Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

This is a Messy Family Minute with Mike and Alicia Hernon.

All parents want their children to be happy, but ironically it’s one thing that we actually cannot do for our kids. Every person has to make the choice to be happy by themselves. What we CAN do as parents is to teach them WHAT will make them happy and give them the self-discipline to choose that path.

What will make kids happy? First, gratefulness. Children need to learn to appreciate what they have. Second, generosity. Teach them to give themselves away and to live for others. Last, boundaries. Children who have guardrails in their lives know what is expected of them and this brings security needed for happiness.

Make sure to also give your child time: time to be bored, to make their own fun, and time to make choices. And instill within them a deep foundational knowledge of their identity: knowledge of their own giftedness and vocation.

To hear more on this topic, check out this podcast. Get weekly emails with the latest Messy Family Minutes > SIGN UP

When you have a fight with your spouse, or I mean a “discussion with emotion,” it’s very easy to have tunnel vision and to make the goal of the communication getting our way, because of course “we” are right and they are wrong!

The reality is there are many things couples need to decide that aren’t moral issues, but instead prudential judgments. Often we can become obsessed with making the perfect decision, but we all need to remember that at the end of the day, even if you DO have a better idea than your spouse, it’s better to be wrong together than right alone.

The goal of communication in marriage is not to be right, or even simply to be understood but to achieve unity. We need to trust our spouse and listen with an open heart so we can see from a different perspective. Becoming a more effective listener with your spouse, over time, will actually make you a better person!

To hear more on this topic, check out this podcast. Get weekly emails with the latest Messy Family Minutes > SIGN UP

Our culture all around us is throwing tough issues into our lives and the lives of our children all the time. We are dealing today with topics that our most of our grandparents never had to confront, let alone explain to a child. To guide our children in the way of truth, we must first understand the truth ourselves. Then, before we communicate, we need to recognize that children have specific stages of moral development. We as parents need to realize this so we can “feed” them information appropriately and in a way that children can digest and use correctly. In this podcast we group “tough topics” into categories and then give our take on how to explain these to children.

Get your free book by sharing your experience of handling tough topics with your kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tough-topics-with-your-kids/

If you're interested in buying and finding out more about this great resource, visit MadeThisWayBook.com

Our culture all around us is throwing tough issues into our lives and the lives of our children all the time. We are dealing today with topics that our most of our grandparents never had to confront, let alone explain to a child. To guide our children in the way of truth, we must first understand the truth ourselves. Then, before we communicate, we need to recognize that children have specific stages of moral development. We as parents need to realize this so we can "feed" them information appropriately and in a way that children can digest and use correctly. In this podcast we group "tough topics" into categories and then give our take on how to explain these to children.

Get your free book by sharing your experience of handling tough topics with your kids: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tough-topics-with-your-kids/

If you're interested in buying and finding out more about this great resource, visit MadeThisWayBook.com

My mother raised ten children and now she has over 45 grandchildren all over the country! That is a lot of marriages, children, and relationships to be worried about! But she has adopted a wise saying that we will give to you: “Worrying is against my religion”

Kids are absolutely unpredictable, and the media tends to fill our minds with the latest crisis. Concern for our kids is good because we want to protect them, but we have to recognize that there are things we cannot control, and those things belong to God. When we take responsibility away from God for things that we can’t control, that causes worry.

In Matthew 6, Our Lord says to us very clearly that He knows all of our needs and He does not want us to worry about tomorrow. He does not promise us an easy life of rainbows and sunshine, but He does say that He will always be with us, no matter what difficulties we may encounter.

For more on this topic, check out this podcast. Get weekly emails with the latest Messy Family Minutes > SIGN UP

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced. (You’ll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique! In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance. Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly.

Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

For some couples, praying together is very natural but for others, it feels awkward or forced. (You'll have to listen in to hear our experience!). The reality is that there are many different ways to pray with our spouse and every couple is unique! In this podcast, we discuss how you can engage in speaking to your Heavenly Father as a couple, bound together with Him in a covenant of love. Each type of prayer is important - blessing, intercession, plea for guidance, communal prayer, and repentance. Growing in your prayer life is an essential way to develop and deepen your relationship, but also a way for you to support your spouse and love them more profoundly.

Family Board Meeting worksheet: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/family-board-meeting/

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyproject.org

We started this topic in our last podcast MFP122, but there was so much to cover we had to continue the discussion! In this podcast, we discuss the different ways boys and girls deal with aggression and why parents need to teach self-control differently to their sons and daughters. Navigating friendships is another way in which parents need to understand gender differences. Don’t have the same expectations of peaceful play for your sons and daughters - they each have their own challenges! And as kids get older and become adults the process of independence looks very different for moms than it is for dads. All of this is good for parents to realize so they can appreciate the gifts of their children and their amazing uniqueness found in their personality, temperament, and gender.

Support the work of this ministry to families at https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give

Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

We started this topic in our last podcast MFP122, but there was so much to cover we had to continue the discussion! In this podcast, we discuss the different ways boys and girls deal with aggression and why parents need to teach self-control differently to their sons and daughters. Navigating friendships is another way in which parents need to understand gender differences. Don't have the same expectations of peaceful play for your sons and daughters - they each have their own challenges! And as kids get older and become adults the process of independence looks very different for moms than it is for dads. All of this is good for parents to realize so they can appreciate the gifts of their children and their amazing uniqueness found in their personality, temperament, and gender.

For more information and resources visit https://www.messyfamilyprojetc.org

Dr. Leonard Sax's book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G

In a culture that is proclaiming gender as “fluid” and is encouraging “gender-neutral” parenting, we proudly stand and say boys and girls are defined and different. Wonderfully different. And did you know those physical variations extend beyond simply the obvious? Boys and girls have distinct wiring in the brain, eye structure, and hearing acuity. Boys overestimate their abilities, and girls underestimate them. Boys feel just as deeply as girls, though they are less verbal. The distinctions are many and sometimes subtle. What does this deeper understanding mean for parents? The more parents realize how their sons and daughters are uniquely made, the better they will be able to understand and guide them to further maturity. In this podcast we draw from the research of Dr. Leonard Sax in his book Why Gender Matters, which we highly recommend. There is so much ground to cover we split this into 2 podcasts! Part 2 coming next week.

Referenced in this episode:

Advent Kit for Families: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/give/

Tampa Event: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/tampa-february-15/

Dr. Leonard Sax’s book: https://amzn.to/2OkCn5G