Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

For a child to learn how to love, they need to first be loved.

So many people find disciplining their children to be one of the biggest challenges of being a parent. We look back to the way our parents raised us and often we realize that we want to do things differently, but we just don't know how. Without a new perspective, many times we just fall back on what we experienced as a child and we react from our own woundedness or our own view of what a father or mother should be. In this episode, Mike and Alicia talk about how parents can model the perfect parent, God the Father Himself. As we do this, we will find ourselves walking in our true identity as a son or daughter of the Most High. When we understand that, then we can form our children as God forms us.

Listen in to this essential conversation and use our Key Takeaways and Discussion Questions to go deeper with your spouse on this topic.

Key Takeaways

• We need to parent the way God fathers us, free of emotion and manipulation

• Discipline starts with relationship because its all about forming their hearts.

• We need to teach children how to repair and restore relationships when they do the wrong thing.

Couple Discussion Questions

• In our childhoods have we experienced shame from our parents or those in authority? How did that make me feel?

• Do we imitate those behaviors in our parenting?

• How can we reflect God the Father more in our formation of our children?

• Consider one of your children in need of formation. What is the best way to reach their heart?

Your family culture is the operating system in your home. It communicates to your children more powerfully than any written word.

Family culture is something that we are passionate about in this ministry! We believe that this is the secret weapon of the Catholic family and something that every mom and dad needs to be very intentional about. The culture within the home is like the operating system in your family and it communicates more powerfully than any written word. In this episode we give the foundations of family culture and explain why it's important. Because there is so much to cover, we only get to talk about the spiritual life of the home and what that means for the children. This is a re-release of a previous episode, but the information is timeless and the principles are the foundation of many of our courses and guides. Re-release MFP096 Building a Family Culture

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Key Takeaways

• Parents don't create a culture, they steward it. All the members of the family participate.

• Family Culture is the unspoken system that binds your family together and communicates your expectations, beliefs, and values more powerfully than any written word.

• Your culture must be stronger and more attractive than the secular culture and it must communicate more powerfully.

• A wise family learns how to manage the urgent and prioritize the important.

• The spiritual life of your home needs to be the foundation of your culture because it is our connection to God that gives meaning to our lives.

Couple Discussion Questions

• There is a culture in our home right now. What is this culture communicating to our children?

• What are some values that we want our children to learn from our culture? How can we do this better?

• What are the Urgent things in our life that we need to manage better?

• What are the Important things that we are putting off?

Resources

• FBM course registration to grow a healthy culture in your home! https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/

• Family Culture download: https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/family-culture-guide/

In this episode, Mike and Alicia keep diving into the complex relationship of man and woman in marriage. It is vitally important that we keep in mind that we need to act according to our nature to have a successful, peaceful marriage! Part of this is realizing that there is a dance that happens between spouses - that is the giving and receiving. So what some fundamentalists may call "headship" we would say this is really men giving to their wives and families because this is what enables them to receive. What others may call "submission" we would say is really women receiving from their husbands in order to give. This is where the idea of "mutual submission" comes from. Both men and women are called to give and receive, but it is in a different order.

Listen in and send us your questions! We would love to tackle them in a future episode!

Key Takeaways:

• The Fall broke the unity between husband and wife and made them distrust each other. Adam was passive and Eve took the initiative. This was disordered.

• Jesus elevated marriage to a sacrament and called us all to something greater. To a supernatural call that only He can give us the grace to accomplish.

• Both husband and wife are called to give and to receive, but the order is reversed. Men are called to GIVE in order to RECIEVE. Women must RECIEVE in order to GIVE. This is the difference between leadership and submission.

• Husbands need to learn to receive from their wives, and wives need to learn how to give from their husbands.

Couple Discussion:

• What does our "dance" look like in our home? How to be operate when we make decisions? When we run the family?

• How easy is it for him to give first in our home? How can we both support that initiative?

• Are there areas in which he is receiving without giving?

• Are there areas in which she is giving without first receiving?

Resources

• Fr. John Riccardo on Ephesians 5 and Marriage https://watch.actsxxix.org/marriage-through-the-lens-of-scripture/season:1/videos/3-ephesians-5

• MFP 181 The Role of a Submissive Wife https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-181-the-role-of-a-submissive-wife/

• Role of a Husband Blog https://messyfamilyproject.org/blog/the-role-of-a-husband/

• MFP 186: Role of a Catholic Husband https://messyfamilyproject.org/mfp-186-the-role-of-a-catholic-husband/

Join Mike and Alicia Hernon on another insightful episode of The Messy Family Podcast, where they fearlessly delve into the timeless and relevant topic of headship in marriage in reference to the key passages in Ephesians 5.

In this episode, the Hernons share the behind-the-scenes of their podcast and video show on YouTube, inviting you to subscribe and become a valuable member of their growing community. They take you on a journey through recent family events, from unexpected hospital visits to the joyous arrival of their seventh grandchild, Declan John.

Amidst the chaos, the Hernons ask for your prayers for a family facing health challenges, emphasizing the power of community and support in navigating life's trials. They also share exciting updates about upcoming events, such as the Good News cruise with Father Mike Schmitz and the Catholic Couples Getaway with Chris and Natalie Stefanik. Stay tuned for announcements for Catholic Couples Getaway 2025!

As the episode unfolds, Mike and Alicia explore the concept of headship in marriage, addressing the age-old question: Do wives have to obey? Gain insights, reflections, and practical wisdom on this crucial aspect of family life. Whether you're a parent, spouse, or part of a messy family, this episode offers valuable perspectives on collaboration, obedience, and the beauty of shared roles in marriage.

Don't miss out on this engaging and thought-provoking discussion that aims to navigate the beautiful chaos of marriage, offering inspiration and support for every member of the messy family community.

🎙️ Dive into a captivating episode of the Messy Family Podcast with Mike and Alicia Hernon! In this edition, titled "Angels Watching Over Us with Fr. Wolfgang Seitz," we explore the fascinating realm of guardian angels and the divine assistance that surrounds our lives.

🌟 Join Mike and Alicia as they welcome Father Wolfgang Seitz from the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross, an expert on the Holy Angels. Fr. Wolfgang shares insights into the deep devotion his order has for the angels and provides a unique perspective on the vital role they play in our lives.

👼Discover the untapped source of strength that our guardian angels offer, and learn about a yearlong consecration program that can deepen your connection with these celestial beings. Fr. Wolfgang's experiences and teachings shed light on how our guardian angels collaborate with us in both natural and supernatural aspects of life.

🏠 As you listen, gain a profound understanding of the Order of Canons Regular of the Holy Cross and their mission to spread devotion to the Holy Angels. Explore the rich history of the order and how it intersects with the powerful tradition of consecration.

🙏 Whether you're a believer seeking to enhance your spiritual journey or simply curious about the divine mysteries, this episode provides valuable insights. Tune in to the Messy Family Podcast and let the wisdom shared by Fr. Wolfgang Seitz inspire you to embrace the unseen yet eternal presence of angels in your life. Don't miss out on this enlightening conversation that may forever change the way you perceive the guardianship of these heavenly beings!

🔗 Subscribe to the Messy Family Podcast for more engaging discussions and practical insights on navigating the beautiful chaos of family life with Mike and Alicia Hernon. Your journey into the messy and miraculous tapestry of familyhood awaits!

For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

In this episode, we look into the world of toys, discussing their impact on children's development and the importance of purposeful and intentional choices in selecting toys for our families. Our special guest, Regina Doman, shares valuable insights into cultivating imagination, creativity, and responsibility in children through thoughtful toy choices.

As we explore the role of toys in shaping a child's worldview, we reflect on the significance of simplicity, quality over quantity, and the benefits of open-ended toys like building blocks. We also touch upon the idea of rotating toys to keep a sense of novelty and excitement while minimizing clutter. Regina emphasizes the importance of recognizing the formative nature of the home environment and the valuable lessons children learn through play.

We address the common challenges parents face, such as dealing with violent play, and how to navigate these situations with wisdom and balance. To further enrich this discussion, Regina suggests checking out her article on Nova Natural, where she elaborates on her philosophy and approach to toys. We conclude with a prayer for parents, seeking God's guidance and blessings in raising children who embrace the beauty of simplicity, creativity, and responsibility. https://reginadoman.substack.com/p/throwback-friday-toys

Your support and prayers contribute to the mission of rebuilding families and making a positive impact on marriages and children. If you've been blessed by what we do, consider making a donation or spreading the word to help us continue our work. https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Thank you for joining us on this journey of exploration and reflection. May God bless your families abundantly, and until next time, may the Lord bless you and keep you.

"For it is good to be a child sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when the mighty Founder was a child Himself." ~ Charles Dickens

Christmas is a magical time for children. Whether you celebrate Santa, St. Nick, Elf on a Shelf or other traditions, this season is a wonderful time for children to develop wonder and awe. How do parents do this in a way that encourages their children to keep their eyes on the eternal significance of this holy time? There are so many things that we can do with our kids that it forces parents to be intentional. We need to make sure we choose to do those activities that have the most impact on our kids in a way that communicates truth. Listen in as we share our ideas, but also set realistic expectations during this intensely busy time for parents.

🎄 Resources Mentioned: Explore additional resources on Advent and Christmas traditions by checking out our Advent and Christmas Traditions Book, visit our website for more information.

🌈 Join Us in Creating a Joyful Family Culture! Discover how these traditions not only bring joy and wonder to your home but also form the identity of your children in profound ways. Let's build a community that stands out in love, service, and faith.

🔗 Connect with Us: https://instagram.com/messyfamilyproject?igshid=NGVhN2U2NjQ0Yg==

👍 Like, Share, and Subscribe! If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to give it a thumbs up, share it with your friends, and subscribe for more heartwarming discussions on faith, family, and traditions.

🌟For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Key Takeaways:

• Children celebrate Christmas differently depending on their age

• There is wonder and beauty in Christmas that we should encourage in our children

• Parents need to be discerning about the environments that we put our children in

Couple Discussion:

• How can we create an environment that communicates truth to our children?

• What are the traditions we want to establish in our home for our children?

• What needs do our children have right now?

"The family is where children discover how to be human." - Archbishop Charles Chaput

Over and over again people ask us how to help their kids get along with each other. We usually respond that of course their kids don't get along - because they are kids! That is what you are doing as a parent. You are the ones teaching them how to live at peace with other human beings in the world and they are practicing what you teach them in your home! This is the training ground for their lives. But that doesn't mean that parents do nothing. There are important lessons that parents need to teach their children at home so they can learn key social skills and have great relationships with their siblings not just while they are under your roof, but for the rest of their lives. Listen to this re-release of our 2016 podcast on this subject.

Key Takeaways:

• Be open to giving your children as many siblings as possible.

• Don't always intervene. Let your children alone to work things out on their own.

• Help them value differences between different personalities by learning to appreciate each other.

• Teach them how to forgive and repair relationships when they are broken.

Couple Discussion:

• How can we structure our home routine to foster better relationships between our children?

• Do we intervene too much in sibling conflicts? Not enough?

• Have we taught our children how to ask for forgiveness? If not, how can we do this?

Boundaries are not meant to keep people out, but to set a clear understanding of what is acceptable and what is not within our relationships

At a few of our events, we have gotten questions from older parents who ask what to do about adult children who have cut them out of their lives. At first we were surprised by this question, since the parents who attend our events are usually not ax-murderers or reprobates. But then we realized that this seems to be a disturbing trend in our culture - young people who find fault with their parents and therefore choose to disown them. Because we serve parents, we wanted to give a different take on the "wisdom of the world" and challenge our listeners to set boundaries and be healthy, but in a way that still honors the commandment that God gave us to honor your mother and father. Yes, some of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes, but that does not mean that our families of origin should still have power over us. Listen in as we help color in some gray to a discussion that is far from black and white.

Key Takeaways:

• No one should have the right to "push our buttons". We need to be free in our relationships even when people are unhealthy.

• Boundaries are good things to keep our families peaceful.

• You can't replace your family - for good or for bad, they belong to you and you belong to them.

• One of the Ten Commandments is to honor your father and mother. This is God's idea, not ours and it needs to be taken very seriously

Couple Discussion:

• How can we honor our father and mother appropriately?

• How would we want our children to treat us someday?

• What are good boundaries for our holiday visits with family?

Resources

• Dennis Prager Video: https://www.prageru.com/video/your-parents-dont-deserve-this?utm_source=Iterable&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=campaign_8266139

• Great article from Catholic Psych - https://www.catholicpsych.com/blog/a-catholic-approach-to-dealing-with-difficult-relationships

Forgiveness- Shalom series https://www.shalomworld.org/episode/forgiveness-in-the-family-susan-and-urby-potvin

"The idea that the family is a democracy and that children and parents have the same responsibility within the home completely ignores the developmental needs of the child " - Mike and Alicia

A child's temper tantrums are frustrating to parents, but we should recognize that they are often a result of a child's deficit in communication, understanding, and emotional control. Children simply have immature responses to situations of conflict. Knowing this may help, but parents also need strategies to get through these tricky, volatile, and potentially embarrassing situations. In this podcast, we get practical and give parents the Four D's of temper tantrums. Determine, diffuse, distract, and - when all else fails - Done. In a world that says parents and children are equal, parents have no rights, and honor is a thing of the past, we would like to push back and challenge parents to instead embrace the sacred calling to form their children with love and wisdom. Listen in and start a conversation with us and your spouse.

Key Takeaways:

• Determine

• Diffuse

• Distract

• Done

Couple Discussion:

• When do our children have meltdowns? Why?

• What are some strategies to proactively avoid tantrums?

• How can we be more effective in responding to our children's tantrums?