MILKLESS

For parents, there are few things more grating than the sound of your kids whining. It is biologically engineered to snap us into action. Unfortunately, it frequently snaps us into a rage, and literally all children do it - at least sometimes. Matt and Max are on a mission to handle their kids' whining better - and to try to dodge it completely whenever possible. So, why do kids whine? Why does it instantly turn us into Jack Nicholson from The Shining? And how do we GET IT TO F*CKING STOP without messing up our kids? As always, there is unfortunately no silver bullet answer. But there are tons of helpful ideas out there, and the Boys are diving right in.

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Kids cry. It's universal. It's also one of the hardest things to handle well as a parent, because - as effed up as it feels to say - upset kids can be really GD frustrating. And to make things more complicated, they don't always want to be doing it either! Even our kids get embarrassed when they get emotional at a moment where they'd rather have held it together. So, how are we supposed to validate their feelings, while giving them the tools to not lose their shit when they can't make the FUCK*NG LEGOS FIT! When you're a baby, you cry when you need something. That's how it's supposed to be. When you're an adult, you kind of want to have outgrown that phase... but still be able to cry at Field of Dreams. It's a long, strange trip. Let's go.

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It's time for some HOT TAKES. This is a collection, in no particular order, of things that have made Matt and Max's family life a little easier and better - without requiring much work. Cause really, who has time to add anything more these days? From the modestly profound, to the profoundly modest, here are eleven sweet, juicy pieces of low-hanging-fruit. 

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"Tough" is a complicated word. Does it mean hard-edged, unfeeling, and even bullying? Or, are we talking about perseverance, courage, and the strength of character to take risks, weather adversity, and do the right thing? Matt and Max are trying to figure out how to equip their kids with that second batch of traits, without slipping into the first one. And the more we thought about it, the more we realized that this comes up A LOT. Sometimes it's helping our kids work up the courage to get a shot at the doctor. Other times, it's how to stick with an activity that's challenging but rewarding. Heck, sometimes it's knowing when to quit. So, how do you prepare your kids for a life that will inevitably put them to the test - without teaching them to shut off their feelings and harden themselves to the world? What is the "right" amount of hardship to expose them to, and what's the best way to support them in those challenges? How do we, as humans, develop the skill of doing the hard thing because we believe in it (or cause it's just gotta get done)? And why was Chase's jump to save Ryder in the first Paw Patrol movie so stupidly unrealistic? Sit down. Shut up. And listen to this sh*t. Just kidding. Your feelings are important. 

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The Second half of a two part episode on chores and allowance: Man, oh man - it's hard to think of a much more fraught subject than MONEY. Is it the root of all evil, or the thing that makes the world go round? Maybe a little bit of both? Like it or not, developing a healthy relationship with money and a basic knowledge of how to manage it makes a huge difference in your stress level, sense of self-worth, and quality of life. So, when is the right time to start introducing our kids to the concept, and what's the best way to do it? Are we paying for chores, or setting up a monthly stipend? Do parents get a vote on purchases, or is it truly their money to spend? And how do we balance the knowledge that kids learn things best when they're young, with the truth that money (not just the dollars and cents of it, but the cultural significance it commands) is an awfully heavy idea to carry. This episode, like all the other ones, is totally free. We're still working out the economics of that setup.

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Doing chores is about more than keeping the house clean. It's one of the first ways kids learn how to pull their weight as part of a team. It's also pretty reasonable to ask for their help, given that they are the kings and queens of absolutely destroying your GD house. And studies show that chores are insanely good for a child's development (and becoming a well adjusted adult - makes sense). So how do you get young brains to buy into the often tedious tasks required to run a home? How do you find the right jobs for them - where they can actually help without breaking things or creating more work for you? And is there a place for chores that are just for their own sake, even when they don't actually make your life that much easier. This is part one of a two parter (part two tackles allowance and money), so grab a dish towel, put in your headphones, and let's get to work.

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Holy crap, kids really, really like getting presents... and as parents, we kind of like giving them. But it's an expensive world, and materialism is a real thing, and so are spoiled kids, and this country sure does work hard to get you to buy things you don't need - especially around the holidays. So, how do you strike the balance between the magic of thoughtful gift-giving and the pitfalls of going way too hard on prezzies? There's no right answer here, but Max and Matt dive into their approaches to gifts in addition to providing a bit of a holiday gift guide for your kids and partner. Experiences versus objects of significance, Black Friday Amazon sprees versus the DIY approach, big surprises versus that pair of boots your wife has explicitly told you she wants. This ain't just for the kids either. The grandparents and spouses shouldn't get left off the Nice List. So here it is, our holiday gift to you... we guarantee it's worth every penny.

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A couple of months back, we had one of our absolute favorite people in the world, Caitlin Murray of Big Time Adulting on Episode 22 of MILKLESS. Right around that time, we actually went on HER podcast too. Well, we're going to play you that episode in full... here... on our show. Here's the Big Time Adulting Podcast's original description of the episode:

The dads of the Milkless Podcast, Matt Naylor and Max Valverde, are here to grace the airwaves with this refreshingly honest conversation about fatherhood and how manly it is to take on more responsibilities as a parent.

Tune into this dynamic conversation between Caitlin and the dads as they explore topics like masculinity, equity in the home, scorekeeping, mental load, division of labor, and how men can show up more equally in the parenting game.

@milklesspodcast
@bigtimeadulting

We truly love her show and, in our humble opinion, it's one of the only other parenting podcasts that keeps it real. We highly recommended it. If you want to check out more of her show, search "Big Time Adulting" in the search bar!

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'Tis the season: to load up your kids and go visit the the in-laws... or maybe it's your parents, or a sibling, or maybe they're even coming to you! Given that 'the grandparents' already raised you, how much should they partake in the child support during an extended family visit? No matter how you slice it, putting multiple nuclear families together under one roof can be fraught... but it can also be pretty freakin' great. There's nothing quite like watching your kids tear around with their cousins. And hey, your siblings are the only other people who know all the ways your parents are crazy! It's worth the effort to make it work. So, how do you navigate all the old minefields and remember to enjoy the people you love. From political divides to sibling rivalries, dietary restrictions to different bedtimes - Max and Matt run the gauntlet that is the extended family vacation.

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There aren't a whole lot of things that make Max and Matt lose their cool faster than a hard, "NO" from one of their offspring. Incidentally, those two letters aren't the kids' favorite ones to hear either. So, how do you set necessary limits without ending up in unnecessary power struggles? How do you give your kids a voice in decision making without living your life in a state of constant negotiation? And how do you parse out which parts of the conflict are inevitable, and which parts are about the unresolved baggage we're bringing to the table as adults? You WILL listen to this episode, and you're going to LIKE IT... because mandating other people's feelings works every time. Let's NO!

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