairs on the Back of Your Neck Stand Up

Every human is born with a “flight or fight” reaction. Sometimes the hairs on the back of your neck will stand up, or you get prickly and feel like running. Most of the time, you should pay attention to this feeling. Often, you’ll find that when you think that way, a spider is nearby, or you are in grave danger. Do not ignore these nagging feelings, ever. Even if you’re wrong, it’s best to be safe.

You sense the need to help someone.

T.V. commercials use these emotions when they want you to send money to save the starving child in Africa or donate to save abused animals. When watching those commercials, the emotion you feel is typical, and you should respect them. Please don’t push it down when you feel compelled to help people. Freely offer help because denying your feelings about this will cause you to feel bad about yourself.

You Feel Pulled to Do Something Different

You’re sitting in your cubicle, bored to tears wanting desperately to do something different, but you are afraid to change. If you feel pulled in a new direction, take the time to give it real consideration instead of nixing it immediately. Bill Gates didn’t allow nagging doubt to stop him from becoming so successful.

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Why You Need to Let That Anger Go 

Many of us have been taught that anger is a bad thing. Your parents, teachers, and other authority figures reminded you to reign in your outbursts. You have probably shared that with your kids or others. Yes, there are times when getting angry helps you. It might spur you on to change. However, holding onto anger can affect you, your relationships, and your health. When you strive to let go of those things that don’t serve you or your goals, letting go of anger should be at the top of your list.

How Anger Harms Your Health and Wellbeing

Think about the last outburst you had. Do you remember how your body tensed up? Did you see fear creep into your partner’s eyes as your face turned red?

Uncontrolled anger will cost you many things, including your health. Here is how living in a state of rage hurts your overall well-being:

Your Heart Breaks: This isn’t heartbreak from losing the love of your life, though it could happen. Outbursts may put you at a greater risk of a heart attack. Repressed anger is no better, as it may be associated with heart disease.

Your Stroke Risk Increases: Some studies suggest that you may be three times more likely to have a stroke after an outburst.

Your Immune System Takes a Hit: Want to ward off sickness? Get rid of the anger. It’s possible to lose some significant infection-fighting power when you stay angry.

Your Anxiety May Skyrocket: Anger may exacerbate your anxiety, making day-to-day living much harder. Internalized anger may do the most damage.

Your Lifespan May be Shortened: Anger causes your body to live in a constant state of stress. Stress is linked to your overall well-being. That's to say – staying angry equals a short lifespan.

Are you one hundred per cent satisfied with your life? Do you feel your life is fulfilling and full of meaning? Or are there things you gripe about and think you can’t change?

If you feel like you spend your life trying to be happy but never quite getting there, instead of shrugging your shoulders, why not decide to change, right now. Here are four of the most common things people don’t do, that keep them stuck in dissatisfaction.

1.    You don’t know your purpose

Knowing your purpose is key to living a fulfilled and happy life. Once you know what you’re good at, what energizes you and makes you want to get out of bed in the morning, you can really live an authentic life.

Choose not to stay stuck acting like the victim, choose not to be powerless, choose not to stay unhappy. Take a good look at your values, and what you’re really passionate about, and go for it!

2.    You don’t act on your potential

Once you know what you want to do, you need to realize your potential and make it happen. But don’t be discouraged if it’s not as easy as you would like. There will be setbacks, disappointments, and maybe even failure. But if you’re committed to your purpose, be strong and keep pushing and learning and adapting. You’ll never regret trying to become your best you.

3.    You’re not living in the present

Dissatisfaction looks around and sees what you didn’t do, and casts doubt on what you will do. Don’t be that person! Real contentment finds happiness in the here and now. Don’t get caught up in brooding over past mistakes or worrying about the future. You can’t go back and fix the past, and it’s up to you to do your best tomorrow. Look around and see what you have right now and enjoy it.

4.    You’re holding onto negativity

The person who has the most influence on your happiness is you. Sit back and think of how that mixtape in your head runs. What’s your self-talk like? Is it encouraging or blaming? If you have a barrage of negative messages in your head, it’s hard to stay afloat, let alone have the energy to be your best you. Turn that negative self-talk around and become your own cheerleader. If you tell yourself you’ll succeed, you’re much more likely to think you can - and then you will!

How to Let Go of Past Grudges 

Who hasn’t been hurt by someone? Your spouse cheated on you. Your best friend from high school stole your boyfriend. Maybe you have a co-worker stealing your ideas or a boss who bullies you. Worse, you might have experienced trauma from physical, mental, or other forms of abuse. As time passes, some wounds don’t heal, and when that happens, you may be carrying a grudge.

Grudges are those leftover feelings of anger and resentment that prevent you from growing as a person. It’s time to let go and move beyond your past.

Tips to Let Go of Grudges and Get Your Life Back

Holding a grudge is often an indication of unforgiving. It can tear at your soul and corrode your physical and emotional health. It can affect all of your current and future relationships. Take the needed steps to release the grudge and gain your life back:

1.    Establish Why You Are Holding The Grudge:

You need to determine what the problem is so that it can be forgiven. Sometimes, you will find that the offence is not worth the grudge. Other times, you will know precisely what is causing the pain.

2.    Consider the Benefits of Forgiveness:

Choosing to forgive does not mean you forget, nor does it mean that the other person won. Instead, it means you let go of the resentment holding you back from living your life fully.

3.    Acknowledge Your Emotions:

Avoid stuffing the emotions down. Use a journal if you want, but take some time to examine your feelings about the harm you received. Also, think about how this affects your behaviour and your relationships.

4.    Look at it from Their Perspective:

This will not always apply, depending on the harm done. However, try putting yourself in their shoes. Under similar circumstances, would you have done the same thing to them?

5.    Talk with the Other Party:

Open communication can remedy some grudges simply. If you believe it will help, approach the other party to see if they will talk with you.

6.    Release the Victimhood:

Choose to accept what happened and your feelings about it. You don’t have to wait for an apology. (HINT: You may never get one.) Instead, stop playing the ‘wounded one’ card and take back your life by healing, releasing the anger and the grudge.

7.    Avoid Dwelling:

This may be the most challenging part, but it is critical. Once you choose to forgive, don’t look back. Avoid dwelling on the situation. If others want to bring it up, change the subject. Your healing is worth it.

Grudges don’t need to define you as a person. Let go of the past and spring forward to your new life by releasing resentments today.

Fear-Based Motivation

Fear can be an effective catalyst for motivation. For example, if your boss tells you to get your project done on time or you will lose your job, you can be sure you’re going to do everything in your power to get that project done. You may resent your boss for doing this, but you are probably going to do as he or she wishes unless you are looking to get fired.

Another situation where fear will motivate you is when something crucial breaks in your home. It could be the furnace giving out in the middle of winter. You are at a point where you have no choice but to call for expensive repairs. If you don’t, you’ll risk the pipes freezing and being uncomfortable.

We all have a certain amount of fear-based motivation. But, is it the best way to get people to do things? In the case of the furnace, you’ll have no choice and have to chalk it up to being a part of life. But, in the case of your boss harping on to you, is there a better way for him or her to handle the situation? Can you continually work in an environment based on that kind of fear?

It’s questionable whether motivation based on fear is sustainable. If you are an employee and there aren’t many jobs available as alternatives, you may feel like you have no choice but to comply. But, sometimes, this kind of negative working environment gets people more motivated to get out of the situation. In other words, the motivation tactics may work in the short term, but eventually, employers may experience a high turnover when those employees recognize there are other choices. The internet is a great equalizer in this regard, as more people can choose to freelance on their terms.

There’s an old saying about how you catch more flies with honey. If managers would recognize they would get more loyalty out of people by offering incentives rather than scare tactics to get their employees to do the work, maybe turnover wouldn’t be so high. Unfortunately, these managers don’t learn this until it’s too late. And even then, will they make any changes? Often, they make the justification that it’s the employee’s fault, and they decided to leave.

Think about the impact you have if you are a manager trying to motivate your employees. If you have used fear as a motivator, is it something that has worked for you in the long term? Or, did you simply set an environment where people couldn’t wait to getaway?