Midnight Wisdom

00:32 20.01.2024 In bed after eating and brushing my teeth. I love that I feel so safe around my parents. I love that they love me. I love that they know me through and through and still choose to love me this much. It hurts a bit to know I have to go back. But I’m grateful that it worked out so smoothly to come and be here. I remember how smooth it was on the day of my flight.

23:30 14.01.2024 mama is sitting in front of me. She told me she cried all day and my coming here didn’t make her feel comfortable. But she loves me. It’s so easy to get into useless circles with people we love or want to love. And my heart closed somehow and I don’t want to force it to open. And I don’t want to keep telling my mother to change.

Recorded 11:25 pm before my flight to Amman last night on the 7th of Jan. Arrived at 4 am at 08.01 (Amman time). Unfortunately didn’t have internet for longer than 30 mins at the airport and I forgot to upload. Upload now on 11:13 pm 08.01.2024 (Berlin time). My watch is running on Berlin time while my phone is running on Amman time. Interesting to keep both in check because my sleep pattern is more like Berlin. Meditated lovingly today and did my Mahayoga class also.

31.12.2023 writing this on 01.01.2024 19:19 pm. Ashraf and I went to the gym, came back home, made him a hot bath and food and then we played ps4. He was carrying too much and I wasn’t so comfortable. So much for unconditionally loving people. I think she should finish his training and his degree. He asked me some weird things and I found him generally much more disconnected than before. Wanted to come barefoot to the gym with me and wanted me to get my backpack out with me to new years eve. And didn’t accept my nos easily.

22:23 31.12.2023

09:36 24.12.2023 Sitting in a new apartment. Recording early in the morning. Should head out to the gym soon. I dislike so much how coffee effects my sleep. I see how much actions hurt people like my mom, people I shouldn’t hurt. And yeah, I’ll hopefully see her well in Amman.

19:26 17.12.2023 I think out loud and cook (a few days ago), then reflect without much talking about the day I’ve had. That’s the vibe I’m in.

12.12.2023 trying to find my wallet to put the credit card

10.12.2023 23:27 sorry this one’s short

٠٣.١٢.٢٠٢٣ الاحد I was inspired by Arabic news casters to record my day and thoughts in that style.