Messy Middlescence

Tara and Tina continue their recent focus on retirement and retirement planning by interviewing Beth Nemeth who is right on the cusp of retirement.  If the previous episode left you feeling anxious that you have not started thinking about your retirement plans, this interview with Beth will hopefully ease some of that anxiety. It is important to realize that most people for various reasons don’t plan their retirement.  And often, it comes upon them unexpectedly or abruptly.  It is also true that for many us, we are so busy doing and living our life, that we don’t have the time, energy or bandwidth to plan our next phase. 

The interview with Beth, in which she so courageously shares so much of herself and her story, portrays an extremely realistic journey to retirement.  From her dedication to her job as a school counselor to concerns about her family's health, Beth reveals the layers of complexity that impact her decision to retire. Although the specifics of her retirement years are still unknown, Beth has strong values of family, personal growth and making a positive impact that will define and shape the specifics of her next chapter.  Most importantly, Beth emphasizes the importance for patience, embracing change and self-reflection which are excellent lessons for anyone contemplating a big change.

This podcast episode revolves around a class Tara taught at the Princeton Adult School called Timeless Happiness. This class focused on how to prepare for your next phase - be it a career change, role change or retirement. Many of the most common retirement challenges are discussed including identity loss and time management. The importance of flexibility, patience, and exploration is also emphasized. Christina and Tara delve into the essential elements of a well lived life, including contribution, relationships, health, and community engagement. Specific exercises from the class are shared such as envisioning an ideal retirement week and assessing personal areas of improvement. The podcast highlights the importance of finding happiness, embracing change, and designing a fulfilling retirement next phase based on individual values and aspirations. Overall, it offers valuable advice and guidance for navigating through the different phases and aspects of the second half of life.

In this episode, Tina and Tara tackle the complex issue of midlife job crisis. They discuss the pervasive job unhappiness experienced by many individuals in their forties and fifties and question its causes.

Acknowledging both the complexity and size of this topic, they begin by exploring the concepts of fluid and crystallized intelligence and the changes that occur with these in middle age. They also address the challenges and risks associated with transitioning careers and the various life aspects and pressures that can influence this.

Tackling the notion that it might be too late to start over, they encourage listeners to embrace change and identify their strengths to find fulfilling work. They promise to revisit this issue in upcoming episodes.

In this enlightening episode we discuss retirement and aging with Kellie Walenciak based on her published article 'The Secret to Immortality: Why I Will Never Retire'. Kellie challenges the conventional notion of retirement, advocating for a shift towards working “by choice” to find purpose and meaning in one's later years.

Kelly's own experiences, as well as her inspiring stories of others, highlight the importance of staying curious, embracing change, and continually learning throughout life. She also discusses the concept of “Blue Zones”, where people live longer and healthier lives, and which emphasize the cognitive and social benefits of staying active and engaged.

Overall, this episode offers valuable insights and advice for those in middlescence looking to age intentionally and age well.

On today's episode, we talk to co-host’s Tara Conti-Bansal's husband, Nimit Bansal. As you will hear in our discussion, for Nimit, there's no big crises, no huge questions or seismic shifts happening, but our discussion highlights an aspect of middlescence that we haven't really discussed much yet, that midlife does not need to be a crisis. It can be a rewarding time of self-acceptance and gently shifting priorities.

As a result, we have titled this episode “Smooth Sailing.” But do not be misled by the title. There are just as many significant lessons and valuable wisdom to be gleaned from this episode as from some of our others.

In this episode you get to hear about Nimit’s:

We hope you enjoy this episode as much as we did.

On this short episode of Messy Middlescence, Tina and Tara share the idea of a "Favorite Things Party" and how they use it with their family and friends.

Happy New Year! In place of New Year resolutions, consider creating an annual "theme" instead. In this episode we discuss the how and why around creating a theme in hopes of motivating others to do the same.

In this short podcast episode, we discuss how the holiday season has evolved over the years, from the excitement of gift giving to the importance of spending quality time with loved ones. We explore the challenges of finding meaningful presents for adult children and the delicate balance between tradition and adapting to new circumstances. With children growing older, we have to navigate the complexities of holiday celebrations and the shifting dynamics of family gatherings. We share our desire for more quality time together, and the possibility of new additions at future holiday gatherings. Through it all, we want to embrace the fleetingness of this unique stage in life and focus on what truly matters during the holidays.

This is our last podcast episode for 2023. We will be taking a holiday break until after the new year.

We wish you a wonderful holiday season filled with love and joy.

This episode is part 2 of our conversation with Alan Harkness. It delves deep into difficult aspects of middlescence, particularly the challenges of caring for aging parents and the loss of a parent. Alan shares his personal experiences of moving his disabled mother into his home after his father's passing and the subsequent decision to transition her to an assisted living facility. He discusses the emotional strains and the importance of setting boundaries to protect his own well-being and maintain a healthy relationship with his spouse. Alan talks about the stress and emotional burden of managing his mother's health issues while trying to balance his marriage, parenting, and work responsibilities. He shares valuable lessons and advice for those going through similar situations, stressing the importance of asking for help, proactive estate planning, and taking care of oneself amidst the demands of middlescence.

At the end of the interview, we tried something new with Tina and I discussing the interview and what stood out for each of us. We then present a poem, "The Happiest Day" by Linda Pastan which beautifully articulates the feeling of knowing yet not believing that your parents will die.  

On today's episode of Messy Middlescence, we talk with Alan Harkness, the husband of our oldest sister, Amy. 

Alan shares his inspiring life story, starting with his journey from almost failing out of college to becoming a renowned library director. He discusses his passion for libraries and the joy he finds in his work, as well as the challenges and rewards of leadership. Alan emphasizes the importance of relationships in both personal and professional life, highlighting how building trust and connections with others can lead to success. He shares his strategies for achieving a healthy work-life balance, including the significance of exercise for mental well-being. Looking ahead, Alan discusses his plans for retirement and how he hopes to continue contributing to his community through teaching and other activities. This episode offers valuable insights into finding meaning, navigating change, and prioritizing relationships in middleescence.

This is the first of two episodes with Alan.

This episode focuses more on his professional life and growth. The next episode will talk about recently losing his mother and the journey of having her move in with them for 6.5 years before going into an assisted living home.

Here are some of the highlights from today's episode: