Key Links:

📖 Get My Book: Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice – Available Now

📖 Get Alfie Kohn's Books: Unconditional Parenting and Punished By Rewards  
📝 Join My Email List for exclusive insights, parenting tips, and updates – Sign Up Here

Episode Description:

What if the very thing we’ve been striving for as parents—obedience—wasn’t actually a virtue? What if, instead of making our kids good, it made them vulnerable?

In this episode, we take a hard look at the dangers of unquestioning compliance. We start at the Nuremberg Trials, where Nazi officials defended their crimes with four chilling words: I was just following orders. We revisit the infamous Milgram experiment, where 65% of ordinary people delivered what they believed to be fatal electric shocks—just because an authority figure told them to.

Then, we bring it home.
How does this obsession with obedience play out in our parenting?

With the help of Alfie Kohn—renowned author and parenting expert—we examine why traditional parenting methods prioritize compliance, why that might be a problem, and what we can do instead. We break down research showing that demanding obedience undermines empathy, critical thinking, and moral integrity.

By the end of this episode, you’ll learn:
✅ Why most parents unknowingly work against their long-term parenting goals
✅ How punishment and rewards both create conditional love—and what to do instead
✅ The real-world dangers of raising kids to obey without question
✅ What research-backed strategies actually help kids become ethical, independent, and strong

Because one day, we won’t be the authority in their lives anymore. And the only voice left… will be their own.

Chapters & Key Moments:

🔹 (00:10) The Chilling History of Obedience – From Nuremberg to Milgram: How history warns us about blind compliance
🔹 (07:00) The Parent’s Dilemma – Why parents say they want independent, critical thinkers… but demand obedience
🔹 (12:45) The Cost of Compliance – What happens when we condition kids to follow orders at all costs
🔹 (18:10) Unconditional Parenting with Alfie Kohn – A deep dive into parenting beyond punishment and rewards
🔹 (26:40) The Real Goal of Parenting – How to raise kids who think for themselves, challenge injustice, and make good choices

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IT'S HERE! 

Get Punishment-Free Parenting on Audiobook 

Why does it feel like one partner carries the weight of managing the home and kids while the other thinks everything is equal? If you've ever felt exhausted by the invisible labor of parenting—or if you've ever felt like nothing you do measures up to your partner’s expectations—this episode is for you.

In this episode of The Whole Parent Podcast, I sit down with Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, to unpack the division of labor in parenting. We dive into the mental load, the emotional labor, and why so many families fall into patterns where one parent (usually mom) takes on the bulk of the work—often without even realizing it.

Eve shares the Fair Play framework, a system that helps couples move from frustration and resentment to true partnership in running a household. We’ll talk about: 

✔️ Why "helping" isn't the same as "ownership"
✔️ How assumptions about gender roles silently shape our parenting dynamics
✔️ The hidden labor of planning, managing, and executing daily family life
✔️ How to  start creating a more equitable system
✔️ The simple mindset shift that can transform your relationship

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying “I have to do everything around here” and “I shouldn’t have to ask for help”, OR "My partner doesn't trust me" and "I can't do anything right...." this episode will change the way you think about parenting, partnership, and fairness in your home.

📖 Punishment-Free Parenting

🃏Fair Play Cards

📖 Fair-Play Book

🔗 Fair Play resources

If this episode resonated with you, share it with a partner or a friend. Let’s change the way we divide the mental load—one family at a time.

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Get your own copy of the audiobook HERE

What do we do when we mess up as parents?

In this Episode of the Whole Parent Podcast, I read a long section from the Chapter on Repair from my brand new book Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice.

Every parent has moments they wish they could take back. Maybe it’s the sharp tone, the overreaction, or the moment frustration boiled over. But what happens next matters even more than the mistake itself. In this key section from my book, Punishment-Free Parenting, all about reconciliation and repair—how to rebuild trust, reconnect with your child, and model emotional responsibility.

Parenting isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up, even after we mess up.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✔️ Why mistakes are inevitable in parenting—and why that’s okay
✔️ How rupture and repair strengthen your relationship with your child
✔️ A step-by-step approach to making things right after a parenting misstep
✔️ The power of modeling apologies and accountability for your kids
✔️ Why repair isn’t just about saying sorry—it’s about rebuilding trust

Key Takeaways:

• Rupture is normal. Repair is what builds resilience.
• Apologizing to your child teaches them how to take responsibility for their own actions.
• Connection, not control, is what makes discipline truly effective.
• It’s never too late to make things right.

Resources & Links:
📖  Punishment-Free Parenting
📩 Join the Whole Parent Newsletter for weekly parenting insights – CLICK HERE
🎙️ Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear this!

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Resources Mentioned:
Punishment Free-Parenting
The Way of Play
Emotional Regulation Game Guide

Traditional Parenting Fails for ADHD Kids.

Growing up with ADHD this is the episode I wish my parents had...

In this episode, I’m sharing why traditional, compliance-based parenting doesn’t work for kids with ADHD and what we can do instead. I sat down with Dr. Josh Wyner and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson—two incredible experts—to break down the science behind ADHD and offer practical, brain-based strategies you can start using today.

We talk about identifying ADHD in kids, what’s really happening in the ADHD brain, why traditional parenting (aka compliance and punishments) backfire. We also give an alternatives: collaboration, creativity, and especially play to  completely transform your relationship with your ADHD child. 

This episode is personal, practical, and, I hope, incredibly helpful for anyone raising an ADHD kid—or even just trying to parent differently.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why traditional parenting strategies fail kids with ADHD.
• How understanding emotional tagging and time blindness can change your perspective on ADHD behaviors.
• Three practical strategies to connect with ADHD kids: collaborative problem-solving, fostering autonomy, and using play to build essential skills.
• BONUS: An exclusive never before heard exerpt from my upcoming book Punishment-Free Parenting

Featured Guests:

• Dr. Josh Wyner: Neuroscientist and founder of Willow Family Health, a nonprofit focused on neurodiversity-affirming mental health care.
• Dr. Tina Payne Bryson: Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and The Way of Play—and one of the most compassionate voices in parenting today.

My Key Takeaways:

• ADHD isn’t about laziness or bad behavior—it’s about brain's placing different emotional value on things. Understanding those differences is the first step to parenting with empathy.
• Collaboration is everything. When we involve our kids in problem-solving, we’re building lifelong skills and deeper connections.
• Play isn’t just for fun; it’s one of the most effective ways to help ADHD kids build impulse control, emotional regulation, and attention skills.

Call to Action:
If this episode resonates with you, I’d love for you to preorder my book, Punishment-Free Parenting. It’s packed with practical tools and real stories, just like this episode, and it’s designed to help you parent with more connection and less stress—whether your child has ADHD or not.

Thanks for listening to The Whole Parent Podcast! If you found this episode helpful, share it with a friend or on social media—I’d love to keep this conversation going.

Follow Us:
@drjoshuawyner

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Help me out!
My book Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice comes out in LESS THAN TWO WEEKS! Preorder now so you can get it first!

Have you ever felt like talking to your kids is like speaking an entirely different language? You tell them to put on their shoes, and suddenly it’s like you’ve asked them to climb a mountain. Believe me, I’ve been there. In this episode, I’m breaking down why our kids don’t always seem to get what we’re saying—and spoiler alert, it’s not because they’re ignoring us.

We’ll dive into the science behind how kids’ brains work, why they process the world differently from adults, and how we can adjust our approach to get through to them. I’ll share five creative hacks I use with my own kids—simple tools that help me communicate in a way they actually understand. If you’re tired of power struggles and tantrums, this episode is packed with practical tips that can make life a little easier (and a lot more fun).

What You’ll Learn

• Why kids’ brains work differently
  I’ll explain how their brains are still under construction and why emotional reactions often take over.
• How to communicate in ways that work for them
  From using stories to simplifying language, you’ll learn how to meet your kids where they are.
• Five creative hacks for talking to your kids
  I’ll walk you through how I:
  • Use iPad bugs to make screen-time transitions smoother.
  • Play tooth detective to turn teeth brushing into a fun, nightly ritual.
  • Talk to my kids’ bellies to encourage healthier eating choices.
  • Sing instructions to make them stick (hello, Daniel Tiger fans!).
  • Use puppets to make even tough conversations more approachable.

Why This Matters

I truly believe that how we communicate with our kids shapes not only their behavior but their emotional development and sense of connection. When we approach communication with playfulness and empathy, we’re not just avoiding meltdowns—we’re building trust and lifelong communication habits.

This Week’s Challenge

Try one of these hacks! Whether it’s rethinking how you handle screen time or singing through a tricky moment, I’d love to hear what worked for you.

Resources I Mentioned

• The Whole Brain Child by Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Daniel Siegel
• The Way of Play by Dr. Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent
  
  

Let’s Connect

I love hearing from you! Share your thoughts on this episode, tell me what hack you’re excited to try, or let me know about your own creative communication wins.

• Email: [email protected]
• Social Media: @WholeParent on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok

Want More?

If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review or rate the podcast—those 5-star reviews mean the world to me and help get the message out. And don’t forget to preorder my book, Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice. It’s packed with tools just like the ones we talked about today, but dives even deeper into how to parent with connection at the center.

Thanks for listening, and until next time, let’s keep learning how to speak kid—it might just change your life (and theirs)!

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Help me out...
 
My book is behind on pre-sales and I'm trying to make up a lot of ground before release on January 28th, 2025. If you love the podcast, please consider preordering—it’s the best way to support me right now. If you don't typically read parenting books, I also have the audiobook version! Thank you so much!

Preorder the Book 

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Description

This week on The Whole Parent Podcast, why is change is so hard? How can we finally stick to our parenting resolutions this year? Katy Milkman's book "How to Change" has answers. If you want 2025 to be the year you parent with purpose and patience, this episode is for you.

Here’s what I talked about:

1. Traditions
   I reflected on my family’s holiday traditions—both the people we’ve lost and the new faces who’ve joined us. Traditions aren’t just fun; they ground us in who we are and what we value.
2. Why Change is Hard
   I explained how our brains are wired for routines and why we fall back on old patterns, even when we desperately want to do things differently. Spoiler: it’s not your fault. It’s science.
3. The Fresh Start Effect
   One of my favorite insights from Katie Milkman’s book How to Change is the idea of using milestone moments, like New Year’s, to kick-start a fresh start. It’s a game-changer.
4. Identity-Based Resolutions
   I shared why your resolutions should focus on who you want to be rather than just what you want to do. For me, it’s about being the kind of parent who stays calm, listens, and leads with curiosity.
5. The Power of Community
   I talked about why the people you surround yourself with can make or break your goals—and how to build a community that supports the parent you want to become.

My Key Takeaways for 2025:

• Start Fresh: Use moments like New Year’s to reset and feel optimistic about change.
• Anchor Your Goals in Identity: Instead of saying, “I’m going to stop yelling,” say, “I’m the kind of parent who stays calm under pressure.”
• Surround Yourself with the Right People: Community is essential to lasting change.

A Few Quotes I Love:

• "It’s not about trying harder; it’s about trying smarter."
• "Every choice becomes an opportunity to affirm the parent you long to be."

Your Turn:

I’d love to hear your parenting resolutions for 2025!

Email me at [email protected]—research shows that when you share your goals with someone, you’re three times more likely to stick with them.

If you’re curious, my resolution this year is simple: I am a punishment-free parent. It’s a journey, not a destination, but I’ve made so much progress by grounding my goals in the kind of parent I want to be.

A Special Thank You:

Thanks to everyone who sent in their resolutions to share on this episode. Listening to your goals inspires me, and I hope it inspires the rest of our community too.

Resources I Mentioned:

• How to Change by Katie Milkman
• My upcoming book: Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice (available for pre-order now!)
• 
  

Thanks for listening to this special New Year’s episode. I hope it helps you step into 2025 with clarity, optimism, a

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Want to get ME a Christmas Present?
 
My book is behind on pre-sales and I'm trying to make up a lot of ground before release on January 28th, 2025. If you love the podcast, please consider preordering—it’s the best way to support me right now. If you don't typically read parenting books, I also have the audiobook version! Thank you so much!

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Merry Christmas... sorta.

The holidays are here, and if you’re anything like me, you’re juggling a million things at once—holiday parties, work deadlines, family traditions, and trying to make everything feel magical for your kids. It’s a lot.

But the truth is, it’s not just the holidays. Everyday life as a parent feels more overwhelming than ever, and that’s exactly what we’re talking about in this special Christmas episode of The Whole Parent Podcast.

I’m sitting down with Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, one of the world’s leading experts on stress and resilience, to talk about why parenting today feels so heavy—and, more importantly, what we can actually do about it.

We dive into simple, science-backed strategies from her book The Five Resets that can help us change the way we experience stress. You’ll learn how to use tools like Stop, Breathe, Be and create digital boundaries that protect your mental health and your sleep.

Dr. Nerurkar has so much wisdom to share, and I can tell you this conversation has already made a difference in my own life. If you want to go into the new year with less stress and more calm—not just during the holidays but every day—this episode is for you.

Links Mentioned:

• Follow Dr. Aditi Nerurkar: @DrAditiNerurkar
• Check out her book The Five Resets
• Subscribe to her Substack: It's Not You It's, Your Stress

Take a deep breath, hit play, and let’s figure this out together.

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I need your help!
 
My book is behind on pre-sales and I'm trying to make up a lot of ground before release on January 28th, 2025. If you love the podcast, please consider preordering—it’s the best way to support me right now. If you don't typically read parenting books, I also have the audiobook version! Thank you so much!

Preorder the Book 

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It’s the ultimate parenting conundrum: Do you tell your kids the truth about Santa? In this episode, I dive into the psychology, cultural traditions, and ethical questions behind the Santa myth. Why do kids believe so wholeheartedly, and how do we respond when the questions about Santa’s reality start rolling in? Plus, I explore the tricky balance between keeping the magic alive and maintaining honesty and trust with your children.

This episode includes insights from child development experts, My personal parenting reflections, and an adorable interview with my own kids about their own feelings on Santa Claus.

Whether you’re Team Santa or Team No Santa, this episode will help you navigate the holidays with intention and a deeper understanding of how magical traditions impact your kids’ development and emotional well-being.

What We Covered in This Episode:

1. The Big Question:
   • When your child asks, “Is Santa real?” how do you respond in a way that honors both their wonder and your values?
2. The Psychology of Belief:
   • Why kids naturally embrace magical thinking until around age seven.
   • How the Santa myth fosters imagination, perspective-taking, and moral reasoning.
3. The Controversy:
   • Should parents perpetuate the Santa myth?
   • The downside of using Santa (and Elf on the Shelf) for behavior modification.
   • Why the “naughty and nice list” might be doing more harm than good.
4. Navigating Tricky Conversations:
   • How to approach the Santa topic with sensitive or skeptical kids.
   • Why honesty at the right age builds trust and helps children process big truths.

Resources Mentioned:

• Alfie Kohn’s book, Punished by Rewards, for understanding the impact of extrinsic motivation on kids.
• The 1973 episode of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood where Fred Rogers talks about Santa Claus.
• Jon’s upcoming book, Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice.

How to support Whole Parent:

• Subscribe, Rate, and Review: Your feedback keeps the podcast going and helps other parents find it!
• Share with Friends: Know someone grappling with the Santa conversation? Share this episode with three friends who have kids between ages 3 and 10.
• Pre-order Jon’s Book: Available in hardcover, eBook, and audiobook formats. Pre-order now to support the release and start 2025 with fresh parenting strategies!

Thank you for tuning in! Wishing you and your family a joyful and meaningful holiday season, whether you’re celebrating with Santa or creating your own traditions. See you next week! 🎄

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I need your help!
 
My book is behind on pre-sales and I'm trying to make up a lot of ground before release on January 28th, 2025. If you love the podcast, please consider preordering—it’s the best way to support me right now. If you don't typically read parenting books, I also have the audiobook version! Thank you so much!

Preorder the Book 

Preorder the Audiobook

Episode Description:

In this episode of the Whole Parent Podcast, Jon welcomes Dr. Marc Brackett, the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel. Together, they dive into why emotions matter, how to raise emotionally intelligent children, and the essential skills parents need to model emotional regulation effectively.

Jon and Marc discuss the misconceptions around emotions—especially the temptation to suppress unpleasant feelings—and how these unresolved emotions often resurface in unhealthy ways. Marc shares his guiding principle of giving ourselves “permission to feel” and explains the difference between being an emotion scientist and an emotion judge. Whether you’re navigating tough parenting moments or learning to process your own feelings, this episode will equip you with practical tools for building emotional intelligence at home.

Key Takeaways:

1. Why Emotions Matter:
   • Emotions are critical for attention, decision-making, relationships, mental health, and overall performance.
   • Suppressed emotions don’t go away—they often intensify over time.
2. The Role of Emotional Intelligence:
   • Developing emotional awareness and regulation starts with parents.
   • Kids learn emotional intelligence when parents model vulnerability, self-reflection, and healthy coping strategies.
3. Becoming an Emotion Scientist vs. Emotion Judge:
   • Emotion Scientists: Curious, open, and exploratory when processing feelings.
   • Emotion Judges: Critical, dismissive, and reactive to emotions.
   • Marc introduces his How We Feel app to help individuals and families develop emotional awareness and vocabulary.
4. Practical Regulation Strategies:
   • Proactive emotional regulation (e.g., pausing at the “doorknob moment” to prepare for emotional triggers).
   • Modeling emotional honesty with kids, even during challenging moments.

Other Amazing Resources from Marc:

• Book: Permission to Feel by Dr. Marc Brackett
• App: How We Feel – Free emotional intelligence app 
• Web Series: Dealing with Feelings 

Connect with Dr. Marc Brackett:

• Website: marcbrackett.com
• Instagram: @markbrackett

Connect with Jon and the Whole Parent Podcast:

• Instagram: @wholeparent
• Upcoming Book: Punishment-Free Parenting (January 2025)

Call to Action:

If you loved this episode, don’t forget to:
✅ Subscribe to the podcast.
✅ Leave a 5-star rating and write a review—it helps more parents find this resource.
✅ Share this episode with a parent who would benefit from learning how

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Now Available for Preorder....
Punishment-Free Parenting: The Brain-Based Way to Raise Kids Without Raising Your Voice

To reserve your copy click the link below:
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Show Notes:

Have you ever lashed out at your child and wondered "Where did that come from? Why am I so triggered?"

Spoiler for this episode, it's your childhood... and the reason we do this is because most of us are totally unaware of this unwanted inheritance.

Jon is joined by Dr. Shefali, the pioneer of conscious parenting, who shares her insights on how our childhood experiences shape our parenting styles. Together, they delve into the concept of the subconscious contract between parent and child, exploring how implicit memories and unresolved issues from our past often resurface in moments of stress.

Dr. Shefali emphasizes the importance of mindfulness and healing in parenting, offering practical advice on how parents can break free from harmful patterns and create a healthier environment for their children. 

The conversation touches on spirituality, neuroscience, and the essential role of self-awareness in raising emotionally healthy kids.

Timestamps:

• 0:00 - A Saturday morning meltdown: Jon’s story of losing his cool
• 2:43 - Introduction to Dr. Shefali and the concept of conscious parenting
• 7:57 - The power of implicit memories: How the past shapes our reactions
• 13:53 - The subconscious contract: Understanding toxic parenting dynamics
• 22:19 - Practical steps for conscious parenting and breaking the cycle

Resources Mentioned:

• The Conscious Parent 
• The Parenting Map 
• Dr. Shefali's Podcast

Join Dr. Shefali's Institute Cohort CLOSING 9/9/24

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