Mental Health Training

Can You Fix a Toxic Friendship?

Have you discovered that one of your relationships with a friend is toxic? Are you worried now that you will have to leave them behind or risk suffering the harm that comes with a toxic relationship? Well, the good news is, there are some things you might be able to try to fix a toxic friendship.

Start By Using Silence

In a toxic friendship, it is common that your friend probably puts you down or says things that make you feel bad about yourself. When a friend is toxic, it can be difficult to argue or debate because this fuels their fire. Instead, when they say something that upsets you, respond with silence. This silence will make a bigger impact than anything you can say.

If you have tried responding with silence, and your friend hasn't changed their ways, then there is a possibility that they are just a toxic person, and nothing may fix the friendship.

Try Setting Boundaries

Another thing you can do is try setting boundaries with your toxic friend. Let them know how you feel when they do certain things that are causing your relationship to be toxic. They should agree to your boundaries if they want to fix the friendship. If they don't agree to your boundaries or continue to violate them anyway, this is a sign that you can't fix this toxic friendship. 

For example, if your friend is always late, let them know that this upsets you and is no longer acceptable. If they continue to be late after that, then you know that your friendship isn't very valuable to them. 

You Can Take a Break

Sometimes, all a toxic friendship needs is a break. Maybe you are spending too much time together, or you both require time to work on yourselves. Remember, you could also be contributing to the toxic relationship without even realizing it. Set a time frame where you won't talk to or spend time with the toxic friend. If they ask, just let them know that you require a break. Take as long as you need. 

If even after the break, your friendship still has toxic attributes, then it may be time to throw in the towel and agree to leave the toxic relationship behind. It can be difficult, but not all toxic relationships are repairable. 

Overall, it is possible to fix a toxic friendship as long as both of you are willing to resolve the issues that make the relationship toxic. However, if you try to silence, set boundaries, and take a break, but your friend still seems toxic, it may be time to accept the fact and resolve to make some new friends. 

5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Sometimes it can be hard to know if you are involved in a toxic relationship or not. If that is the case, then it's time to look for the following five signs because if you see them in your relationship, then it might be toxic.

1. Social Isolation

A partner or a friend that criticizes your other friends or family might be doing so to isolate you from them. They do this because they want more attention from you or don't want to share you with other people in your life that might be important. It also helps them to be able to control you better because it will be more difficult for you to leave when they are your only support system. 

2. They Try to Change You

Whether it's a friend or a partner, they should be with you because they like being with you. They shouldn't try to change you or talk down to the things that make you unique. A healthy relationship will always be one of support and encouragement, while an unhealthy one will tell you everything you are doing wrong. 

3. There is Jealousy

Whenever a relationship has a lot of jealousy, it is never a healthy thing. If you or your partner are jealous of the time you spend with other people or jealous of things the other gets to do, then this is not a good sign. The relationship is likely toxic because neither of you feels confident just being yourself. 

4. The Relationship is all About What Makes Them, Happy

The thing about toxic relationships is, they are usually one-sided. One person in the relationship gets everything they want, while the other feels ignored or unimportant. The problem is that the person's ego is so big that they won't see that they are ignoring the things that make you happy. 

5. The Relationship Means Everything to You

When you are in a healthy relationship, you will maintain outside friendships and have time with family. In a toxic relationship, the partner will be your everything. This is by design because it makes it easier for them to control you and harder for you to leave. It also makes it easier to get their way. This is the number one sign that a relationship is toxic.

Overall, if you see one or more of these signs in your current relationship, then it could be toxic. Since toxic relationships rarely get better on their own, it is probably better for you to begin to look for help to leave the relationship. 

People have difficulty accepting change. However, it’s the one aspect of life we know will happen. Change is going to happen whether we like it or not. If you don’t do well with change, you should reverse your aversion to it.

Think of it this way. Perhaps you haven’t yet found your purpose because you have resisted change. That is a common affliction with many people. They simply refuse to accept that something different is happening in their lives.

The good news is people adapt with relative ease. After a while, you’ll have no choice but to accept most of the changes that happen in your life. People close to you will move on (one way or another). You will go through stages of life. In the end, you will cherish the memories that you have.

There are unintended consequences in most changes that occur for you. For instance, your current boss may leave the company, and a new one is going to replace them. You enjoyed working for the old boss and are dreading the new one. He or she could be someone you don't like. Then again, the situation could now be beneficial to you. Perhaps you and the new boss think along similar lines, more so than your old boss.

You will need to deal with changes in your personal life, too. Your kids are going to move out of your house eventually. You may have to one day take care of your parents, and so on. When you are young and first starting out on your own, you don’t think of these situations.

The most significant benefit of any change is that it may be just what is needed to find your purpose. If you are used to the same routine, and it doesn’t seem right for you, changes may give you the boost and desire to find something that is right for you.

You should try to expose yourself to change more often. Some changes you cannot plan. However, there are many that you can. For instance, you can try to take an opposing point of view that you would never dare to in the past. If you favour a political party, speak with people from the opposite party. Try to keep an open mind when doing this. Ask them how they chose that point of view.

By exposing yourself to change, you will become better at accepting it. When this happens, you may be closer to discovering who you are and what is your purpose.

Five Symptoms of Poor Mental Health from Overthinking

Overthinking things can be very hard on a person, keeping you from taking action. This can lead to poor work performance. You probably already know how much overthinking can stall you out and keep you from a happier and more productive life. What you might not realize is just how damaging overthinking is to your mental health.

Don’t believe it?

Check out these symptoms of overthinking gone wrong:

You’re Believing the Lies

When you overthink, it’s relatively typical to put a particular ‘spin’ on every conversation or interaction pertaining to what you’re obsessing about. For example, if you’ve been thinking your significant other is mad at you because of how they sounded on the phone when you talked to them last, you start seeing so-called anger in every interaction you track back in your mind.

Eventually, you start convincing yourself the lies are true, and nothing can tell you otherwise.

You’re Worrying More

Nothing shoves you hard into the world of anxiety and even panic attacks like overthinking something you feel is threatening somehow, either to your peace of mind or even physical safety. These kinds of stresses become damaging when you become convinced the world really is a dangerous and scary place, without allowing room for opposing thoughts.

You have Trouble Concentrating

Overthinking doesn’t leave a lot of room in your brain for anything else. In fact, studies have shown that people who spend time overthinking perform poorly on other tasks requiring thought. This can even be seen on MRIs, indicating actual brain slow-down in all areas except the one you’re obsessing in.

The solution?

Deal with the problem you’re thinking about and move on quickly to the next thing.

You Lack Mental Energy

When overthinking has run rampant for a while, it uses up your energy resources. You find you can’t make another decision or have the energy to think about another thing.

Everything Seems Like It’s Moving Too Fast

Have you ever felt jittery, like you can’t keep up with your thoughts? This feeling can create physical symptoms such as increased brain waves, palpitations, and rapid breathing. Overthinking gets you so spun up you feel like you’re coming out of your skin.

Remember: If you’re wondering if you’re on a dangerous path with your thoughts, you might want to ask someone you trust if you’re exhibiting any of these symptoms. We don’t always see ourselves clearly, especially when our thoughts are already running in circles.

It’s not easy to deal with overthinking. You’re going to have to take time to learn how to redirect your thoughts. The key is to embrace the positive things in your life and not get caught in the negative. Only when you do, will you be able to break the trap of overthinking.

Reducing Anger in Your Life

Sometimes the cause of your anger can be staring you right in the face. As much as you hate to admit it, you are not happy with your current state of affairs, and it is time to make changes.

Living with huge amounts of anger is not healthy and can lead to a variety of mental and physical issues. This can include stress, heart attacks, anxiety and depression. Which, of course, can affect all members of your family too.

Are you and your spouse having issues? This is often a root cause of anger in couples. If you find that you tend to fight or argue at night when discussing almost any issue, then try moving your discussion times to the morning.

If problems are just not getting resolved, then it may be time to face the fact that your relationship just isn’t working anymore. Maybe you need a change of environment or it could be time to put an end to the relationship. Living in a bad relationship is not healthy for any of the parties involved.

Your anger may stem from having a huge mortgage. It may be better to think about moving and downsizing to a smaller home. Or moving to a different location where housing prices are cheaper.

You may hate the fact that some things your children are doing are making you boil! For example, their messy rooms may drive you mad every time you walk by them. Instead of letting it get to you, try closing the door, so you don’t see the mess. You don’t really want to explode on your kids, do you?

Another lifestyle issue that can increase your anger level is that of job-related stress. You work all day and then know you have to come home to a busy house at night. The minute you walk through the front door, your kids bombard you with requests and then there is a dinner waiting to be cooked.

Try this solution, tell your kids that the first 10 minutes when you come home is yours. You are not to be bothered unless it is for a total emergency. This 10 minute allows you to get your thoughts in order, make a tea and just regroup after the stresses of work.

Take a look at your lifestyle and see if you can identify what is triggering your anger. Then look for ways to simplify it, can you get help with making dinner or is it time to sell your home and move to a new location?

Having compassion can be difficult in a world where we’re bombarded with bad news and suffering. It feels like we are currently living in a dog-eat-dog world. We are all so worried about ourselves that we fail to look at the bigger picture.

It’s almost like we no longer embrace a sense of community and are desensitised by those in more need. 

The interpretation of compassion is literally “a suffering with another.”

Maybe we lack compassion? The problem is, compassion is a powerful emotion, and it has many benefits. 

For example, you, Will, Be Happier:  Showing compassion to others isn’t purely altruistic. When you help someone else, it boosts your pleasure. A study from Harvard in 2008 showed that donating money can make you happier than using it on yourself. 

Makes You More Attractive: Positive personality traits like kindness and compassion have been shown to increase people’s perceptions of attractiveness. People rated headshots more attractive when they were attached to qualities like compassion. 

Improves Your Relationships: Being compassionate is a key to reliable relationships. Whether romantic or not, people will be more comfortable and receptive to you if you show compassion towards them and others. 

Uplifts Your Community: Compassion isn’t just powerful in your direct relationships. It can help uplift the world around you. Compassionate acts have a way of spreading like wildfire. James Fowler examined this phenomenon in a study that showed acts of kindness spread just as quickly as bad. 

Improves Your Mental Well-Being:  Compassion isn’t just about other people. We must practice self-compassion as well. Often, we find it easier to be compassionate towards others than towards ourselves. Studies have shown that self-compassion is indisputably linked to an individual’s well-being. 

Boosts Your Self-Esteem: Compassionate behaviour such as donating, volunteering, and helping people in other ways has increased academic aspirations and self-esteem among teenagers. 

Increases Health and Longevity: Compassion doesn’t just boost teenagers’ self-esteem. It has also been linked to improved fatality rates among older volunteers—desirable Personal behaviours like volunteering address more senior peoples individual and societal needs. 

Helps You Resolve Conflicts: Life is full of struggles. No matter how much you try to avoid conflict, it is bound to pop up in your life.

Compassion can help you address this conflict more effectively. Take some time to listen to the podcast on empathy because you will find it much easier to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you can show mercy. 

You Become Calmer: When you strive to be more compassionate, you will usually find them more tolerant and get less annoyed. You will find it easier to forgive minor transgressions, and more concerns will roll off your back.

FURTHER READINGS

https://mentalhealthtraining.info/mental-health/empathy

2.   Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Compassion-Proven-Power-Being-Yourself/dp/0061733520/

3.   Radical Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Radical-Compassion-Learning-Yourself-Practice/dp/0525522832/

4.   Training in Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Training-Compassion-Teachings-Practice-Lojong/dp/1611800404/

5.   Awakening Compassion at Work: https://www.amazon.com/Awakening-Compassion-Work-Elevates-Organizations/dp/1626564450/

6.   Mindful Compassion: https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Compassion-Science-Understand-Emotions/dp/1626250618/

One inevitable truth about life is that there will be tough times. No matter how blessed your life is, you will have to deal with some hardship.

There will be times when you feel like everything is crashing down around you, and your only choice is to keep moving forward.

What if the times are so tough, you are struggling to trudge on, though? In that case, keep these nine tips in mind.

1.   Pain Is a Part of Life

The first step is to accept that pain is part of life. It might not be easy to hear, but it is the truth. The silver lining is that pain helps us grow and evolve. It's our response to pain that builds our character.

2.   Acknowledge Your Feelings and Emotions

Go ahead and "feel your feels." There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that you are upset. Cry if you need to. Get angry if you want. Scream at the world. It would be best if you didn't cast your feelings and emotions away.

3.   Self-Care Isn't a Luxury

When dealing with a tough situation in life, it can be easy to give up self-care. This is one of the worst things you can do. If you can bring yourself to do anything, then taking care of your physical and mental needs is the priority.

4.   Try Not to Disappear

When you struggle to deal with everything life throws at you, it's easy to withdraw into your bubble.

There is nothing wrong with seeking a bit of solitude, but don't disappear into it. Take the time you need for yourself, but don't forget you have people in your life who love and support you.

5.   Keep Your Passions Close

If you are struggling through something serious, the last things you are thinking about are your hobbies or passions. However, focusing on your passions is one of the best ways to weather tough times.

6.   Take Action to Take Back Control

When life hits you full-on in the face with obstacles, it can feel like you have no control. You are simply along for the turbulent ride. To combat this feeling, try to take action. Instead of just letting life happen, take back control. A small, simple step is all you need to get started.

7.   Look For the Lesson

Sometimes the only thing we take from tough times is the bruises. It's important to look for a lesson, though. What have your struggles taught you about the world, yourself, or the people you love?

8.   Remember What You Have

No matter how bad things seem to be, you likely have some positives in your life. Use these positives as your life preserver. Keep the things or people that you love too close to your heart.

9.   Ask For Support

If you feel overwhelmed by life, reach out and ask for help. You can start with a trusted loved one, but reach out to a professional if you don't feel comfortable with that. They are there to help.

Seven Easy Ways to Think Positive and Change Your Life

Positive thinking can add so much to your life – and now we know that positive thinking can add years to your life. When you think positively, you get rid of stress and tend to live a healthier life and make better choices. If you’re naturally a negative thinker, there are ways you can change that thinking and get on the path to a life-changing way of thinking.

If you really want to begin to think positively and change your life for the better, look at the following ways you can incorporate into your own lifestyle:

1.   Be responsible for your thoughts. No one can tell you what to think or control how you react to your thinking. When you begin to take responsibility for your thoughts, you’ll face the reality of what they’re doing to or for you and be more able to change those negative thoughts.

2.   Plan to think positively. So many of our thoughts come from the subconscious mind. When you plan to think positively, you won’t be as apt to take what you’re thinking as reality. Instead, you have the time and opportunity to think it over and come to a conclusion that reflects the reality of the situation.

3.   Avoid negative people. Negative people can ruin your best-laid plans to think positively. They can feed the fire of self-doubt and anxiety. It can sometimes be classified as a crowd-mentality, so don’t fall prey to it. Think for yourself.

4.   Write down your thoughts. It’s helpful if you can see at the end of the day what your thoughts have been. For a while, take the time to write them down. You’ll see what went wrong with your thoughts and be able to improve them.

5.   Consider the repercussions. For example, if you have a deadline for an assignment, and it becomes clear that you’re not going to meet it, consider what might happen. If you finish it on time, it won’t be as good as you wanted. If you take more time, it may cause other problems. Also, consider solutions. For example, you could ask for an extension to the deadline.

6.   Minimize catastrophic thinking. Rather than thinking the worst about a situation, try to minimize it and lower your anxiety level by being practical about it. If you’re susceptible to those thoughts, avoid situations (such as television news) that might cause you anxious thinking.

7.   Live for the moment. When you spend too much time trying to guess or analyse the future, you’ll convince yourself of failure – especially if you’ve failed in the past. If you think you’ll fail, you probably will.

Accept the reality that you can control your thoughts. You’ll become more empowered to face stressful situations in your life and to change the way you think. It will become easier to maintain a positive attitude the more you practice thinking positively.

Overcoming Negative Thoughts

Everyone falls prey to negative thoughts sometimes. It’s like watching a film that begins with clear skies and happiness and seeing it turn into dark clouds and horror. The bad thing is that there’s no eerie music to alert us when that turn takes place in our minds from positive to negative. We can only tune into our thoughts once in a while to see how we’re doing.

When you catch yourself thinking negatively there are a few things you can do – actually practice – that can help you overcome the negativity and get yourself into that “happy ending.”

1.   Adjust the tone of your voice, both inner and outer. When you find that you're speaking or thinking tone is harsh and negative, change it to a lighter and more positive tone.

2.   Meditation. Finding some time for yourself to meditate or just relax and restore your energy levels can do wonders for your outlook. When you combine some yoga stretches or deep breathing, you can make bigger leaps.

3.   Smile. The best way to diffuse a negative situation is to smile – really smile, with your eyes and your entire face and demeanour. It can lift a mood almost instantaneously and help to relieve stress, too (and it takes fewer facial muscles to smile than to frown).

4.   Help someone else. Becoming a benefactor to someone can fill your heart and mind with happiness. And, how can you think and project negative thoughts when you’re so happy?

5.   Keep a gratitude journal. Those who have had to overcome great obstacles in their lives say they kept and still do keep a gratitude journal and wrote a few things in it every day that they were grateful for. It helped to get them through bad times.

6.   Choose positive people to be around. You may have to work with negative people, and you may have some in your own family, but your friends that you choose can be positive ones who help you put things into perspective when you’re thinking negatively.

Do whatever works for you to lift your spirits and get you out of negative self-talk. Some people exercise. That gets the endorphins flowing and keeps you from becoming depressed.

Dancing and singing are also proven mood lifters. You don’t have to be good enough for “American Idol” or “Dancing with the Stars.” Just dance or sing unfiltered and see how the stress can melt away.

You are in charge of the choices you make in life, and you can either choose to be a negative or a positive person to go through life.

Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much?

Rejection hurts. That's a fact that's been proven scientifically as well as by our individual experiences. It negatively impacts our well-being and inflicts emotional pain. However, why does rejection hurt so much? Researchers have pondered these same questions, and we have our answers.

Rejection played an essential purpose in our evolution. 

In our past, when we were all hunters and gatherers, being rejected by our village was truly a death sentence. This is because no one could survive alone for long. Psychologists believe that our brains developed a warning system to alert us when we risk being ostracized. Getting our attention was so important that this warning system had to be as painful as possible so we could correct our behaviors and be allowed to remain in the tribe.

We relive and experience social rejection just as we experience physical pain. 

Researchers at UCLA noticed that physical pain and social pain (the pain of being rejected) are felt in the same parts of our brains. This means that our brains cannot differentiate between physical pains ( say, a broken arm) and the pain of being rejected.

This is the reason why a break-up can leave you feeling broken, just like with most physical injuries. Our brains prioritize the pain of rejection because being ostracized from the "tribe" was akin to a death sentence.

Being rejected destabilizes our "desire to belong." 

Humans are social animals, and we fundamentally need to belong to a tribe. Rejection destabilizes that need, and this adds to the pain we feel. Research has proven that being in a group or reconnecting with people that love and value us soothes physical pains and makes us feel happy.

It unleashes our insecurities.

Most times, the pains' rejection leads to are much more than that of being rejected. We often take rejection to mean we're unlovable, unworthy, or undeserving. Rejection awakens all our doubts and insecurities about how we assume we are viewed by others, especially the person who rejected us.

So, while being rejected alone can be especially painful, these self-doubts and uncertainty about the reason we were rejected in the first place can put these insecurities in our minds. These might lead to self-loathing, low self-esteem, and other really serious psychological concerns. This is especially true with emotional rejections, where most people might consider having a certain body shape or attribute as the reason for being rejected.

This leaves people feeling as if they aren't worthy of being accepted rather than accepting that the person might have rejected them for an entirely different reason. While the rejection itself would hurt, these self-doubts and suspicions will leave you feeling even more pain.